If I Was Your Woman 2: A BBW Camden Love Story

by Mz. Toni

  “Look, I appreciate you taking the kids, but I don't owe you shit so you can just forget that dumb shit you just texted me,” I spoke into the phone with a full blown attitude.

  “I'm just saying you going through a lot right now, I'm sure. So I just thought maybe it would be easier if I moved back home just for now,” he said.

  “Naw I'm good and if you watching your children is too much I can call your mother.”

  “Now why would you say some shit like that Shana!”

  “Nigga lower your fucking tone!”

  “See that's what I'm talking about, since when did you start talking to me that way?”

  “Sooo are you saying you want my respect?” I asked while laughing.

  “Yes, I want your respect, I deserve it.”

  “Have you lost your ever loving mind? I found out you’ve been fucking my sister and you expect for me to respect you!” I screamed into the phone. I swear this man has to be the dumbest nigga on earth and it makes me so fucking angry when he downplays what he did like it ain't nothing. The people that hurt me are living life, hell Angel probably somewhere happy as hell she doesn't have to take care of her own child. Every time I turn around Raymond’s ass is trying to come home. He doesn't pay any of the bills at the house we purchased together. I know I could take his ass to court and get everything he got but that ain't much so it’s pointless. So like I said, they living life carefree while I'm hurt and in pain.

  “I'm on my way!” he screamed into the phone before hanging up.

  “R.J. let’s go!” I yelled upstairs. He wasted no time running down the stairs and the twins were right behind him. After I waited for Raymond to pick up the twins, I stopped by the mall and grabbed a bunch of things for Shante and some food for Kasan since I'm sure he hasn't been home since the last time I was there. Pulling up to the hospital, I showed my bracelet to security and headed to the elevator. When I got to her room there were three big ass niggas by her door.

  “Excuse me!” I said with much attitude.

  “What’s your name?”

  “Nigga that's my sister you better let me back before shit get real!” I screamed in his face.

  “Your name ain't on the fucking list so you need to go!” he said calmly. I swear they must not know who the fuck I am and how far I would go for my blood. I need a damn calculator so I can add up all the ways they got me fucked up.

  “Don't curse at my mom!” R.J. said standing in the dudes face with his chest poked out.

  “What the fuck is going on out here!” Kasan said coming out the room.

  “These fucking steroid pumping lil dick weight lifters won't let me see my sister!” I snapped looking at the dudes.

  “What’s up with this?” R.J. asked Kasan.

  “Man her pops hired these niggas, better safe than sorry, feel me?”

  “Yeah, but he screaming in my mom face, I was about to handle that nig… I mean dude. You know I don't play when it come to my mom!” my son said to Kasan while giving him dap. I swear this boy was so over protective.

  “I’ll handle it nephew, just go ahead and see ya aunt,” Kasan said heated. As soon as R.J. was out of earshot, Kasan went in.

  “You disrespected my sister-in-law?”

  “Sir, I had no clue, she wouldn't give me her name,” he said scared out of his mind.

  “He’s right Kasan, I wouldn't tell him who I was, it’s cool.”

  “Yeah aight, well for future references make sure you look at the fucking pictures I gave ya ass. Nobody should have to give their name if you already know their faces!” Kasan snapped.

  “You got it boss.”

  “Yeah whatever nigga, just get ya shit together!” Kasan said walking into the room.

  “How is she doing today?”

  “Man it’s been weeks and still nothing.”

  “She’ll be alright, she just resting,” I said handing him his food.

  “You always say that, do you honestly believe that?” he asked.

  “Yeah I do!” I answered confidently.

  “Yo, I need your advice,” Kasan said looking instantly stressed.

  “What’s up?”

  “I was thinking about all that Shante has been through. She didn't know she was pregnant and maybe we shouldn't tell her.”

  “She would be pissed if any of us held something like this from her Kasan.”

  “I know, but it might really fuck her up.”

  “You're right, so why not just tell everyone not to tell her anything until she’s healthy and out of the hospital, you talk to Carlos and I’ll talk to Camille.”

  “Yeah that's what Imma do,” he said in deep thought. Looking over at R.J., he had fallen asleep holding Shante’s hand. Grabbing my phone, I snapped a few pictures of them and they came out beautiful. She didn't look to be in pain, she just looked peaceful, like a sleeping beauty.

  “Well you go home for a while I got her.”

  “I don't know. What if some shit changes while I'm gone?” he asked actually looking scared.

  “She’ll be fine and if something changes, I’ll call you.”

  “Aight, Imma go home and shower, but then I'm coming right back.”

  “That's fine Kasan,” I said shaking my head. It was so beautiful to see how he loved my sister. I'm not gonna lie, I felt a little bit jealous. I did everything right just like Shante did so why did she end up with a good man and I ended up with a cheating loser. I stayed with Shante until Kasan came back and he looked tired as hell.

