by Harte, C. J.
“If you don’t mind talking in my bedroom,” Mark answered. “I’ve got to pack some things for the weekend.”
“Sure.” After a few minutes of small talk, Jordan finally gathered her courage. “Mark, when did you know?”
“I’ve always known. I learned early to listen to my heart.” He sat on the bed next to Jordan, laughing softly. “We’re Latin, you know. My mother believes in being guided by her emotions. I guess I inherited that from her. What’s your heart saying?”
Jordan wasn’t surprised by the question, just how to answer. “I’ve lied to myself, denied what I felt, kept this a secret for so long I almost didn’t believe it was real. Tonight, at dinner, I sat listening to everyone gossip about who they were going out with, who’s getting engaged, who’s sleeping with what guy. I couldn’t stand it. I felt so out of place, especially when they started asking me again about my plans. I don’t know what to do, Mark.”
“Tell her. Show her.” He took her hand. “Yesterday morning when you came out of Drew’s bedroom, you were glowing. I could see love written all over you. Drew’s probably as nervous about this as you are.”
“She’s had a lot more experience with being gay than I have.” Jordan’s surprise had little to do with the fact that Mark had immediately known Drew was the cause of her discomfort, but more with the idea of Drew being unsure about being involved with her.
“Yes, that’s true, but none of the other women were President Harold Thompson’s daughter.” Mark laughed. “Sorry, I was thinking about her family. They’re not wild about her associating with you.”
“I know.” Jordan couldn’t hide the pain. “What am I going to do?”
“I—” The phone rang and Mark grabbed it. “Hold on a minute while I get this. Hello.” Mark paled as he listened. “Not a problem. Be there in five.”
“What’s going on?” Jordan asked anxiously.
“Drew’s going to be late. There’s a multiple motor vehicle accident coming into the ER. Sounds like a long night. The good times just keep on keeping on. I gotta go.” He slipped his shoes on and kissed her on the forehead. “Go ahead and watch TV until she gets home. I’m sure she’ll appreciate you being here. I just don’t know when that may be.” Seeing her hesitation, Mark added, “If you want to, that is.”
Jordan nodded and hugged him good-bye. He was such a good friend. After he was gone, she wandered around the empty house, finally settling on his bed to watch TV and wait.
*
An obnoxiously loud commercial on the television woke Jordan from a restless sleep. Staring at the clock, she realized it was after two in the morning. Disappointment filled her as she fought back the tears.
The last few months had been difficult. She couldn’t continue to ignore her feelings even though she wasn’t naïve enough to believe her family and friends would understand her involvement with a woman. The very public attention she would expose her entire family to if her relationship was discovered would be the source of pain to people she loved. And the scrutiny the relationship would receive was daunting. But Drew was in her final year, and if Jordan didn’t make a decision soon, she might lose her and any chance for the love they might share.
Jordan started to shake with an unfamiliar longing. Her indecision was making her crazy. She needed an answer, and the one night she’d finally gathered her courage to do something more than talk, Drew wasn’t home! Her courage was fading. Discretion, and fear of making a fool of herself, dictated she leave as quickly as possible.
Jordan walked quickly through the silent house, not wanting to even imagine what could have happened. As she passed the door to Drew’s bedroom, she stopped briefly and touched the door.
“Oh, Drew,” she whispered, resting her head momentarily against the closed door.
Jordan’s head shot up. The door was open earlier. I’m sure of it. Her pulse increased. Could she have come home and I didn’t hear her? She hesitated. No sounds emerged from behind the closed door. Jordan’s emotions were roiling, fear battling desire.
“I must know,” she whispered and turned the knob.
The light from the living room cast a long beam bisecting the darkened room. And highlighting the naked back of Drew Hamilton. She was stretched across her bed asleep, light and shadow playing across her skin.
Jordan’s heart raced, her pulse pounded, warmth traveled up the length of her body. She wanted to touch the bare skin. In the dim light, she could see a scar on Drew’s left shoulder. She remembered when Drew had injured that shoulder in some bull-riding contest and required surgery. Jordan wanted to kiss every inch of the scar. A soft moan escaped before she could stop it. She had never wanted anything or anyone this much.
