[2016] In Good Time

by Aqua Allsopp

  At that moment, he suddenly wanted to pull out his smartphone and Google “disorders among the Amish”, but thought better of it. Instead, he continued to eat his breakfast, make small talk, and laugh with the Shear family, trying not to stare at Miriam or her little son Jacob.

  *****

  After breakfast, the younger children road scooter-like bicycles to a one-room schoolhouse; while David, Benual, William, and Zack loaded into the buggy and road about five miles to a large structure with a sign that read “Zook Amish Built Cabins”.

  “This is where we work William, we apply our woodworking trade to projects that are contracted to our community by an English company. There is mostly Amish working here, but there are a few English workers too. So you see, our communities, the English, and Amish work side-by-side in harmony,” David said.

  Entering the building, William saw Amish men and other boys Benual’s age and adult English men shaking hands greeting each other good morning and gathering tools and materials to begin their day. After brief introductions and clearing it with David’s English counterpart—who is also a supervisor, William and Zack were allowed to work without pay for as long as they wanted.

  William worked with David and Zack worked with Benual. They each learned how to cut and finish logs to become a part of a pre-assembled modular log cabin, built with 300-year-old Amish carpentry techniques.

  William loved the work, the smell of the wood, seeing the finished materials and photos of assembled cabin homes. During lunch, he read some of the letters and photos on the wall of happy families enjoying their log cabins and thought—what a great way to make a living. He looked around and saw plainly dressed English men alongside Amish men and boys working, talking, and at times even singing together. William began to think about a career making log cabins and asking himself, “Bill are you seriously thinking about becoming Amish, or just working alongside the Amish?” After some deep reflection throughout the day, he wasn’t sure of what he wanted.

  Riding back to the Shear house, he envisioned what his life would be like as an Amish man. His faith and values are very similar to David Shear’s, he loves the family and community life, and he very much wants Zack to grow up with the quiet confidence that he can already see in his son. William realized that he had a lot to think about, but vowed to stop thinking for now and just enjoy the moment. The sights, the sounds, and the smells of the present. It felt good!

  There was a buzz about the Shear home, with children and adults busy at preparing dinner and living life. Sarah asked William and Zack about their day and laughed, smiled, and listened intently as they each spoke. William was wondering if her aqua-blue eyes were intentionally staring into his own, or it was his imagination. At the moment he didn’t care, he only knew that he couldn’t help blushing, as he watched her sweet, pink lips move as she talked. He was mesmerized by her. Even her hand gestures seemed like the movement of a dancer, and when she walked she almost glided across the wooden floors. At times during dinner, the voices of everyone else seemed like white-noise because all that William could see and hear was Sarah.

  *****

  “There is not another sister, friend, or brother loves the way that Jesus can.”

  “He proved his love for me when he died on Calvary, he gave his life for fallen man.”

  William and Zack found themselves humming, then singing this catchy song over and over, on the way back to the campsite. A huge leap from the song they sang repeatedly on their way to work that morning— “Stop, drop, shut-em-down open up shop.”

  “Oh, no, that’s how rough riders roll.”

  Zack and William were so tired from their early start and a hard day of physical labor that they didn’t so much as think to call Ann and Roger that night or the next several in a row. After a shower, they went straight to bed.

  Before drifting off to sleep William remembered to Google “Amish disorders”. He felt as though he were disrespecting a friend by typing these words, but his concern for Miriam and Jacob overrode his guilt. His heart pounded as he read. His hope, no his prayer, is that it is only a cosmetic anomaly and that there are no serious health risks. He quickly realized that his worse fears were true.

  William came to suspect that Miriam and Jacob have Glutaric acidemia type I or GA1, a genetic disorder that is the consequence of a small number of people sharing a similar, in this case, European, gene pool, who created a new settlement in America, married among themselves, and had big families who then went on to intermarry.

  It seems research and modern medicine may have arrived, and been accepted by the Amish and Mennonite communities, in time to help Joshua thrive, should he indeed be diagnosed with any of the 142 identified “Amish and Mennonite” genetic disorders, but the establishment of the first Amish, genetic health clinic would have come too late, in 1989, to help Miriam, who is well into her 50s or 60s.

  He supposed that Sarah might also carry the recessive gene and worried for her future children. Suddenly, it made him think about his own son Zack and to feel grateful that his Germanic ancestors didn’t pass any genetic disorders on to him.

  This night, William found himself in deep prayer, the likes of which he hadn’t really done since his wife Rebecca’s passing.

  *****

  “This is Bill. Hi Dad, is everything okay?”

  “I was calling to ask you the same thing son. Your mother and I are worried about you. You’ve been in Lancaster for three weeks and we haven’t seen you, and haven’t talked to you or Zack in three days. Is everything okay?”

  “Ha, ha, ha, yeah Dad everything is just fine. We’ve just been working so hard at carpentry every day then spending time in the evening with the Shears, Zack really loves playing with the kids, and well, Dad, I need to talk to you about something. Can we come by for dinner tonight?”

