When We Collide

by A. L. Jackson

  “Hi, Mommy,” he said, his head cocked to the side with a sleepy grin. His blond bed head was sticking up every which way.

  Affection pushed past the boundaries of my heart.

  “Good morning, my love,” I whispered into the quiet, reaching out to cup his cheek. He leaned into the touch, his face full of trust. “It’s time to get up,” I said.

  Without a word, he climbed to his feet and accepted my hand. Jonathan shuffled his feet restlessly behind me as I led him by the hand back to the den. I stole a glance at him. Those eyes that always saw more than they should were acute with awareness, feeding off the nerves that rocked me now.

  “Come here, baby.” I lifted him in my arms, breathed in his warmth and light, and allowed myself to finally believe. “Mommy needs to tell you something really important.”

  I settled him on my lap in the rocker angled beneath the window. It felt so similar to the place where we’d clung to each other so many times. A slow calm surrounded me. I rocked us in a peaceful sway as he snuggled against my chest. My fingers ran loosely through his hair. He released a contented sigh, curled up closer, and placed a warm palm at the base of my neck.

  I couldn’t remember a time in my life when I’d felt more complete, more loved, than now, William’s touch alive on my skin, and our son’s spirit pulsing, in sync with mine.

  How had I ever questioned it?

  “Do you remember Mommy’s friend…William?”

  Jonathan nodded in instant recognition, making the fine hairs on his head tickle my chin.

  I deliberated and searched for the best way to explain. “What would you think if we went away with him?”

  Jonathan tilted his head up. The tiny dimple above his lip deepened, piqued interest and timid excitement. “Where we gonna go? On a trip? Do we get to stay in a hotel?”

  “No, baby. He wants us to move with him…to a new house…to a good house.” I continued on, painting the picture I had in my mind for my son. I wanted him to see the promise in it all, to understand it was big, and our lives were getting ready to change. “William is going to take care of us...love us.”

  Confusion stole the excitement.

  “Forever?” It was asked in a whispered secret as he struggled to sit up, anxious eyes cast around the dimly lit room.

  I felt it, recognized his fear. I knew exactly where his thoughts had raced.

  “Yes, Jonathan…forever.” Hugging him a little closer, I murmured at his head, “William wants to be your daddy now. What would you think of that?”

  I had no idea what I would say if he said no, if the fear of the unknown, the fear of Troy, and the small comfort of familiarity would tie him to this place, because today I was taking my son from this life. I just hoped if he thought he were making the choice and was a part of the decision, the sudden upheaval wouldn’t be so hard on him.

  “I like William,” he quietly admitted, as if he were afraid to speak it aloud. Wide brown eyes blinked up at me, silently asking if that was okay.

  I ran a hand through his hair, unable to process everything I felt. The joy was too great, the fear too strong. I pushed it aside and focused on the purpose. I knew our journey would be long, and, for a time, confusion would reign, that the three of us would have to learn to be a family. But for now, we just needed to get out.

  “Let’s get your things.”

  With the excitement back, Jonathan scrambled from my lap and ran down the hall to the kids’ room. By then, his cousins had awoken, and the kitchen was filled with the sounds and smells of breakfast. Amber’s voice was soft as she called her children to the table.

  I followed Jonathan into the bedroom and knelt beside him as he crammed his few belongings we’d brought here into his backpack, mostly small toys and stuffed animals. A grin was on his face.

  “I have to pack my things. I’ll be in the guestroom.”

  “‘Kay, Mommy.”

  Crossing the hall, I entered the small room where I’d been staying. On my knees, I pulled out the suitcase I stored under the bed and began throwing the few belongings I brought with me inside.

  With every item, the more this became real.

  My heartbeat escalated, pounding a discordant rhythm. Panic beaded up as sweat at the nape of my neck. I fought for some semblance of calm, trying to keep my nerves quiet. With each passing second, that control became harder to maintain. In the bathroom, I swept everything into my overnight bag. The bottles and tubes clattered into a haphazard pile. I shrugged the bag over my shoulder, grabbed the suitcase, and went back across the hall.

