High Country Hearts

by Glynna Kaye

  “I know.”

  “But you still need forgiveness yourself, don’t you?”

  “I know God’s forgiven me.”

  “Maybe in your head, but in your heart?” Her dark eyes studied him. “I just heard you tell Paulette not to make Brandi pay for her mistakes for the rest of her life. But aren’t you doing that very same thing to yourself?”

  “I’m accountable for my actions. I take full responsibility for what I did. Now I have to live with the consequences.”

  “You’re right. You made a poor choice. Fell short of God’s ideal—just like the rest of us.” Her grip tightened on his. “But until you can forgive yourself, you’ll never be the kind of husband you someday want to be—or the kind of father you want your daughter to have. Can’t you see, Rob? How can you expect God to bless your future if you won’t turn loose of your past?”

  “It’s not like I was sixteen years old when this happened. I don’t deserve to be let off the hook.”

  “Deserve? You know better than that. We don’t make requests of God based on our own righteousness, but on His mercy.”

  “I know, but—”

  “What if Angie, after deliberately disobeying you, believed she’d disappointed you so much that you couldn’t possibly love her anymore? Couldn’t forgive her because she didn’t deserve it? Pushed you away when you tried to reassure her? How would that make you feel?”

  He frowned. “Deeply hurt. I love her.”

  “So, what you’re telling me is you’re a better father to Angie than God is a father to you.”

  He hung his head. Sat in silence. “When you put it that way, it’s clearly wrong, isn’t it?”

  “Very wrong.” Her voice remained firm. “God is true to His promises. He’s not a liar. Angie’s going to need you whole and healed. God still has good plans for you, but only if you let Him bring them about.”

  “All I can say is I’m sorry, Olivia. I knew I needed to tell you, but you’ve always thought of me almost like Jesus’s little brother who has no faults. Makes no mistakes. Pride kept me from speaking up. I know I’m a big disappointment to you.”

  “A bigger disappointment to yourself, I think. But you have to let that go.”

  They sat in shared silence, listening to the antique clock on the mantel tick off the minutes.

  Please, Father God, help me to receive the gift of forgiveness Your Son made possible. To stop living in fear of rejection by You and those around me. To be the father to Angie You want me to be. And…

  He cleared his throat. “After everything that’s happened, I have no right to ask this, Olivia, and I want you to answer honestly.”

  She nodded.

  “Can you forgive me?”

  Her grave eyes met his. “I already have.”

  The tightness in his chest eased. He had God’s forgiveness. Now Olivia’s. Had his little Angie. Did he have a right to ask God for one more gift? He swallowed back the lump in his throat. “How do you feel about—us? Only days ago…I was so sure—”

  “That God had a plan?”

  He nodded.

  “I think He still has a plan.” Olivia’s low, hesitant voice soothed his ears. “If we still want it.”

  Hope sparked, but he couldn’t let himself embrace it. Not yet.

  “I want it.” He lifted her velvet-soft hand to his lips. Pressed a kiss to it. “But what do you want?”

  Gazing into her searching eyes, he steeled himself, the residual pain of Gretchen’s and Cassie’s rejections hammering at the walls he’d built around his heart to keep it out. Hold it at bay.

  “What do I want?” Olivia’s eyes smiled into his. “What I’ve always wanted, Robert McGuire. God’s grace. And you.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Wait for Davy, Angie.” Olivia tried her best not to hover over the two-year-old while at the Canyon Springs community park Friday afternoon. But the determined little thing insisted on tagging along to what she called a “big kids’” slide with her older cousin—six-year-old Davy Diaz—and Olivia’s niece, five-year-old Mary Kenton. The slippery structure wasn’t much higher than Olivia was tall, but just enough to make Olivia nervous as she lifted Angie up to set her on the slide.

  “I’m careful, Libbia.” The dark-haired child waved and smiled at her. Rob’s smile.

