by Sarah Tipton
“OK, let’s get started,” Vance said.
Justin kept his attention on Zoey while Vance led them in on his guitar. But she avoided looking at him.
Zoey comparing Aurora Fire to a heavy metal band had been right, and her vocals made an interesting twist. Vance did the screams. Sawyer would probably like the concert Saturday night.
After a few measures, his gaze wandered to Vance’s flashing fingers. Vance had spent hours with Justin on an acoustic guitar, entertaining him and teaching him when Justin’s hands were barely big enough to form the chords. The awe from those days returned, and his fingers twitched to join. But watching Vance’s complicated chord changes, Justin felt as if he hadn’t advanced beyond D7 and C.
Then he heard the problem. Zoey’s voice broke in the middle of a line, and she stuttered. Straining to catch every word, he heard her voice crack again. The lyrics sank in and formed a rock in his chest. Now he knew what Zoey meant by Aurora Fire not being anything close to Christian.
“See?” Bailee leaned over, triumph in her voice. As if she wanted to see Zoey—and Aurora Fire—fail. “Crash and burn every practice. It’s pathetic, like she can’t even sing.”
“It’s not her singing,” Justin said. “It’s the lyrics.”
“Excuse me?” Bailee tossed aside her magazine, her eyebrows rising in twin arches. “The lyrics are excellent. Your girlfriend’s the problem.”
Vance slammed down the final chord and glared. “You know the rule: If you’re not listening, get out.”
“Whatever.” Bailee flopped back into her corner of the couch and opened her magazine again.
Justin glanced at Zoey and tried to smile, but his attempt didn’t erase her look of irritation. Why was she determined to choose these guys—and their cursing—over him?
He settled against the lumpy cushion. The next song began, and he pulled a guitar pick from his pocket. After practice, he’d talk to her, get her to see she didn’t belong here. If the band agreed with Bailee even a little, they probably wouldn’t be upset when she bowed out.
The tension in Justin’s shoulders finally eased. All Zoey needed was permission to quit, and he’d give it to her.
~*~
To Justin’s relief, Zoey showed no interest in hanging around after practice. She told the guys she’d see them Thursday and then shot him a let’s-get-out-of-here look.
They retraced their path through the house. He stayed on her heels. When they got outside, he launched his plan. “Why are you trying to sing with them?”
“So how weird is it to see your old friend Vance again?” She sidestepped both him and his question on the porch steps.
“Yeah, weird.”
“Think you two will start hanging out again? Maybe play together?”
“Probably not.” During a song about a cheater and thief, Vance had screamed the lyrics right at Justin, as if to cuss him out. Like what had happened was his fault. Wasn’t as if he’d introduced Mom to Vance’s dad. Anyway, it didn’t matter much now. Their friendship was long over, like Vance’s parents’ marriage, and Justin wasn’t interested in talking about it.
“You know,” he began again, “you can quit.”
“Why would I do that?” Zoey stopped on the edge of the grass, crossed her arms, and shot him a heated look.
“Because you don’t want to sing with them.”
“And how would you know that?”
He knew because her voice cracked in every song. Why else would she have so much trouble singing unless she didn’t really want to?
“This is a good opportunity for me,” she added.
“But you’re tripping over the words. You don’t even look like you’re having fun.”
“Are you saying my singing isn’t good?”
“No.” He’d never say that to her, even if he thought it were true. Which he didn’t. “Your singing was great. It always is. But some of the lyrics…you had trouble.”
“I warned you that the songs weren’t like yours.”
“I know. But I thought you meant they didn’t mention God and stuff. Not that you’d be swearing more than Sawyer. What’s Livvy going to say when she hears you on Saturday? Or your dad?”
Zoey winced and glanced away, before looking back with an even fiercer fire in her eyes. “This is about Vance, isn’t it?”
“What?” Why had Vance come up again?
“You don’t want me in Aurora Fire because you’ve got some problem with Vance.”
“That has nothing to do with it.” A sickening feeling soured his stomach. “But since you brought him up, you really want to play with him?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because of what he said about women. I don’t even know why he’d want a girl in his band if he feels that way.”
