by Noelle Adams
“So that’s it?” His voice was almost pained, and she couldn’t stand it.
She turned to look at his tight features and aching eyes. “Yes,” she said, almost numb now from the pain of everything. “That’s it. I told you I couldn’t be with a man who treated me that way. You said you would work on it, but you obviously don’t want that as much as you want to prove how wrong I always am. So this is it, Ward.”
He didn’t say anything. Just stood in front of her with hands clenched at his sides.
“Don’t expect me to come over to your place tonight.” She took a ragged breath. “Or ever again.”
She walked away from him then—because the tears were falling whether she wanted them to or not. But her back was to him now, so maybe he wouldn’t see.
Nine
THAT EVENING, WARD went to visit his grandmother.
He didn’t normally stop by to see her on Saturdays, but his other choice was to sit at home and hope Em would come see him, knowing she never would.
Since that option sounded like torture to him, he opted for the less torturous visit to his grandmother.
It was better than sitting at home, but only just.
His grandmother was in a chiding mood, and so he heard endless complaints about “losing” Pemberley House and how he hadn’t done his duty by his family heritage.
He was mostly numbed to it.
Even the fear that some of what she said was true paled in comparison to how it felt to lose Em.
Maybe he’d never really had her, but it felt like he had.
And now she was gone for good.
It would have helped had he been able to blame it all on her, but he kept hearing her words, kept wondering how right she was.
He’d spent the past two months convinced that she would leave him eventually.
Perhaps he’d made it come true.
Em might have messed up, but she’d done so with Anne and with Riot. She hadn’t done so with him. He’d just assumed she would eventually, and he’d made decisions and guarded his heart based on that fear.
He was the one who had blown it, but there was nothing he could do about it now.
Em was never going to take another chance on him. Not when she’d been so unsure it could work between them from the very beginning.
“Knightley!”
He blinked, pulled out of his bleak reverie by the sharp voice. “I’m sorry, ma’am. What did you say?”
“What’s wrong with you this evening?” His grandmother’s sharp blue eyes scanned his face with unnerving scrutiny.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you came to see me tonight when you never come on Saturdays. And you look like you’ve been through a war. What in heaven’s name happened?”
“Nothing happened. It’s just been a long week. I’m kind of tired.”
“You aren’t tired. You’re upset. Did something happen with that young lady you’ve been seeing?”
He opened his mouth to deny the question, but the words stopped in his throat. Something had happened with his “young lady.” Something that had more than upset him. He couldn’t seem to say that she was wrong.
“Let me guess. You did something foolish. And she ended it.”
Again, he tried to deny it but couldn’t. He gave an awkward nod.
His grandmother shook her head. “And it never occurred to you to say you’re sorry?”
“It’s... it’s more complicated than that.”
“Young people always believe their woes are complicated, and they almost never are. People are all different, but human nature is always the same. So here’s some advice from someone who’s lived through it all before. Get over yourself. Think about what’s best for both of you. And if what’s best is being together, then summon up your courage and tell her you’re sorry. Fix what needs to be fixed. And let yourself be happy. Because I know you better than almost anyone else, and you haven’t been happy in a really long time. But for the past month or two, you’ve been closer than I’ve ever seen you. That’s not something to throw away lightly.”
Ward stared at her, stunned by the insight since he was used to his grandmother talking about trivialities or else complaining.
She shook her head at him again. “Now you look like I’m incapable of saying something wise. You don’t live as long as I have without learning a few things along the way. I spent too much of my life too scared and proud to say I was sorry, and it’s the one thing I regret more than anything else. Don’t go down the same path. It’s a path you’ll always walk alone, and it won’t lead you anywhere good.”
Feeling strangely emotional, he managed a nod.
Evidently feeling that the conversation was over, she said, “Now turn to channel seven. I need to watch the weather.”
AT ELEVEN THAT EVENING, Em sent one more text to Anne. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.
She waited but there was no response. She’d managed to make it through the afternoon and evening with her father without breaking down. But as soon as he’d gone to bed at eight, she’d burst into tears.
She’d finally stopped crying, but she felt sick and heavy and exhausted.
She’d lost Ward. And Anne wouldn’t talk to her.
She was the stupidest person in the history of the world, and she’d messed everything up with the people she loved.
She was starting to tear up again when there was a knock on her door.
She jumped up excitedly. Maybe it was Ward. Or maybe it was Anne. Either one would make her happy.
She flung the door open and drooped.
It wasn’t Ward or Anne. Or anyone she wanted to see.
It was Riot.
“Oh,” she said, blinking away her surprise and disappointment. “Hi. It’s kind of late to stop by.”
“I know. You weren’t in bed, were you?” Riot peered at Em, evidently concerned by how she looked.
Em was sure she had red, swollen eyes. “No. I wasn’t in bed. I have a little bit of a headache.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I just wanted to give you the good news.”
