Something Just Like This

by Jennifer Probst

  “Are you giving up before we even started?”

  His question demanded things from her he prayed she’d embrace. But his heart already knew the answer as she tipped her chin up and looked him straight in the eye while she said the one word he wasn’t ready for.

  “Yes.”

  He let out a blistered curse, reached out before realizing he didn’t have the right to touch her, then stumbled back. “Did something happen tonight? I noticed a change after our dance.”

  “Whitney spoke with me in the restroom.”

  Another curse escaped. Damn Whitney. She’d been hot on his trail for a while now, ambition twisted with lust in her eyes for a political spouse spot, and she hadn’t been subtle. But neither had he. He’d made his intentions clear. He wasn’t interested in pursuing her. “Nothing is going on between Whitney and me. I told her straight out a long time ago.”

  “I know. She tried to insinuate you’d been seeing each other, but I sensed it was a bluff. She bribed me with another high-level job if I left your office.”

  He ground his teeth as anger pounded through him. “How dare she? I swear to God, Alyssa, I’m going to have a talk with her. That’s unacceptable.”

  She waved her hand wearily in the air. “It doesn’t matter. Let it go, I’m not taking the bribe. But she did make her intentions known about exposing us. I guess she saw the way I looked at you during the dance.”

  “She probably saw the way I looked at you.”

  Alyssa flinched. He ached to close the distance between them and apply his usual determination to win her over. Kiss her, strip her, fuck her. Keep her tied to his bed for so many hours, she’d finally surrender and admit that she wanted him and damn the consequences. But Alyssa was stronger than most, and he knew she needed to be the one to decide.

  “I know you want to take a chance,” she said softly. “But I’m not risking it. I’ll continue working for you, but it has to be business from here on out. We both have too much to lose.”

  He pinned her with his stare. The air squeezed with sexual tension and unspoken emotion. “Or maybe we both win.”

  A strangled laugh escaped her throat. “I knew you wouldn’t give up easily.”

  “We’re not doing anything wrong, Alyssa. I’m willing to put it out there for the world, and I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks. Let them judge or pick us apart or write junk in a paper. As long as I have you, I can fight them all. Don’t let Whitney scare you away from something this good.”

  “I’m not. I’m looking at the bigger picture. Am I just supposed to step from the role of valued assistant to bed partner? Do you know how bad that will look?”

  Irritation bristled. “It’s not like that, and you know it. You’d be my lover. My girlfriend. My cherished partner. Take your pick.”

  “The press would pigeonhole me. Rip away my skills and talents and everything I’ve accomplished by insinuating I slept my way to the top. Do you think, even in this day and age, it’s safe for a woman to succeed? It’s not, Jonathan. People are always looking to strip us from our pedestal, and the moment we win something, the world can’t wait to rip it away like we’ll never be worthy. It’s different for you. It always has been.”

  God, he hated that she was right. Despised that he’d be deemed a conquering hero, and her the villainess, or a slut, or a social climber. Even worse? Someone who used sex to succeed. He’d tear the press and critics apart if they ever tried to spin such crap, which would end up feeding the entire media circus.

  And she knew it.

  The grim knowledge in her eyes ripped him apart. She was right. She saw things he couldn’t because of his role. And if he kissed her, tried to bend her to his will and make her believe it would all be okay, she might lose a part of herself she’d never be able to heal.

  He couldn’t be the man to do that.

  A terrible sense of grief filled him from the inside. Could he work so closely with her, day in and day out, knowing Alyssa Block would never be truly his? Could he step aside while she found a man who could be her partner in every way? Could he pretend he wasn’t half in love with her and stick to business?

  He had to. For her. There was no other choice.

  He studied her beautiful face in the shadows, wishing things were different. For the first time, he wished he’d never been offered the opportunity to run for governor because maybe he could have had her instead.

  Slowly, he nodded. “I understand. You know, I read something in this fact book and thought of you. It said the loneliest creature on Earth is a whale who’s been calling out for a mate for over two decades. But he can’t find one because his voice is so different to other whales that they never respond. It made me so damn sad.”

