Behind the Gate

by Renee Adams

  Thankfully Xavier has been in solitary confinement since he fucked up, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Not smelling his shit and being able to jerk my dick whenever I want has made me a happy guy. I can’t believe it has been over a week since I have been balls deep in a woman. Never knew I could go so long, thought my dick might fall off if I did. Now all I have is my thoughts of this tiny pixie of a woman and my hands to take care of business. My hands and my dick have been meeting daily over that woman. My current circumstance may get in the way, but, my dick knows that I want her. My dick doesn’t care that I am locked in a cell for 23 hours a day, or that I have to be cuffed and shackled wherever I go. No, my dick is like a heat seeking missile straight to Olivia.

  I’ve never had a problem getting women, and I certainly never have a problem getting a woman off. I take pride in my abilities to use my fingers, tongue, and dick. Normally I have a woman begging for more.

  Conceited?

  Sure, but I know how good I am and I can back up that fact. One day I hope to get my hands on her cute little heart shaped ass and show her that I am not just some criminal.

  “Xavier is coming back today,” I hear one inmate call to another. Fan-fucking-tastic. I hate this bitch. He’s a piece of shit leader in the Devils, which is a local gang around here. It's gotten bigger over the years and Xavier is the reason why. For whatever reason, he can run a gang. They recruit young kids and set them up for a life of crime. Xavier is a part of the scum of the earth. He would shoot your momma if you owe him money or invading on his “district.” He is accused of participating or ordering hundreds of different crimes. One day the fucker will slip up and then his ass will be on death row.

  I want to just yell out ‘fuck him,’ but I know that will turn the heat on me, and I can’t afford heat on me with him being my cell mate. If the secrets I’m harboring came to life in this shit hole, it would put a lot of people in danger, not to mention get me killed. Besides, I don’t think his punk ass is going to give up on tormenting Olivia. Just thinking her name has me hard as a rock, so much so that I could probably use the tip of my dick as a hammer. So it’s safer for all those around me whether directly or indirectly like Olivia if I play by the rules and keep my mouth shut.

  “Inmate Shaw, up and at it,” a guard shouts into my window.

  “The fuck you want?” Never biting my tongue when talking to a guard, never have and certainly never will. They may get to talk to us like we are trash, but I certainly will give it back to them. Bastards. Just like any profession there are good and bad. Sadly in the guard world, the bad outweighs the good. Most of them will smuggle cigarettes in their anus for the right price. Don’t get me started on how easy it is to bribe a guard.

  “Warden wants to see you in her office, gotta get shackled.”

  I know what this is about, doesn’t make me want to go and sit there and listen to her bitch. I have nothing to say to her. She’s going to ream me up one side and down the other. She knows my secrets, she’s the only one who does, though. So I have no choice but to sit and take her lecture.

  Beep, Beep, Beep.

  Ugh, Tuesday, its dark and gloomy out like the sky is about to open up and rain down on us, and wash us all away. I kind of hope it does, even though I have to work. I love a good thunderstorm. Something about the crack of thunder that has a way of soothing the soul, like the rumble you feel is rumbling the bad right out of you. At least to me it is, but today I hope goes well. I hope that nothing happens and most of all, I hope my med pass is in the yard. Cori can take care of the blocks, she usually does most days.

  Teddy is at the gate when I first arrive, and it’s nice to see his face again. I have no idea why he has been out, but I haven’t seen him lately. After buzzing me back, I realize there is a new guard manning the metal detector. I guess they go through a lot of guards sometimes. Some people think they are tough enough and some are. But some fizzle out a few days after starting, running away with their tails between their legs. Same with the nurses here. We have 2 nurses on night shift, but during the day it’s Mary, Cori and myself. We have a few labor pool ones that we can call in if need be like Ryan and all his smarminess, but that’s a rarity. So we have a good system going with the few doctors and us nurses. It works for us because we know what Mary expects, we know how she operates her clinic and we know her rules. I often wonder to myself how this place would function without her here. She seems to be a backbone to this prison and definitely to the medical clinic. She seems to sense what the docs need before they can even voice it.

