by Bonnie Lamer
Strange? I think it goes beyond strange. “What do you mean you can see me?”
He smiles grimly. “I do not know why, but I see you and Raziel as who you really are. Not the bodies you inhabit.”
Oh. “Then you knew when we switched?”
He nods. “Yes.”
That was terse. Is he mad at me? “I’m sorry this happened.”
His smile is a little less grim and a little angrier now. “Not as sorry as I am.”
Okay, now I’m getting annoyed. “Um, I’m the one who’s stuck in someone else’s body.”
Kallen sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “And I am the one who may be married to Raziel.”
I think I just fractured my jaw on the cave floor. “Married. To Raziel.” I surely didn’t hear him correctly.
His fingers are in his hair again as he begins to pace. “You and Raziel switched bodies at the exact moment we were supposed to seal the hand-fasting with a kiss.”
“So.”
He stops and looks at me and my heart breaks at the sadness and anger I see in his eyes. “So a hand-fasting is meant to be a bond between two souls for all eternity.”
I’m still not getting this. “Yeah, I know. Until death do we part and all that.”
“It was not your soul who sealed the bond.”
Oh. Oh! “But if you’re married to Raziel then what are we supposed to do? Fairies don’t have divorce laws.”
He gives me an ‘I know the laws better than you’ look. “Yes, that is correct.”
This is ridiculous. “Oh, come on. This has to be an exception to the rule.” Okay, that look on his face is scaring me. “Kallen.”
His hand is in his hair again. I think he may start pulling it out by the roots pretty soon. “I do not know. Grandmother is looking into it.”
“Looking into it? What is there to look into?”
He sighs and walks to me. Putting his hands on my shoulders, he says, “I do not care what Fairy law says, you are my wife.”
I do my best to smile but it’s hard. I tilt my head back and look at the ceiling as if it will give me some sort of insight into this mess. “Why did this happen?”
“Raziel believes that it happened because of his despair.” I drop my head back down. Kallen is starting to look angry again. “He regrets changing your destiny.”
That uncomfortable feeling I had earlier is starting to come back. “Did he say that?”
He shakes his head. “No.” I sigh in relief. After what I was feeling earlier, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did. “Xandra, why are your cheeks turning red?” His anger is being pushed aside by suspicion.
I have to tell him. If I don’t, I’ll feel guilty the rest of my life. “Um. I sort of have some of Raziel’s knowledge in my head now.”
His eyes narrow. “What knowledge?”
“Lots of it.” I can’t look him in the eye.
“Be more specific.”
This is not the happy reunion I was hoping for. Okay then. I’m just going to spit it out. “I know what my life would have been like with Raziel. How things would have been between us.” My cheeks are flaming now. I might have to leave the cave to get some snow to cool them off before my skin melts.
Understanding washes over him. He doesn’t say anything for a moment while the hurricane, earthquake and tsunami in his eyes fight to be let loose all at once. I am surprised his voice is even when he says, “You know what it is like to love him.” I don’t think the snow would help anymore. I’m pretty sure my cheeks are already sliding off my facial bones. “I suspect that reaction means that you also know what it would be like to…be physical with him.”
The storms are quieting. The hurt in his eyes is becoming all consuming. “Kallen, I didn’t want…”
He puts a hand up to stop me from talking. “Just give me a moment to process this, okay?”
Sure, I’ll give him a moment. Please. Doesn’t he know me at all? Like I’m not going to just barrel ahead with every word that is fighting for space on my tongue. “Kallen, it doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t change the way I feel about you. Yeah, I feel badly that Raziel gave up his happiness for me, but I would have been miserable in that life. The only thing I would have liked was Raziel.” I probably should have given him that minute. That last sentence undid all the previous ones.
I expect him to get angry. Maybe rant and rave at me a bit. I don’t expect him to sit down on the edge of the bed and look as confused as I feel. “Do you love him?”
I didn’t expect that, either. So much for being omniscient in this body. I sit down next to him and put my hand on his arm. “Kallen, I love you.”
He nods once. “I know. But you love him now as well.”
Do I? He deserves an honest response to that. I think about the feelings that flooded through me earlier. I can’t deny that something in me changed but I don’t know how to explain it. I’ll give it a shot. “She loves him.”
Kallen scowls as he turns his head towards me. “Who is ‘she’?”
I sigh. “I’m not the same person that would have lived that life. I would have had a different childhood, a different knowledge base. A different everything.”
“Xandra, I heard the ‘but’ in that speech.”
He knows me too well after all. “But I think there’s still a part of her inside me.”
“And that part loves Raziel.”
My turn to scowl. I shake my head and say, “No. Maybe.” I sigh in frustration. “It’s not the same kind of love I have for you.”
His brows lift slightly. “What kind of love do you have for him?”
