Out Of The Ashes (The Ending Series, #3)

by Lindsey Fairleigh

  “Well, it’s time to try,” Gabe said.

  Studying him and Chris for a moment, I wondered how I was supposed to suddenly remember such specific details if I really had repressed all of my memories from that moment backward. “Every single day, I try to remember even a smidgen of my past…what makes you think it’s magically going to work this time?”

  “Because I’m going to help you,” Gabe said, offering me his hand. I stared at it, wondering if this was the final moment of being this me, or if it was another step closer to defeat and desperation. Accepting his hand, I stood.

  “Are you thinking about conducting some sort of hypnosis?” Chris asked, an intrigued gleam in her clear blue eyes.

  Gabe nodded. “It’s our best bet.” He looked back to me. “If I can put you into a dreamlike state, we can try to work backward to help you unlock everything you’ve repressed. We can free your mind.” He was nodding and smiling enthusiastically, trying to increase my comfort level. “I think this could work, Zoe.”

  The general atmosphere around me shifted. Not only had Chris suddenly grown more hopeful, but Gabe seemed completely rejuvenated as well.

  “Are we trying it now?” I asked.

  Gabe turned to Chris. “Do you mind sticking around? If this works the way I hope it does, Zoe’s going to be quasi-awake, but totally focused on what I’m asking her to do. I’m not sure what latent memories or emotions will surface; you might need to soothe her.”

  “Of course,” Chris said with a curt nod. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”

  My eyes shifted back and forth between them. “Thanks, you guys,” I breathed, wiping my clammy palms off on my jeans. “I really appreciate all your help with this. Whether it works or not, it wouldn’t even be an option without you.”

  Chris smiled. “I like projects.” Her eyebrows danced. “Especially ones that have to do with brains.”

  Gabe made a noncommittal noise and stared at me, deep in thought. As we stood face to face, I realized how important this moment was…or might be. His pale blue eyes were fierce, holding a glint of both apprehension and resolve. I could feel his certainty that if this didn’t work, I would never get my memories back. This was his final hope.

  With a heavy exhale, he raised his eyebrows and smiled. “Shall we?”

  Offering him my own weak smile in return, I gave him a quick nod. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” Goose bumps were already inundating my body at the thought of what he might uncover inside my mind, should his theory prove correct.

  “Alright.” Gabe pointed to the shady base of an evergreen at the edge of the shoreline. “Have a seat over there. I want you as close to the ground as possible in case you collapse.”

  I let out a nervous laugh, and on shaky legs, I walked over to the shady patch beneath the tree.

  “Chris,” I heard Gabe say from behind me. “I’d like you to be next to her to hold her up in case she loses consciousness completely.”

  “You worried she’ll pass out?”

  “That, or I’ll push too much and put her to sleep. I need her to be partially coherent for it to work. But, again, I’ve never done a procedure quite like this before.”

  “That makes three of us,” I muttered and sat down, propping myself up against the base of the pine tree that would serve as my psychiatrist’s chair while my mind was invaded one last time.

  Gabe crouched down in front of me, and Chris sat to my right. Her mere presence was reassuring.

  “No matter what you hear, Zoe, no matter what you see, I need you to listen to my voice and do what I say, okay?” Gabe said.

  After taking a deep breath and nodding, I settled into a comfortable sitting position, my legs folded in front of me and my eyes closed. To rid my mind of anticipation and doubt, of fear and excitement, I focused on the gentle breeze tickling the back of my neck and the grating call of the jaybirds off in the distance. I could almost smell the crisp freshness of the melting snow from the mountains surrounding us as I let the warmth of the sun lull my senses.

  My mind was suddenly lighter, almost like it was floating away, and remotely, I wondered if it was Gabe sending me into a half sleep.

  “Alright, Zoe,” Gabe said softly. “Think back to your very first memory.”

  Letting out a deep breath, I felt my body wilt as I unwound my limited memories like a spool of thread, the days and weeks unraveling into frayed images and incohesive thoughts.

  One of my earliest, blurred memories was from that first night, when I’d been found in the abandoned house.