  Walking into the clinic, Mary is stocking supplies, and I can hear her grumbling to herself. This does not bode well for the day. Whenever Mary gets in one of those moods we know to watch out, so we don’t feel the wrath of her attitude. I have worked here long enough and seen her chew out enough people that I know to steer clear. I try to duck into the med room and Cori is filling meds.

  “Sup, bitch?” She is so brash, but I love her all the same. Couldn’t ask for a better friend. She is taller than me by a couple inches and has this long blonde hair with the underneath dyed black. She wears it in a bun when working, but wraps the black underside all around the bun. Makes her look like Cruella.

  “Nada, whore, saw Mary and ran!”

  “Yeah, she's been talking to herself for a while now, she assigned me to the yard today.”

  “Ugh, Cori, can you please switch with me?” I’m whining I know, but I cannot stand to go back and see Damian or Xavier.

  “Nope, Mary said I had to do yard for the next few weeks, you got cells, sorry!” and she has the nerve to look sad about it. We both hate doing the cell blocks and often fight over who will do it.

  With a heavy weighted feeling in my legs, like the Mafia is wanting my ass to ‘sleep with the fishes’ I gather all of my supplies and head off to A block. After signing in, I notice both of the guards do not look familiar, must be that staffing change time of year.

  It never ceases to amaze me how the inmates can see from those little rectangle windows. I feel his eyes on me instantly, and it’s a gentle caress that comforts me. An unspoken promise that he is looking out for me. His eyes cloak me in a protective shield, and when he’s looking at me I feel safe. Even though it was evident the other day that he wasn’t. I wish that were the case, not just because of Xavier, but because life happens and having a big hulking man would make life happen a little easier. Ugh, listen to me, lusting after a damn inmate! If it were some other girl and she told me about this same predicament, I would laugh at her then buy her a gigolo. I mentally remind myself to buy some batteries for my standby boyfriend B.O.B. He never cheats, lies or lets me down.

  Making my way to Damian’s cell, I see that Xavier is back from solitary confinement. Fantastic. Just what I wanted, hopefully, he keeps his spunk to himself this time. Unfortunately with the flak jacket, I can’t reach my dick hitter. Not having it makes me feel uneasy, I am putting all of my trust into a thick jacket and a plastic shield. Being able to reach my hitter would make me feel ten times better when dealing with this creep.

  “Bitch came back for more huh, D?” Xavier hops down from his top bunk. Damian just stares back at him. I guess these creeps are friends, figures. Assholes always flock together and it never seems to fail. Olivia always finding the wrong guys hot, guess it’s the bad boy complex. We all want a bad boy, just not to have to fix a bad boy.

  You can hear crickets chirp from Damian, and Xavier just doesn’t care. I think he likes the sound of his own voice too much. To me, it sounds like nails on a chalkboard, it gives the feeling of a snake slithering in the grass. At any time that snake could strike and you would be done.

  “Shut up, Richards,” the guard yells at him as we step inside of their cell.

  “Fuck you, rent-a-pig. This whore will know soon enough who she fucked with, and then she won’t be escaping me. Wonder how those big brownies will look with no life in them.”

  We get threatened all the time by stupid ass in
mates who don’t realize that their words don’t scare me. Most of the time they back off as they serve their time, often becoming very friendly towards us. Most of them are just angry at their circumstances. Xavier, however, seems to not want to give up.

  I finish checking his bp and giving him his meds. I don’t know if I can deal with the next few weeks of having to see him 5 days a week. He seems relentless, and who the hell wants to deal with that?

  Quickly I finish up with all the corridors of housing A, but it's when I get to housing B that sends a chill up my spine. Apparently Xavier has a further reach than I realized. Hushed whispers fill the corridor as I approach the inmate cells. I can’t make out clearly what’s being said, but they all have my name hanging from their lips.

