Untamed Wolf

by Wade, Cara

  Sam moaned and her head rolled back into the hollow of his shoulder. Keeping one hand on her hip, he raised his arm to her breasts and let her feel the friction of the hair on his arm against her sensitive tips.

  “Hang on,” he warned her, pushing her arm forward on the bed post. Then he thrust hard and fast, pushing into her soft sweetness and savoring the way her muscles gripped him at each push. He felt the pressure building quickly inside him. If the way she was pushing back into him and her inability to speak coherently was any indication, she was close too.

  With one final thrust he heard her cry out and allowed himself to release. Her muscles spasmed around him as their breathing began to slow. He reached out to pull her arm back and slowly pull her back down to the bed.

  “Are you okay?” Jack asked her, smoothing her hair back off her face.

  Sam’s eyes were glazed over when she looked at him. “That was amazing,” she said. Her head lay on his arm and he knew exactly when sleep claimed her soon after. He slipped out of her and adjusted her on the bed to sleep more comfortably.

  ***

  The next day began early for Jack. He was out of the house before Sam had woken up. He smiled, thinking about their night together. Before he fell asleep, he’d cleaned her with a warm washcloth and took a shower himself. When he got back into the bed, she’d curved her body into his innocently and he felt the pressure slowly building again before he willed himself to push it from his mind. She’d had enough for one night.

  The following morning, Jack left her a note on the bedside table and dropped a kiss on her lips before leaving. He wanted nothing more than to watch her wake up, but with so many meetings scheduled, he didn’t have any choice but to leave.

  It wasn’t until midday that he had time to catch up with phone calls and messages and realized she hadn’t called. She likely had a busy day as well, it was the end of the week, after all.

  By the time Jack got home, it was well past eight, and he was exhausted but eager to see Sam. He walked in, surprised to see that she had already eaten dinner and was putting away the dishes.

  He came to give her a kiss and she turned away slightly so his lips landed on her cheek. Odd.

  “How was your day?” Jack asked cautiously. Something was definitely off. She was back to not meeting his gaze.

  “Fine,” she said quickly. “I’m going to turn in early, it’s been a long day.”

  “Sure,” he said. He wanted to ask her what was wrong but felt upset by her sudden change in behavior. She was so responsive to him last night, so what was the reason for her change today? He hadn’t even seen her all day.

  That night turned out to be like so many others they’d had before they were intimate. Distant, quiet, polite.

  Jack couldn’t stand it. He paced the living room while Sam lay in the bedroom. He needed answers. It wasn’t fair that she kept withdrawing. Before he knew it, he’d worked himself into a frenzy and was sweating. He changed into his alternate self and threw his head back in a roar. He wanted answers, dammit.

  “Sam, we need to talk,” he said. He was who he was, he couldn’t change himself, she had to understand that. The sooner the better.

  Jack saw her bolt up in the bed before swinging her legs over the side to come shut the door. He could have forced it open, but he chose not to. He left the house instead to clear his mind. He tried to tell himself that she had every right to be frightened. She wasn’t used to him. She was upset by something and he wasn’t helping matters by shifting and demanding that she accept all of him.

  But it hurt. He felt the sting of rejection just as fresh as when he was rejected time and again as a child. He had to give her space to accept him. Until then, he would stay out of her way. He was lucky he had enough work that it would be possible to do just that.

  ***

  Samantha had only intended to go for a walk. It turned into a jog and by the time she neared the house, she was sprinting at full speed. She stopped at the side of the curb and tried to catch her breath before walking up the driveway.

  The frustration that had built up over the past several weeks was wearing on her. It was as if she was living the same day repeatedly. Jack was unfailingly polite towards her. All she wanted to do was rant and rail at him, but she forced herself to steer clear of that.

  She had years of experience with her father withdrawing and using work as his escape. It seemed that Jack was more like her father than she’d originally thought. He wasn’t a bad guy, not at all. She knew that deep down she could trust him with her life. But the same could be said of her father. She’d always loved and trusted him, but she hungered for him to love her the way she needed him to. While he was able to give her that love in his later years, she always reflected on the memories that they could have made together. How different things might have been had her loneliness not shaped her formative years.

  She didn’t want to travel that same path with Jack. She wanted something more with him. Something like the night he had planned when they were intimate. Sam fell in love with him then and there. The whole night he made her feel special and cared for. She wasn’t prepared to feel that bubble burst when he left her the next morning. No call, no note, no communication at all.

  The week before Papa had sent her to boarding school, he took her out to a carnival. They’d spent the whole day together. She loved it and she didn’t feel the absence of her mother at all that day. He was kind, attentive, he listened to her, joked with her. It filled her with hope for the future. That night, she wrote him a note and put it on his briefcase. The following morning she didn’t see him. The nanny he’d hired got her ready and sent her off to school. In fact, she didn’t see him until the night before she had to leave for the boarding school. That was when he decided to spring the news on her. He made everything sound practical when it wasn’t. It wasn’t practical to send his only child to a school where she didn’t know a soul, after her mother left and now her father was abandoning her too.