  “Are you ready, Jonathan?”

  “Yep.” He zipped his backpack and took my hand.

  Terror chained me to the ground when I rounded the corner to the entryway. I stared at the door as if a fire raged behind it. Jonathan kept stealing worried glances my way.

  I’d dreamed of this for so long, an imaginary world that had always been unobtainable because I didn’t know how to cross the line. I’d never been able to reconcile the true threat holding me prisoner to this place with the knowledge that it was worth taking that risk for a chance at freedom.

  Now that chance was right outside the door.

  Amber appeared behind me. “Is it time?” she asked.

  I nodded, drew in breath, and pushed forward.

  With each step, memories warned and scars wept, I’ll kill you a whispered voice in my ear. And I knew Troy wouldn’t hesitate. For Jonathan, for William, for myself, I shunned it all, waded through the dread that floated out in front of me like an indeterminable bog.

  Daylight blinded me when I swung the door open. I blinked, and my eyes adjusted to the bright light.

  This was it.

  I looked down at my son. “Are you ready?”

  He smiled.

  As casually as I could, I led my son to the van, though a fury of nerves pummeled my gut. Spiked and crashed. I couldn’t breathe. I dropped the suitcase at my side. Clenched my fist.

  I could do this.

  Raising the latch, I maneuvered the heavy suitcase up and pushed it inside, glancing behind me to the quiet street. Even though I knew Troy was at work, I couldn’t help but fear the invisible hold he had on me. I tossed the little overnight bag from my shoulder into the rear. Jonathan wanted to keep his backpack with him so he could watch over his treasures.

  I slammed the tailgate shut.

  Jonathan yanked at the sliding door and climbed inside, his backpack clutched to his chest as if a shield. I fumbled with his buckle, forcing a smile as I resituated his bag.

  I hated that I was confusing him. My demeanor kept shifting from one extreme to the other, a contention between the girl I’d been forced to be and the woman I chose to be now.

  I turned back to Amber who fidgeted in apprehension a few feet away.

  “Please be careful, Maggie,” she said.

  I chewed at my lip and nodded once. “You, too.”

  We both knew Troy would show up at her door when he found out I was gone. With Amber and Ken, he’d always played it cool, acted the good guy, just another one of the family. I wasn’t sure what he’d do when he learned we had run.

  “Don’t worry about us,” she said.

  I stretched my fingers out to her.

  Amber took them in a light grip, her smile both sad and sweet. “Love you,” she almost sang as she swung our hands back and forth in front of us.

  “Love you back.” I could barely get the words out.

  With a tilt of my head and an expression that told Amber how much leaving her hurt, I let her go and climbed in the van.

  The old engine stuttered to life. I backed out and headed down the street.

  I fought the panic when I saw William’s car wasn’t in the drive. I knew he would still be at his parents’.

  I left the van running while I jumped out, mounted the porch steps, and knocked on the door. Grace answered, not appearing surprised to see me.

  “Maggie, hi. William isn’t here, but he should b
e back soon.”

  “Can I leave him a note?”

  “Of course.”

  Grace left the door open as she went further into the house and was back seconds later. “Here.” She smoothed her palms down her shirt as if she was nervous.

  I sprawled a note, whispered thank you, and ran back to the van before I lost my nerve.

  At the end of the street, I turned right. I held my breath as I passed the street to the house where I’d been held prisoner for the last six years. That unassuming house had harbored so many of my nightmares. It had also been the one thing I had ever truly thanked Troy for—a real house to raise my son in. To me, the cracks were visible, the house crooked, slanting to the side, bleeding out a silent cry for help I had always turned away.

  On Main Street, I forced myself to stay within the twenty-five miles per hour speed limit as I drove through town. Now that I was free, all I wanted to do was run, to push my van as fast as it would go so I could see William’s face again. So I could finally be completely his. So I could watch father and son unite. My heart fluttered and goose bumps popped up on the flesh of my arms.

