‘How’s Good Boy?’ I ask to get my mind off the idea of him taking me on this table, right here, right now.
Justin’s face relaxes as soon as I mention his beloved dog. ‘He’s good. He’s got a girlfriend now.’
‘What? How?’
‘Yeah. He met her at the park. A Shih Tzu called Mitzy.’
‘Is she hot?’
‘He’s done well for himself. In fact I’d say he’s punching above his weight.’
‘Well, give him a paw five from me.’
Justin laughs out loud. I smile and take a sip of the red wine. Oh! This one’s not so bad. It tastes like smoky dark cherries. I take another sip. Easy there, Lizzie, you don’t want to go off the rails tonight. I’ll just alternate the wine with water and then I’ll be fine. Famous last words.
We order our food and are soon picking up where we left off with the conversation flowing easily. Once we hit our stride we talk about everything. We discuss Justin’s music career and how they’ve had some new interest from an independent record label. The band has been burnt in the past with the promise of a big record deal that ended up falling through so they’re trying not to get their hopes up too much but I can tell from his face that this means a lot to him.
We chat about my photography and how I’m experimenting with it on social media. Filled with the courage that comes from drinking two very big glasses of wine, I pull out my phone and let him look through everything I have saved on it.
‘These are good! I love the ones of the dogs. You’ve really captured their personalities. You should exhibit them.’ He shakes his head and locks eyes with me. ‘How can one woman have so much talent?’
I give a small laugh, embarrassed. ‘Some of us are just lucky, what can I say?’
Justin leans forward and drops his voice. I’m so distracted by him stroking my hand that I can barely concentrate on what he’s saying. ‘Listen. This restaurant is nice but it’s not exactly . . . fun. What do you say we get out of here and I take you somewhere a bit more lively?’
I nod. ‘Yes,’ I say. ‘That sounds perfect.’
He squeezes my hand before beckoning the waiter over to ask for the bill. I stare at his profile. He really is beautiful. Oh God, I think I’m in trouble with this one.
The last time I sweated this much was the one and only time Bex made me come with her to her spinning class and I almost died halfway through. I had to drink four litres of water afterwards just to rehydrate from all the sweating. And all the crying too. It wasn’t pretty.
Justin and I are at a salsa bar. In between all the margaritas and tequila shots, there’s been a fair amount of dancing. I’m not particularly good but it turns out that Justin is an incredible dancer, so he’s making me look good. Anyway, I feel like the girl’s job is just to get thrown around and I can certainly do that. Then the music shifts to a sexy, slow beat and Justin pulls me towards him and wraps his arms tightly around my waist so that I’m pressed up against the length of his body.
‘You’re very unexpected, Lizzie,’ Justin murmurs in my ears. ‘I didn’t expect to – to . . . ’
I look up at him. ‘To what?’
‘To like you this much.’
He slowly moves his hands up my back until they’re holding the side of my face. He stares down at me for a moment. My breath catches. I don’t want to move or say anything for fear I’ll ruin what I think is about to happen. Slowly he lowers his head and finally, finally, his lips are on mine. He kisses me slowly at first and then it gets deeper and deeper and I can feel my legs begin to tremble.
Best kiss of my life. No competition. None. Nada. It feels like this is what kissing should be and everything else has just been practice.
Eventually we break apart, breath ragged. I look up at him and he’s looking at me with a heavy look of lust on his face. He strokes the side of my face and brings his lips down to my neck. He smells so good. I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation of being so close to him, and then he whispers into my ear, ‘Nightcap at my place?’
I pull back and look into his eyes. I’m pretty sure he’s not talking about a drink at his place and that’s fine with me. I don’t trust myself not to say something stupid so I just nod. He kisses me again and then takes my hand and leads me out of the club and into the cool night air.
So we did all the sex. All of it. I’m concerned there’s now none left for anyone else in the world, we did so much. I’m lying in Justin’s bed, my head on his chest, his arms around me, our legs tangled together, and I’m trying to catch my breath. That was incredible. Best sex of my life. (This is becoming a theme.) That thing he did with his fingers . . . I feel a delicious tightening in my stomach as I relive the last hour in my head.