  Sam’s scars from this ran deep. So, when Jack had left her without a word the morning after, the familiar fear gripped her and she automatically closed up. Let him approach her, she reasoned. She was not going to wait around for him to build a relationship with her only at his convenience.

  Kicking off her shoes, Sam stumbled to the kitchen to drink water. She’d recovered her breath, but she still felt dizzy. She sank into a chair and sipped the cold water slowly. A wave of nausea washed over her and she wanted to kick herself. She should have eaten some breakfast this morning. She always walked or jogged, never ran like she did today, but never did she step out without at least a piece of fruit in her stomach.

  A cool shower was just what she needed, she thought. And some food when she was done. But just as she turned the shower on, her stomach lurched and she turned around to make it to the toilet just in time. Thankfully, she hadn’t forced anything down after the run, so it all came up quickly. She sat on the edge of the tub and began shivering. The shower was spraying cool water on her now chilled body. Twisting the knob, she made the water warmer and stripped off her clothes to allow the spray to pelt her body. After just a few minutes, she turned it off, wrapped herself in a towel, and put on a pair of sweatpants.

  She was still thirsty but opted to go find something with electrolytes this time. And crackers, she decided. A box of tampons caught her eye just as she was about to shut the closet and she froze. When did she have her last period? Scrambling to her planner she flipped back several pages, her eyes scanned the dates rapidly looking for her usual marks to keep track of her cycle. There was one for the month when Papa passed away. There was another a week after the funeral. Another before she and Jack had slept together. Then, nothing. It couldn’t be. It was entirely possible that with all the things going on that she’d forgotten to mark it down.

  She kept scanning and flipping, trying to recall which week it might have been. But she came up empty. It had been over six weeks since she and Jack were together. She di
dn’t even need proof. It explained her getting sick from her run. Just to be sure, though, she would go pick up a test. She couldn’t tell Jack yet, that much she knew for sure. Part of her felt thrilled by the prospect, but the other part of her felt sad that she would be bringing a baby into a home where she herself didn’t feel like a priority.

  Using what was left of her energy, she made it to the pharmacy and picked up a test along with some crackers just in case. When she returned home again, she used it, set a timer, and waited. Feeling fidgety, she hurried to the kitchen, made a cup of tea to eat with the crackers. The timer buzzed and she jumped up to go look. Reading the directions again to make sure, she looked at the test three times to verify the results. Positive. She was definitely pregnant.

  ***

  The rest of Sam’s week sped by. She received access to the still classified information regarding Jack after the firm took over the case. Jonathan had his hands full with other clients, some of whom were deceased and their families were storming in demanding to know what was in the files. With information barely trickling in, she, Jonathan, and others at the firm spent much of their days putting out fires.

  Therefore Sam barely noticed when Jack continued to increase his hours at work as she increased her own. It wasn’t until that Friday that she realized she hadn’t actually seen him since Wednesday. In the middle of the night she would feel the mattress dip when he came to sleep, but by morning, he was gone before she could wake up.

  She had to tell him today, she thought firmly. Enough was enough. Sam had already made a doctor’s appointment which her busy work schedule forced her to push until next week. Maybe she would ask him to go with her. The thought warmed her, and she thought about how she would break the news to him.

  That evening, she decided to make him a dinner to surprise him with. Steak with roasted baby potatoes, and wild rice. For dessert, she opted for a quick fruit trifle that matched her mood of pairing tart with sweet.

  Once the food was done, she waited. She called Jack, but his phone went to his voicemail every time. Her stomach growled and she knew she couldn’t wait much longer. She nibbled, hoping he would come soon. But he never came. It was nearly ten now. Dejected, she tried to hold back her tears. She could tell him tomorrow. It wasn’t a big deal. Leaving his plate on the table, she cleaned up the rest of the kitchen before going to bed. She didn’t hear him come home this time.

  Sam woke up early the next morning and found that Jack was already up and getting ready. Well, at least she caught him at home, she thought wryly.

  “Hey,” she said cautiously.

  He looked at her and she saw his eyes crinkle. “Hey, stranger.” She wanted to run into his arms and beg him to just be with her. But she couldn’t yet. They had a lot to discuss.

  “We need to talk,” she said softly, searching his face for clues to see what he was feeling.

  “Yes, of course.” Jack answered. “I was just going to ask you if you had time to talk. I have some big news, it’s the main reason I’ve been pulling some long hours these past few weeks.”

  Sam felt relieved. At least he wasn’t pulling the long hours because of her. That would have been too much to bear. “I’ll go get showered. We can talk over breakfast,” she said lightly.

  Jack nodded. “I’ll go throw something together.”

  Twenty minutes later, they were seated at the table, sipping coffee. Sam looked at Jack expectantly. “You go first.” She needed time to gather her thoughts.

  “Well, I’m going on another mission,” Jack said bluntly.

  “What? Where?” Sam was startled.

  “Afghanistan.”

  Sam didn’t say anything. Her face must have said enough, though.

  “It’s for six months,” Jack clarified.