“Maybe he’s able to put aside his feelings and do what’s best for his band.”
The words smashed his core. All he ever did was put aside his feelings. Especially with Zoey. He arranged his schedule to fit hers, ate her favorite foods, listened to her favorite bands.
“I’m sorry.” Zoey stepped back, head hanging. “Just take me home.”
“I thought we were going to hang out at my house.” He needed time with her now, to show he wasn’t upset. Even if he was.
“Now I just want to go home.” She climbed into the car.
He stood frozen. What had happened? She shouldn’t be singing with Aurora Fire. He knew that, and she did too. So why did he feel like a jerk for offering her an out? Pulling his keys from his pocket, he got behind the wheel. “Zoey, I—”
“I have to do this, OK? I committed to Aurora Fire and I can’t fail.” She set her jaw and dared him to argue.
He wanted to. He wanted to assure her that admitting Aurora Fire was wrong for her wasn’t failure. But he knew what she didn’t want to hear, so he said nothing.
The drive was silent. When he turned into her driveway, he hoped she’d change her mind. But she got out slamming the door behind her.
He gripped the steering wheel and watched her march across the lawn. “C’mon, Zo,” he muttered. “One glance.” So I know you don’t hate me.
But she didn’t look back.
The storm door flashed open and swung back shutting with finality.
8
Oh, Honestly
Zoey set the pot roast platter on the round dining table. Mama’s birthday dinner.
Most people would probably think it crazy that her family celebrated a dead person’s birthday. Crazier, if they knew about the card she’d made Mama that afternoon. She didn’t even tell Dad or Livvy about that.
But how could Dad have even thought about not celebrating this year? It would be like forgetting.
And Zoey refused to forget Mama.
“Everything smells good.” Dad sniffed the air and sat down at the table.
“Thanks.” Zoey slid into her seat on one side of him and played with a butterfly bead at her neck. Livvy sat across from her. The vacant fourth chair brought a twisting to Zoey’s heart.
“Lord ...” Dad began.
She bowed her head.
“Today, we’re remembering a special person in our lives, a person who is now with You in glory. We miss her here with us, but she remains in our hearts. Thank You for the time we had with her, and bless our time now. A—”
The doorbell cut off Dad’s “amen.”
Zoey glanced over the stair railing. This was not a night to just drop by. The entire world should know that.
“I’ll get it.” Livvy pushed away from the table. She pattered downstairs and disappeared into the Arctic entry.
“Rolls?” Dad handed Zoey a basket continuing on as if no one was interrupting.
She plucked out a warm dinner roll and strained to hear who Livvy was talking to so she’d know who to be upset with. But all she heard were indistinct murmurs.
“Zoey?” Livvy called. “It’s for you.”
Who would come to see her? Frowning, she rou
nded the dining room table kicking the edge of Tiger’s cat dish. Whoever it was could just leave. Tonight was sacred. Having band practice in half an hour was bad enough. She wasn’t up for socializing.
Livvy beamed at the bottom of the stairs. She looked excited about whoever hid inside the Arctic entry. Why couldn’t she do the talking, and the smiling, and the getting rid of them?
Zoey stepped around her sister through the doorway and froze.
Justin stood among the discarded shoes and the winter coats that had been abandoned to their hooks since May. He shifted a bouquet of brightly colored daisies, and the cellophane crinkled.
“Hi.” His grin lacked its usual confidence.
“Hi.” She fingered her necklace. It felt as if it was strangling her. Did he think a bunch of flowers could earn her forgiveness? Not after he insulted her singing. Besides, he knew she wasn’t a flower kind of girl.
“I forgot today was your mom’s birthday. Then I remembered.” He thrust the flowers at her. “Daisies—you told me once they were her favorite.”
“Uh, yeah. Yeah, they were.” She held the bouquet staring at the pink, purple, and yellow petals. She didn’t remember telling him about Mama’s favorite flowers. Zoey had spent hours cutting daisies out of construction paper to tape on the dreary white hospital walls. She shoved back the memories. “Thanks.”
