Beneath the Heavens

by Barlow, Lindsey;

  Eight

  Abby tapped her foot impatiently. “Joseph, I don’t think Esther will notice if you wear the blue shirt or the darker blue shirt,” she finally called out.

  Joseph glared at her. “Did I ever make comments when you spent hours in front of the mirror to go to some church event?” He shook his head choosing the light blue shirt. “Besides, you don’t know what she likes a man to wear. She may be one of those picky females.”

  Abby looked blankly at Joseph. “I don’t know if she even she cares about men, let alone is picky about them.”

  Joseph snapped his head towards her with a frown. “What do you mean by that?”

  Abby blushed and looked down, twirling her fingers. “It’s just that I was talking with some of the mothers today—” she began quietly.

  Joseph raised an eyebrow. “Leave it to you to know gossip. Nothing has changed, has it Abby?” he chastened.

  Abby looked up with a glare strong enough to melt iron. “I have changed, Joseph, and it is not gossip every time that women talk. That is how women bond, feel connected—we talk, all right? And never mind what I said.” She opened the door. “I will wait outside for you,” she snapped before shutting the door firmly.

  Joseph sighed. He felt bad. There was no need to make that remark. Abby was a talker—she needed to talk. That was not wrong, and he had noticed a change in just the few days he had been with her. She was much more capable and calm with no hysterics or even tears. He felt protective over Esther, unaccountably so but that wasn’t Abby’s fault. Truth was that he was actually curious what she had heard about Esther, even if it was merely gossip. Whatever he could find out to help win her over would help.

  The ride was silent for the first few minutes. Abby was still clearly upset. She sat with her hands clasped and her petite chin high in the air, her lips pressed tightly together. Finally, nearing the end of the ride, Joseph decided to let go of his pride and apologize.

  “Abby, I am sorry I made that remark. I know women talk, and I am glad you are making friends. I should not have said that,” he said, certain his apology would be enough. No more talk was needed.

  Apparently, not for Abby.

  “I tried so hard to impress you Joseph,” she blurted. “You are the only one in the family who has ever treated me like I had brains and grit. Do you know how hard and stressful it has been trying to make a good breakfast, lunch and dinner for you, and to teach in front of you? I am not complaining. I want to do all those things, but I want you to be proud of me. It has not been easy out here. I handle it because I am not of a deposition to be melancholy. I will find happiness wherever I am, but that does not mean I have not been homesick, tired, and scared. Then you have the nerve to tell me I have not changed because I was chatting with some women who brought up Esther?” Her voice threatened tears. Joseph desperately hoped it wouldn’t come to that. He did not know how to handle tears.

  “Abby, I am sorry.”

  Abby sniffed, dabbing her eyes quickly. “Heavens Joseph, if I arrive to dinner red eyed and snotty, I will never forgive you,” she laughed shakily.

  Joseph smiled. Abby’s jolly attitude and positive outlook was often confused with flightiness and shallow thinking. She had come out here alone and in a few months was handling things like a seasoned teacher and a mature woman. Just because she did not talk rough or have a solemn demeanor did not mean that she was not smart and capable.

  Joseph shrugged, “What can I say Abby? Men are idiots. We’ll foolishly insult a wonderful woman even though we think the world of her,” he said with a brotherly shove.

  Abby chuckled lightly, “Well then, at least we agree on something,” she teased. Then looking ahead, she clapped her hands. “Oh, there it is. She gave good directions. And we still have some daylight left so you can teach Michael how to ride.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think his momma is keen with the idea.” Joseph bit his cheek; he did not know how to act tonight. Being forward had seemed to offend her, but he did not have a lot of time to court this woman, so he could not be timid.

  “Esther is a fierce mother. Why, I heard that one of the teachers, prior to me, slapped Michael’s hand with a ruler so hard it blistered.”

  Joseph clenched his hands on the reins; the desire to protect Esther and Michael was so fierce he could hardly breathe. His own father had never been around when he had been Michael’s age. There had been many times he was hurt or wronged and there was no man to defend him.

