Destiny's Bride

by Ginger Simpson

  ***

  Walt didn’t know what to do; his options were either the bare floor or with her. Not seeing any spare blankets, he perched on the edge of the bed and took off his boots. He stood, dropped his pants, pulled his shirt over his head, and collapsed back onto the mattress in his underwear. “Boy, it sure feels comfortable to be in a bed again.” His attempt to ease the tension failed.

  Hearing no response, he reached over and blew out the lamp. He thought he heard her begin to snore. He listened. Every once in a while Cecile made that little purring noise he remembered. He reflected on all the nights they’d spent in their narrow, sagging bed, the passion of their lovemaking, and the lusty thoughts they shared with each other. How could they get those feelings back? After all, he still loved her, didn’t he?

  He moved closer to her backside and cuddled next to her. Putting his arm over her side, he fondled her breast. She moaned momentarily, as if it hurt, but didn’t move. Driven by the need to test his feelings, he pulled her onto her back and pushed her nightgown aside. He started kissing her neck and moved to her chest. Gently sucking on her hardening nipple, he was unpleasantly surprised when his mouth filled with a warm, strange-tasting liquid. He immediately jerked away and swallowed.

  ***

  In sleep, Cecile’s lips curled into a smile at the feeling of her son tugging at her breast, but as she came awake, reality slapped her. It couldn’t be Two Clouds. She’d left him behind. Her sleepy eyes flew open. “Oh, my God! Walt, what are you doing?”

  The moonlight streaming through the open curtains provided enough light to see his face. He knelt above her, wiping his lips with back of his hand, his brow furrowed. She decided not to say anything. Instead, she rolled over and tried to go back to sleep as quickly as she could. It was a long time before she heard him snoring, and longer still until she calmed enough to sleep herself.

  ***

  The next morning, the four all sat down to a piping hot meal that smelled wonderful, but Cecile felt queasy at the sight of food. She swallowed the taste of bile so hard her mother noticed.

  “What’s wrong, dear? You look a little pale?”

  “Most likely an upset stomach from all the excitement and stress of coming home.”

  Happily, Walt had mentioned nothing about last night.

  “How did you sleep?” she asked her parents.

  “I might have slept better if your father didn’t snore so loudly,” her mother complained.

  Cecile picked at her food, chuckling with the others and wishing she could disappear into thin air.

  “Walt, there’s a nice little plot of land for sale on the edge of town,” Mr. Palmer said. “Would you be interested in having a look?”

  “Sure, I would. What time? I’m hoping a different home will provide the new start we need.”

  Chapter Forty-two

  While Walt was gone with her father, Cecile straightened her room and made the bed. She tried to put the past evening’s events into perspective, but her mind drifted to other things. Time had almost come for the Summer Sun Dance, and she’d really wanted to be there and see if the festivities were as exciting as Lone Eagle said.

  “Stop it, Cecile!” she scolded herself. But how did one quit dwelling on the past when it consumed her every thought? Her days and nights were filled with images of Lone Eagle, her child, and her life with them. Would the pain be any less if they were dead? She wiped away tears and went downstairs to find her mother; she needed to talk to someone.

  ***

  She told her mother the entire story about her life with him, omitting none of the details about their marriage and intimacy. “So now you know, Mother. I’m in love with Lone Eagle and I can’t deny or hide it.”

  Her mother sat quietly, twining a lace handkerchief through her fingers. “But I thought you loved Walt. Isn’t that why you married him?”

  “I did, but things changed. I didn’t plan this, it just happened.” She started to cry. Her guilt became unbearable. “Oh Mother, I lied to Walt, and I lied to you and Father. I have a child. His name is Two Clouds.”

  Her mother covered her mouth, then lowered her hand slowly, shock etched on her face. “A child, Cecile? You have a child? Where is… you said he?”

  “I left him behind because the Sioux love and revere their children, and I feared how people here would treat him.”

  “An Indian child? My lord, Cecile, what were you thinking?” Her mother shook her head.

  Cecile filled in the missing parts of the story, starting with where she discovered she was pregnant before Lone Eagle came into her life.

  “Well,” her mother said in a voice comparable to her father’s. “At least there’s some consolation in knowing that my grandson is not a half-breed, but I don’t know what to say to you. I can’t believe my daughter would choose an Indian over her legal husband. It’s ridiculous. Surely the stress of all this has made you delusional. Why don’t you go upstairs and rest while I go for the doctor?”

  Cecile was insulted by the suggestion that something was mentally wrong with her. “I don’t need to rest. I’m perfectly fine. Evidently, I was wrong to think I could confide in you… that you would understand. Just do me a favor and don’t mention this to Walt or Father. It’s my problem, and I’ll handle it.”

  Her mother stood and crossed her arms. “Exactly what are you planning, Cecile? Surely you aren’t thinking of going back to that savage.” She pierced her daughter with an icy stare. “Just remember, daughter, your place is here with your husband.”

  Cecile pulled away, sorry she’d shared her innermost feelings. “I’m going out for a walk. I need to calm down and do some thinking.”

  Strolling along the main street, deep in thought. Cecile pondered her future. Is Mother right? Is this where I belong?