“About the other night, Zoey, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have...suggested you quit.” He watched her as if waiting for confirmation that he’d apologized for the right thing.
Unlike Livvy, who gazed at Justin all sappy-eyed, Zoey guarded her expression. Of course she had to forgive him. He’d remembered Mama’s birthday and her favorite flower. He really was the perfect boyfriend. Why couldn’t he be a little less perfect?
“It’s OK.” She forced a smile.
“You want to come in?” Livvy asked. “There’s plenty of food.”
Zoey sucked in air. Boyfriends weren’t invited to Mama’s birthday dinner. Family only, like every other year.
“Thanks, but I’ve gotta get to the youth devo.”
She let out her breath. Crisis averted.
“How about after? Zoey’s got band practice tonight, so we’re not having cake until later.” Livvy raised her eyebrows at Zoey. “You’re OK with that, aren’t you?”
No, no, no! She wanted to stomp her foot and scream. But she didn’t. “Yeah. Cake and Scrabble later.”
“OK. I’ll be back around nine.” He hesitated.
“Bye.” She lifted her hand in a wave to save him from deciding whether he should kiss her in front of Livvy. Livvy wouldn’t care, but Zoey wasn’t in the mood. He’d invaded their special night, and he’d done it in a way that Zoey couldn’t say anything without sounding like a horrible girlfriend. And she’d already been horrible by joining Aurora Fire without talking to Justin first. Tonight she couldn’t deal with the guilt. She couldn’t deal with the sadness. She couldn’t deal with Justin. And she couldn’t keep him away.
Justin walked back to his car, and she pushed the door shut.
“He is so sweet.” Livvy sounded more in love with Justin than Zoey felt.
“Yeah, he is.” Zoey pushed around her sister and up the stairs. Was something wrong with her? Why wasn’t she the one with hearts in her eyes? But all Zoey felt was…emptiness.
Livvy’s footsteps echoed hers. “Want me to get a vase?”
“Sure.” She carried the daisies into the kitchen.
“Justin brought you flowers?” Dad watched from the table.
“Yeah.”
“He brought daisies because they were Mama’s favorite,” Livvy added from inside the pantry. “Isn’t that sweet?”
“Thanks.” Zoey accepted a vase from Livvy. She was getting tired of that word, “sweet.” Yeah, Justin was sweet, romantic, perfect. And Zoey was selfish.
“Hey, you’re OK with Justin coming over later, aren’t you?” Livvy squinted at her. “’Cause you seem a little upset.”
“No. It’s fine.” She filled the vase with water. Maybe if she said it enough times, she’d believe it was true.
“Good.” Livvy squeezed her shoulders in a one-armed hug. “You know, I think Mama would’ve really liked him.”
She nodded and switched off the faucet. Mama probably would’ve liked Justin. Everyone did. So Zoey couldn’t admit she was still angry. Justin had been right the other night. She was miserable she still couldn’t force out some of the lyrics. She wanted to quit. Which angered her more—that he was right or that he’d apologized? She placed the vase on the table and returned to her seat.
“Those are beautiful.” Dad handed her the bowl of vegetables. “Mama would like them. And you know what else she’d be excited about?”
Zoey shook her head and passed the bowl to Livvy.
“Your concert on Saturday.”
“Yes, she would.” Livvy spooned potatoes and carrots onto her plate. “She’d be excited to see your dream coming true.”
Ducking her head, Zoey stabbed a piece of roast. That was why she’d stick it out with Aurora Fire. She couldn’t quit on Mama.
Unfortunately, her dream felt more like a nightmare.
9
Rise Above It
Justin drove from Zoey’s house to Sawyer’s, his car still smelling like daisies. Taking Zoey flowers had been smart. He and Zoey were solid. Nothing to worry about. He parked outside Sawyer’s house and then dialed Mom’s cell. He should get his parents’ permission now, though it’d be easier if they let him text them.
“Justin?” Mom sounded surprised.
“Hey, is it OK if I go over to Zoey’s after the devo?”