  “What did Esther do?” Joseph asked.

  “Well, she went storming off to the teacher. Lucinda, Sheriff Ben’s wife, said that Esther looked frightening—she was practically blazing fire. Anyway, the teacher left the next day and some of the mothers said they saw her with a swollen cheek; others say that Esther did not lay a hand on her but threatened her life. Honestly, no one really knows how, but Esther chased her away,” Abby said. “Esther is my friend and I would never lay a hand on Michael or any child, but regardless, I would be afraid if I were ever to hurt Michael. Esther is a very passionate mother.”

  Joseph smiled to himself. He liked that Esther was protective.

  Would she have that with their children?

  The thought of Esther carrying his child formed in his head making his blood heat and his mind go dizzy. He pictured her round with pregnancy. How wonderful it would be to have a woman like her. A woman to call his own who would protect their children alongside him. A woman who would feed, love, nurture, and teach their sons and daughters. A woman who would be his partner and raise a family with him.

  Joseph you don’t know if she will even have you let alone have children with you, he reminded himself. So shaking his head and trying to rid his mind of tempting thoughts he guided the horses to the house; his stomach growled with the smell of fried beef on the air.

  Michael ran out to greet Joseph and Abby before Esther could stop him. He looked awfully adorable dressed up like a full-grown cowboy. He had on an old belt buckle that Esther had decorated all fancy-like to make up for her previous comment of him looking ridiculous. His white-collared shirt was undone at the neck the way Joseph wore his, and they had combed his curls in a very manly style. Esther remained inside taking several deep breaths. People did not often make her nervous. It had been years, over seven, since she had cared what people thought. Joseph, however, unsettled her. She did not like him at all. Yet, she couldn’t shake the need she felt to look especially nice tonight. Maybe it was to give herself courage at having a man in her house. His coming to her home seemed too intimate. Whatever it was, she found that she wore one of her prettiest dresses with a wide neck. Her hair was washed, brushed and styled in a flattering manner. Even now as she heard him come in laughing with Michael, a sense of both protective anger and nervous butterflies arose inside of her.

  “Esther!” Abby called out, rushing forward to embrace her. Esther smiled. The schoolteacher smelled like cornbread and soup—the girl had been cooking. “Oh my, what are you making? It smells divine,” Abby exclaimed before looking around the house. “Why what a lovely home. It is so—it looks like a gingerbread house or something that belongs in a fairy tale.

  “Why thank you Abby; that is the finest compliment this house has received.” Esther ushered her in. She was proud of her little home.

  This home is proof that a wreck can be made whole, Esther thought.

  “Momma, look!” Michael was practically jumping out of his skin. “Look what Joseph got me today in town.”

  “Oh yes, he looked everywhere for those Michael,” Abby grinned.

  Michael held up a pair of shiny riding boots with two silver buckles. “They are Texas Ranger boots,” Michael explained. Esther’s mouth dropped. She knew the cost of those little boots. She had been to town enough with Michael begging for them to know they were not inexpensive. She looked up at Joseph whose gaze was boring into her, waiting for her reaction.

  “You really did not need to do this,” Esther said in a tone that Joseph cou
ld not understand. It was void of any emotion. No anger but also no gratitude. Her head tilted like a cautious doe. “How did you know his size?”

  Joseph suddenly felt very uncomfortable. “I asked for his shoe today at school. I measured the size before going into town.”

  Esther nodded taking the boots from Michael and examining them in her hands. Then with an apologetic glance at Michael she held out the boots to Joseph. “I’m sorry, but these are much too expensive for us to take. I am sure you can return them.”

  Michael made a lunge for the boots, and Esther caught him with catlike skill. “But he gave them to me!” he objected.

  Joseph looked at the boots and then at the steady determined gaze of Esther. A peculiar feeling overcame him. It was the feeling he had when facing an outlaw, the way they stood against each other, fingers waiting over their gun, wondering which one of them was quicker. It was a feeling of competition and adrenaline that came about when two people of equal strengths faced each other in combat.