  “Jonathan—”

  The sound of his name on her lips almost drove him to his knees. He stood at the door, his heart eroding like clumps of sand breaking apart in a fisted hand. “You’re so smart. And beautiful. And funny. You’re pretty much everything I never knew I wanted.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He dragged in a ragged breath. “I know. I promise I won’t make this harder on you. Your job is sacred, and I’ll never ask again.”

  He waited for her to say something, anything, but she just stared at him and slowly nodded.

  He turned away and left.

  He didn’t look back.

  * * * *

  Two weeks passed, and every day, Alyssa questioned her decision.

  They fell back into a normal routine, but nothing would ever be the same between them. A barrier had been ripped away, and she’d caught a glimpse of what could have been hers. Every time she glanced at his chiseled profile or the weary sadness in his jeweled blue eyes, she was reminded. It was torturous, but he’d kept his promise. He didn’t treat her any differently, didn’t subtly try to punish her or distance himself. She was still at his side, managing every aspect of his day, expertly dealing with the burgeoning media requests along with a cycle of big-name contacts who wanted a piece of him and the election. She was still challenged and respected.

  The only difference was her heart, which was no longer whole.

  Alyssa tamped down a sigh and began packing up for the day. She was exhausted after back-to-back meetings and a crisis with accounting, so she’d pick up takeout and collapse.

  Thanksgiving loomed, and she tried to push the thought of another lonely holiday away. The last holiday, she’d joined Jonathan in the soup kitchen, serving dinner for the homeless. It still ranked as her favorite. Watching him interact in worn jeans and a flannel shirt, joking as he served stuffed pots full of food classics, refusing to let cameras in to film because it would threaten the privacy of the same people he’d come to support. Alyssa wondered if that was when she realized she wished he was hers. Chloe had joined him one year to help serve, but she’d been asking her father to go to the Bishop farm, and he’d finally agreed. It’d be good for them to have some bonding time. Knowing she’d be missing him, she’d even reached out to her parents, desperate for a distraction, but they were on the road.

  She refused to sulk. Usually, she loved a quiet holiday to do all the things she enjoyed. She had two full days off, which was unheard of, and needed to take advantage.

  The phone rang, and she picked it up automatically. “City Hall, mayor’s office.”

  “Alyssa! It’s Chloe.”

  She smiled at her voice. “Hi. How’s it going?”

  “Pretty good. I’ve been working on this huge case that could really make a difference for animal rights, but there’re so many layers of bullshit I can’t get through.”

  “Welcome to the law. Your father could probably help, you know. He’s pretty damn good at that.”

  Chloe laughed. “I know, but I want to try and figure this out on my own. Anyway, I’m calling to see if you’re driving up with Dad. What time do you estimate arrival? I figured I’d go directly to you since you’re always in charge of his schedule anyway.”

  Confusion flic
kered. “I’m sorry, drive up where? He’s got nonstop appointments until six p.m. the day before Thanksgiving.”

  “I figured. Okay, why don’t you leave early enough so we have the whole day together? Maybe we can ride before dinner.”

  “Umm, I don’t understand, Chloe. Your father is heading to the farm for the holiday, right?”

  “Yeah, but you’re coming with him. I checked with him weeks ago, and he confirmed you were joining us.”

  A roaring sound buzzed in her ears. Was he insane? She opened her mouth to tell Chloe there was a misunderstanding, but the girl was excitedly chattering. “I can’t wait to see you! I’ve got a great itinerary planned for us, and you’ll get to meet Phoenix and my horse, and finally try one of Ophelia’s famous blueberry scones!”

  Alyssa’s heart galloped like a racing thoroughbred, and sweat prickled her skin. Oh, no. How could Jonathan do this? She’d told him she’d think about it, but that was before they decided to keep things professional between them. How could she spend an entire weekend alone with him?