A sheet covered the lower part of Drew’s body, but her bare feet had crept out. She was lying on her stomach, a pillow clutched in her left arm. As she turned to her side, she pulled the pillow tight against her chest, almost as if she needed to feel safe.
Jordan slipped into the room, shutting the door, like her life, behind her. She crossed into Drew’s bathroom and undressed. She saw a T-shirt hanging on the back of the door and slipped it on, enjoying the familiar smell. The simple act of putting on Drew’s shirt warmed Jordan from the inside and gave her courage.
“Here goes,” Jordan said, walking into the darkened room.
She climbed into the bed and slowly moved up against Drew’s back. Her heart raced. The reality was so much sweeter than her dreams of Drew had been. She buried her nose in dark, curly hair and smelled Drew’s shampoo. She gently placed her hand on Drew’s shoulder. My parents are wrong. How can anything this wonderful be a sin or perversion? She took a deep breath and basked in sensual delight. She allowed her hand to slowly move down Drew’s arm.
Drew turned and pulled Jordan into her arms. She kissed Jordan’s forehead, her cheek, her eyes. Then she put her head on the pillow.
The grin growing across Jordan’s face could’ve lit up the room. She felt at home. She felt loved. She could start to put the years of being lost and awkward behind her. If Drew didn’t want to be in her future, she would survive, even though she would hurt for a long time. But at last she knew she belonged in the arms of a woman.
She whispered, “This woman.”
Jordan lowered her head to Drew’s shoulder and rested her arm across Drew’s bare waist. Drew’s arm pulled her closer and she sighed, allowing her body to relax into peaceful slumber.
“I’m home.”
*
Drew finally surfaced from her exhausted but trouble-free sleep. As she came fully awake, she realized a woman was draped across her. A familiar woman. The woman moaned and cuddled closer. Jordan! The other times she and Jordan had fallen asleep on the bed watching TV, they had been dressed. Drew’s breath caught as Jordan’s lips moved near her breast, sending a warm breath of air across the now aroused nipple. She couldn’t help but respond and moaned softly.
“Mmm. Does that mean you’re in the world of the living?” Jordan shifted and kissed her. “Oh, I can’t believe how wonderful that is.”
Drew smiled and Jordan sought her mouth. Their legs entwined and Jordan held her breath as Drew’s tongue circled her lips. Jordan pulled back, gasping for air.
“Are you awake or asleep?” Jordan asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t care, as long as this dream doesn’t end soon.” Slowly opening her eyes, Drew looked into Jordan’s eyes. “Jordan, do you know what you’re doing? Are you sure?”
“I wasn’t sure until I was lying next to you and felt how wonderful this is.” She swallowed. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Blushing, Jordan hesitated. “I mean I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, but I know what I want to do. Help me.” Then letting her heart lead, she smiled.
“I love you, Drew Hamilton. And whether you want me or not, I know I want you.” Drew’s smile had grown. “I’m just inexperienced.”
“Actually, a virgin,” Drew stated. “But who cares about the details.” The pain
ed look crossing Jordan’s face caused Drew to quickly add, “But I’m sure you’re as fast a learner at this as you are at everything else you tackle.”
The addition did little to relieve Jordan’s nervousness. “I’m scared. Suppose I can’t…I mean what if…” The blush creeping up her neck quickly covered her entire face and she tried to turn away.
Drew turned Jordan’s chin back, forcing Jordan to look at her. “I’m sure everything will be fine.”
“I wish I had more experience now. I’m afraid I’ll screw it up.”
Drew couldn’t control her laughter. Jordan’s obvious embarrassment was evident, but it made Drew want to protect her even more. “Jordan, whether we make love or not, you’re my friend first and foremost, and you make me very happy. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with or want to do.”
“I wish I knew what to do.”
“Come here.” She pulled Jordan into a close embrace. “What do you want, my dearest Jordan?”
“I want to make love with you.” Emboldened, Jordan kissed the breast beneath her lips and again heard a soft moan. Delighted at the response, she became more daring. She blew softly across the darkened nipple and then kissed around its edge. “Mmm. This is wonderful.”
