Nicole shrugs and the smile disappears from her face, like a mask falling to the ground. There’s so much contempt in her gaze and I know that the next words out of her mouth aren’t going to be good. ‘Well, my friend Justin is friends with your sister. Apparently, your mother – Tracy, is it? – has been in touch and has been spending some time with little Lizzie. They’ve been having a lovely time reconnecting by all accounts.’
I stare at Nicole, mouth open. All the words have disappeared from my head.
‘Wait . . . you didn’t know?’
No, I didn’t know. Lizzie’s seen Mum? Mum is back? What? Where? When? HOW? Lizzie is keeping it a secret from me? That last thought grips my heart.
‘Bex?’ Daniel says softly. He squeezes my hand. ‘Are you all right?’
‘She’s gone very pale,’ I hear Rupert say.
I meet Nicole’s eyes. She’s staring at me, a triumphant look on her face and has the same smug smile she was wearing when we first met. The smile that told me she hated me and always would. This is the face of Nicole Balfour I recognise. She knew I didn’t know about Tracy being back. She knew it and she dragged me here today so that she could tell me in front of everyone. She wanted to humiliate me in front of Daniel, in front of their parents. Did she know she’d be breaking my heart, too, by telling me my baby sister has been keeping something so important from me? I was a fool to think Nicole and I would ever be friends. A few well-placed smiles and platitudes and I thought I’d got her all wrong. This was her plan all along and it’s so startlingly obvious to me now, I can’t believe I didn’t see through it. Lizzie would’ve seen through the bullshit straight away. Lizzie. Oh sis, I think, what are you doing? Nicole’s smile has turned from smug to evil and I see red. How could I have been so stupid to have been taken in by this horrible woman’s game so easily and quickly? I know I needed a sympathetic ear and with Daniel busy, Lauren crazy with work and me and Lizzie not on the best of terms it was just perfect timing that Nicole was around and being so kind. And then the penny properly drops. The timing was perfect. Too perfect. Nicole has orchestrated the entire thing and I have just willingly played into her hands. What an idiot.
I push myself up from the table with a considerable amount of force, cutlery and glasses clanging precariously. I point my finger at Nicole and shout, ‘You are an evil little bitch. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. You knew exactly what you were doing bringing my mum up like that. What is wrong with you?’
Every pair of eyes is looking in our direction. Nicole sits back and crosses her arms but doesn’t say a word.
‘Bex!’ I feel Daniel’s hand on my arm. ‘Come on, you need to calm down.’
I shake his hand off. I don’t give a shit any more. I don’t care what his parents think of me, or his twisted, dysfunctional sister. They are vile and I can’t bear to be around them.
‘You’ve been out to get me from the start,’ I go on. ‘Pretending to be my friend, all the drinks and selfies and advice. I wondered why you’d stopped being such a cruel cow. I should’ve known straightaway that something was up.’
Nicole’s eyes widen innocently. ‘Darling, you’re embarrassing yourself. I’m really not sure I know what you’re talking about.’
I know I’m playing right into her hands, shouting and swearing in the middle of a posh London restaurant. But I can’t stop myself. Who does something like this? Does she hate me that much?
‘You know exactly what I’m talking about!’ I yell. ‘Is your life so empty that the only way to entertain yourself is by messing with other people’s lives? You’re a fucking psycho!’
It’s taking all my willpower not to stalk around the table and lamp her in the face. But I feel Daniel’s hand gripping my arm again, and before I know what’s happening, he’s dragging me out of the restaurant. There are hushed, disgusted murmurs coming from some of the tables and I notice a couple of the diners holding their phones up in my direction. I flip them the middle finger. See what they think about that.
And then I burst into tears.
‘What the hell? What’s wrong with you?’
Daniel is furious. We’re in the ladies’ bathroom. I’m splashing my face with water, trying my very best to calm down and Daniel is staring at me in the mirror, a look of shock and horror on his face. He has seen me lose my temper before. It rarely happens, but he has witnessed it. But not like this.
I try to take deep breaths, to cause my rapidly beating heart to slow down. But it’s no use.