I’m beginning to think the pterodactyls are smart for limiting their language to just a bunch of screeches and grunts. “Maybe love is too strong a word. I feel the potential that was once there for me to love him.” That didn’t even make sense to me.
Surprisingly, he doesn’t respond. He stands up and faces me, offering his hand to help me up. I take it and marvel again at how it feels to be standing eye to eye with him. “I have to get back to the Dragon realm. I do not want to leave Tabitha to the Goblins any longer than necessary and we still have a long trek ahead of us.”
Long trek? “Why doesn’t Raziel just teleport you there?” If I have his magic, he should have mine.
He lets out a humorless chuckle. “Because he is even worse at controlling your magic than you are. We would probably lose our limbs somewhere along the way.”
I can’t help but smile. “I think there was a compliment in there somewhere trying to get out.”
A real chuckle escapes his lips this time. “Yes, I suppose there is. I have a new respect for your ability to tame your ‘wild’ magic as Raziel calls it.”
“See, not as easy as it looks,” I tease.
He is not in the mood for teasing. His expression is sober again when he says, “I love you and we will figure this out.”
I nod and smile. “I love you, too. And nothing is ever going to change that.”
I can tell that he wants to hug me or kiss me or something. He settles for a handshake. I try not to be horrified that the only way my husband is comfortable touching me is with a handshake. After all, he said he can see my true form.
He is dead serious when he says, “I will make sure Raziel is trying hard to fix this.”
I believe him. I nod and reluctantly send him back to the Dragon realm. At least, I hope that’s where I sent him.
Chapter 20 – Raziel
Though nothing seems amiss to the eye, I can tell that something just occurred. It felt like time skipped a beat. My only guess is that Xandra somehow managed to bring Kallen to her. The look of rage on his face is also a pretty good hint. The pang in my heart confirms my suspicions as well .
I expect him to threaten me again. I can see his hand itching to find my throat. But he will not harm Xandra’s body. “How is she?” I ask.
The surprise on his face is almost comical. It takes him a moment to say, “She is eager to retu
rn to her own body.”
I can hear in his voice that he is holding something back, but I will not push him regardless of the curiosity that is increasingly difficult to ignore. Amazing how it is not always the relief I thought it would be to be psychically blind. “As am I.” Kallen grunts and walks away in obvious disbelief of my sincerity.
We walk for another hour in silence trailing behind the equally silent Isla and Garren. Garren makes several attempts at conversation but is quickly rebuffed each time with a look or curt remark from Isla. There is no forgiveness in her heart quite yet.
We are still being watched as we pick our way through the winding twists and turns of the Lairs of the Lost. Fortunately, the great girth of the Dragons has provided a smooth path over time so we are not fighting the forest and its undergrowth. Since Licius, none of the other Dragons have dared show us their faces. They simply watch as we go by. Zu’s dominance is not again challenged.
It is dusk when we finally reach the other side. We have come to the shores of Spokane Lake and when we follow the shore around, we will reach the breeding grounds on the other side. Once again, I am glad that Xandra is not here. Her heart would break to see that ghastly sight.
“My debt for your foreknowledge has been paid,” Zu says, wresting me from my reveries. “My journey ends here.” Not one for long good byes, Zu turns back towards the Lairs of the Lost and starts walking away from us.
“Wait,” Garren says.
Zu is not pleased when he turns around. “Do not try my patience anymore today, Garren.”
“I simply want to thank you for your help.”
“My assistance in crossing the Lairs of the Lost was not for your gratitude. Good day.” With that, he turns and walks away leaving us staring after him. Dragons are not known for either their tact or their soft hearts.
Garren shakes his head and turns to us. “We will need to set up camp for the night. The Dragons hunt when it’s dark and we do not want to get in the way of their dinner.” Meaning we may end up as dinner if we do.
Both Isla and Kallen look determined to argue. “He is correct. The Dragons’ night vision is far superior to that of a Fairy. Kallen, you may be able to sense other magical creatures when they approach but Dragons are able to cloak themselves.”
“Considering that we are not the Dragons’ food of choice, I see no reason why we should not press onward,” Isla says firmly. She continues to avoid eye contact with Garren, instead turning her steely eyes towards me.
“As Zu pointed out my dear, you are in this realm uninvited. That is reason enough to look at you as dessert,” Garren says. There is some humor hiding in the corner of his lips. “We are going to stop here. We will need a couple of simple shelters and an out of the way place to hide them. I will take care of our sleeping arrangements and your grandson can take care of his and this lovely young one’s.”
Isla is about ready to blow her top but at least she’s finally looking at him. “You will do no such thing. I have no intention of sharing any type of shelter with you.”
“Isla, this is no time to be stubborn. The more shelters we create, the easier we are to be found,” Garren insists.