“Why? Won’t you see her at the devo?”
Why did asking permission always feel like a negotiation? “No, she has practice with Aurora Fire. But she invited me over later. So can I?”
“Just a moment.”
His parents’ muffled voices echoed through the phone. He flipped a pick through his fingers. Mom explained his question to Dad. Dad asked the same “why?” question as Mom. Back and forth went the indecision.
“It’s just a simple question!” He wanted to yell. But they acted as if he’d asked something difficult like if he could spend the night at Zoey’s. That would be an easy answer: No.
“What are you doing at Zoey’s?” Mom finally asked.
“Playing Scrabble and eating cake and ice cream. It’s her mom’s birthday.”
“Her mom’s birthday? But isn’t she…?”
“Yeah. But they still celebrate.” Justin flipped the pick faster. C’mon, agree already!
“You’ll be home by midnight.”
By curfew? He never wasn’t. “Yes.”
“OK. Have fun.”
“Thanks.” He disconnected before a new line of questioning could begin. If he’d ever given them a reason not to trust him, he might understand. But Mom was the only one who’d ever sneaked around. Maybe that was why they didn’t trust him. But that seemed a little too twisted.
He texted Sawyer to let him know he was waiting, and a few seconds later, Sawyer was in the car. Now to break the news.
“We aren’t practicing tonight.”
“What?” Sawyer’s eyes flashed. “Why not?”
“I’m going over to Zoey’s.”
Sawyer swore.
“Don’t say that.”
“We’ve got a concert tomorrow.” Sawyer kept talking as if he hadn’t noticed Justin’s rebuke. “She’s already ditched us, and now you’re letting her mess with our practice?”
“We practiced this morning. And we’ll practice again tomorrow.” He glanced at Sawyer, whose glare intensified. “C’mon, man, we’re ready. We can give up an hour tonight.”
Sawyer looked out the window his back angled toward Justin. “What’s wrong with you and Zoey? Neither of you care about the band anymore.”
“Hey!” That was a little too far, even for Sawyer. Music was important to all of them. “I care. And so does Zoey.�
�
“You don’t act like it,” Sawyer muttered.
“Knock it off, man. We’re still playing Saturday. And Zoey’s still part of our band.”
“No, she isn’t. She’s in Aurora Fire now.”
“It’s temporary.” Justin clenched his teeth.
“What if it’s not?”
“It is, OK?” It had to be. Things had been off between him and Zoey since she’d gotten involved with Aurora Fire. But he’d survive not practicing with Zoey until September. Barely.
“Whatever.”
He glanced at Sawyer again. The guy stared out the window, slumped like Savannah when she didn’t get her way. First the fight with Zoey, now this. Being caught between his best friends’ mood swings was getting old. “Look, cut Zoey some slack. She’s having a hard time.”
“Good.” Sawyer’s mouth tightened. “She deserves it.”
“No, she doesn’t.” Sometimes, he wanted to smack the angry out of his friend. “Besides, it’s not just Aurora Fire. Today’s her mom’s birthday, and that’s hard for her too.”
“But her mom’s dead.”
“So? Zoey hasn’t forgotten her mom just because she died.”
Sawyer was quiet for a couple of blocks. “Fine. I’ll stop beating her up over ditching us—for tonight.”
“Thanks.”
“But I still say it’s wrong.”
Justin agreed. Playing without Zoey was wrong. Listening to Zoey sing with Aurora Fire was wrong. But being with Zoey was right. And the only way he’d stay with her was to support her decisions. No matter how wrong they were.
He needed Zoey. Meeting Zoey, helping her rediscover her love of music, had healed him after that year his parents spent apart. His parents had gotten back together, but family could still be destroyed. Seeing Zoey surviving the loss of her mom—and knowing in some, small way he was helping her survive—had given him hope. “Hey, I’ve got the chorus to that new song figured out.” He tried to shift to a neutral topic.
“If we were practicing tonight, you could show me.” Apparently, Sawyer’s promise to stop beating Zoey up didn’t extend to Justin.
“Tomorrow.”
Sawyer just grunted.