  I felt fear and uncertainty…I saw Dani’s wide, green eyes and Jake’s horror as I stepped out from the closet. I felt what I now understood was Chris’s soft, cerebral touch lessening the edge of uncertainty filling me. I saw Jason’s hardened features, which made me question Dr. Wesley’s decision to leave me with them—complete strangers, or so it seemed to me.

  “Who do you see?” Gabe’s voice was a velvety cord of trust and reassurance, binding me between this time and a not-too-distant past.

  “Ja—” I cleared my throat. “I see Jake and Chris, and Dani and Cooper…we’re in the house in Colorado Springs.” I was vaguely aware that I was sitting on the hard ground, surrounded by towering evergreens, and that Gabe and Chris were sitting with me, but my mind was drifting somewhere far away…

  “What happened before that?” Gabe asked quietly.

  Holding onto the tether that was Gabe’s voice, I tried to reach further back, to delve deeper into the past. A slight pain blossomed in my temples, making me hesitate. “It’s not working…”

  The more I tried to focus, the sharper the pain became, making me wince. I’ve felt this before…

  “Who brought you to the house?” Gabe asked. His voice was a bit more distant now, but just as persistent. I strained to hear it over the images fading in and out of my mind.

  Although I knew it was my mom who’d taken me to the abandoned house, my mind had been hazy that night, and only bits and pieces lingered in my memory. “It was Dr. Wesley—my mom—but I…” There were only splotches of memories, nothing connected or coherent.

  Details. I needed to remember details.

  I latched on to what I did remember: the feeling of the cool, night air against my skin when I first awoke and the sound of my mom’s footsteps behind me as we walked—no, ran—into Colorado Springs. What did she say to me in the forgotten moments? I feared it was something important, but I couldn’t remember. All I could think about was the fact that the woman who’d saved my life, a stranger, was also my mom. For the first time since I’d learned of it, I felt sad.

  I was back at the golf course, kneeling on wet grass. Someone stood beside me, their warm body shielding me from the nighttime chill. The person was humming. She was humming. I felt cool fingertips against my skin, followed by an excruciating pain that lanced through my head, making me gasp for breath. But I couldn’t gasp for breath. I couldn’t move.

  Unable to open my eyes, I began to panic.

  It wasn’t the first time I’d panicked. I wracked my brain, trying to remember why such an acute, helpless feeling felt so familiar. I had been afraid before, but not for me… “Dani,” I breathed.

  “Is Dani still there with you, Zoe?” Gabe asked. Although his voice was faint, it was warm and soothing in the swallowing darkness of my mind.

  I felt something wet on my cheek, but still felt paralyzed, unable to move. A set of triumphant blue eyes flashed in my mind’s eye, along with blonde hair and pale skin…

  There was sickening sweet laughter and an eerily calm voice whispering nonsensical things in my ear, and a deep, innate sense of terror consumed me. When I realized I still couldn’t move, I tried to scream, but nothing came out, and I felt hot tears burning down my cheeks.

  “Zoe,” Gabe said quietly. “Where are you? What do you see?” I could barely make out Chris and Gabe whispering as my mind tumbled with confusion and fear.

  “I can’t see anything,” I croake
d. “I can’t move…”

  I heard Dani’s voice echoing around me, and my heart raced. I needed to help her. She was afraid, she was alone, and she needed me.

  Emotion bubbled up in my throat. “I’m on the golf course…Dani…”

  “Dani wasn’t with you, Zoe.” Concern deepened Gabe’s voice.

  I shook my head the barest amount. I was confused. “But I can hear her. I can hear her voice, it’s all around me…she’s hiding.”

  “It’s only a memory, Zoe. Don’t let it scare you. It’s not real. Dani is fine.”

  Part of me knew it was a memory, a distant part of me that was overshadowed by a fear I didn’t understand but was impossible to ignore. “I was trying to find her.”

  Another sharp pain shot through my head, and this time, my body tensed. I felt gentle fingers against my wrist, alleviating some of the panic and emptiness that swelled inside me. I could still hear Dani’s voice, crying out to me, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything. I was frozen.