He kisses my hair and murmurs, ‘That was amazing. You’re amazing.’
‘You’re not so bad yourself,’ I say, stroking his shoulder. ‘What are you thinking about?’
‘You,’ he replies instantly. ‘What just happened between us. I’m not lying when I say it was amazing. It’s never felt like that to me before.’
‘In a good way?’ I ask.
‘Oh, yeah, definitely in a good way. I mean, my ex—’
‘Mate,’ I interrupt. ‘You know it’s a bad scene to talk about your ex when you’ve just had sex with another girl, right?’ I’m kidding and I keep my tone playful, but really? Don’t bring up your ex now. I’m naked in your bed, you tit!
‘Sorry, sorry,’ he laughs. ‘I just mean that I like you. I like you a lot, Lizzie.’
I’m about to tell him I like him, too, when his bedroom door bursts open and Good Boy bounds in, jumping onto the bed where he starts licking my face.
‘Urgh!’ I scramble to protect my face from the dog’s smelly affections.
‘It looks like Good Boy likes you, too!’ Justin laughs as he tries to get his big daft dog off the bed. I watch him larking about and a rush of happiness goes through my whole body. I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.
Once Good Boy is safely removed to the lounge, Justin climbs back into bed.
‘You look happy,’ he comments, smiling.
‘I am happy,’ I say. ‘Tonight has been lovely and for the first time in ages I feel totally relaxed. It’s been a mad few weeks, loads of things have happened with my family. It’s been pretty emotional.’
‘Yeah?’ Justin pulls me closer. ‘Anything you wanna talk about?’
Is this the right time to tell him about Mum? It’s a bit heavy for post-coital chat. But then I look at his kind face and think, what the hell? In for a penny, in for a pound.
‘My mum turned up this week. I haven’t seen her since I was a toddler. She walked out on us, me, my sister and my dad, so it’s always just been the three of us. We’re close but I’ve always felt like something was missing – like it wasn’t complete. And now she’s back – it’s a lot to get my head around.’
‘Babe,’ Justin says. ‘I didn’t know that about your mom. I’m sorry. How was it seeing her again?’
‘A bit strange at first,’ I admit, ‘but the more we talked, the more relaxed we became with each other. She’s so full of regret at leaving us. She just wants to make amends. It’s crazy. My older sister doesn’t even know that we’ve met up. I’m still not sure how I’m going to tell her. And now this has happened, with you, and . . . ’
For a moment I think I feel Justin tense up beside me. But I must be imagining it because he pulls me in closer and kisses my neck.
‘That’s quite a lot of change in a short amount of time – it’s OK to feel overwhelmed under those circumstances. I’m just glad I’m the one making you happy, not the one making you worry.’
I snuggle in closer. ‘I just don’t know what to say to my sister. I’m worried she’ll react badly. I’ve never kept anything this big from her.’
‘You won’t know until you try. Talk to her and take it from there.’
In that moment, I vow to tell Bex everything about Mum tomorrow. She deserves t
o know. I’m still mad at her for keeping things from me, but that doesn’t mean I have to do the same to her. Two wrongs don’t make a right. She’s definitely not going to like it when I say I want Mum to stick around and be part of my life but what’s the worst that can happen? She’s my sister. She loves me no matter what. I’ll pop over to the flat so we can talk face to face. This isn’t a conversation to have over the phone. Would FaceTime be acceptable, though? I’m already feeling apprehensive about having the conversation. No, no, no! You must speak to her face to face, not face to phone. Stop being a fanny, Lizzie Ashworth.
Justin pulls me in for a kiss and I can feel that he’s ready for round two and all thoughts of my sister and everything else fall from my mind.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Becky
After we had picked the flowers the other night, Nicole, Seffy and I went for drinks at Chelsea House. I ended up telling her about everything that happened at work with Darla and Jane and I was surprised by how sympathetic and astute she was about the whole thing. She said that I was destined for bigger and better things and that everyone who mattered would know that it was me who had discovered Darla in the first place and made her first book a success. It was exactly what I’d needed to hear. Lauren had done her best to be there for me via WhatsApp, but she had been working late on her London Parks campaign so I hadn’t wanted to press her too much. She had her own work crisis to deal with. Also, I’m not sure she quite understood why author-stealing was a big deal and I didn’t have the energy to explain it to her. But Nicole completely got it and I hadn’t needed to lay it all out for her. It had just felt so natural and easy chatting to Nicole about it all. Wow, I never thought I’d say those words.