  How was he so calm about this? A lump clogged Sam’s throat and she couldn’t form the words she wanted to say. Suddenly she was thirteen years old again, and scared about being alone in a situation that she had no say in.

  “I see,” she said finally. Sam lowered her gaze and sipped her coffee quietly focusing on keeping her tears hidden.

  “I’m sorry, Sam,” Jack said leaning back. He stared out of the window. “I shouldn’t have pressured you to accept me when you weren’t ready. I hope my leaving will help give you clarity. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  He didn’t want to hurt her, yet every word out of his mouth was stabbing her. She wanted to point out the irony to him but couldn’t. Maybe she read too much into their night together. It was possible that she wanted to believe there was more between them than there actually was because she needed someone to cushion the blow of losing Papa.

  “You didn’t hurt me,” she said with false cheer. “You do what you need to do. I don’t want to stand in the way.”

  A look of hurt crossed over Jack’s face but he quickly masked it and she wondered if she was mistaken. “Same to you, Sam,” he said with a quick smile. “I’ve got to get back to the office and prepare to leave by Monday so you’ll have to excuse me.” He scooted his chair back and rose to leave. “Eat some eggs, you look like you’ve lost some weight. By the way, thanks for leaving the plate of food last night, it was delicious.” He flashed her another quick smile and was out the door before she could react.

  Tears streamed down her face. She set her cup down and wrapped her arms around her belly. Rocking back and forth, she allowed herself to release the sadness that she carried with her through childhood. It was too much. She certainly wasn’t going to tell him about the pregnancy now. There was nothing he could do until his mission was over. She would do what she did when she was younger, throw herself into her work and forget everything else.

  ***

  Jack spent several hours in meetings the rest of the day. Normally, he would be given time off before a mission to decompress. But since the nature of this mission was so intense, he knew it was in his best interest to keep his mind on the task at hand. He and the rest of the team were briefed by several officers. They went over every type of strategy and overview of several possible scenarios.

  Towards the last hour, Jack had to stifle a yawn. Since he was in and out of the field, much of what was being covered was redundant. He could do this in his sleep. He knew why he was asked to go on this mission. An officer that was close to Walter had recommended him for it for two reasons. One, he was a natural choice given his success rate, and two, the other officer had gotten wind of the classified files that had been sealed. He gave Jack some time to disappear while the files were being fought over in court. It saved him the humiliation of having to defend keeping them sealed in vague and possibly not-so-vague terms

  But Jack had full faith in Sam. She was dedicated to her job. He heard as much from Walter and he’d seen for himself how hard she was working. He appreciated it, and knew that she got her work ethic from her father. He had no doubt she would clear his name by the time he came back. He hoped by then she would have come around to accepting him.

  He’d made a promise to Walter to look after her, and he intended to uphold that promise, even if it meant that he was going to be rejected by her. If she chose to walk away, there was nothing he could do about that. He hoped she would change her mind, though.

  The night that they’d spent together left him wanting her not just in bed again, but in other ways as well. He wanted to know her favorite ice cream, he wanted to know about her fondest memories. He wanted her to listen as he shared things about himself. But he knew that it wasn’t possible to do any of that until he got back. If he got back, he thought, startling himself at the direction his mind had gone. He’d never worried about not returning from a mission. In fact, he never worried about anything. He always lived for the moment.

  Sam’s face came to mind. Would she be upset if he didn’t return? He wanted to think that she would be affected somehow, but he wasn’t sure. The way she had pulled away from him even after they had slept together had sent him into a state of deep confusion about what dire
ction their relationship was going in. If it was going anywhere at all.

  As the final meeting wrapped up, Jack headed to his desk to clear out some of the files. He realized as he was doing it that he had virtually no personal artifacts or photos on his desk like others did. It made moving easy, but he wished he had more anchoring him to this place, suddenly. He wished he had someone crying about him having to leave. Sam. He wished she would miss him, though he didn’t want her to be upset. They were conflicting ideas, he knew. But he didn’t know how else to make sense of what he was feeling.

  He drove home distracted by his thoughts. He didn’t have much to pack, as most everything he needed was standard issue. As far as entertainment, he had enough books on his e-reader to keep him busy on the off chance he had free time.

  Jack’s mind flitted back to the meeting he’d had a couple weeks ago. Until that point, he had been only helping plan and strategize the mission. He had no intention in partaking in it even though they asked him to take the lead on it since he had more experience than any guy on the team. But when the opportunity later presented itself, he jumped on it. He was trying to save himself the agony of hearing Sam reject him to his face. If he removed himself and they slowly drifted away from each other, maybe it would be tolerable.

  Since the first time he saw Sam, he felt connected to her. He felt like they were meant to be together, and he was sure she felt the same. That is, until she saw him transform. After that, she seemed more repulsed by him than anything. It was painful to feel the constant rejection and he grabbed at the first opportunity that allowed him to leave.

  In the SEALs he was hailed as a hero, but he felt like a coward. He couldn’t face the rejection so he opted to run. It was a cowardly move, nothing more. He held out hope even this morning that Sam would show some emotion about him leaving, but left disappointed. She’d made her feelings abundantly clear. She had none when it came to him.