  I felt the pressure of Chris’s hand squeezing mine, and it helped to keep me grounded. “Zoe, are you okay?” she asked, and with those four words, my trembling ceased.

  “Zoe, are you okay?”

  I opened my eyes to see a woman—a doctor—crouched down beside me. She reached out for me tentatively, her eyes filled with sadness and longing and unshed tears. Seeing her tears made my heart ache.

  “She’s mine!” the blonde woman shrieked beside me.

  The doctor took a few forceful steps forward. “I’m warning you, Clara,” she said.

  Clara. I knew she was familiar.

  “Get your fucking hands off my daughter or I’ll—”

  My insides knotted. I’m the doctor’s daughter…

  I gasped and doubled over as a clawing pain seized my heart.

  “Shhh…they’ll find you. You’ll be safe.” My mom reached out and cupped the side of my face with trembling hands. Tears spilled from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get here fast enough…I’m so sorry, Zoe.”

  A barrage of images and emotions assailed me, and I tried to stifle a violent sob. I fought for breath as they overtook my senses, unable to stop them.

  I saw evil.

  Clara.

  She laughed and simpered and schemed…and she poisoned me.

  I saw the fire…she killed Stacey and Dave and Tanya, and nearly killed Jake.

  Now she was gone…I hit her over the head with a branch. Once. Twice. She didn’t get back up.

  I killed her. I killed Clara…

  “…can you hear me?” Is that Gabe? I couldn’t tell anymore.

  Jake was holding me, an embrace so protective and warm I thought I’d never feel so loved again.

  He saved my life—the men in the woods—the poison.

  But then he was leaving—he was going to break my heart and leave me empty and alone.

  “Jake…” I rasped. Arms were around my shoulders, someone holding me against them.

  “Zoe, can you hear me?” Gabe asked, his voice earnest.

  “You need to answer him, Zoe.” It was Chris holding me, I vaguely realized. Her voice was like a warm blanket I wanted to wrap around myself.

  I tried to nod, to reassure them, but I couldn’t.

  I could hear Chris whispering and feel her voice reverberating in her chest. The deafening pain and emotional onslaught was muted by her touch, but not gone. It thrummed through me, impossible to avoid.

  More memories suffused my mind, and I lost myself within them.

  I saw my friends.

  Sarah flashed in my mind. She was laughing and grinning from ear to ear.

  She was my only constant in the ravaged, lonely world we lived in. She trained beside me, faster and stronger…and pregnant. She was my friend now, the days when she’d been a thorn in my side long gone.

  …she brought me comfort in Dani’s absence.

  Dani was in my arms, her wild hair clinging to my tear-dampened face. Her wide, shrewd green eyes luminous with fierce love.

  I’d thought I had lost her. I thought I would never see her again. But there she was, standing in front of me.

  …she was upset.

  “I know about the box, Zoe.”

  Familiar whispers danced around my ears, talking about getting help and finding someone, but I couldn’t pay attention…all I could see was the box.

  Dad’s box…Mom’s letter to Dad.

  Jason and I opened it. We learned the truth.

  She’d left us. She’d abandoned us and Dad had lied. We’d been cheated out of the truth for so long…we’d been cheated out of a real family.

  There was so much pain, so much misery and loneliness. I cried out as I remembered the desperation I’d felt to learn the truth of what happened to her, to have closure. I cried out at the realization of what our lives had become—nothing but a patched-up quilt with tattered emotions and relationships hanging on by mere threads. There was so much strain, so much distance…

  I was lying in bed, a little girl, scared after a bad dream—the bad dream about the faceless woman I wanted to know so badly.

  I saw my disheveled dad trying to explain to me why I couldn’t see pictures of my mom…that she was gone.

  Now he was gone. I would never see my dad again.

  My mom’s face appeared in my mind again. Her eyes boring into mine, the emotion now so clear, so haunting.

  She was real.

  She was the creator of the Virus.

  She was the mother I never had and the mom I’d always wanted.

  She was alive.

  She had another family.

  I had met her, but…

  I’d never felt so near to bursting. The heartache and anger and despair were alive and gnawing inside me, overwhelming me until I felt hollow and raw. My throat burned with each violent sob. My chest ached from lack of air.

