Arena

by Holly Jennings

  Inside the tower, I closed my eyes and breathed deep. The scents of lilac and wheatgrass filled my lungs as the wind breezed across my face. I knelt and sieved my fingers through the sand. It was warm and grainy, and golden like the sunlight streaming in through the tower walls.

  Footsteps pounded up the path to the tower. A simulated opponent appeared in the doorway and lunged for me. I scrambled for my sword and pushed to my feet just as he attacked.

  When his sword sliced through my skin, I froze.

  Pain ripped through my abdomen with a sharp, stinging heat, like I’d been lashed by a whip. Thick gobbets of blood oozed from my stomach. I touched it tentatively and came away with soaked fingers. Something pink and shiny prodded through the opening. I gagged.

  He drove his sword through my chest and ripped it out again.

  I dropped to my knees. My fingers went numb and ice-cold. Death was an animated thing, slithering up my arms and chest until it wrapped around my throat and crushed my last, gasping breath.

  I woke with a jolt, slamming back to this world. Slick with sweat, trembling uncontrollably, I breathed through my hand and forced my stomach calm, thankful that the pod’s solid doors kept my reaction concealed from everyone else. I coughed and sputtered until tears stung my eyes and dribbled down my face. As my body slowly recovered, I started to laugh, and kept laughing until there were new tears in my eyes. Nothing like seeing your own insides to make you feel mortal.

  Nothing like coming back to life to make you feel like a god.

  Something happened to me then. I’d passed enough milestones in life to recognize that paradoxical sensation: a dose of fulfillment that leaves you feeling just a little bit empty. High-school graduation. Loss of virginity. Right then, in that moment, I knew without a sliver of a doubt: Another piece of my innocence was gone.

  When I exited the pod, my teammates scoffed at me.

  “Nice going, Ling. My grandmother could fight better than that.”

  Even in the amateurs, expectations ran high. Everyone here was trying to make it to the pros. I scowled at myself. I could do better than that. I had to do better.

  The next simulation, I dropped my sword on the stone floor and drew my dagger instead. They’d put two of us on defense this time, and my teammate surveyed my dropped weapon with a furrowed brow.

  “What are you doing?”

  Footsteps beat up the path to the tower. I bolted. Just when a simulated warrior appeared, I jumped up and pushed off the entrance’s edge. I flew. My blade sliced through his throat in a single swipe. When he collapsed to the stone floor, I ran down the path from the tower. Behind me, my teammate’s footsteps followed and stopped at the tower’s entrance, knowing he couldn’t leave and still hold the tower.

  “Kali!”

  I pumped my legs, ignoring the clawing fingers of virtual delicacies. The sights and smells, and overwhelming sensations. I slipped through the fields, weaving like a serpent through bamboo. From tower to tower, I became an assassin, pouncing on backs and ripping my dagger through the throats of every virtual opponent—much to my teammates’ openmouthed reactions. I slid into their in-progress fights and took out every enemy with nothing but a single blade. On the final opponent inside the enemy’s team, I hooked a leg around his knee and followed him down, jamming my dagger through his heart. A last, heaving breath escaped his lungs, and, his eyes glazed over.

  Victory.

  I closed my eyes, and gave myself to the virtual world. To the white-noise whispers of the wind through the stocks. To the wheatgrass and lilac, and the golden rays of light. I stood and raised my arms in the air. There were no cheers, no applause. But honor, greatness, and pride were all mine, filling my chest until I thought it would explode.

  I was born to do this, and only this.

  I woke without a gasp, as if I’d simply opened my eyes from sleep. But as I stared into darkness inside the pod, nothing but emptiness thrummed within me, as if the greatness I’d felt had been just another construct of the digital world. Of all the competitions I’d won, everything I’d accomplished in my life, nothing had compared. That was true glory, and it only ever manifested itself in one place.

  The arena.

  If I’d been granted one wish in my entire life, I would have cashed in right then.

  Let me go back.

  When I exited the pod, my teammates stared at me, stunned and blinking. I cringed, waiting for their retaliation. They surged forward and tackled me. In celebration. They whooped and hollered, and wrapped me in giant bear hugs, hoisting me off the ground, squeezing me against their chests until I couldn’t breathe. I’d proven myself, and they gave me a name.

  The warrior.

  But now, sitting on the mats inside the facility, I felt like anything but my given namesake. I scrubbed my palms against my eyes. I should have told Derek everything. How sleep was a distant thing. How tight my chest got whenever I’d think about . . . anything, really.

  How sure I was that my dream of making it as a pro gamer was about to be snuffed out.

  “I can’t focus,” I told him.

  Yup. That’s all that came out.

  The mat sank in front of me as Derek took a knee.

  “It’s because of Nathan, isn’t it?”

  That made up a good chunk of this mess, yes. I muttered something inaudible against my palms. Even I don’t know what I said.

  “Look, it’s hard, and I understand that. And it’s important to remember him. But you can’t let it get to you like this. It’s in your head and in your muscles. You’re feeling it everywhere, and that’s not good. If you keep it in your heart, it’ll fuel you. If you keep it everywhere else, it’ll weigh you down.”