  “You look bad,” I said shaking my head.

  “Man between trying to find out who did this shit and taking care of her I don't get any sleep,” he said rubbing his hands over his waves.

  “Look, Camille is about to come here and I'm sure you don't want to be here when she arrives so Imma follow you back to your house so I know you ain't crashed a car and shit.”

  “Aight I’ll be downstairs,” he said kissing Shante on the lips. Camille came shortly after and explained that she would stay with Shante all night which was good because Kasan really needed to rest. All this gun toting, no sleeping shit was gonna drive him to an early grave.

  “You ready?” I said as I knocked on his window.

  “Yeah,” he said sounding dead tired. Getting into my car, I followed him to his house and I had to say it was beautiful.

  “Well I’m here, thanks for following me,” he said as he walked into the house.

  “Ma I gotta use the bathroom,” my son R.J. said while opening the car door.

  “Well go head lil nigga,” Kasan said while punching R.J. in the arm playfully.

  “You better leave my damn son alone,” I joked as we all walked into the house.

  “You would be a really good dad,” I said as I walked around and looked at all the pictures of his family and a lot of pictures with him and my sister.

  “Thanks, soon as your sister wake her sleepy ass up we gon get started.”

  “You got anything strong to drink?”

  Yeah I got some E&J you want some?”

  “Yeah let me get a shot,” I said getting emotional. For the most part I was good, but seeing these pictures of my sister really upset me.

  “What ya boy done fell in the toilet.”

  “I don't know, go check on him,” I said while taking another shot. While Kasan walked away to check on my son, I wanted to scream. I couldn't understand how it was possible that my sister was laying in a hospital bed, while I was here lusting over her man.

  “He’s knocked out in my bed,” Kasan said laughing.

  “Oh hell naw, he know better than that shit!” I snapped feeling a little tipsy.

  “He good ma, he been here a lot of times with ya sister.”

  “Oh ok,” I said calming down. We sat down and talked about everything under the sun from Shante to Carlos, and even Angel and my husband. I felt like I could tell him anything and that felt good. Since everything that's happened in my marriage I've been feeling so lonely. I continued
to admire how handsome he was and the more I drank, the less I cared that he was my sister's man. He would say something funny and I would lean over and caress his leg, things that weren't big enough for him to address.

  “It's getting late ma, I should get some sleep,” he said moving my arm off his thigh.

  “Maybe I could stay here?” I asked.

  “Naw you tipsy and you ain't thinking straight.”

  “I am thinking straight! You lonely, I'm lonely,” I said getting annoyed. I reached over and kissed his lips, I heard a slight moan leave his mouth before he pushed me away.

  “Yo you gotta go, your sister is fighting for her life and you here tryna fuck her man, that shit ain't cool!” he yelled with a look of disgust. It's like what he said woke me up because before I knew it, I was on his floor bawling my eyes out.

  “Oh my God Kasan please forgive me!” I begged.

  “You good Shana,” he said helping me up from the floor.

  “Please don't tell anyone,” I said feeling embarrassed. I couldn't even look him in the face as he helped me to the guest bedroom.

  “You good, it will be our secret, ain't shit even happen so chill out,” he said while sitting me down on the bed. All I could do was cry, I felt so ashamed and dirty, I tried to do to him what Angel did to Raymond. I don't know what came over me; I can't even blame it on the liquor because I’d been watching him for a few days.

  “I just want someone to love me,” I said to Kasan.

  “Look ma, you a good woman and you bad as hell, you gonna find the nigga for you but he ain't me,” he said as he walked out the room. Trying to forget what happened, I cuddled up with my son and let sleep consume me.

  Chapter Three

  (Kasan)

  I can't believe I didn't notice that she was feeling the kid. I know for a fact that I didn't lead her on, we were barely around each other up until recently, and when we did talk or see each other it was always about Shante. I have no intentions on telling anyone what went down, I know she’s going through a lot right now. Her bitch ass husband fucking her sister and his seed being her niece that's some heavy shit. Getting showered and dressed, I grabbed my keys and headed to the spot. When I walked in all eyes were on me and they knew I was pissed off.

  “I'm confused. I asked y’all niggas to find out who did this shit to my girl!” I yelled banging my fist on the table.

  “Boss that's the thing, the hood don't know shit,” my good friend and worker Chris said putting his head down.

  “That's impossible, somebody gotta know something!”

  “We even raised the price up to half a mill,” another worker said.

  “Yo I been shedding nothing but blood since this shit happened and still don't nobody know shit!” Chris said pissed.