The evening had been fun. Seffy was behaving a little oddly and had been pretty quiet, apart from when she was agreeing with every single thing Nicole said, but then I think she’s just generally quite an odd person and so obviously desperate for Nicole’s approval. But it was like a switch had been flipped with Nicole and I was starting to see how we might, one day, become friends. And maybe if we continued to spend time together I could talk to her properly about what had happened with Lizzie at the engagement party. I didn’t for one second believe that Lizzie had pushed Nicole, but perhaps Nicole had been more drunk than I’d previously thought and had misunderstood what had happened. It was the one thing that was holding me back from fully opening up to Nicole. I just couldn’t reconcile the Nicole from that night with the Nicole from the past week or so. When the time was right, I’d speak to her about everything and clear the air so we could all move forward. We were all going to be family in a short while, after all. It was important to me that Lizzie and Dad felt comfortable spending time around the Balfours and I was really the one who could make sure that happened. Nicole was thawing towards me and making a real effort. If she could do that, then so could I and we’d all be better off for it in the long run. God, I’m feeling so positive about this – bringing together two divided families; it really is all so very Romeo and Juliet. Minus the poison and death bit at the end of course. This will be Romeo and Juliet 2.0.
Nicole and I had ended up arranging to meet for brunch this morning with Daniel and his parents. It had seemed like a good idea last night but in the sober light of day, I wasn’t so sure. And then I remembered my new-found resolve to make more of an effort with the Balfours so I knew I just had to grin and bear it. And the look on Daniel’s face when I told him about the plans Nicole and I had made together, well, that definitely made it all worth it too. He’s been behaving so strangely recently and I wonder if he’s been worrying about how I will fit into his family after we’re married. So this brunch is A Good Thing.
We had originally planned to make it a casual thing at Aubaine but at the last minute Nicole changed the venue to a place called The Saltwater. I’ve never been and now, as I walk through the doors, Daniel walking a couple of paces behind me, tapping on his phone, I can understand why. I can’t stand this kind of place.
I can do fancy places. You don’t spend this many years with a Balfour without experiencing a Michelin star or three. But this place isn’t just fancy, it’s stuffy too. We walk through the main restaurant and it’s evident for all to see that I have dressed for Aubaine, in jeans and a cream vest top and statement necklace, and not for somewhere like The Saltwater. I notice people looking over at me and the familiar feeling of not being good enough creeps over me. It’s something I haven’t felt in a while and I only ever do when I’m around Daniel’s family. Great, I think, one step forward and three hundred back. I sigh inwardly.
Nicole waves us over to a big round table in the centre of the restaurant. Elena and Rupert are already there, dressed in their finest and perusing their menus.
‘Hey!’ Nicole says, getting up from her seat to give me a hug. I return the hug and give her a little squeeze as I let go.
‘Hello,’ I say to Rupert and Elena as I take the seat Daniel is holding out for me. They don’t get up to give me a hug, I notice. Just nod vaguely in my direction and then turn back to their menus.
Daniel slides into the seat next to me and then immediately starts tapping on his phone again. I give him a gentle nudge and he looks up at me as if waking from a daze. I give him a pointed look. No phones! ‘Sorry,’ he mouths silently, and puts his phone away, a slightly sheepish look on his face.
Hmmm. He’s always staring at his phone these days. I wonder what he’s looking at.
‘You look . . . nice, dear. Very . . . laid back,’ Elena tells me in a voice that makes it clear she’s really saying you look completely inappropriate, dear.
‘Thanks,’ I say with a polite smile. ‘You look lovely, too.’
If I can win round Nicole after all these years then surely Elena and Rupert can’t be far behind?