Em let Riot into the entry hall, but she didn’t move into the living room. She didn’t want Riot to get too comfortable. “I could use some good news. Did you hear back about one of the jobs?”
“No. It’s not that.” Riot was flushed and beaming. “I have a date!”
“A date?” Em tried to make her clouded mind work. “Oh. Yeah. Good for you. With Frank?”
“No.” Riot’s smile faded into a confused frown. “Of course not with Frank. Why would you think that?”
“That’s who you were talking about being interested in.”
“No, I wasn’t! How did you get confused about that? It was never Frank I was interested in. It’s Knightley.”
The words didn’t immediately process. Em stared at Riot in a bewildered daze.
“Knightley.” Riot prompted. “Ward Knightley. Why are you staring at me like that?”
“You were interested in Ward?” Em felt like she’d been socked in the gut. She literally couldn’t take a full breath. “Ward? My Ward?”
Riot’s good mood quickly faded. She narrowed her eyes. “Why is he your Ward?”
“I mean... I just mean...” Em cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I’m just confused. I thought you were interested in Frank. You’d talked about the weirdness between Frank and me and how you were afraid it would get in the way.”
“No! That’s not what I meant. I meant that you and Knightley are like brother and sister, so I wasn’t sure if it would be strange for me to go after him. But you said it would be fine, and I couldn’t think of any reason why not.”
“So you’re... you’re... interested in...”
“In Knightley. Yes. We have a date tomorrow night.”
This was almost too much. Em had to reach out to support herself on an ornate console table against the wall. “You have a date? Tomorrow? With Ward?”
“Yes. We were just texting
. We’re getting together tomorrow. I’m so excited!”
“It’s a date? A real date?” Em couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She’d just broken up with Ward earlier today. Surely he wouldn’t run out and get a date for tomorrow like that. That didn’t make any sense at all.
It didn’t seem anything like the Ward she knew.
“Yes. I think so. It’s just a casual thing, but it’s a start.”
“So you think he’s... he’s interested in you?”
“Yes. I do.” Riot blinked her big eyes, looking pretty and innocent and incredibly young.
Em felt old and battered and unwanted. More than she’d ever felt in her entire life.
She could barely keep her feet, but she managed to say. “Okay. I’m happy for you. But my headache is getting worse and it’s late. Why don’t we talk tomorrow?”
“Sounds good. Just wanted to tell you the news right away.” With those bright words, Riot left the condo.
Em collapsed onto her couch, too pained and overwhelmed to even cry.
THE NEXT DAY DAWNED bright and brisk. A beautiful fall day in a beautiful part of the world.
Ward hated the sight of it, as if the entire universe was mocking his misery.
He hadn’t slept at all. It was all he could do to not bang on Em’s door until she let him in and then beg her to take him back. He’d managed to resist the impulse, mostly because he wasn’t sure what he could offer her.
He wanted so much more than a sexual relationship with her, but she’d given him no reason to assume she’d be open to anything else.
He kept thinking about what his grandmother had said, but he had no idea how to fix things. And he could hardly ask her to start seeing him again if he didn’t know if their relationship could be fixed.
So another agonizing day without Em was waiting for him, made worse because he was stuck helping Riot with her interview at four that afternoon.
She’d kept texting him about it until he’d thought it best to just get it over with. She’d wanted to have dinner tonight, but there was no way he was going to do anything resembling a date. So he’d give her an hour this afternoon. Not in his house. No way. He’d meet her somewhere on the grounds—very public and safe.
And then he’d be more careful in the future about trapping himself in such a situation again.
So all in all, he wasn’t looking forward to the day.
Needing something to do, he got out his blower and worked on the parking lot, even though there weren’t very many leaves fallen since he’d done it last.
He was working away, trying to distract himself, when an unfamiliar car pulled into the lot and parked in a guest spot.
He glanced over, curious about the newcomer, and realized as the woman got out that it was Vince’s mother, Mrs. Darcy.
She waved at him like they were old friends, so he turned off the blower and waved back.
He was expecting her to move on with a causal greeting, but she walked over to talk to him. “You’re here early today,” he said, trying to sound friendly.
He liked the woman but wasn’t in a social mood today.
“Yes. I’m having breakfast with Vince and Liz. Vince is evidently cooking, so we’ll see how that turns out.” She turned and looked up at the upper-floor terrace over her shoulder. She waved when she saw her son and his fiancée outside.
Ward waved too since it would be rude not to.
“You look terrible, by the way,” Mrs. Darcy said.
Ward made a surprised sound in his throat.
“Are you sick or heartbroken?”
Ward opened his lips, but he didn’t know how to respond to that question. He wasn’t used to casual acquaintances being quite so intrusive.
Mrs. Darcy smiled kindly. “You don’t have to answer. I can see the answer for myself. I’ll just give you the same advice I gave my own son. He was afraid to commit. Afraid to go deep. He’d been hurt before.”