  Chris’s arms were around me, holding onto me as if I was about to crumble away.

  I saw her boys, and I saw me in her arms.

  I felt her fear melding with mine, her regret tasting sour in my mouth, and her concern, that which a mother might have for her daughter, made it impossible to breathe. I wanted my mom. I was angry and afraid of my mom.

  I grasped onto Chris desperately, tearing my eyes open, needing to see light in the darkness. Blurred trees and brightness filled my vision.

  “Take a deep breath,” she whispered, and shakily, I did. The softness of her voice soothed me as my mind began to settle, each memory falling back into place as if it had all simply been a bad dream. But it was real, all of it. It was my life.

  I had Dani and Jake and Jason. But my mom was out there, a stranger who’d abandoned me in order to save me—more than once. I’d met her. I wasn’t even me… A new sense of desperation and regret sprouted inside me, but I buried it away.

  “Where’s Gabe?” I asked hoarsely, trying to control each breath.

  “He went to find Dani,” Chris whispered.

  I let out a choked, happy sob at the thought of having my Dani with me. With a steadying breath, I righted myself, trying to harness the emotions overcrowding me. I just need to let them settle again…

  21

  JAKE

  MAY 7, 1AE

  Lake Tahoe, Nevada

  Jake stood at the supply cart in the Zephyr Cove campground parking lot, across the highway from the lodge, ready to take inventory of the weapons in the duffel bag he and Jason had filled during their morning scavenging trip to Emerald Bay with Hunter and Holly. The sun was warm on his back, and although the snow was still melting off the mountains surrounding the lake, making the air crisp in the shade, the sun was shining intensely enough to stave off the chill.

  Unzipping the duffel, Jake rifled around inside for loose ammo. Against his better judgment, he’d been thinking a lot more than was productive. Ever since Zoe told him about her mom, Dr. Wesley, thinking about the doctor brought his anger to near boiling, and the un
fathomable truth about what she’d done turned his anger to rage. Of course Zoe’s mother would end up being alive and the destroyer of all that Jake held dear in his life. And Zoe didn’t need to feel that living, churning hatred every time she was around him. He didn’t blame her, not in the slightest, but he couldn’t change what he felt about her mother, either.

  So Jake clung to the few happy memories he had left of the past, memories of Joe’s farm, of rebuilding tractor engines, working on cars, and patching fences around the property. But then Jake wondered if Joe was even still alive, and his thoughts went full circle, back to Zoe and Becca…back to the doctor.

  For months Jake had blamed himself for bringing Clara along with him when he first left Colorado Springs—he still did—but he wasn’t the only one to blame. It was Dr. Wesley’s fault that Clara had been able to manipulate people the way she could in the first place, and essentially it was the doctor’s fault that Zoe was only half the person she’d once been, and that his sister was a Re-gen. Jake paused from unloading the bag, forcing himself to loosen his grip on the hunting knife he held in his hand.

  Hearing hurried footsteps on the asphalt in front of him, Jake ignored their approach and set the hunting knife and then a bundle of arrows and a new crossbow he’d collected for Zoe on the cart bed.

  “Jake,” Gabe called, breathless as he jogged nearer.

  Jake looked up, and upon seeing Gabe’s eyes opened wide and filled with what looked like a frenzy of concern and excitement, he straightened. “What is it?”

  Gabe rubbed the back of his neck and let out a calming breath. “Ah, I think Zoe’s memory is back. She’s—”

  “What?” Jake frowned. That didn’t seem likely, and he was scared to hope. “How?” With the back of his hand, he wiped away the sweat beading on his brow.

  “I’ve been working with her on this for a while, and—” Gabe stopped himself and sighed. “It doesn’t matter right now. I’ll fill you in later.” He pointed across the highway, toward the beach.

  When Jake saw two figures coming up through the interspersed evergreens blocking most of the lake view, his heartbeat quickened. Zoe and Chris were walking closely, slowly, with one of Chris’s arms around Zoe’s shoulders. Zoe’s ponytail was disheveled, and there was something about the way she walked, like the weight of a wretched lifetime took the bounce out of her step.