  I passed the street I normally turned down every day. I couldn’t face my mom or that past right now. One day I would, when the wounds from today weren’t so prominent, when I could see past them to the ones etched so deep. Amber promised to take my place and take care of the woman who’d allowed a man to damage her so badly she could no longer take care of herself.

  At the edge of town, I glanced in the rearview mirror. A few cars trailed behind. Instead of taking the freeway, I headed south to loop around the backside of town.

  Troy had to work until four, which would put a state between us. I knew when he discovered I was gone, he would search the town, ask everyone the last time they’d seen me, demand answers from my sister and mother, and report me missing. If anyone happened to notice me now, I was headed in the opposite direction of Jackson. Not that it mattered much. By the time he realized I was no longer at Amber’s, I would have filed every report I could and pressed every charge they’d let me. I wouldn’t be a missing wife, but a fleeing victim.

  The town disappeared behind us. We flew by the intermittent houses set back and buried in the shelter of trees. I coaxed the old van near its limit. Jonathan remained quiet in the backseat, watching the trees pass out the side window. Silence hovered between us as knowledge, a conversation unspoken.

  The two-lane road stretched ahead, and the random cars dropped behind. I settled into the pace, sped around the curves and twists in the road, and passed the chance car we happened upon. At the junction to Jackson, I turned and wound my way north.

  The van lurched and the back window shattered. I screamed. The van fishtailed and screeched as it skidded over the pavement.

  I struggled with the steering wheel to regain control. My eyes darted up to the rearview mirror to see Troy’s truck barreling down on us again.

  This time, I braced myself for impact. Metal ground and tires squealed as our bumpers met.

  “Mommy,” Jonathan cried out.

  “Don’t cry, baby,” I begged as I fought against the fear that clogged my throat. Every muscle in my body tensed as I pushed the pedal to the floor and silently pled for a way out. Ahead, the road curved to the left. I forced the van as fast as it would go. It rattled as it approached eighty.

  Troy slammed us again.

  The back wheel caught the shoulder—too fast—too much. Through the rearview mirror, Jonathan’s terrified face filled my vision. He screamed. “Mommy!”

  And I tried…oh God…I tried, but there was nothing I could do.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  William ~ Present Day

  Ten thirty-five mocked me from the ticking dashboard clock. I kneaded my hands on the steering wheel, my palms damp. The excitement from earlier had thinned to a quickly dissipating mist. In its place, fear had taken hold.

  Something was wrong.

  I felt it in my gut and sensed it in my spirit.

  I tried her cell phone again. Another four rings and another click to voicemail. The sweetness of Maggie’s voice sounded too much like an ominous warning.

  I scrubbed my palms over my face. Shit. Finally I broke down and dialed my brother. Blake answered almost immediately. In the background, men shouted and a hammer pounded. Blake raised his voice. “Hey, you guys on the road?”

  I could hardly speak, my tongue tied in dread. “No, Blake…Maggie isn’t here, and she’s not answering her phone.”

  I wrenched a trembling hand through my hair again and dug my fingers into the back of my neck as if it could distract me from the growing worry. I couldn’t sit still, couldn’t control the agitation bouncing my knee.

  “What?”

  “She left thirty minutes ahead of me. Can you drive around town and see if you can find her?”

  “Yeah. Give me a few minutes and I’ll give you a call back. I’m sure she’s fine, Will,” he said, a simple reassurance as his truck rumbled to life, though I couldn’t stop the thought that I was sure she was not.

  After ten agonizing minutes, my phone finally rang. I jumped to answer it, a small dash of hope infiltrating my heart when I thought it might be Maggie, then swore when I saw it was Blake. “Did you find her?”

  Blake hesitated, clearing this throat. “No, I drove by her sister’s and her mom’s.” He hesitated. “Went by her house, too, but there were no cars there. Grace is the last person who saw her.”

  “Fuck.” I pressed the heel of my hand against my forehead.

