Destiny's Bride

by Ginger Simpson

  Tears rimmed her eyes. “I don’t want to lose you either.”

  Lone Eagle released her and started to pace. “My heart says to hold you captive, but my head says what you do must be your decision. Trader Luke told me how to travel to this place called Castroville. If you decide to go and find this man called Walt, I will take you there, if that is your wish.”

  Her wish? She wished this was all a bad dream and she would wake up.

  Her husband pulled her up into his arms. He tilted her chin to access her lips, pressed his mouth against hers in a searing kiss, then turned and left. Had he just bid her goodbye or enticed her to stay?

  Cecile felt so alone and confused.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  The sun had dropped beyond the horizon, and Cecile sat in the darkness of the tepee, trying to assess her feelings. She didn’t have the strength or desire to build a fire.

  She thought back to her time with Walt, fleeting though it was, and focused on the fact that Walt was Two Clouds’ true father. Her thoughts bounced back and forth from past to present like the pendulum of the grandfather clock in her parents’ parlor. She reminisced about her folks and what it would be like to see them after all this time. Her dresses, her furniture, Aunt May, civilization... it all flooded her mind.

  Her thoughts became so jumbled she couldn’t stand it. She stepped outside, hoping to clear her mind and find some answers. The evening air was warm and the camp quiet. Since she needed to think things through, she was glad no one was around.

  Pictures of Walt, with his bright smile, kept invading her mind, only to be replaced by Lone Eagle’s strong and handsome face. She conjured images of all the others in the village she’d come to love: Rain Woman, Singing Sparrow, Broken Feather, and Bright Star. Then there were all the others who had welcomed her into their midst. Tears cascaded down her face. Happy, sad, confused...how could she feel so many emotions at once?

  Cecile walked to the riverbank. The aroma of evening meals wafted through the air, and inside the brightly lit lodges she overheard muffled conversation and children laughing.

  There really isn’t any difference between Indian and White. She’d found love in both worlds and now she had to choose where she truly belonged. How could God put such a burden on her?

  She sat on a cool carpet of grass and dangled her hand in the water. The rising moon cast a beautiful reflection on the rippling waters. She tried to savor the beauty, but a maze of faces kept passing through her mind. Cecile thought about Singing Sparrow, her mother-in-law.

  You taught me all the things I needed to know to be a good wife and mother. My own mother just pampered me, but maybe she didn’t know better.

  Thoughts of Singing Sparrow brought back the memory of the pride she felt about the parfleche she painstakingly worked on as a gift for Lone Eagle—the intricate beadwork she’d accomplished on her own. She’d never realized she could be so proud of the simple things she learned from these people, nor had she ever had such a deep appreciation for all that surrounded her. Again, her mind shifted to the luxuries of her other life: an indoor pump, furniture, china cups and saucers, doors with locks, windows to look out to see the beauty of the day. Her two worlds were similar, yet vastly different.

  The painful fullness of her breasts reminded her Two Clouds must be ready to eat. As she rose from her seat on the riverbank, her decision suddenly became as clear as the star-lit evening sky.

  Cecile searched for Lone Eagle. In her heart, she knew she made the right choice. The hard part would be telling him. Her decision would cause great sadness in those she loved, but her prayers for help in deciding had been answered and her destiny was clear in her mind. But why then did her heart ache so?

  She saw Lone Eagle coming out of Rain Woman’s tepee with Two Clouds in his arms. She swallowed hard. “Lone Eagle, we need to talk.” She had trouble getting his name past the emotion lumped in her throat.

  The look of dread on his face showed clearly as she took Two Clouds from him and hugged her baby tightly. Her decision was going to affect her little one, too. Still, she felt certain this was the best, and only, decision to make. The silence was deafening as they entered their lodge.

  Her husband stumbled in the darkness, making his way to light the fire. Cecile sat on the pallet of furs and nursed her hungry child. Words jumped in and out of her mind as she rephrased a hundred times what she had to say. Flames leapt to life and lit the tepee—the simple home she’d miss so much.