“Damn, that feels good. Are you sure you haven’t been taking lessons?” Drew rolled Jordan onto her back and slipped her knee between Jordan’s thighs. She leaned down for a kiss.
“Have I told you how beautiful you are?”
“Not lately.”
Drew kissed along Jordan’s jaw, beginning at one ear and going to the other. When Jordan lifted her head to give easier access, Drew pushed down to the collar of Jordan’s shirt and planted tender kisses across her collarbone. “I’ve dreamed of this for such a long time.” Drew kissed her way back up Jordan’s neck and to her ear. “I’ve wanted to kiss you and touch you for so long. I’ve wanted to feel you beneath me.”
The warm breath was an electric current sending pleasant shocks along Jordan’s aroused nervous system. Drew’s words turned up the current, and Jordan began to slide against the thigh gently pressing her crotch. She clutched Drew’s shoulders and kissed her. This time with more intensity. With more urgency. “Drew, make love to me. Please.”
Drew straddled Jordan, pulling her into a sitting position, never losing eye contact. The desire reflected in Jordan’s eyes warmed her. She smiled and lifted Jordan’s T-shirt, pulling it off. Drew gazed down at the full, lush body. She groaned with a rush of desire and Jordan self-consciously crossed her arms across her bare chest. Drew leaned back and gazed into Jordan’s eyes. “Jordan, you’re so beautiful. Let me look at you. Please.”
Jordan was startled by Drew’s soft words, but she saw the truth and the desire on Drew’s face. No one had ever thought she was beautiful. Slowly, she put her arms down and leaned back, her elbows on the bed supporting her. She watched as Drew slowly caressed one breast.
“I never imagined anything as beautiful and wonderful as this. I’ve died and gone to heaven.” Drew leaned down and briefly sucked the full breast, feeling the nipple harden in her mouth. Oh, God, I’m in heaven. She pulled back to watch it darken.
Jordan tilted her head, her hair falling back. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the amazing feelings Drew was arousing. Whatever doubts and fear she might have had were quickly slipping away.
As Drew rubbed one erect nipple with the palm of her hand, she softly stroked the other one. “God, you are so beautiful. I wish I were an artist and could paint you.”
Jordan’s eyes flew open. Something was stuck in her throat. She tried to swallow. Tears slipped from her eyes. She wrapped her arms around Drew’s neck and pulled them both down to the bed. “I…oh, God! Drew…”
“What is it?” Drew caressed Jordan’s cheek, wiping away a tear with her thumb. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
“I’ve never thought I was, you know…cute.” Jordan recalled some of the names she had heard growing up, especially when she had to wear glasses, but always out of range of her parents’ hearing. “I…I’m overwhelmed.”
“Jordan, I’ve always told you that you were attractive.”
“Yes, but I…I had clothes on and thought I did a good job of hiding my body.”
“Except the night of your party,” Drew reminded her.
“I bought that dress two days before. I wanted to look nice for you. But you left so quickly I thought you…I mean I was afraid you didn’t like…”
“Stop.” Drew’s laughter brought a smile to the distraught Jordan. “Jordan, look at me.” She waited until Jordan finally met her gaze. “You are a beautiful, sexy woman. I love your curves and softness.” To emphasize her words she placed tender kisses on each breast, the slightly rounded stomach, the curving hips. “Even more, you’re beautiful inside. Your gentleness, your tenderness. I love you, Jordan Thompson. In spite of who your parents are.” Drew laughed, then slowly licked salty tears from the damp eyelashes.
“I love you,” Drew whispered softly as she placed her hand over her heart and then moved it to Jordan’s. “The weekend you agreed to go camping and sleep in a tent. I knew you had no idea what that involved. When you said you would sleep in the tent with me and then nearly hung yourself on the rope getting into the tent, I knew it was hopeless. I was falling for you then.”
“I love you.” Jordan placed her hand on top of Drew’s. A huge smile spread across her face. Tears, this time joyous ones, slid down her face.
“Ohmigod, you have the deepest dimples. Why haven’t I seen them before?”