  “I’ve got her.” Davy settled himself in behind the tot, secured her between his legs, then wrapped his arms around her. With a squeal the twosome set sail, Olivia trotting along beside them. At the bottom, a giggling Angie struggled to free herself from Davy, ready to head back to the slide’s steps.

  “Again!”

  Davy’s dark eyes flashed a helpless look in Olivia’s direction. She took the hint and caught up with Angie, swept her into her arms. “We need to let Davy rest, okay?”

  He and Mary had been such sports, hanging out in the toddler equipment area on their afternoon off for the Canyon Springs homecoming parade rather than the older children’s with its more challenging slides and faster merry-go-rounds.

  Chubby legs kicked the air in protest. “Again!”

  Easing Angie to the ground, but keeping a firm hold on her, Olivia pointed to the sun-shaded blanket where the child’s aunt Meg relaxed with Olivia’s sister Reyna and her youngest, three-year-old Missy.

  Olivia laughed to herself. It wouldn’t be hard to imagine this was some kind of a test. That Rob had left his daughter with her for a few days merely to see how she’d cope with the active youngster. A test complete with Rob’s sister “accidentally” stopping by the park to keep an eye on how she was doing.

  Angie, her face a thundercloud, shoved against Olivia’s legs, endeavoring to get around her. “Again!”

  Olivia shifted, blocking the way to the slide while Davy made his escape.

  “Looky, Angie! Look what Missy has.” Thank goodness Reyna understood the ways of a two-year-old, having been through it twice. As Olivia was quickly learning, distraction seemed to be key.

  The child paused to check out what Missy was up to. Reyna picked up one of the colorful, doughnut-size plastic rings and wiggled it to get Angie’s attention.

  Olivia held her breath as Angie trotted away to join the others on the blanket. Whew. Even though she’d often helped take care of other people’s children on mission trips, it never ceased to amaze her how much energy a two-year-old had. And how much determination. Obstinacy. Every bit the equal to their adult counterparts.

  If things worked out between her and Rob, was she really up to this? No time to adjust to their relationship, work out the kinks of becoming a couple—instead, just a leap into instant motherhood? Not for the first time, she harbored niggling doubts. She loved Rob. Loved Angie. But he came with a bunch of baggage, the least of which was his little girl. Could they make it work or was she still living in a dream world?

  Shoving away the nagging thoughts, Olivia joined the toddler who’d situated herself next to Reyna. “Thanks, Rey.”

  Meg smiled over at Angie. “I can’t get over how much she looks like Rob.”

  “She does, doesn’t she?” Olivia constantly marveled at the same thing. If there were telltale signs of resemblance to her absentee mother, she sure couldn’t detect them. Olivia didn’t like to think about Angie’s biological mother. About her relationship with Rob. But like it or not, Cassie was a reality that had to be dealt with. Would God give her the grace to handle it in a mature and wisdom-filled manner?

  Angie patted Olivia’s leg to get her attention, then held out a red doughnut. Olivia took it from her, then the child stood, turned her back to Olivia and, putting herself in reverse, plopped into her lap.

  “She really likes you, Olivia.” Meg smiled knowingly. “Would I be being nosy if I asked how things are between
you and Rob?”

  “Yes.” Heat rose in Olivia’s cheeks as she laughed at the intense gazes of both Rob’s sister and her own. For the past two weeks she and Rob had been laboring side by side, working up detailed plans for Singing Rock. Sharing meals. Playing with Angie. While no words of love had been uttered by either—and he hadn’t so much as tried to kiss her—there seemed to be an understanding between them. So why the underlying uneasiness? The gnawing of waiting for the other shoe to drop?

  “We’re taking it slow. But—”

  “Maybe wedding bells on the horizon?” Meg clapped her hands and a laughing Angie, rocking where she sat, mimicked her.

  “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Olivia warned, apprehension mounting with Meg’s assumption. Wedding bells. Rob. That’s what she wanted more than anything else in the world, wasn’t it? “We may have technically known each other seven years, but…”

  Meg sighed. “Rob needs to marry you. And the sooner the better.”