  “It’s easy for you. You didn’t even like him.”

  “Don’t say that. We’re all feeling the loss. I miss him, too, you know.”

  Yeah, like a cat misses a dog. I looked up at him.

  “You hated each other.”

  He shrugged. “Sure, we didn’t get along too well, but we were teammates. Even when you hate each other, you gotta find a way to make it work. Yeah, there were days I wanted to just punch him in the head. But he was an awesome gamer and an incredible athlete, and I respected him for that. With everything we gotta do together, living together, working together, that makes us like family. And you love your family, no matter what, even when you hate them.” He paused and glanced in the distance. “Which is kind of weird calling this family because I think that’s hot.”

  He nodded behind me.

  Hannah sat against the far wall as Lily wrapped a brace around her knee. She trailed her fingers across Hannah’s skin as they traded heated, fleeting glances and soft giggles. Lily secured the brace and kissed Hannah’s knee. Then they pressed their foreheads together, nuzzled noses, and smiled.

  That was love. Real love. Not media-driven, photoshopped, airbrushed bullshit like so many of the relationships in this industry. All the rivalries, friendships, and twisted love stories in the VGL, more often than not, were purely constructed. For ratings. But whether or not Clarence had manufactured that particular relationship, what those two had was melt-together, crush-your-heart real.

  I hadn’t loved Nathan. Not like they loved each other. Hell, I didn’t know what that even meant, to feel that kind of emotion for another human being.

  “You know,” Derek began, “the real gladiators would have honored Nathan by fighting for him, by earning him victories in the arena. Not by sitting on the mats.”

  I frowned but knew he was right. I wasn’t achieving anything by moping.

  He stood.

  “Come on, warrior,” he said, offering both his hand and a grin. I glanced between him and his open palm a few times. He sighed. “Don’t make me haul your ass up.”

  Now, that lit the fire inside.

  I smacked his hand away, grabb
ed my sword, and shot to my feet.

  His grin widened. “There you are.”

  I grinned with him, but inside the fire waned a little. Derek was the natural leader here, not me. And yet, I was captain of the team. I should have told him right then. The girls already knew.

  He took a stance opposite me and waggled his eyebrows. I chuckled and raised my sword. He advanced, moving swiftly across the mats. We met, wooden swords clacking together. Everything felt just a little bit lighter with an animated blade in my hands, real or not. It stirred within the qualities most familiar to me. Strength, determination, and an unstoppable, unquenchable drive—to kick ass.

  Once the new recruit was here. Then, I’d tell Derek.

  For now, we fought.

  CHAPTER 7

  Thursday was the day.

  At the crack of dawn, after nearly murdering my alarm clock with my bare hands, I rolled over in bed to see my tablet blinking with a new message from Clarence.

  When the five of us had first arrived at the facility, we were required to turn in our phones and other devices and were issued tablets, with a catch—they had no access to social media. We could make and receive calls, review Web sites, or watch videos, but couldn’t post anything online. Heaven forbid we said something the sponsors didn’t like. Any comments or messages posted by “us” were the PR reps posing as the team.

  Since Nathan’s death, we hadn’t been allowed out, either. No press conferences. No photo shoots. Only four on the team would make us look weak and incomplete, and that wasn’t good for our image. Only when the new recruit arrived would we be free to make appearances again. In the meantime, it had been three grueling days of endless training. Single-leg jump rope. Handstand push-ups. One-arm pull-ups. Combinations that would have made army generals raise an eyebrow. The trainers were especially harsh since we’d lost the Death Match and couldn’t afford to lose again.

  Yesterday morning had been the third in a row of nonstop torture until I heard the sweetest three words of the entire week.

  “Five-minute break,” the trainers called.

  The only thing better would have been The coffee’s ready.

  I collapsed on the mats, breathing hard. Sweat matted my hair to my forehead. One by one, my teammates slumped down beside me. We must have looked like scattered bowling pins.

  “This blows,” Hannah said between gasps. “We’re already in top physical condition. Why are they drilling us like this?” She nodded back at the trainers, who were huddled together in the far corner, probably formulating a plan for how to finally kill us.

  “Hey, we did lose one,” Derek pointed out. “Obviously, we need it. This is what it takes to be a pro.”

  We all grimaced but nodded in agreement. He was right. My stomach sank as if it had gone right through the mats. Derek was so clearly the leader, and yet I had been crowned with the task. It was like choosing a peasant instead of King Arthur to rule over Albion. Not that I didn’t believe in myself. But hey, King Arthur.

  “Are we even a team anymore?” Hannah asked. “We don’t have a fifth player.”

  Somehow, my stomach sank even more, down through the subfloor. I stared up at the ceiling, blinking. There were only a few days before the next match and if the new guy didn’t get here soon, we’d have no time to make us into a team again.

  I’d have no time to make us into a team again.

  “InvictUS knows what it takes,” Lily said. “To beat us, at least.”

  Hannah leaned closer to us and lowered her voice. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m still reeling. How come we did so well in the preseason, then got creamed by them? I thought we were unstoppable.”