  She envied the passing women holding hands with their children. One carrying an infant caused a tingling in Cecile’s breasts. No longer bound and almost dry, they served as a reminder of her child. The thought of him nursing from another filled her with intense jealousy.

  Get a grip on yourself. You came out here to get your thoughts in order.

  She’d felt sick to her stomach all day and was tired of thinking. Her mind kept telling her that her place was with Walt, but her heart kept yelling “Lone Eagle, Lone Eagle!” She wished she could run into his waiting arms right now. Was living a lie better than death? Walt deserved better, and so did she.

  After walking quite a while, she realized she’d passed the buildings and was out on the prairie. The sinking sun cooled the temperature cooled and displayed a myriad of colors on the horizon. She paused off the beaten trail and thought about Lone Eagle and Two Clouds, and hoped they felt her love drifting across the evening breezes. Their images in her mind made things better for a moment.

  “Do you feel it? I’m sending you my love. I miss you so.” She spoke to the sky.

  Knowing what she must do, she started for home.

  ***

  Walt and her parents sat on the front porch, enjoying the twilight. “Where have you been?” Walt asked. “We wondered where you went. I was just about to come looking for you.”

  “I didn’t mean to worry you. I just went for a walk to clear my head and to make a few decisions. I know what I’m going to do.”

  The trio glanced from one to the other, puzzled by her statement. Before anyone said, Cecile continued. “I came back because I needed to set things right. When I discovered Walt was alive, I had to let him know I was alive and well.” She looked at her mother. “I needed to come home to let you and Father know the same. In order to open new doors, I needed to close some old ones.”

  The blank stares on their faces told her they still didn’t understand. “I don’t want to hurt any of you. I love you all, and you’re important to me, but I have to make my own happiness even if everyone doesn’t agree with my decision.”

  She turned to Walt. “I’d be unfair if I continue leading you on and making you believe I still
feel the same about you. You were the first true love of my life and will always be special, but I adore Lone Eagle with all that I am. I’ve felt nothing but heartache since the day I left him.” She chin drooped to her chest. “I thought I could come back and pick up where I left off, but I was wrong—terribly wrong.”

  The color drained from Walt’s face. “You don’t mean that, Cecile. I can help you forget, if you give me a chance.”

  She shook her head. “Forget? I can’t forget.” She paused for a moment. “I need to be truthful even if it hurts. I lied about the baby. I didn’t lose the child. I had a son… your son. He’s with Lone Eagle, the only father he’s ever known.”

  Her father gasped at a fact he obviously hadn’t been told.

  “Why would you leave him behind?” Walt’s demanding voice rose. “He’s my son, and I have a right to see him.”

  “You may be Two Clouds’ true father, but Lone Eagle has nurtured and loved him since he was born. I left our child behind because the Indian world is all he knows. There is a peace and contentment that exists there that he would never know in your world.”

  “But he’s not an Indian!” Walt’s face grew red with anger.

  “No, he’s not. But I couldn’t let Lone Eagle’s people know he wasn’t the father. He’s respected among his people and someday will be their chief. After all he has done for my son and me; I couldn’t do that to him.”

  Stunned at her admission, Walt rose from his chair, his eyes steely cold. “You couldn’t do that to him, but you can deny me my child and tell me you prefer to live with a savage instead of your true husband?

  “Would you rather I pretend something I don’t feel? Every time you touch me, I think of someone else. Is that what you want?”

  Cecile’s father dropped his head into his hands and stared at the ground. Her mother sat with her hands clasped and tears streaming down her cheeks.

  Cecile trembled, but felt relief now that everything was out in the open. She mustered up her remaining courage. “And…I’ve decided I’m going back to Lone Eagle and my son.”

  Walt lept from the porch and grabbed her by the shoulders. “Come to your senses, woman! You can’t do that to me. I’m a father! I have a right to raise my son.” He looked to Cecile as if he wanted to yell, scream, and cry all at once.

  Instead, he studied her face. “I must have been a fool to think we could salvage what we had. I’ve searched your beautiful eyes for the sparkle that used to tell me you loved me, but it’s gone—cold as a dead campfire. I know you don’t love me anymore, I was just hoping….”

  He released her and walked back to his chair, shoulders sagging, and sat again. “I don’t know what to say,” he said in a defeated tone. “I wanted our life back the way it was, but in my heart I’ve known all along that’s not going to happen. Maybe it’s for the best.”

  For once in his life, her father remained silent. His face paled with the knowledge that she wanted to return to her Indian family. He merely looked at her and shook his head.

  Tears trailed down her mother’s face, leaving wet lines on her aging skin. “I…I can’t believe I just got my daughter back and now I’m losing her again.”

  Cecile looked at the threesome. “I don’t expect you to understand, but I do expect you to love me enough to let me go.” With that, she walked into the house and up the stairs. She suddenly felt ill and needed to be alone.

  Through the thin walls of her room, she heard the hushed tones of the conversation downstairs. In her heart, she felt she did the right thing. Now, she just needed to find her way back to Lone Eagle. She knew approximately where the campground was, and this time she’d watched the moon and the stars for direction as he’d had taught her. She wasn’t afraid to try it on her own, even though she knew the prairie wasn’t a safe place. If she had to walk, she would. One way or another she was going home.