  “Because—?” She glanced pointedly down at his daughter, brushing her fingers through the toddler’s hair. Rob had told her before he left that Cassie’s parents might seek legal means to claim her. Was Meg thinking a marriage would ensure that could never happen?

  Did Rob think that?

  “No, silly.” Meg smiled her reassurance. “Although an M-O-M for her would be nice, too. You’d make a fabulous one. But no, I mean you’re exactly what my big brother needs. He’s gotten to be such a serious stick-in-the-mud. Even stuffy at times. Way too serious for his own good. You’re the breath of fresh air he needs in his life.”

  “I never thought of him as a stick-in-the-mud in college. Reserved, maybe. But he was more easygoing back then. And I’m proud to say that a few days ago he gave two complimentary nights to Singing Rock guests who were delayed in leaving when their car broke down.”

  “He never would have done that before. Which is exactly why he needs a woman like you in his life.” Meg leaned toward Reyna. “Looks like we have our prayers cut out for us. Does a pastor’s wife carry any extra clout in the Heavenly realms? See if you can call in a few favors.”

  Uncomfortable with the continuing line of conversation, Olivia nevertheless managed a laugh, then disentangled herself from Angie. She rose to her feet and picked up the little girl. “Come on, cutie, it’s time we get going. We need to get home, get you cleaned up and down for a nice long nap.”

  Fortunately, Angie didn’t protest but cuddled down into Olivia’s arms, laid her head on her shoulder. So tiny. So precious.

  The three women said their goodbyes and, relieved to escape, Olivia strode across the grassy space to her vehicle. As always, her spirits rose when she glimpsed the Singing Rock logo emblazoned on the side of the SUV. Pride in her parents’ accomplishments swelled, renewing her determination to keep their dream for the property afloat. Was that something she and Rob would do together?

  As she secured Angie in her car seat in the back, she couldn’t help but let her thoughts drift. The sense of peace that descended in the days after she and Rob had talked openly about their pasts had fluctuated. Ebbed and flowed. One moment, delirious with joy. In the next wrought with questions—not about Rob, but about herself. About her ability to be what Rob and Angie most needed in their lives.

  She touched fingers to her lips, recalling the sweetness of the last time he’d kissed her. Not merely the physical sensation of it, but the spiritual awareness that it marked a turning point in their relationship. No, neither had said the “L” word. But it hung in the charged air between them. Was their budding love foundation enough on which to build a lifetime commitment? To face the challenges they’d inevitably be confronted by in raising a child who’d been abandoned by her mother?

  “Excuse me, please.”

  Startled, Olivia turned to a smiling woman a few years her senior. A sprinkling of freckles. Sun-streaked blond hair French-braided down her back. A peasant-style blouse topped a broomstick skirt swirling at her ankles.

  Olivia returned the friendly smile and the woman motioned to the logo on the door of the vehicle.

  “I see that you’re a local.”

  “Yes, I am. Is there something I can help you with?”

  “Could you recommend a hotel? Maybe a restaurant that isn’t a clone of one you find on every street corner in America?”

  “You might try Canyon Springs Inn. Or Kit’s Lodge—which also has a top-notch restaurant. And Camilla’s Café is a treat. It’s on Main Street, across from Dix’s Woodland Warehouse.”

  “Sounds like I have some good options.”

  “Homecoming crowd this weekend, though, so vacancies may be tight. There’s availability at Singing Rock, a cabin resort a few miles outside of town. My folks own it.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” The woman motioned to Angie. “Your daughter’s beautiful.”

  Olivia’s heart warmed at the mistaken identity. This was the second time that day someone had made such an assumption. A lady at the post office earlier. Now this woman.

  “She’s not mine.” She hated to admit it, treasuring the persistent daydream that she and Rob shared the sweet child. “I’m babysitting for my—” Her what? Coworker? Friend? Boyfriend? “Just babysitting.”

  The woman nodded, her gentle gaze lingering on the gray-eyed Angie. Then with a thank-you and a friendly wave, she turned and strolled across the park to her car.