I. AM. SO. ANGRY.
I’m angry at Nicole for blatantly just waiting to announce that bit of information at brunch, for pretending to be my friend just so it would hurt more. I’m angry at Elena and Rupert for just sitting there throughout the entire exchange looking so removed, digusting and pitying all at the same time. And for ALWAYS being so difficult and snobbish and unwelcoming. Hell, I’m still angry at Jane for stealing my author, at Darla for letting herself be coerced in the first place and at my boss for not sticking up for me and for not giving me the chance to redeem myself. I’m angry at Lizzie for not telling me that she’s seen Tracy. Christ knows what Tracy has been saying to Lizzie. Lies, it’s probably all lies. I’m angry at Tracy for . . . everything. For leaving us in the first place, for thinking she can waltz back into our lives after all these years. Where has she been? If she was that interested why didn’t she get in touch before? She’d had plenty of time to get back in touch but we haven’t heard from her since the day she left. And I’m angry at Daniel. Yes, lovely sweet Daniel who hasn’t been behaving like himself for weeks now, who’s distracted all the time and on his phone constantly, and who’s having a go at me right now. But most of all I’m angry at myself for letting things unravel so quickly. I should’ve been paying more attention to everything, especially what’s going on with Lizzie.
‘I AM SO AAAANGRY!’ I yell. I know I look and sound like a loon but I don’t care. It feels good to let it out. I never let it out. But my God, does this feel damn good.
Daniel grips my upper arms. ‘Will you calm down and talk to me? What was Nicole saying about your mum? It doesn’t make any sense.’
‘Your sister is a bitch! She set this up. She wanted to tell me that Tracy is back in front of you all, in a public place, so I’d make a fool of myself. Well, mission accomplished. Well done, Nicole.’
Daniel stares at me. ‘I think maybe you’re overeacting a little. Perhaps Nicole just made a mistake, and she assumed you knew that Tracy and Lizzie were back in contact.’
I shake my head furiously. ‘That conniving snake has never assumed anything in her life. And your useless parents have made her that way, pandering to her every whim. That girl doesn’t have a moral bone in her body!’
‘Woah!’ Daniel says in a low voice. ‘That’s my family you’re talking about. Take it easy.’
‘Some family!’ I turn to face him full-on and fold my arms. ‘They’ve made me feel like a piece of shit since the day I met them. They’ve never made me feel welcome, and they’ve gone out of their way to make it very clear that they don’t think I’m good enough for you. But you know what? They’re the ones who aren’t good enough for me! Look at how they treated my dad and Lizzie when they met them. And Nicole definitely lied about Lizzie pushing her. I thought maybe she’d just been mistaken, but not any more. She lied through her teeth just to make life difficult for Liz. What kind of evil, self-centred, cruel person is she?’
‘Just hold on a minute. We don’t know that for sure.’ Daniel says, turning red in the face. ‘And Bex, I know you’re upset and that things are difficult, but you really can’t talk about my family like that.’
‘If you’re defending them, you’re as bad as they are.’ The words are out before I can stop myself and I don’t mean them, but I just wanted him to understand how isolated they always make me feel. And I need him to be on my side, because it hasn’t felt that way recently.
‘Right,’ Daniel says. ‘You need some time to calm do
wn before you say something else you regret. And I need a drink. I’m going to the bar. I will be ten minutes and then I’ll be back and we can talk more then. Do you want anything?’
‘All the alcohol,’ I say.
‘I’m not sure that’s such a good—’
‘All of the fucking alcohol please, Daniel.’
Daniel leaves the ladies’ quickly, without another word. I drop my head in my hands and try to steady my breathing. I notice Daniel’s phone on the countertop by the sink. He must’ve been in such a rush to get away from me that he left it behind.
He never leaves his phone lying around any more. It’s always with him.
And then I find myself doing something I’ve never thought about doing once in all the time Daniel and I have been together. I pick up the phone and I enter the passcode – the date and year we met.