“Whether we build one or three thousand, the Dragons will be able to sense the presence of our magic,” Isla insists.
There is a sparkle in Garren’s eye as he says, “The smaller the magic, the smaller the trail. You know this as well as I do, my dear. We do not want the most powerful Fairies to be in the same place.” He must not be able to sense Xandra’s magic if he thinks that Isla and Kallen are the most powerful here.
I am glad that Kallen interrupts before Isla has a chance to say what is on her mind. “Grandmother, Garren is correct. Two small shelters will be better. If you prefer, you can share a shelter with me and Garren can share one with him.” He jerks his head in my direction.
The sparkle in Garren’s eye shifts to discomfort. “I am still unclear why you continue to refer to this beautiful young lady as ‘him.’ I also am uncomfortable sharing a shelter with someone else’s wife, even if it is your grandson’s wife.”
Ah, the ring on my finger. The one that matches Kallen’s. Garren is an observant Fairy. “I will be more than happy to build my own shelter so we can move past this uncomfortable moment.”
Garren shakes his head in frustration. “This is ridiculous. Isla, it is safer if we stay in pairs in case we are taken by surprise. We do not have all night to discuss this. The sun is setting and we are out in the open.”
Between clenched jaws, Isla says to Kallen, “Keep him from making any more stupid blunders with Xandra’s magic.” I would take offense but she has a point.
“Where?” Kallen asks Garren. He does not look pleased to be sharing close quarters with me.
“You see that clump of trees right there?” He points towards five trees that are close together about fifty feet away from the path. “It would be difficult for a Dragon to get close to that. They would have to knock down a lot of trees to get to you. So you would have no problem hearing them. Isla and I will only be about twenty feet away from you. Just on the other side of the oak tree there. And remember – a Dragon’s breath has a reach of ten feet. Do not let a hostile Dragon get any closer to you than that.”
Excellent advice, though most Dragons tend to be hostile. It is best to keep one’s distance at all times. A Dragon can go from friendly to hostile even faster than my beloved Xandra can.
“Be ready to go at first light,” Isla says and she leaves the path we have been following to trudge through the underbrush of the forest. She stumbles once and Garren grabs her arm to keep her from falling. As soon as she has righted herself, she shakes his hand off. Garren shakes his head as we follow behind them.
I do not even offer to create the shelter for Kallen and myself. Isla has created a small shelter that is clearly separated down the middle to eliminate any possibility of touching Garren in her sleep. Kallen is not quite as extreme. I may be inside it but it is still Xandra’s body. He will not take any chances that something happens to it.
When the shelter is created, it blends perfectly into the forest. It looks like nothing more than a clump of dead branches and brush. I crawl inside of the tight space after Kallen and marvel that we both fit. Then I remember I am in a body almost half the size of my normal one. With this body, we can not only both be in here but we can do it without touching in the slightest.
When I’m situated, I sit back against the shelter and marvel at a feeling I never have when I’m not Fallen. I am sleepy. I had not realized it while we were walking but now I find that I can barely keep my eyes open. Since conversation between Kallen and me is nowhere on the horizon, I let my eyes close and it does not take long to fall under the spell of sleep.
Chapter 21 – Xandra
With Kallen gone, Raziel’s cave feels too lonely. I have to get out of here. Sitting down on the bed again, I search for some sort of hint as to where Raziel’s home is among the Angels. Nothing. Not even a hint seeping into my mind. That’s just annoying.
Finally, I’m struck with a great idea. I close my eyes and focus. When I open them, I’m standing face to face with Adriel. I’m pretty sure I startled her but she’s trying not to let it show. We’re standing in front of the door to the Shadow realm. A slight chill runs down my spine at the thought of being anywhere near it.
“Hello Raziel,” she says somewhat tentatively.
“Nope, still me in here,” I say with a sigh.
Adriel shakes her head. “This is very disconcerting. Why are you here?”
I give her a sour look. “Thanks for the warm welcome.”
She becomes sheepish. “Sorry, it is just not normal for an Archangel to appear like you just did.”
Great. I’m still committing Angel faux pas. “I need your help.”
Adriel puts her hands on her hips. “I thought you were going to visit me from time to time just to see me. Not only when you need my help.”
I raise my eyeb
rows and then look down my body and back up to her. “Well, I’d love to do that. But I would rather do it when I’m in my own body.” Is it my fault that disasters follow me wherever I go? I’m not even going to mentally answer that. I don’t think I’d like the answer.
She sighs. “I guess your current situation is a little pressing.”
“A little pressing? Did you take a course in underreacting to situations or something?”
Her hands are back on her hips as she narrows her eyes in my direction. “You certainly do not sound like one who is about to ask something of me.”