Ward clenched his hand at his side, wanting to stop Mrs. Darcy from continuing but unsure of how to politely do so. But he didn’t want to hear this. He was afraid it was going to hurt.
“So I told him he could be safe by never taking a risk, but he would never be really happy.” She glanced at her son over her shoulder. He was standing with his arm around Liz. “Look how happy he is now.”
Ward managed a half nod. Nothing else.
Mrs. Darcy reached out and put a gentle hand on his forearm. “I know it’s none of my business, but I know how to recognize a man in love. I saw it at that brunch, when you were afraid she was going to fall for someone else. You were sitting there staring at her with your heart in your eyes, and I knew how to recognize it. So tell me how will you ever get what you want if you never ask for it?”
There didn’t seem any point in arguing. The woman had evidently managed to read his mind, his heart, everything. “She doesn’t—” He had to clear his throat. “She doesn’t want—”
“I’ve known Em for years now—ever since my husband and I moved to Abingdon. She was one of the first people to welcome us. She’s lovely and intelligent and generous and kindhearted. But she’s lived all this time assuming she could only have a small part of life, and she’s built her world around her to make sure she can be happy with it. She doesn’t know it’s even possible for her to have everything. So how can you possibly know if she wants everything if you never offer it to her?”
Ward stared at Mrs. Darcy, as stunned by the question as he’d been by his grandmother’s advice last night.
She was right. Both of them were right.
Em thought her life was forever trapped by the needs of her father, so she’d never let herself want anything more.
But he knew her better than that.
Part of her wanted more.
And maybe he was the one who could give it to her.
Mrs. Darcy laughed softly and patted his arm again as she turned to walk away. “Just think about it. And don’t talk yourself out of being happy because of what she’s always told you, or you’ll do what everyone else does and be letting her manage your life too.”
Ward watched as the older woman walked away. Then he turned back on the blower. But he didn’t need the distraction anymore.
He needed to think.
He needed to finally figure everything out.
EM GOT UP EARLY AND helped her father with breakfast and his daily exercise. Then she got him settled in his chair by the fire with his newspaper.
She normally went to shower and dress at this time, but she couldn’t seem to summon the energy.
She lay on her bed for a while, and then she wandered around, trying to find something to do to distract her from her bleak lethargy.
Nothing worked.
She ended up in the empty room with her wedding dress. It hung gorgeous and fluffy and feminine, crowned by the chandelier like a princess in the middle of the room.
She checked her phone as she stood in front of it, but there were no messages.
Not from Ward.
Not from Anne.
She evidently couldn’t do anything right, not even keep the people she loved most.
“Em.”
The voice came from behind her. It was familiar.
Em whirled around and saw Anne, standing in the doorway in a sweater and a pair of thick leggings and boots. Em was so glad to see her friend that her face crumpled. Her shoulders shook.
“Oh, Em, it’s all right.” Anne hurried forward until she could reach Em. Then she pulled her down into a hug.
Em hugged her back, almost sobbing and still clutching her phone in her hand. “I’m so sorry, Anne.”
“I know you are. It’s all right. It’s going to be all right.”
“No, it’s not all right. I was selfish and stupid, and I’ll never do anything like that to you again.”
“Thank you. I hope you won’t.” Anne was sniffing a little bit too, but she was more composed than Em was. “But it wouldn’t have been such a big deal i
f I wasn’t... wasn’t...”
Em knew exactly what her friend was trying to say. “I had no idea you still weren’t over Robert. You’d always said it was history. I believed you. We believed you.”
“I know. I wanted it to be history. But I guess...” Anne shook her head. “I’m not over him yet. I’m not ready to be in another relationship. And you trying to fix me up just brought it all up to the surface.”
“I never would have done it had I known. You could have told me. But I don’t mean to blame you for what happened. It was all my fault. I was just all upset and distracted by—and I was looking for something to focus on.”
“I know what happened. I know why it happened. I should have told you and Liz the truth about... about Robert a long time ago.” Anne took a shaky breath. “He wanted to marry me. He loved me. I loved him too. But we were just graduating from college, and I got this job offer. My family thought it was too soon to get married. They thought I needed to focus on my career. I believed them. I thought it was the smart and grown-up thing to do. So I let him go. And now I don’t have the man I love and I have this job that I’m not even sure I... I want anymore.”
“Oh no, Anne.” Em hugged her again. “I didn’t know it was like that.”
“I know. It’s supposed to be better when you make your own decisions about your life, but all my decisions were wrong. And I’ve still not met a single man that I want the way I wanted Robert.”
“I’m so sorry I made it worse.”
“You didn’t know.”
They smiled at each other rather wetly.
Then Anne’s expression cleared and she asked in her normal voice, “Now tell me why you’re standing here weeping over your wedding dress.”
“I’m not weeping over the wedding dress!”
“Well, you were weeping inside. Don’t bother denying it. What happened with Knightley?”
Em shook her head and dropped her eyes. “It’s over.”
“Why?”