  Because they’d practiced their brains out, played it smart by holding back in the preseason, didn’t waste so much time promoting their sponsors, and had a strong leader.

  A strong leader. Time to start stepping up.

  “Leave the past in the past,” I said. “If you’re always looking behind you, you’ll miss what’s happening right now.”

  It seemed like the right thing to say, but my teammates all stared at me, blinking, as if I’d just started speaking in tongues. I frowned.

  “I mean, what’s done is done. The only way to be ready for the next match is to focus on the here and now.”

  Hannah glanced back at the trainers as they broke from their huddle and came toward us. “Well, what’s here and now is another five laps around the track.”

  My teammates groaned. We still had a good eight hours of training left even though we had about eight minutes’ worth of energy between us. What would a leader do in this situation?

  Bolster their spirits.

  “Quick,” I said. “Favorite classic video game. Go.”

  Derek started it off, and the rest of us followed suit.

  “Street Fighter II.”

  “Zelda’s Ocarina of Time.”

  “God of War.”

  “Bubble Bobble.”

  Derek sat up. “Which one of you just said Bubble Bobble?”

  Hannah pointed at her girlfriend and giggled. “Lily!”

  Derek tilted his head at her. “Seriously?”

  She shrugged. “I like bubbles.”

  We all laughed.

  “Thanks, Kali,” Hannah said. “I needed that.”

  Well, that went exactly how I’d hoped. Leadership skill +2.

  The trainers appeared over us, hands on their hips. They looked like shadow figures against the harsh lighting overhead, like cowboys in an old Western at high noon.

  “Get up,” they barked.

  These guys were lucky they weren’t my alarm clock.

  Every day went like this. At least the physical training was interlaced with more and more time in the virtual world. Without the barrage of public appearances, I could return to the only place I’d ever truly belonged without convincing my programmer to risk her job just so I could get a few extra minutes in the digital.

  Every night, I’d pop a sleeping pill and face-plant into bed. The exercise put me under instantly, and the pills kept dreams of Nathan at bay. Guess the extra workout was good for more than just the arena.

  Then, on Thursday morning, it happened. The new recruit was here, and this boot-camp nightmare that had become my life was about to end. Well, at least ease back a notch. Never thought I’d be looking forward to the media events, but now I was practically drooling for them.

  I picked up the tablet and tapped the screen to open the message.

  Team,

  Meet in my office at 07:30.

  Clarence

  I didn’t know how Clarence managed to make e-mails so circumspect, but he succeeded. With no details whatsoever, the message was agonizingly thought-provoking. Who was the new recruit?

  I rushed through my morning shower and was mostly dressed when the buzzer at my door rang. I scrambled to answer it, rolling my shirt down as I went. When my bunk door slid open, Derek stood on the other side.

  “Hey. Did you get the message from Clarence?”

  I nodded. “I’m assuming it’s about the new recruit?”

  “Yeah. Hannah and Lily are already there. You ready? Wanna walk together?”

  “Sure.”

  I punched the lock code into my keypad and fell in step beside Derek down the metal corridor.

  “Any word on who this guy is?” I asked.

  “No.” He paused. “Wait, you know it’s a guy?”

  I shrugged. “Just an assumption. I mean, four girls wouldn’t give a balanced look to the team. You know—”

  “Image is everything.”

  We said it together, exchanged glances, and burst out laughing. Clarence had programmed us gamers almost as much as the game itself. To see female gamers in the VGL wasn’t unusual. In fact, the ratio was nearly one in three. Ever since the VGL was
founded, female gamers stood alongside men and competed in the same tournaments. Hell, the first year had a girl gamer as the third overall draft pick. She’d never been named captain, but she went on to win several championships in both the Special Ops and Racing events. Her name was Jessica Salt.

  If I could, I’d kiss her feet.

  But women in the RAGE tournaments were a bit of an oddity. In a game that relied so heavily on physical strength and size, the only women who made it through had elite fighting skills and a deep understanding of using their opponent’s weight to their advantage. And to have a team that was majority female was unheard of. Until now.

  “Not that I’d mind being with four ladies,” Derek continued. “I’d prefer it, actually.”

  I punched him in the arm, and he laughed.

  “Well,” I began, “let’s hope whoever he got isn’t some bottom-of-the-barrel chum he recruited at the last minute.”

  “Are you kidding? I would have cut someone’s legs off if it gave me the chance to go pro.”

  Competitive, much? We all were. It was part of the game.

  “What did you do before you were here?” I asked him.

  “I was in school for computer programming.”

  “School?” I repeated. “Computer programming?”

  “What? Can’t I have an interest outside of games?” he asked. “Okay, okay. I was on the school’s eSports team, so I had to take something. Was pretty damn good, too.”

  “At programming or gaming?”

  “Both.”

  He flashed me a grin. On most people, an ego that size would have been off-putting, but there was something about Derek’s lack of modesty that came across as charming, not arrogant. He glanced at me a few times.

  “I never got to ask before,” he began, pausing for a beat. “Are you okay?”