  She curled up on the bed, waiting for the sick feeling in her stomach to pass until it finally dawned on her. The nausea was the same as when she suspected she was pregnant before. She felt like a dolt. It never occurred to her that she was expecting. She smiled and cradled her stomach, knowing this time she truly carried Lone Eagle’s child.

  Chapter Forty-three

  Walt sat in the darkened living room for hours. Cecile’s parents had gone to bed, leaving him alone in thought. He mulled her words over and over in his mind. He was actually beginning to see some logic in them. True, she hadn’t picked her fate, but it happened. Now he had to live with the outcome. Who was he to tell her she had to love him? Even if she stayed, there would always be tension between them, and he couldn’t live with that. As much as he hated to admit it, his feelings had changed about her, too. Since he learned she’d shared an Indian’s bed, he found it difficult to touch her. He wondered if he could make love to her knowing she’d willingly been with another man.

  He reconciled himself to the fact that his life would go on without her as it had before. He still loved her enough to want her to be happy, and he would help her find that happiness again if he could. He fell asleep on the sofa, feeling more peaceful than he had since she came home.

  ***

  Cecile’s mother sat in her bed, still sniffling, while her husband paced their room. With hands folded behind his back, Harvey Palmer frowned. “That wasn’t our daughter who made that life-changing announcement. She showed absolutely no regard for us whatsoever. Did you notice the lack of hesitation or doubt in her voice?”

  His wife leaned against the headboard, twisting the blanket’s edge. “Harve, We have no idea of what she’s been through this past year.” Her heart ached for the daughter she was about to lose again, but part of her understood why, but she’d never be able to explain it to her husband. What she didn’t cotton to was having her child live with savages, no matter how wonderful Cecile considered their treatment of her. Her mother slowly shook her head. “Our daughter certainly has become more independent than I ever remembered, but I never expected her to make such an outrageous choice.”

  “She can’t be in her right mind, wanting to live with Indians,” said Mr. Palmer. “Maybe we should consider locking her in her room until she comes to her senses. Or perhaps we can have her put in an institution.” He released a sigh, clearly grappling for a solution. His face showed defeat. “I’d beg her to change her mind, but Walt did and it didn’t work.”

  “You can’t lock a grown woman in her room. That’s a ridiculous idea. She isn’t a child anymore. In fact she has one of her own. Although I, too, question her sanity, she’s old enough to decide what to do with her life whether we like it or not.”

  “I suppose you’re right, but I certainly don’t approve of her going back. Besides, nothing is ever going to give us back our little girl.” Harvey ceased pacing and sagged onto the edge of the bed. “You’re right. It’s her choice to make whether we like it or not.”

  The sun colored the horizon before Mrs. Palmer finally rested her head on the pillow. Not totally content with the outcome of their all night discussion, she was at least satisfied and relieved both agreed that happiness in Cecile’s life was the most important thing they wished for her. Despite her sadness, she stifled a chuckle, watching her ever-punctual husband set the alarm. Even sleep deprived, he’d never be late to open those bank doors.

  ***

  Cecile came downstairs expecting to engage in a verbal battle again. She was surprised to find them all at the breakfast table having coffee and hot buttered biscuits. They chattered like nothing at all had happened. She sat down with some trepidation, but she was famished. With all the turmoil last night, dinner had been totally forgotten.

  It seemed that no one wanted to steer the conversation back to the inevitable topic, but finally Walt cleared his throat. “Cece, I spent most of the night thinking. In fact, I’ve spent most of the time since you came back doing nothing but that, and wondering how to get past all of this. Although it hurts me more than you will ever know, I finally realize we can’t
go back to the way things were. I will always wonder about our child, but as you pointed out, he wouldn’t know me as his father anyhow. Most likely he would just be a constant reminder of what was, not what could be.

  Tears blurred her vision. She never meant to hurt him—or her parents.

  “I regret what happened in the first place; I feel totally responsible. After all you’ve been through, you deserve to be happy,” he continued, “and if Lone Eagle is where your happiness lies, then that’s where you should be. How can I help?”

  Cecile couldn’t believe her ears. She rose, walked around the table and kissed his cheek. “You already have. Thank you for understanding.”

  Her mother and father continued their breakfast in silence, but she had noticed her mother nod in agreement while Walt was speaking. Cecile understood any decision independent of his input would be hard for her father to accept. Perhaps, one day he’d understand. She took a deep breath, finding this a perfect time to make one last announcement.

  “Please don’t forget how much you all mean to me. I will never be far from you and always with you in spirit. I will send you my love on the wings of the wind, and you will know that we are okay.” When she said we, she positioned her hands lovingly around her stomach, revealing her secret.

  Tears once again streamed down her mother’s cheeks. Cecile wasn’t sure if they were happy tears or sad ones…perhaps they were a combination of both.

  Despite the staunch front her father hid behind, he lost the battle to hold back his emotions. Tears rimmed his eyes and he removed his spectacles and wiped the wetness on his sleeve. He’d never shown that side of his emotion for as long as she recalled.