  Lone Eagle sat next to her and stroked Two Clouds’ head as he fell asleep. Cecile made sure he was dry, then put him down for the night. Pacing, she tried to put her thoughts into the right words. The tension hung thick in the air.

  She and Lone Eagle both began to speak at the same moment. With a motion of his hand, he indicated she should go first. He stood and brushed away the tears that trickled down her cheek.

  “Walt was the first love of my life. I had never before known a man in that way, and he showed me what love was truly about. With him I was able to see that there was much more to life than luxury and having everything come easily. I learned to see the beauty in things that at first were ugly.” She reflected on the first day they drove up to his old run-down shack, and how his appreciation for that place became contagious.

  She stroked Lone Eagle’s cheek, feeling the rigidity from his clenched teeth and seeing tears brimming in his dark eyes. “But then you came into my life,” she continued. “You taught me even more about appreciating life’s simple things, and with your people I learned to value all God’s creations and the love you all share as one big family. With you, I found a different joy and lasting love. I want that feeling for my child, for our child.” She lowered her hand and began pacing.

  “You mean…?” His glazed eyes fixed on her.

  “This evening, while I sat by the river and enjoyed the peacefulness of the prairie, I realized I have an obligation. I considered Walt dead. In my heart, my love for him was replaced with a love for you. My adoration has grown so much, when I look at you my heart feels like it will explode within my chest. But, I cannot forget Walt and what he meant to me.”

  She stopped and peered up into Lone Eagle’s eyes. “What did ‘my then’ husband think when he came home and found me gone? Surely, he went to my parents—my loving parents. They must all think I’m dead. But I’m not and I cannot forget those people love me, too. I’ve pushed them into the back of my mind for long enough, and I cannot continue to live with myself if I don’t let them know I’m alive and well. I have to go back.”

  Cecile sobbed, relieved at having made the decision, but devastated she’d have to abide by it. Controlling her tears, she gazed up into the face she loved with all her heart. “I’m so sorry, Lone Eagle. Please understand.” She hiccupped in between words.

  Lone Eagle pulled her close and petted her like a helpless, wounded animal. “Although my heart is breaking at the thought of losing you, I do understand. You are a woman of honor and I respect your decision.” His soothing words of love and consolation calmed her but did nothing to ease her pain.

  They spent the remainder of the night discussing plans for the trip to Castroville. Lone Eagle looked sadder than Cecile had ever seen him look. Not even when Two Clouds was missing had such anguish and pain shown on his face. Through tear-filled eyes, she gazed at her sleeping son and knew she was doing the right thing. Sioux life was his true destiny. Even though he was still young enough to learn the language and ways of the whites, it pained her to take him away from those who helped bring him into the world and loved him as their own.

  “Lone Eagle, if we tell everyone the whole story, they will know you deceived them. I cannot bear to do anything to dishonor you among your people.” The decision to leave her child behind suddenly became logical. “My wonderful Lone Eagle, I do not know what lies ahead for me, but I do know how white people feel about Indians. I don’t want to take my son, our son, into that hatred, so leaving Two Clouds with you will prot
ect and assure he is loved. My only request is don’t let him forget me. Tell him how much his mother loves him and remind him every day that I will cherish him until the day I die.

  Inside, Cecile felt like she was dying. Her life had been turned upside down by just one man visiting the village. Once again, she was starting another life chapter, and she couldn’t imagine how it would turn out without Lone Eagle and Two Clouds.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  The decision had been made and there was no going back. Cecile gathered the few things she needed for the five-day trip to Castroville. Funny how she’d been so close to civilization yet so far away this entire time. She slept only a few hours in the early morning, and woke to Two Clouds’ happy chirping noises. He could survive without her; she knew that. Other women would nurse him, as she’d done with another’s child before. It wouldn’t be long until he was weaned. He was growing up much too quickly. She held back tears when she realized she wouldn’t be there to see him take his first steps. The thought of Lone Eagle taking another wife hurt just as much.