  “Son that’s a silly question, I’m calling because your mother and I want to see you and Zack and to make sure you’re okay. You could come to the house right now if you want, but dinner’s just fine. We’ll see you later son.”

  “Okay Dad, we should be there around 8:00 p.m., I know it’s late but the days are long here and then we need to shower.”

  “Eight o’clock is just fine son, see you then,” Roger said as he hung up the phone. William was excited and nervous about talking with Roger and Ann, but at the same time, he needed to talk with an objective person and didn’t want all of the ribbing he’d have to endure if he called Oberlin or his other friends.

  William’s mind was occupied the rest of the day rehearsing what he planned to say to Roger, Ann, and Zack. He wasn’t even sure how to articulate what he was thinking and feeling. At day’s end, as he road back to his truck he explained to David that he needed to spend a few days with his family and asked if he could come see him afterward.

  “Yes, of course,” David said, as he slapped William on the back. I understand that you must go back to the English world. It has been a pleasure to have you with us William. I hope to see you and Zack again very soon. My door is always open to you.”

  Zack looked up at his dad with surprise and sadness at hearing the adult’s conversation, but he didn’t say a word. He understood that it was time to go visit his grandparents. The look on his face conveys that he is just as conflicted as his father.

  The ride back to the campsite, dressing for dinner, and the ride to Roger and Ann’s house took place in a comfortable silence. Each man, William, and Zack, were someplace deep within themselves trying to sort out their feelings and wants.

  “Ding-dong!” The door flew open as if someone had been standing watch in anticipation of their arrival. “Oh Zack, Bill, I’m so happy to see you,” a teary-eyed Ann said as she hugged the breath out of Zack, and Bill both. Only to be embraced again by Roger.

  The house felt so cozy, so familiar, it even smelled like—home! Ann and Roger asked a million questions about their trip across country and their time with the Amish. They seemed delighted at what they heard. After help
ing with the dishes, they all went to the living room to talk.

  Bill began by saying, “Zack, Ann, Roger, I want to be honest with you about what I’m thinking and I want you to be honest with me with your opinions. I really don’t know what to do and I’m scared to death about making the wrong decision. I know as the parent the decision is mine to make, but it wouldn’t be right to decide on something like this without hearing from you Zack, and Mom and Dad. I know you only want the best for us so don’t pull any punches.” Everyone sat back in their seats and listened as William spoke.

  “I feel really good working with my hands, doing something physical, and the smell of wood makes me want to get up at 4:00 a.m. to go to work every day. As an English man, I could wake up at 6:00 a.m., get Zack off to school and start work at 9:00 a.m. He could go home on his own or come to your house, depending on where we live, until I get home around 5:30 p.m. If I decide to take the Amish faith our days would be considerably longer and we would be a little bit separate from you guys, but we’d still see you every week.”

  Bill went on to say, “I look at the Amish kids and see how happy and at peace they are, but I also see all that they are missing out on and will never see.”

  “They’ll have Rumspringa—their adolescent break from Amish life, but then they either chose to be separated from their family or go back to a very small life. I don’t think I want to force Zack into that kind of decision in the future, or a limited education. Zack, you’re a very smart kid, there’s no telling what you might become or what you could contribute to the world given the right education and opportunities.”

  “Then there is the religion. I have to admit that its interpretation of the bible is pretty literal and doesn’t really set well with my personal beliefs, and there is no questioning the pastors and community elders. I’m too independent not to express my own views and I don’t know if I could blindly follow what some man tells me I should believe and how to behave. I think God wants me to exercise discernment, that’s why man has the ability of higher reasoning.”

  “Last but not least, there’s a woman. I’ve never even spent even 30-seconds alone with this woman, or seen more than her face, neck, forearms, and ankles, but her inner and outer beauty has a hold on me that I don’t know if I could shake even if I went back to California. I don’t even know how she feels about me, if she would ever consider living an English life, or if her father would allow it. Also, he’s my friend and I wouldn’t want to upset him by trying to steal his daughter. Not that I’m thinking about getting married right now. It’s too soon, I mean I’m still in love with Becca, I’m just—I think I’ll stop talking now,” Bill said with his eyes cast down to the floor, feeling ashamed of how he was feeling about Sarah.

  Zack was the first to speak. “Dad, I like the Amish and I like Lancaster. I want to live close to Grandma and Grandpa and I like that my Dad wants to be a carpenter. The only thing is when I wore Zachariah’s clothes that one day and you wore David’s it felt weird, and the Amish church feels weird too. In those clothes and at church I kept feeling like I was in a wooden box. I couldn’t stretch, I couldn’t move, all that I could do was shape myself until I felt comfortable in that box. When I felt like that I started picturing myself running on the beach in California with no shirt, no shoes, just my swim-shorts. Diving into the waves, screaming, laughing and having fun. When I try to be Amish, my mind just goes back to the beach, back to feeling free. I don’t think I want to be Amish.”

  “Thank you for being honest son, I really appreciate what you said and I get it,” said Bill.

  “Son,” Roger said on the edge of his chair, “I don’t fault you for falling in love with a beautiful girl, I don’t think Rebecca would either. Moving on with your life doesn’t mean you love Becca any less. I know she wants you and Zack to be happy and I think she would be happy to know that another woman is looking after her boy since she can’t be with him.”