And before I can stop myself, from a place of suspicion and insecurity I’m looking through his phone. My heart thuds loudly in my ears as I scroll through the texts, looking for anything that appears out of place. There’s nothing in his messages or emails so I quickly open up his pictures folder. Again, nothing unusual there. And then, as I’m clicking out of the album berating myself for being so untrusting, I notice that there’s a file called ‘Recently Deleted’. I press onto it with a shaking finger and stare in disbelief at what appears. There are pictures, so so many pictures, of Nicole’s friend Seffy in various states of undress. I scroll through all of them, horrified. There are some of her in what I guess she thinks is sexy lingerie, there are close-up selfies taken from above so there’s a good shot of her cleavage and then there are others. All flesh, boobs, everything. I get to a selection in which she’s fully naked, with everything on display. I feel sick.
What. The. Fuck.
Daniel would never . . . but he has these pictures. Seffy? Weird, wishes-she-was-Angelina-Jolie, obsessed-with-Nicole Seffy?
I don’t want to believe it. I can’t believe it. But it explains so much. It explains why he’s been so distant with me. Why he’s been so ‘busy’. Is that what he wanted to talk about in Nando’s before I’d received the email from Tracy that had derailed the whole night? Was he going to tell me . . . that he’s having an affair?
No, no, no. This isn’t right. Daniel would never, ever do that to me. And nude pictures on his phone? It’s so unlike him. And yet there’s a nagging voice in my mind questioning it, because it would explain everything. And then the voice turns into my sister’s voice and I hear Lizzie say, Bex, what the fuck are you playing at? Why are you still standing here, wondering about this? Go and bloody ask him!
Clutching the phone in shaking hands, I march back into the restaurant. Daniel is talking to his parents, holding a whisky and – presumably for me – a whole bottle of wine.
‘I was just on my way back to you,’ he says hastily when he sees me.
The dining room goes quiet again. I think my re-arrival has made everyone nervous.
‘Please leave, Rebecca.’ Rupert says calmly. ‘You’re obviously very distressed but this isn’t the place to discuss it. You’ve really upset Nicole.’
I look at Nicole, who doesn’t look the least bit upset.
‘Oh, don’t worry,’ I say sweetly. ‘I’ve moved on from all that now. I actually came back to ask Daniel about these.’ I hold the phone up to his face and start flicking through the pictures I found, not taking my eyes off his face.
Daniel’s eyes widen and he drops his whisky glass onto the floor with a crash. ‘That’s . . . that’s . . . It’s not what it looks like!’ he spits out.
Nicole gets up from her chair and hurries round to see what all the fuss is about. ‘Oh. My. God,’ she says, sounding more gleeful than shocked.
‘How can it not be what it looks like?’ I hiss. I find one of the fully naked ones and hold it in his face.
Daniel grabs the phone off me. ‘Stop it! I deleted those! How did you find them?’
‘Recently deleted file, Daniel,’ Nicole drawls. ‘Rookie mistake.’
‘What on earth is going on?’ Elena cries. ‘You’re all making such a scene and everyone’s looking. We’ll never be allowed back again!’
Rupert simply downs his drink and holds his glass in the air for another. A waiter appears within seconds.
‘Answer the fucking question, Daniel,’ I say just loud enough for nearby diners to gasp – again. ‘Why are there naked pictures of another woman on your phone?’
‘She just sent them! I didn’t ask for them! I don’t know why she sent them but I got rid of them straightaway. There’s nothing going on! I swear!’
‘You’re lying!’ I say. ‘You’ve been acting shifty for weeks. If you’re not seeing someone else then what’s going on? Tell me.’
Daniel looks at me, his expression pained. But he says nothing.
‘If you can’t be honest with me,’ I choke out, fighting back the sobs, ‘I don’t even know why you asked me to marry you in the first place.’
I turn to walk away, my vision blurry with tears, when Daniel shouts, ‘Bex, wait!’
I want to get out of here as quickly as I can but something in his voice makes me stop and turn back around.
‘I . . . I have been lying to you. But not how you think.’
I feel sick. I knew it.
The entire restaurant is watching us, entranced. This is better than an episode of reality TV. And I don’t even care. I just want to know what’s going on.
‘What do you mean?’ I ask him carefully.
He glances briefly at his father. ‘I . . . I’ve been looking at schools. Applying for Masters’ degrees. And I’ve been accepted onto a course.’