  She pulled herself together and passed Two Clouds to Bright Star for their daily outing. She looked at Lone Eagle who sat helplessly on the bed. “My dearest, I know this is hard. Telling everyone is going to be awful. There are going to be questions and I need you to support me right now.”

  Her words evidently struck a note. He straightened his shoulders and looked at her with unspoken love. “You’re right. Knowing you will no longer be my woman is more painful than the knife wound that brought me to you, but my feelings do not change reality.” He clasped her hand. “Let us go see my parents.”

  ***

  As expected, when they gathered everyone together, the news was not well received. Despite the sadness on faces she’d come to love, everyone understood her need to leave the tribe and let her parents know she still lived…even search for a former husband she’d long thought dead. Her decision to leave her child with the man everyone believed to be his father earned her hugs and pats on the back, though speaking the words burned her tongue. Would the tribe be as accepting given knowledge that Lone Eagle wasn’t Two Clouds’ father? Despite harboring momentary bitter feelings, she reminded herself these people had welcomed, loved, and taught her to be one of their own.

  Rain Woman took the news the hardest. With tears glistening on her wrinkled cheeks, she took Cecile’s hands in hers. “I pray that Wakan Tanka will bless you and keep you safe. We will be together again, my daughter. Maybe not in this world but in the next.”

  Cecile choked back tears. She knew if she opened the floodgates there would be no stopping. She still had to bid farewell to her friend, Little Dove.

  After informing everyone, Cecile had no tears left. Saying goodbye once was hard enough; she wasn’t sure she could look at a sea of faces and hold fast to her decision. Still, her reasoning didn’t erase the disappointed looks when she’d begged them all to not be present when she left. Those images kept playing in her mind.

  Singing Sparrow offered to watch the baby to allow Cecile and Lone Eagle one last private time in their home. Cecile wanted to spend the night in the arms of her husband and pretend that tomorrow would be no different than any other day.

  They ate dinner in uncomfortable silence; neither of them had much of an appetite. Cecile found it difficult to swallow past the lump in her throat, and although she wanted to make conversation, the right words just wouldn’t come. What could she say to make things better?

  Lone Eagle pushed his half-eaten dinner aside and started packing the supplies. Cecile carefully folded her Sioux clothing and shoved them beneath a stack of extra blankets. She wouldn’t be welcome in Castroville dressed in doeskin and moccasins. She pulled out the worn and over-sized men’s clothing she worn on the day she arrived in camp so they’d be ready in the morning. Her boots sat beside her attire. She’d ‘stolen’ the rabbit skin blanket used to wrap Two Clouds in the day he was born and tucked it in her nearly empty bag. His sweet baby smell still lingered on the pelt. Tears spilled down her cheeks and splashed onto her valise. She knew for sure what a breaking heart felt like.

  Needing to feel Lone Eagle’s body next to hers one last time, she walked up behind him. Putting her arms around his waist, she rested her head on his shoulder. He immediately turned and took her in his arms, burying his face in her hair while he tightened his embrace. While seeking her lips, he grasped her buttocks with both hands and flattened her pelvis against his.

  Cecile tangled her hands in his long hair and pulled his mouth harder against hers. She wanted him to remember their passion. Even if he kissed another woman, Cecile wanted it to be her lips he remembered. Even though her mind had touched on the thought before, now her cringing turned to overwhelming jealousy. Lone Eagle holding another woman? How could she leave him?

  Lone Eagle’s passion erased the thought from her mind. He ravaged her neck, trailing his lips along her throat. Goose bumps peppered her skin. She ground against him, undulating against his erection.

  “Oh, Green Eyes,” he moaned. “I need you so.” He untied the string at her neckline and let her dress fall to the floor, then stripped off his own clothing. Lowering her to the bed, he covered her body and bent his head to suckle her breasts. He gazed up at her, milk coloring his lips and dribbling from the corner of his mouth. Licking it away, he moved to her other breast. His teeth gently tugged at her hardened nipple.

  Cecile’s hands roamed over his muscled body. Holding his hardened member in her hands, she marveled at the size of it while feeling a lubricating wetness form between her legs. She wanted him inside her… needed him. “Lone Eagle, take me. Take me now, please!”