“Maybe because I’ve never been this happy before. I love you.” She ran her hand through the thick, curly hair. “I.” She kissed one eye. “Love.” She kissed the other eye. “You.” She kissed the soft tempting lips, this time capturing Drew in a deeper, harder kiss.
Drew felt the wetness as her thigh slid against Jordan’s center. She wanted to please Jordan. She slowly rained kisses down Jordan’s body, listening to her breathing, gauging her level of arousal. As she kissed down Jordan’s stomach, she felt Jordan tense. She slowed her kissing and pulled herself up to enjoy Jordan’s mouth again.
“Drew, this is incredible, but…I…” Jordan hesitated. “Please, I need you to help me.”
“Whatever you want, or don’t want, don’t be afraid to tell me.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t know what to ask for.”
Drew smiled and slowly moved her thigh. She placed her hand over Jordan’s center. When Jordan pushed up, she ran a finger softly along the length of Jordan’s clitoris. The rapid intake of breath encouraged her. “Let me know if there is anything that bothers you.”
“If you don’t do something soon, I’ll definitely be bothered.”
“I thought you already were.”
Jordan pressed against Drew’s hand, closing her eyes, giving herself over to the arousal now growing within her. As Drew increased the strength of her stroking, Jordan began to float. When one finger, then a second was slowly inserted, Jordan gasped. Her body began to quiver. She was glad she was sharing this moment with Drew. With this woman.
Drew increased the pressure on Jordan’s clit, her thumb circling and pushing, while she slowly slid in and out of her. “Come,” she whispered.
Jordan pushed her hips against Drew’s hand, the tension within her body so taut she feared she was going to explode. Shaking with the onset of her first orgasm, she wrapped her legs and arms around Drew and tightened around the fingers inside her. She gasped and let go, her body soaring. When she was able to loosen her hold, Jordan fell back on the bed.
“Good heavens,” she struggled to get out, her breathing erratic, “I don’t know what happened, but I want to do that again.” She paused, panting. “After I rest.”
Drew smiled. “You are amazing. I love you.”
“I love you,” Jordan whispered and tightened her embrace. “I want to show you how much.” Jordan rolled to her side, pushing Drew o
nto her back. Drew was lean and muscular, all angles and flat planes…and scars. She slowly touched the scar on Drew’s chin, the one she had caused when they first met. She had felt so clumsy. “I’m so sorry about this.”
Drew clasped Jordan’s hand. “And the one on the back of my head?” Jordan nodded. “And the one on my leg?” Jordan again nodded.
Drew placed Jordan’s hand over her left breast. “And how about the one in my heart?”
Jordan felt the nipple hardening under hand. She could barely swallow. Her excitement grew as she squeezed Drew’s breast and heard her groan. “I could never hurt you.” Jordan took a deep breath, this time, easily gathering her courage, knowing Drew loved her. “Help me to please you.”
Her eyes closed, Drew barely whispered, “You’re off to a great start.” She moaned. “I doubt,” she inhaled deeply as Jordan pulled on her nipple, “that there’s anything you can do that won’t please me.”
Jordan’s touches were tentative but grew bolder as she realized she was the one causing Drew’s plaintive pleas. Recalling what Drew had done, she slowly explored her body. Moving her hands over Drew’s stomach, she was amazed at the firmness of the muscles underlying the soft, smooth skin. When Drew moaned, Jordan felt the wetness building between her own legs again. Aroused, she wanted to make love to Drew.
“Help me,” Jordan pleaded.
“I want you to touch me.” Drew pulled Jordan’s hand down and placed it over her clit. “Here. Touch me here.”
Jordan loved the reaction to stroking Drew’s center. Seeing and hearing the effects of her touches, Jordan’s reserve faded. She became more adventurous, exploring the wetness and sliding into Drew for the first time. Her sharp intake of breath gave Jordan all the encouragement she needed. She plunged deeper and quickened her movements.
“Yes, baby. Please, I want to feel you sucking my breast as I come.”
Jordan took the small, firm breast in her mouth while moving her fingers in and out. When she finally brought Drew to orgasm, Jordan felt such joy she could barely breathe.