  “You don’t know who you fucked with, bitch! You gonna get yours. X don’t leave no witnesses neither, so y’all best better run while you still got a chance. Last I heard, the last girl that dissed him, her family got mailed pieces of her and her kids.” He is usually a nice guy, always calling me Miss Olivia. But today, it is almost as if a switch has been flipped and the look of pure hatred in his eyes stops me on a dime. He must be a part of the Devils.

  An ominous feeling comes over me and I feel like whatever it will be, will be ginormous. Making my way back to the clinic, I can’t help but start to panic inside. I'm hoping that panic does not show on my face until I figure out what is going to come of this. These guys feed off of the emotions of others. So if I am showing the panic on my face, these guys would feed off of it. My number one priority in all of this is Jack and his safety. If something were to happen to him, I would go insane. Just the thought terrifies me down to my core.

  Cori is in the clinic by the time I make it back from my rounds and sends me a megawatt smile. Little does she know that my stomach feels like it is going to fall out my ass!

  “You look like dog shit, run over!” Great. I thought I had the RBF in place, but I guess not.

  “I think I am just hungry. Hopefully I will feel better after lunch.”

  “I am getting the food here, you wanna come?”

  “Yeah, I ran out the door without bringing mine.”

  Making our way to the cafeteria, I say a silent prayer that whatever guards are on kitchen duty are actually paying attention to the inmates as they prepare the food. You read about these horror stories of inmates putting all kinds of shit in food. But fortunately, that rumor hasn’t gone around here. Warden Rhonda always makes it a point to eat the food here, and I figure if she is still around, then they aren’t doing anything wrong. Besides, I’m definitely small fish compared to her.

  Getting our whatever the hell this shit is, we carry our stuff to a table. There are yard inmates all around, but I have known these guys for some months now. I would never trust any of them, but I can eat without worry around them, especially in this cafeteria with 6 guards watching everything, plus guards in the kitchen. I still feel like the bottom of my world will drop out, but I am hoping that nobody can see the hell I am living through right now. I am pretty sure that if I went to Mary with my concerns she would send me to talk to the warden. That would be like signing my death warrant because people talk in this place. Not blaming the warden, I am sure she would try to keep it hush hush, but I am not taking that chance.

  Once Cori and I make it back to the clinic from lunch, Mary tells me I need to head on over to the housing units because I am handling sick call. I instantly cringe on the inside. I hope that Xavier hasn’t put a slip in to be seen. I can say that I am excited at the possibility of seeing Damian again. Sick call sucks, because you are crammed in a tiny, smelly ass room the size of a pantry, with the inmate. The guard is with us, but there is a line of other inmates waiting. So it can be very dangerous because it's you and a guard against 10-15 other inmates. Last year, we had a nurse get her nose broken during sick call because of an inmate going crazy on her and the guard. Well, he tried fighting the guard, she just took an elbow to the face because of the size of the room.

  I notice Xavier passes notes with the guards often. He’s plotting something, and I feel it in my bones. He is targeting Olivia, but it seems more than that. The atmosphere in this block has changed, it's almost tangible. Like we are all waiting to go to slaughter in a slaughterhouse. I send over a slip for sick call in the hopes that I can get Olivia to see me, let alone put her hands on me. I don’t even have anything wrong with me. How sick is that? I used to be this big badass, fuck a different woman every day of the week. But here I am hoping that she will be working sick call just so I can see her. I think I would come in my pants if she were to touch me, hell, my dick might leap outta my pants. Plus maybe I can warn her, don’t know of what, but I feel like she needs some kind of protection.

  The guards line us up in the corridor to wait for sick call. There are 3 guards on shift at all times monitoring our moves while in transport through the prison with cattle prods and riot shields. More so for their own protection because there are some crazy son of a bitches behind the gate. They’re all on high alert, a thick tension swirling about the air.

  I line up with Xavier right in front of me. It’s a good thing he’s in front of me to be seen because then I can somewhat hear what’s going on in the patient room. I know she has a guard in there with her, but I don’t trust none of these motherfuckers.