  “Listen, Chloe, I forgot to tell you—”

  “Do you know this is the first sit-down Thanksgiving dinner we’ve had since my mom passed? I avoided it for a while, happy that Dad and I were busy with soup kitchens or work or anything to keep me from thinking about missing her. But this year is different. I feel like being with you and Dad and the Bishops will be kind of…healing. Anyway, I already told Dad to just bring the wine, nothing else is needed because Ophelia goes nuts with the shopping. And I’m bringing the apple cider donuts. I can’t wait to see you. Text me when you guys leave, okay? Make sure he doesn’t work too late on Wednesday!”

  Alyssa’s throat closed up in a panic. “Well—”

  “Oops, gotta go, my boss is coming. See you soon!”

  The phone clicked.

  Her trembling hands let the receiver drop. This was not happening. She was absolutely not going upstate with Jonathan Lake. Not for a million dollars. Not for all the tea in China. Not for world peace.

  She grumbled under her breath and marched into his office.

  He was bent over his desk, focused on the screen in front of him, his fingers ruthlessly clenching the stress ball in his palm as he muttered to himself. He looked up in surprise—she never walked in without knocking or announcing—and she slammed the door behind her.

  “I just got a call from Chloe about what time we were leaving on Thanksgiving to drive to the farm.”

  His eyes closed. “Ah, shit.”

  “Yeah, ah shit!” She jabbed her finger in the air. “Did you tell her I was coming with you?”

  “I think so. I don’t remember. I think I said I’d asked and then forgot to tell her you changed your mind.”

  “I never said yes, Jonathan. I said I’d think about it! She was all excited and happy and now you’re going to have to give some excuse why I’m not there.”

  He rubbed his hands over his face and leaned back in his chair. “Alyssa, I’m sorry, I screwed up. It’s just been a bit…hard lately.”

  She stilled, daring a glance at him. His suit was slightly rumpled, and weariness etched his features. God, he needed a break. They’d both been working day and night, trying nonstop to keep things neutral between them, which was slowly breaking them apart, piece by piece. The anger drained away. He hadn’t been trying to manipulate her. “What are we going to say?”

  “Crap. She was looking so forward to seeing you. I can’t use work as an excuse, or she’ll never talk to me again.”

  The memory of Chloe’s words about missing her mother ripped through her. She’d never felt like a maternal figure before, but for some reason, the two of them had bonded easily. What if Chloe really needed her? “She mentioned how happy she was to have a traditional holiday again,” she finally said. “How much it meant to her.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, we haven’t been interested in sitting at a table for a long time. Too many memories. But this year, she seemed to need that bonding again. She’s beginning to heal.” His blue gaze snapped up, driving into her soul. “Alyssa, will you consider coming with us? For Chloe? There’s plenty of room and space, and I promise not to get in your way. You can spend some time at the farm, and it will be a mini-vacation for you, too.”

  She hesitated. It was dangerous, but she wanted to be there for Chloe. After all, there were plenty of people to distract them, and she’d make sure she stayed away from Jonathan. She could take a break, help in the kitchen, spend some time getting to know the Bishop women, and maybe return stronger. Perhaps this could be a test, a way to convince herself they could co-exist without her heart being slowly torn apart.

  “Do you think we can handle it?” she asked.

  For one moment, raw hunger sizzled from his gaze, a naked need that made her knees sag and her blood thicken. Then it was gone, locked safely behind a tight smile and a determined nod. “Yeah. I won’t touch you. I’ll keep my distance. Okay?”

  She hated the promise and fought the impulse to cross the room, sit in his lap, and take him in her arms. Beg him to kiss her and take back the words that should have soothed rather than tortured. But she was strong, and he was only doing what she’d asked. She’d given up her right to expect anything more.

  “I’ll go.”

  His shoulders relaxed. “Thank you. It will mean so much to Chloe.”

  “No. Thank you for inviting me. I’m the one who’s lucky to have such an extraordinary young woman care about me.”

  The distance between them shattered. The air thickened. She made out his ragged breaths, practically heard the crazy beat of his heart as they stared at one another, the words hanging heavily in the silent room.

  He ripped his gaze away and cleared his throat. “Very good. Make sure my schedule is clear so we can both leave on time.”