Huh? What does this have to do with Seffy? I frown.
‘Animal Medicine.’ Daniel explains. ‘It’s full time, starts in September after the wedding, and I’ve been trying to find a way to finance it. Because I – I want to leave Balfour Industries.’
I blink, stunned. Rupert stands up from the table with such force that it sends his cutlery hurtling to the floor. ‘Daniel! What is this? Stop speaking such nonsense.’
‘I want to be a vet,’ Daniel says to his dad. ‘You know it’s what I’ve always wanted. And I know we made the deal when I went to university that I’d join the company when I graduated, but Dad, please. It’s not what I want. I’m not happy there.’
‘Is this some kind of joke?’ Rupert says, his face going beetroot-red. ‘After all I’ve done for you. This is how you repay me?’ He looks at me with such hatred on his face. ‘This is all your fault. He would never have entertained such common,’ – he spits the word – ‘ideas if he’d never met you.’
‘Please, Dad,’ Daniel says. ‘This was my decision. Bex wasn’t part of it.’
‘But – why wasn’t I part of it? Why the secrecy?’ I whisper. I don’t understand why Daniel would keep something like this from me.
‘I wanted to make sure I could afford it first, that I could get a big enough loan. I don’t want your lifestyle to suffer.’
I shake my head. My lifestyle? ‘What lifestyle?’ I say. ‘I don’t care about money, you know that. I never have.’
Nicole snorts in derision, and Daniel grabs my arm and walks me over to a quieter corner of the restaurant, away from his family and all the other eavesdroppers.
‘Bex, babe,’ he takes my hands and looks into my eyes with such an earnest expression I think I might start crying again. ‘You seemed to be enjoying the press attention lately, and the free things and there was the shoot with Vogue. You’ve been more active on social media since you’ve been spending time with Nicole. I just thought you might have developed a taste for that kind of life and I didn’t want you to have to give it up for me.’
Wow – I sound like a prize tosser. Have I really changed that much?
‘I promise,’ Daniel continues. ‘I’ve never cheated on you. Never. And I never would. I love you. You’re everything to me. I don’t want anyone else, just you. I don’t know why Seffy
sent me all those pictures but I’ve told her to stop it, that I’m not interested and that I love you and always would.’
The energy drains from my body. I believe him about Seffy, and he does love me, but there’s still a huge sense of disappointment that he’s not been honest with me.
I take a deep breath. ‘You didn’t trust me,’ I say quietly. ‘You didn’t trust me enough to tell me you wanted to leave work. That you wanted to take a leap of faith and go after your dream job. When have I ever done anything to make you think I wasn’t there for you?’
‘I just wanted to be financially set before I told you.’
‘How could you think that I wouldn’t have supported you? Wouldn’t have been happy for you?’
‘I did try to tell you a few times but things kept happening, and you were distracted. I thought it would be best to get everything set up first and then tell you.’
I shake my head. ‘No, this is all wrong. We tell each other everything. That’s our thing. No secrets. That’s why we work.’ I look up at him, tears in my eyes. ‘Do you even know me at all?’ How can he not know that I love him for more than his money and his job and his status? ‘I have to go,’ I whisper.
‘Wait, Bex,’ Daniel pleads. ‘Don’t go. Not like this.’
‘I need some time,’ I say.
He grabs hold of my hand but I pull away and push my way outside. Somehow I manage to hail a cab but I wait until I’m in the back of it before I let the sobs out.
Daniel didn’t trust me. He lied to me. He thinks I’m a different person. Am I a different person? Am I such a terrible knob who’s obsessed with lifestyle, luxuries and Louis Vuitton? How can we move past that? How can we build a life together if we don’t trust each other? Lizzie didn’t trust me either. Maybe I am turning into someone else. How can I get married if I don’t even know who I am any more? Maybe I shouldn’t be getting married at all.
I cry all the way home.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Nicole watched as Daniel raced out of the restaurant after Rebecca. She wore an expression of shock on her face, but inside she was smiling.
My Sister's Wedding: For better or worse, two families are about to become one . . . Page 19