  “I am not taking the boots back,” Joseph said matching her determination. “I guess you are just going to have to keep them.” He winked at Michael who reached for the boots again. Esther lifted them out of his reach, her face growing cold.

  “Well then, I insist that I pay for them.”

  Joseph gave a half smile and took a step forward. Esther was by the far the most stunning standoff he’d ever had. Especially with her hair pulled back revealing such a slender neck and the deep sunset pink dress that made her cheeks rosy and eyes bright.

  “They are a gift, Miss Esther,” he fully grinned. “Last time I checked, you don’t pay for a gift.”

  Esther’s stoic expression cracked just a little with a smile. “Then allow me half the payment.”

  Another step. The smell of sugar cookies wafted off Esther making Joseph’s head swim as he drew closer. “This isn’t a land dispute.”

  No blush, no smile; she didn’t even break eye contact. Instead she lifted her eyebrows imperially, tilted her head in that alluring manner, which was enough to drive Joseph crazy, and said softly, “Is it not?”

  Joseph blinked. Abby frowned, obviously puzzled as to what was happening. Esther then broke eye contact and handed the boots to Michael who snatched them with a victorious whoop. Then she looked at Joseph, her face back to its normal serenity and sweetness.

  The dispute resolve, Joseph extended his hand to lead Esther into the house. She stared at the open hand. She did not want to take it. Heavens, she did not, but Joseph had just bought her son a beautiful gift. She knew she couldn’t be that rude. So steadily, hoping he could not see the sweat forming on her brow, she took his hand.

  “Thank you, Mr. Silver,” she said slowly.

  “Joseph,” he corrected

  Esther nodded apologetically, “Joseph. That was very kind of you. I am sure Michael will wear those boots to bed.” She smiled and then motioned towards the kitchen, “Shall we?”

  Abby grabbed her brother’s sleeve, allowing Esther to walk ahead.

  “Alright what was that about?” she hissed under her breath. “I’ve never seen Esther go so… I don’t know… cold.”

  Joseph shrugged. “Let’s just say I won that round.”

  Abby shook her head. “What do you mean by that?”

  Joseph did not answer. A table laden with heavenly food greeted him. There were square-cut potatoes shiny with butter and sprinkled with parsley; a bowl of creamy gravy sat next to them. There was thick warm bread, hot applesauce, large fried steaks, green beans mixed with bacon and lightly roasted vegetables. Joseph felt his stomach grumble. He was a man with a hearty appetite that was usually only partially satisfied with grits, dry biscuits, and jerky. What was laid out before him spoke to his heart. Suspending what Abby asked, and the conversation he had just had with Esther, Joseph sat down ready to eat.

  Esther asked Michael to say the prayer. She did not feel comfortable asking either Abby or Joseph to give thanks, and as for her, she was terrified they would hear the shake in her voice. She had purposely touched a man, a handsome well-built man—an act she typically avoided at all costs. He had done something kind, out of place, but kind, and she had come close to offending him by refusing that kindness. As such she had compensated for her rudeness with a genuine friendly touch. The consequences were now that she couldn’t calm herself. Her skin felt cold, her stomach was twisted in knots, and flashbacks of that horrible night arose in her mind. She clenched the folds of her dress underneath the table while plastering on a smile. Michael bowed his head signaling that he was about to pray.

  “Dear Lord,” he began, “we thank thee for sending Joseph and we thank thee for sending the boots that Joseph bought.”

  Esther heard a smothered chuckle from Joseph. Despite her own anxieties, she found herself smiling, too. Michael was so endearing it was hard to think dark thoughts when he was around.

  Dear Lord, Esther silently prayed, please calm my fear, and take away these memories even if just for tonight.

  Michael ended with an “Amen.” Esther looked up and met Joseph’s gaze. She nodded politely and he beamed. She wondered if Joseph could do anything that was not intense. There was also a protectiveness about his look; it was the kind of look one has when deciding they have the sole responsibility over something of value. This thought should have alarmed Esther further, but to her surprise, she found herself calming down. Her breathing slowed and her pulse regulated. Esther glanced away from Joseph feeling puzzled. Why was he looking at her with such… affection? What was more unsettling was the tranquility that settled over her with his inscrutable gaze.