  “Of course, Mr. Mayor.”

  She walked out, refusing to be hurt by the rules she’d put in place.

  Chapter Eight

  When Alyssa arrived at the Robin’s Nest B&B, she felt as if she’d entered a hidden sanctuary, destined to pamper travelers with warmth, good food, and charm.

  When she arrived at the horse rescue farm attached to the B&B, she felt as if she’d entered a Disney movie.

  The farm was located in the Hudson Valley region, which boasted mighty mountains, twisted country roads, and offered stunning views of the Hudson River. Gardiner was a small town full of shops, cafés, and farm stands, offering a variety of fresh fruits, vegetables, and baked goods. Apple picking was huge, along with specially crafted beer and wine trails to rival Napa. As she took her first walk to the barn area after settling in at the inn, the Shawangunk mountains rose before her at the edge of the valley, halfway hidden by low-riding clouds. The muted colors of earthy brown, rust, and forest green contrasted with the moody blue-gray sky. Even the air rushed in her lungs differently, clean and crisp and chilled. The scents of earth, oak, and apples rolled into one, reminding her of the first whiff of a perfect chardonnay.

  It was paradise.

  “Told you,” Chloe squealed, taking in the look on her face. “It’s beautiful, right?”

  “Now I understand why you’re drawn here,” she said, her boots kicking up dried leaves and gravel. “You’re a city girl reborn.”

  “Just don’t quit your job and run one of those dude ranches,” Jonathan cut in, tugging on his daughter’s braid. “Or I’ll have to kill Ethan for putting the idea in your head.”

  “It’d be a dudette ranch, Dad,” she teased back. “And Ethan is more hardcore than you about my job. He said it’s not just a calling. It’s a necessity to protect the animals who can’t fight for themselves.”

  “I’d say Ethan finally got one thing right.”

  Alyssa cocked her head, wondering if Jonathan was jealous of his daughter’s affection for the man who’d introduced her to the horse rescue farm, but there was only a look of gentle laughter on his face.

  Chloe practically skipped down the trail like
Tigger. Alyssa loved seeing her so animated. “I want to introduce you to a few of the rescue animals here. Harper was able to expand the farm and the property after Phoenix almost won the Triple Crown, so now they house more animals for rehabilitation and adoption. Oh, that’s Phoenix over in the field.”

  She pointed to a sleek, smaller type thoroughbred, black as night, with a zigzag of white on his forehead. The famous horse had come from fifty-to-one odds to win the Breeders’ Cup Juvenile as a two-year-old, then had moved on to the Kentucky Derby and Belmont Stakes, capturing America’s hearts forever. A goat stuck right to his side as they munched on hay together, seeming to soak in the final rays of sun on this early winter afternoon. “Is that Captain Hoof?”

  “Yep, they’re rarely apart.”

  Alyssa had heard about the half-blind goat who’d been rescued by Harper and her husband, Aidan, then slowly bloomed to health on the farm. The goat’s journey had seemed fated to bond with Phoenix, who needed a calming companion on the road when he raced at the various tracks. She smiled as she looked out at the pair. They reminded her of an old married couple in their twilight years.

  A whistle cut through the air. Alyssa turned to see a very tall, dark-haired woman making her way across the pasture. Phoenix and Captain Hoof looked up, then obediently began trotting after her as she led them toward the barn. “Chloe, can you lock up barns six and seven for me?” the woman asked. “Aidan’s on his way home, and I still have to stop in and feed the dogs and Figaro.”

  “Of course. I was just giving my dad and Alyssa a brief tour before we head to the inn.”

  Harper smiled and reached out her hand. She wore no makeup, and her green eyes gleamed with a calm light of happiness that immediately put Alyssa at ease. “Nice to meet you. Chloe’s been dying to have you up here for a while. Gonna do some horseback riding?”

  “Going to try,” Alyssa said, smiling back.

  “We’ll get you a gentle one. How are you, Mr. Mayor? Have you and Mia settled on a plan to take over the world?”