  “I love it when you beg.” His voice was almost a whisper as he straddled her hips and teased her with his hardness.

  Suddenly he plunged inside.

  Cecile kept pace, matching each downward stroke with an upward thrust. Faster and faster, harder and harder. She was the animal and he had the reins.

  In one final effort, Lone Eagle released inside her. His body went limp and he rolled off her and lay panting.

  She turned to look at him, her insides still contracting from the passion. Slowly, the sensation disappeared and she relaxed. The memory of this night would stay in her heart forever.

  ***

  A dove cooing outside and the dim rays of morning sunlight filtering through the smoke opening woke Lone Eagle. How he dreaded this day, but he reached out and shook Cecile’s shoulder to wake her. With the smell of her still clinging to his body, he hurriedly dressed so he could bring the horses around. He carried her valise out.

  Cecile donned Walt’s old pants and shirt, still conflicted by all the memories washing over her again and again. She pulled on and tied her boots and then stood and looked, for the last time, at the home she’d come to love. Brushing tears aside, she stepped through the door and let the flap drop behind her.

  Lone Eagle stood with the horses. “You saddled one?” She’d learned to ride without.

  “I… I thought it best since you are dressed….” His gaze traveled over her, his face showing his dismay. She’d combed out her braids and pulled her hair back and secured it with a piece of string. The wool shirt and loose fitting trousers were quite a contrast to what he was used to seeing.

  “I’m still the same woman,” she said, wanting to rekindle the spark absent from his eyes.

  “I know, and that is why I ache. Somewhere in that white man’s clothing is a woman I love with all my heart. You may disguise your body, but those green eyes can still stir my want in an instant.”

  The smile on his face appeared forced as he helped her mount her horse. Cecile hoped their last night had given him pleasure enough to sustain her memory for a very long time.

  Chapter Thirty-five

  Emptiness crept over Cecile as they rode away from the village. She couldn’t tell if the pain in her chest was her heart breaking or just her breasts, too full from missed feedings. She rode in silence, f
ighting the urge to look back. If she did, she might change her mind. She’d made the right decision, but that didn’t make it any easier.

  Lone Eagle rode closer to her. He took her hand from the saddle horn and held it in his. There were no words to ease the moment. For the first time, his presence didn’t make things easier, but she smiled at him for trying. A steady stream of tears trickled down her face and she wondered if they’d ever stop.

  They rode in silence for quite a while. The only sound, the clopping of the horses’ hooves. “Lone Eagle, are…” Cecile calmed enough to speak. “are you going to be all right?”

  His only response was a curt nod.

  Eventual dialogue consisted of casual comments about the scenery. She avoided any discussion of Two Clouds or the rest of the tribe. It was better not to bring emotions back to the surface and deepen the wound.

  When they stopped to camp for the evening, Cecile was exhausted from a full day of horseback riding. “I don’t look forward to the torture of the hard, rocky ground. I’ve become accustomed to my soft buffalo robes.” Her attempt at conversation brought only a sadder look to Lone Eagle’s face.

  He fell asleep quickly, but Cecile’s full breasts ached, and leaking milk soaked her front. Tiptoeing to her valise, she found Walt’s other shirt and used it to bind her chest as tightly as pain permitted. Hours passed before sleep claimed her, but even in dreams, she still wrestled against the strong urge to beg Lone Eagle to take her back to the village.

  ***

  As Rain Woman had suggested, Cecile ingested a bitter tea intended to dry her milk, but by the fourth day, the journey wore on her. She felt tired, dirty and cranky, and her heart ached from missing Two Clouds. Lone Eagle’s resilience amazed her. How did he spend countless hours in the saddle and never look the worse for wear?

  The sun was setting when they stopped for camp. They bantered lightly over a meager dinner. During a moment of silence, she noticed tenseness in her husband’s jaw. “Tomorrow we will part company. I will ride with you only until the town is in sight. I dare not get too close. I don’t think I would be welcome.”