  Christian Bell was 6’5, 320lbs of all muscle, he wasn't an ugly nigga either. Big as hell, always rocking these tight ass V-necks and shit the bitches loved him though. Niggas thought he was hired to be my muscle, they didn't know that he was my true friend. He been rocking with me since before I started getting this money. We use to be running around Brooklyn terrorizing the fucking hood, stealing from the bodega’s and shit. He was one of the smartest niggas I knew, never studied but always passed his classes. He had been offered a full academic scholarship; you would think that he could play a sport or something but that nigga was too clumsy. The day he got the scholarship we were walking to the corner store to get some snacks and shit for these chicks we were smashing when this known dirty cop rolled up on us asking us where we were going.

  “We minding our business nigga!” I said always being the smart mouth trouble maker.

  “Well y’all fit the description of a couple suspect so put ya hands over ya head.”

  “Man you know we don't fit no fucking description,” I said turning to walk away.

  “I said don't fucking move!”

  “Come on Kasan, man he ain't playing, just put ya hands up,” Chris said with pleading eyes.

  “Fuck that pig he just mad cuz my dad fucking his wife!” Before I knew what was happening, the cop had pulled out his gun and had it aimed at me. I literally saw my life flash before my eyes, I just knew I was about to die especially when I heard the gun go off. When I opened my eyes I was untouched but my best friend was lying face down.

  “You shot him!” I screamed holding my friend. I don't know who did it but someone called for help. He was shot in the head and although they were able to save him, he just hasn't been the same since. Sometimes he gets really angry and blacks out, other times he’s so quiet you won't even notice he’s in a room. Most niggas would have cut him off, but I will always and forever be grateful to him for saving my life.

  “It's been over a month and I'm getting real fucking antsy, try harder!” I said as I prepared to leave. When I got in the car and was ready to pull off my phone rang.

  “Yo,” I said into the phone.

  “Hey Kasan.”

  “Keisha?”

  “Yeah I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do.”

  “Fuck you talking about?”

  “I heard about what happened to Shante, I ain't fuck with her but I never wanted for her to get hurt or die.”

  “Who said anything about dying?”

  “I didn't mean anything by that,” she said with a stutter.

  “Yeah aight,” I said. I noticed she was nervous and a little shocked to find out that Shante wasn't dead, we been keeping her condition private, but not that private.

  “Oh and Keisha, spread the word, I got a million dollars for whoever bring me credible info on who shot my girl,” I said before hanging up. If I knew Keisha like I knew I did then she would be calling me back real soon with some good info. Pulling off, I headed back home only to find that Shana had grabbed her son and left. I knew she was a little embarrassed but damn she ain't have to dip on a nigga like that, I still see her as my sis, ain't no love lost. I knew Cam was at the hospital and I damn sure ain't feel like dealing with her nasty attitude or the guilt she throws my way for what happened to Shante. Can't she see that everyone is in pain over this shit, especially me, but naw she wants to act petty and start an argument every time she sees me. Instead of staying in this big empty house I got back in my car and headed to Mark’s club, I needed a drink bad as hell. Pulling up to the club, it was packed as usual.

  “What’s up boss man?” the bouncer greeted me.

  “What’s up John?” I replied dapping him up.

  “Yo I got some info for you about that thing,” he said getting my full attention.

  “Oh yeah? Well get Rex to relieve you and come holla at me.”

  “Aight give me ten and I’ll be up there,” he said contacting another bouncer on his radio. I didn't know what kind of information he had for me but I prayed it was good. As soon as I walked into my office I wasted no time taking back a shot of goose. I had been drinking and smoking a lot lately just to ease my mind. Being without my girl was really fucking my head up. I didn't have the urge to be with anyone else, I didn't want any bitch entertaining me if it wasn't Shante. I just missed the small shit, her singing in my ear, her cooking for me, her smell, her touch, that cute way she would push loose strands of her hair to the back of her ear when she would study, the scowl on her face when she was angry. I missed everything about my shorty, I guess it's true what they say, you never know what you have until it's gone. I didn't even notice the tears strolling down my face until they hit my hand. I've never cried so much in my life but the pain I felt without her couldn't be suppressed even if I tried and I didn't care who knew it, a knock interrupted my thoughts.

  “Come in!”

  “First I want you to know that you, Shante and her family are in me and my wife’s prayers,” he said sincerely.

  “Thanks bro, I don't mean to rush you but what did you need to speak to me about?”

  “Yeah I been hearing some shit around the way, people saying you had beef with some nigga over ya girl.”
<
br />   “I ain't never beefed over her,” I said confused.

  “Well they saying you beat ole boy ass in front of everybody in the hood, he was gossiping all stressed out at some bar talking about it should've been you.”

  “You got a name?”

  “Yeah, Tre,” he replied sealing that nigga’s fate.

  “Thanks my boy, Imma check what you told me out and if you're right I got you,” I said dapping him. I swear that niggas a dead man, why couldn't niggas take ass whoopings like grown men anymore. Grabbing my work phone, I sent a text to my squad letting them know to meet me ASAP, within twenty minutes half of them were in my office.