  “Please help yourselves,” Esther said. “As you can see, I made enough for twenty people.”

  “Mom always says that she was supposed to have a dozen children with how much she cooks,” Michael informed them reaching for bread. Esther looked sharply at her son mentally willing him to say nothing revealing or embarrassing about her.

  “A dozen?” Abby exclaimed, “That is a lot of children. I can’t hardly think about having one child right now let alone a dozen.”

  “Having children scares my sister,” Joseph explained while heaping up a mountain of potatoes on his plate before plopping down a juicy piece of meat.

  “I am just scared of the pain, even possibly death. I know it is worth it. I mean, who wouldn’t want a son like Michael?” She reached over and patted Michael’s arm, who was now lathering his bread with applesauce. “Still, it scares me, although I don’t agree with some of my friends back home who are afraid that children will take away their freedom. I think it would be just a different kind of freedom.”

  “What do you think, Miss Esther? Does a child take away your freedom and cause tension in a marriage?” Joseph asked, hoping she would reveal something about her former marriage, past, anything.

  Esther smiled and suddenly focused on her plate. “I can only speak from experience. Michael opened up venues of love I did not even know I had.”

  “But what about the pain?” Abby chirped, “I mean, each time you have a baby, there is the chance of death.”

  Esther leaned back, her expression glimmering with remembrance. “When I gave birth to Michael I was shocked by the pain. The pain, Abby, is beyond description, but once you hold that child in your arms, the pain is forgotten.”

  Joseph looked at Esther. Her face had a serene smile even though her eyes were swimming with memory.

  A hard one to crack, he thought. “I have found that women are more concerned with catching a husband than they are about being good mothers. They think all their lives about wedding dresses and kisses under the moonlight and they forget that motherhood comes along with it. Then when they have a child they resent it for taking away,” he glanced at Abby kindly, “their freedom.” Joseph had seen this many times: a woman blaming her children for a waylaid life or lost lovers. The problem with Esther was that she did not seem to be looking for a husband, which baffled him

  Esther looke
d him in the eye, surprised, as if she had not expected to agree with him. “I must say that in some cases that is true; however, I think most women, whether they want a child or not, are shocked at the overwhelming love that comes when a baby is placed in their arms.”

  “Would a woman then be content with only that child’s love?” Joseph asked boldly, “or would she still need a man’s love—a husband’s love?”

  Esther arched an eyebrow so high that Joseph thought it would fly off her face. “I would not know for certain; from merely observing others, I find that a husband limits a woman and reduces her freedom more than a child ever could.” Esther smiled tightly indicating that the conversation was over.

  Joseph grew silent. Esther clearly was not looking for marriage. In fact, she seemed to be against it. Feeling discouraged he glanced at Michael who was smiling at him with such open admiration that Joseph felt better, like a hero tackling a hard mission and not like a slighted suitor.

  “Oh Esther, how is Mrs. Gable doing?” Abby asked, changing the subject. The two women fell into easy conversation talking about the happenings of Tall Pine. Michael in the meantime scooted his chair closer to Joseph.

  “How are you doing, little man?” Joseph grinned, helping himself to more food. Michael glanced nervously at his mom, making sure she was engaged in conversation. Esther’s eyes darted to Michael who smiled innocently. She must not have sensed any danger because she slowly looked away to continue talking with Abby.

  “Mr. Joseph, I have a question,” he asked in a whisper.

  Joseph tilted his head down closer to the boy. “What is it Michael?”

  Michael glanced again at his mom and then whispered even softer. “Can you marry my mom—soon?”

  Joseph did not know whether he wanted to laugh out loud or fall off his chair. He liked this boy—his sweetness, his spiritedness, and his bluntness were endearing. Curious, Joseph lowered his voice.