  Xavier is here for the same reason as I am, Olivia. Although our agendas are very different. He wants to hurt her, I want to fuck her up against the wall. I want to bury my dick to the hilt in her wet heat. I think she would be a screamer as she clenches my dick like a vise. He, on the other hand, wants to see her die. He is one crazy motherfucker, and I’m keeping my eyes on every single minute of the day. I’m like his shadow, even though he doesn’t know it. He just thinks I’m some slow idiot because I don’t speak much. I don’t need to, actions speak louder and all that bullshit.

  As we are waiting our turn he calls the guard over, I think his name is Burton. They whisper something back and forth to each other and like a dog my hackles go up. Something isn’t sitting right with me. My gut is screaming at me that he’s a dirty guard, I can feel it burn like fire all the way down to my toes, but I don’t have solid proof of anything yet.

  I am trying to gauge the situation without giving myself away. If I draw suspicion to myself, then I won’t be able to get closer to Xavier. His waste of space ass is nothing but a chatterbox, all he does is yammer all the time. About the men he's killed, the women he raped, and the children he has tortured. He is the epitome of evil, and I want nothing more than to kill him myself and celebrate in his blood. The state should give me an award for taking him out. But I am getting closer to him. I have a whole list of evil deeds he has said out loud, and suspicions of the ones he hasn’t said much about.

  Standing here, I'm wondering what the fuck they are talking about, and I wish at this moment I knew how the fuck to read lips. I see them pound knuckles, but Xavier has a shit eating grin on his face. Xavier is up next, and sweat fucking beads across my brow as my anxiety grows. If he does something to her, I will kill him with my bare hands.

  As the last inmate is escorted out of the patient room, Burton guides Xavier inside, closing the door behind them.

  4 walls.

  1 door.

  2 vicious and vile bastards.

  1 cute little pixie with no means of escape.

  I can’t help but crowd right by the door, waiting to hear any screams. Even handcuffed I will break this fucking door down.

  “Bitch.” Xavier says, but I can’t make out the rest. He’s not shouting so I am assuming that’s a good thing. I don’t hear any screaming or any rustling of anything, so I am hoping she is safe for now. I hope I can keep her alive for good, but the only way to do that is to stop this Xavier motherfucker.

  Xavier gives me the creeps. He so far has tried to back me into a corner, but I stood my ground. He's here because he's having ‘headaches,’ stupid fucker even does the air quotes when he tell
s me about them. It takes everything in me not to laugh in his face, but I'm afraid of what he would do if I did. All I can think of is protecting Jack. He needs me and if I get myself killed by some wannabe thug, then he will have only my mom, and she isn’t exactly a spring chicken.

  “There is really nothing I can do for you about a headache,” I tell him and he instantly looks disgusted. Like he smells shit.

  “Whatever, bitch, I just wanted to get your smell one last time.” Fuck. He definitely knows how to rattle me to my bones.

  “I can send some Aspirin to you on the next med distribution.”

  “Keep it, the smell of your fear is enough to cure a headache.” He even sniffs the air as if he can actually smell my fear.

  He looks to the guard, Burton, and together they walk out. Before I can even get to the door, Damian is barging in. I have to keep telling myself to keep it cool, he's an inmate, and I should not be relieved or happy to see him. But I am.

  Standing in front of me he has this look in his eyes, almost feral like a lion stalking his prey. I should be scared, I know that, but I’m not.

  “The fuck did he do?” He growls, literally growls at me!

  “Huh?” I'm confused, who is he talking about? These are the first words he has spoken to me on his own, without me asking a question first.

  “What. The. Fuck. Did. He. Do?” he says slower like I am a young child not quite getting the question.

  “N-n-nothing,” I stammer out, having to look up because shit he is tall and scrumptious. My mouth suddenly feels dry.

  “Don’t fucking lie to me, what the fuck did he do to you?”

  “Look, he really didn’t do anything, do you think Burton would let that happen?” It’s then I realize, there is no guard in here with us. We will be in deep shit unless we get down to business.

  “You would be surprised what that sick fuck could do, do you honestly think you are safe even with the guards?”