‘Mayfair Blooms was a fantastic recommendation!’ I tell Elena.
‘Ah yes, Camile is a wonderful floral artist. Though it is rather a shame you didn’t go with the arrangement I’d picked out for you. It would’ve been such a treat to see my wedding bouquet replicated in my son’s wedding.’ Elena sniffs sadly. Rupert pats her arm gently.
‘Mother, we talked about this,’ Nicole says. ‘Rebecca has different taste than you. You musn’t take it personally that she hated your bouquet.’
‘Oh!’ I say quickly, my face turning red. ‘I didn’t hate it.’
I frown slightly at Nicole for embarrassing me like that, but she flashes me a warm and conspiratorial grin and I decide I’m just being touchy. Snap out of it, Bex.
‘How’s the office?’ I say to Rupert, changing the subject. ‘You’ve been keeping Daniel pretty busy! I’ve barely seen him these past few—’
‘Let’s not talk shop! We’re at brunch!’ Daniel interrupts me, his voice a little louder than usual, a stiff smile on his face.
I take a sip of my water to hide my embarrassment. Shit. I’m terrible at these formal affairs, but I breathe a sigh of relief when the waiter shows up with a round of Kir Royales for the table. Sweet blessed alcohol. We all sip our drinks and there’s the usual chorus of ‘mmm, I do enjoy a Kir Royale!’ and ‘how delicious!’ and I can feel the tension break a little.
‘Now, have you had your final dress fitting?’ Elena asks, turning the attention back to me.
‘It’s this week actually,’ I say brightly. ‘I’m so excited about it. It’s my dream dress. I can’t wait to see how it looks on, now it’s almost finished.’
‘Who’s the designer?’ Rupert asks. ‘Elena had Vera Wang, you know.’
I bet she did.
‘I don’t want to give too much away.’ I say with a smile at Daniel. ‘I know it’s only bad luck for the groom to see the dress, but even speaking about it in front of Daniel makes me nervous.’
Rupert rolls his eyes somewhat indiscreetly. Daniel orders another round of Kir Royale. I eye him. I’ve barely had any of my first drink. He finished his quickly!
I turn to look at Nicole so we ca
n roll our eyes together at Daniel’s drinking speed but she’s already looking me, an odd smile on her face. Her lips are stretched across her face in an impression of a smile but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
‘Are . . . are you okay?’ I ask, worried she’s come over unwell.
Nicole blinks. ‘I was just thinking how lovely it will be to have your mother at the wedding, Rebecca!’
Oh, God. Elena and Rupert know that Mum’s not been in my life for years – Daniel told them long ago. But he mustn’t have ever mentioned it to Nicole.
Daniel clears his throat. ‘Actually, Nicole, Bex’s mother isn’t in the picture.’ He turns to me. ‘Now about that dress! Are you sure you can’t tell me just a little bit about—’
‘But why wouldn’t you have your mother at the wedding?’ Nicole interrupts, her head tilted to one side questioningly.
‘Nicole.’ Daniel says, firmer this time. ‘I’ve just told you that her mother isn’t a factor. Now, can we change the subject, please? Let’s not ruin brunch.’
I shake it off, wondering why Nicole’s acting so strangely. ‘It’s all right.’ I take a big gulp of my drink. ‘I’ve not seen my mum in a long, long time. She’s not part of my life and I don’t want her at my wedding.’ There. The words come out a bit more forcefully than I was intending, and judging by the looks from other nearby diners, maybe a little louder too. But I don’t care. I just want to shut this conversation down.
‘Oh!’ Nicole says. ‘Sorry, I didn’t realise. I just thought I’d mention it as it seems a shame, since she’s in London. She’s so close!’
My skin turns cold and my mouth goes dry. The silence around the table is deafening.
‘W– what . . . what did you just say?’
‘Nicole, what are you doing?’ Daniel hisses angrily. ‘Why are you being so rude? Are you deliberately trying to upset my fiancée?’
‘What did you just say?’ I ask Nicole again, my voice dangerously low.
My Sister's Wedding: For better or worse, two families are about to become one . . . Page 18