  “It sounds like you found a job that doesn’t feel like work at all, there’s opportunity for promotions and more money, but you can also go do something else if it turns out not to be your passion in the future. Ann and I would love to give up the rental in California and move back here to Lancaster and help you raise Zack. Having you two close means the world to me son. Whatever you do I support you,” a tearful Roger said at the thought of his regaining a daughter when Bill remarries someday—and feeling a little ashamed at the thought of someone replacing his daughter in his life. Then realizing that the other woman would be adding a daughter not replacing one, in his heart.

  There was an uncomfortably long silence before Ann spoke. Then with tears in her eyes and a trembling voice she began to speak softly. “Bill, I want you and Zack to be happy. I think you should give carpentry a shot and I know Rebecca is happy to see you truly living again. But, you’re a free spirit, a free thinker, an adventurer, and I know in my heart that you would be settling for a small life on an Amish farm in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.”

  “If Sarah has feelings for your son, pursue them, if she can’t bear to leave her family for an English life with you and you convert, I think if you became Amish you would eventually come to resent her for having to leave the great big world that you love so much, behind. I know that you are being faced with choosing an English life or an Amish life, but you could actually choose something that’s in the middle. Please don’t separate yourself from us, from the world Bill, I don’t think that’s what you truly want.”

  “The truth is I really don’t want to be Amish Mom, you’re right about me. I do want it all, and I could have it all, except not the girl. Her mother is not well and she’s the oldest and a girl. If anything happens to her mother she needs to help her father. She’d never leave her family for an English life and I don’t think she wants to. She looks really happy,” Bill replied.

  “Thank you guys for your honesty I love you all,” said Bill. “Hey, if you don’t mind I think I’m going to head over to the bar for a couple of drinks. I need a rumspringa of my own right about now. Roger, would you mind giving me a ride? I’ll take a taxi home. I don’t think I’ll be in any shape to drive.”

  At the bar, Bill ran into a couple of English guys that he knows from Zook Cabins. He hung out with them and learned that one of them has an Amish wife and straddles the English/Amish life also.

  Bill and Zack spent the rest of the weekend with Roger and Ann then returned to work with David on Monday.

  “Good morning,” Sarah said as William and Zack sat at the table. She gave Zack a little hug and kiss on the cheek, saying I missed you terribly Zack but looked William in the eyes as she spoke. That single look made is heart skip a beat.

  When they arrived at work, William asked David if they could talk for a minute. “Of course William,” David said. “Did you enjoy your weekend rumspringa, ha, ha, ha?” David laughed. “I could see that you are wrestling with a weighty decision. You are a man thinking about a big life change. Let me make this a little easier for you. I have already talked with the top manager and there is a job here for you paying English wages if you want it. He even said that a foreman or project manager position would be in your future if you continue to excel.”

  William was thrilled, he felt like he just won the lottery. Thanking David profusely and promising not to let him down, he sheepishly said, “There’s one more thing David. I’m in love with your daughter but I don’t know if I could become Amish Mr. Shear. I think that I’ve seen too much of the world and want to experience more of it, traveling and being one of the good guys out there if you know what I mean. I think that I could in some small way help make the world a better place by being part of it and not separate from it.”

  “That is an interesting point William, but I suspected as much, I think you would be a terrible Amish man, an abject failure at it, ha, ha, ha,” David laughed as he slapped William on the back in a fatherly way.

  “During rumspringa, Sarah found it very difficult to return to Amish life. At the tim
e, her mother was ill and I think she felt that she could not leave her mother. Miriam is not a strong woman, but she has an iron will, and I believe that she and I will grow old together. But I fear that Sarah will not leave her mother. You have my blessing to take Sarah for a walk or ride in the evenings and to see where your love goes but I fear your heart will be broken son. Now, let’s go get you a job,” David said as they walked in to work.

  William was very quiet at dinner and Sarah looked as if she were swallowing glass with every bite. She was relieved when William asked her if she would take a walk with him after dinner. He was doing his best to tell her how he felt about his job, making log cabins, his life in the English world, Rebecca, Zack, his in-laws, and Amish life. She listened intently staring into William’s eyes, watching as every word left his mouth. She wanted him to kiss her, to stop talking, take her into his arms and kiss her, until she was slapped back to reality when she heard him say, “But I could never live as an Amish man.”

  “But you seem so happy with this Amish life, how can this be?” Sarah asked. Then answering her own question, she said, “I understand William, I could not leave my parents after rumspringa. I liked the English life, but did not dislike being Amish, but my mother needs me.”

  William felt his heart sink, his knees nearly buckled. He took a gulp of air and regained his composure. “I understand how you feel Sarah, and I respect your decision.”

  “But you haven’t heard my decision, William.” said Sarah. “I have decided nothing. I would like to get to know you better. If I come to love you,” she said with a grin that showed her true feelings, “I will marry you and become an English woman, but I would like to live close to my parents so that I may help my mother. Is this acceptable to you William?”