  “Just give her a few minutes, Will. Maybe she had to make a stop,” he contended, though he couldn’t hide the undercurrent of worry in his words. Blake was clearly trying to waylay my instincts when it was obvious he was thinking the same.

  “No, Blake. She would have called.” She would have. I clenched my jaw. In that instant, panic hit me full force, a full-body blow that stopped my heart. “Oh God,” wheezed from my mouth.

  “Come on, Will. Calm down.”

  I shook my head silently against the phone.

  Gunning the engine, I backed out and sped from the lot. “I’m coming back to look for her.”

  The SUV bounced as I hit the road, skidding around the corner as I took the ramp to the freeway. I wove a path back toward home, in and out of cars, driving on intuition alone. In my mind’s eye, I recognized nothing, not the cars or road, not the glare the sun splashed across the windshield or the whipping shadows of the trees. All I saw was Maggie—Jonathan—my family. Pressure filled my head to the extremes, a pounding ache that stretched taut and pinged in my ears as the miles disappeared below.

  Behind every scenario sprinting through my mind, there was Troy.

  The trip back from Jackson felt like the longest of my life, even though I made it faster than I ever had. I flew down Main, heading straight for Maggie’s house. Troy’s house. I skid to a stop in front and jumped from the car. I ran up the walk and pounded on the front door.

  “Maggie?” I yelled, my mouth pressed to the peeling wood. I pounded again, the impact radiating up my arm. “Maggie!”

  I jerked at the knob. Locked metal rattled back beneath my hand. At the window beside the door, I peered through a slit in the drapes into the darkened house. There was no movement, just the suffocating presence of silence.

  Undeterred, I ran around to the back door.

  I had to find them.

  I had to.

  I ignored the quiver in my heart that told me this would all be in vain.

  Again the door was locked. I lifted my leg, bracing my hands on the porch supports, and slammed the sole of my shoe against the door near the jam. Aggression lit. I kicked again…and again…a frenzy of movements and need and determination as I fought to break my way in. Sweat gathered in my hairline and ran in rivulets down to catch in the collar of my shirt. I stood back, gathered my strength, and rammed the door with my shoulder. I cried out in pain and relief when the jam finally gave.

  T
he splintered door flew open, exposing the inner desolation of the tiny house. Darkness crawled over its walls, barren, devoid of any good because Maggie had already taken all of it with her.

  She hadn’t been here.

  Still, I couldn’t stop myself from screaming her name. The house echoed it back at me.

  I turned and ran to my car. The little red light blinked on my phone. A missed call. I fumbled for it, swiping my finger across the faceplate. Blake.

  I pressed send, pulling a 180 and spewing rocks as I jerked my car back onto the road.

  “Did you hear anything?” flew from my mouth the second Blake answered.

  From the reluctance on the other end, I knew he had. I slowed as the foreboding spread. The nausea in my stomach increased with every second of silence that passed. My car came to a standstill in the middle of the road.

  “Blake, just tell me.” I had to close my eyes to get it out because I was certain I didn’t really want to know.

  “Will, they...found Maggie’s van wrapped around a tree...about fifteen miles out. She was on the back roads. I’m guessing she was looping back around toward Jackson.”

  My world fell out from under me. Images flashed. The innocent boy with his hands and face pressed to the pizza parlor window. Maggie’s expression when she’d stood in front of her sister’s house the last time I’d seen her.

  “Are…are they okay?” Tell me they’re okay.

  “Will…” Blake stumbled over my name, and the sharp edge inside plunged a little deeper as I braced myself for my brother’s news. “They weren’t in there.”

  Silence stretched between us with the confirmation.

  My head fell back to the headrest, and my eyes cinched closed, a clash of thoughts behind them. The smallest ripple of relief broke with inundating swells of despair.

  How could I be back to this place, to the place where I sat helpless?

  The sob that had lain strangled in my throat pushed from my mouth.

  I’d seen the sickness Troy was capable of evidenced on Maggie’s body, but how far would he go?