  Olivia shrugged, guessing a cabin wasn’t her cup of tea, then finished securing Angie. Gazing down at the precious face, her imagination took flight. What did God have in mind for her and Rob? Would in the not-too-distant future she be this dear child’s mom? Share other children with Rob?

  Please, God, don’t let me get my hopes up this time only to have everything fall apart.

  “How are you and Angie doing this morning?” Rob squinted against the desert sun piercing through palm tree fronds outside his parents’ Phoenix area home. This was the first time since leaving Vegas that he’d left his daughter with someone who wasn’t a family member so he wanted to check in. Then again, Olivia was—almost family? His heart ramped up a notch as her oh-so-appealing face flashed into his mind. He recalled her words of understanding…healing…and relived the times his lips had touched hers.

  In spite of the anticipation the latter memory renewed, he was determined not to get ahead of himself this round, but to prayerfully seek guidance. He hadn’t kissed Olivia since the night he’d confessed the details of his relationship with Cassie. He still struggled on where to set healthy boundaries.

  You’re in charge, God.

  But it felt…inevitable. A peaceful rightness. Not a blind, doggedly determined, I’ll-do-whatever-I-want-to kind of right. Rather, a quiet sense of assurance that all was going to work out beyond his wildest hopes and dreams. For the best. His. Angie’s. Olivia’s.

  “We’re doing great.” Olivia’s sparkling tones further lifted his spirits and drew him back to the phone call he’d placed. “Yesterday afternoon we went to the homecoming parade, then to the park for a picnic and playtime where we ran into your sister and mine with their kids. Took a nap after that—both of us. Believe me, I needed it.”

  He chuckled. “She can be a handful, can’t she?”

  “To say the least. Then we played until dinnertime. Read stories at bedtime. She didn’t sleep real well last night—woke up asking for you—but now we’ve finished a late breakfast and are ready for our day. If I can sweet-talk Brett into covering for me again, I might take her to see one of my old high school friends whose cat had kittens last week.”

  “Sorry I’m missing it. Sounds like you’re having fun.”

  “We’re having a blast.”

  A blast with his daughter. Guess he shouldn’t have been worried about leaving the two alone together. “I can’t tell yo
u how much that means to me, Olivia. Your understanding and everything. Forgiving me. Not holding it against Angie.”

  “I’d never do that, Rob. She’s a precious gift from God. Evidence that in spite of our mistakes He can still bring about good things.”

  How could he have ever thought she was anything like Cassie? Hadn’t trusted God when He kept nudging him in Olivia’s direction? Why had he lived in fear so long even as he came to know her better?

  “You know what?” His words came softly.

  “What?” He caught the playful lilt to her tone.

  “I’m missing you both right now.” His voice sounded embarrassingly husky with emotion even to his own ears. He held his breath lightly, waiting, anticipating the hoped-for response.

  “I miss you, too.”

  Now. Say it now, McGuire. He told Angie he loved her all the time. Couldn’t say it enough. Wanted her to grow up never doubting her daddy adored her. So why couldn’t he bring himself to tell Olivia what was filling his heart almost to the point of exploding?

  “Rob?”

  He swallowed. “Yeah?”

  “You’ll be home tonight?”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  “Would you like to join me for dinner?”

  Tonight. He’d take her in his arms—and tell her how he felt about her. “That sounds nice. Real nice.”

  Would she think it dorky if he brought fresh flowers? Dressed up Angie and himself more than usual? Was it too early to openly broach the subject of a shared future? Sure, they’d known each other since college, but she’d only come back into his life six weeks ago. Would she think he was rushing things? He could almost hear his heart beating as the silence stretched across the miles between them. What was she thinking at this very moment? Did anticipation of seeing him this evening well up in her as it did him?

  She’d said she missed him, too.

  Maybe she really did.

  He cleared his throat. “I have more business to take care of down here this morning. A few more things to pick up. Then I’ll head back up the mountain.”