Burning for You (Blackwater)

by Lila Veen

  I can’t hold back anymore and gasp as a huge orgasm courses through me. My own juices surge forth onto my already wet fingers between my legs. “Leah,” I hear Ash say and I know he’s doing the same thing on the other end of the line. We’re both silent for a minute. I can hear Ash panting on the phone. “I need you, Leah,” he finally whispers.

  “Ash, come to me,” I plead, turning on my side and tucking my legs up to my chest. “I want you and can’t stand being away from you.”

  He sighs deeply. “I can’t come to see you until much later. I want to, believe me, but it’s going to be late tonight by the time I can come by.”

  “Why?” I want to know. I’m surprised at this sudden change of plans. He’s been putting me off all day, and after what we just did, I didn’t expect this. He’s sending me mixed signals, making my heart pound in anxiety. “What’s going on?”

  “I can’t tell you right now,” he says. “But I don’t want you telling anyone else that we were supposed to see each other and I can’t see you.”

  I sit up, confused, alarmed, and annoyed. “Why would I tell someone else anything? What’s going on, Ash? What are you up to?”

  “Can you trust me?”

  “I’m not sure,” I reply. “Can I?” And idea flashes into my head and I want to push it far, far away, but it will nag at me all night if I don’t. “Are you with another girl?”

  “Leah, we just had phone sex. I’m alone right now.”

  “You’re not answering my question,” I say through clenched teeth. “I just left someone who was cheating on me and I need to know. Are you going to see Erika tonight?”

  “Leah, I can’t tell you anything,” he says, his voice raising in aggravation. “I promise you, I’m not cheating on you.”

  “I’ve been promised that before,” I say. “A lot of good it did me.” I hit the “End Call” button and resist throwing my phone across the room. When I set it on the nightstand, I see the texts fly through from Ash, but I turn the phone off, determined not to make my day any worse.

  Who am I kidding? How could things get worse today? My best friend’s baby has been kidnapped and she saw me hugging her husband, who happens to be my ex-boyfriend. I was stalked by my ex-asshole-husband after having lunch with a woman who’s probably lying to me to get to a man who is supposed to be the love of my life. Oh god, I realize what’s happening. All I want is to be with Ash. I’m falling so hard for him I can barely breathe. I look on the nightstand next to me at the vial and dropper and wonder if Erika is attempting to poison me. “Now you sound ridiculous,” I say aloud to myself. I hear a knock at my door.

  “Leah,” my mother’s voice says on the other end. I quickly close my robe and tie it tight around my waist, embarrassed about being on my bed in the state I’m in. “Can I come in?”

  “Sure,” I say when I feel like I’m decent enough. I press my cheeks flat to attempt to get the flush out of them. There’s really no point in hiding anything from my mother when she knows everything anyway.

  “Heidi is home with the baby,” she tells me when she opens the door. My heart begins to pound when I hear “baby”, but I’d almost forgotten that Heidi had been gone to pick up her newly adopted child. “It’s a boy.”

  “That’s great,” I say, slightly less than enthusiastically. “Are you going over there?”

  “I thought we could both go,” she suggests. “Perhaps bring them some dinner?”

  “As long as it’s not four Lean Cuisines, I’m sure they’ll be grateful,” I tell her.

  My mother smirks. “I ordered carry out from Chez George. Are you coming with me or not?”

  I sigh. I’m completely exhausted, but I really have nothing better to do. “Fine, I’ll come with,” I say. “But there had better be wine.”

  Chapter 19

  Seeing Heidi with a baby is like watching a little girl with a doll. Heidi’s small body looks shrunken and lost in the rocking chair that Jack has brought in for her to feed their newly adopted son. She croons a tuneless song at the infant who is dressed in a baby blue sleeper as she holds a bottle to his mouth. The baby is beautiful, with a soft and wispy blonde tuft of hair and cloudy blue eyes that seem to take in everything. He barely cries. Jack looks on lovingly by Heidi’s side. They all make a pretty picture.

  “So tell me what happened?” I ask. “Where did you go to get him? Did you meet the mother at all? Were you there for the labor?”

  “Oh, it was pretty uneventful,” Heidi replies, her ice blue eyes flashing up at me with a look that indicates she’d rather not relive anything by answering my questions. “I didn’t meet the mother, but I’m glad I didn’t. I can’t imagine giving up a baby to a stranger.”

  “Well that’s a weird outlook for someone who just adopted a baby,” I tell her. Heidi glares at me but doesn’t say anything and continues to rock. “Have you and Jack picked out a name?”

  “We were thinking about naming him after Dad,” Heidi says. “Jared Jack Bellamy. J.J. for short.”

  “After Dad?” I ask in disbelief. “You can’t do that!”

  “Why not?” Heidi asks, narrowing her eyes at me. “He was my father too.”

  “He’s not dead and you’re talking about him like he is,” I say, standing up and walking toward her. Heidi shrinks back into her chair as far as she can go. “You can’t name a baby after a living relative. It’s bad luck!”

  “Leah,” my mother says sharply. She raises her voice above her normal level, stunning Jack, Heidi and I into silence. “Your sister can name her child what she wants. You need to calm down. It’s not bad luck unless you’re Jewish, and last I checked, we are not.”

  I begin to protest. “But-“

  “Leah, come with me in the kitchen,” my mother says in a stern voice. “Now.” My eyes grow large and I follow her into the kitchen, sinking down into a stool and putting my elbows on the counter to cradle my head in my hands. For some reason, I start to cry. “Leah, what is going on?”

  “I don’t know!” I hiss. “It’s been a horrible day, and I already finished a bottle of wine, and there’s none left!” I begin to sob uncontrollably, wondering if I’m about to get my period or something. “Why do I feel so horrible?”

  “Did you fight with Ash?” my mother asks me. I nod, wiping the tears away from my face. She walks over to the refrigerator and lo and behold, she produces another bottle of wine.

  “Well that was cruel,” I declare. “You’ve been holding out on me.”

  “Leah,” she says, finding two glasses and pouring mine particularly full. “There’s something wrong with this adoption.”

  I stare at her. “I think so too.”

  “You do?” I nod. “Why do you think that?”

  I shrug. “I just get this bad feeling that there’s something Heidi is hiding. Something is very off.”

  My mother stares back at me and blinks. “How would you know that, Leah?”

  “I don’t know!” I shake my head. “Am I wrong?”

  My mother sits in the stool next to me and takes a large swig of her wine. “No,” she says in a hushed voice. “You’re not wrong. This whole thing isn’t right, but I can’t understand why you would get that feeling. I didn’t even say anything and you have that feeling.”

  “True,” I shrug. “Maybe it’s just a feeling and a lack of trust for Heidi.” I look at her but she seems unconvinced. “What do you think is going on?”

  “With you? I think you are more water than you know.”

  My brow creases in confusion. “You mean my elemental?”

  She nods. “You could have a dual elemental, Leah. Your father and I are unique in that we are opposing elementals and also catalysts. It wouldn’t be unusual for you to carry a dual elemental.” She sighs. “But it’s a heavy burden on the bearer.”

  “What do you mean?” I want to know.

  She shakes her head. “It might not be anything. I’m not even sure I’m right, so let’s not go down that path until we have
to.”

  “Okay,” I agree, finishing my glass of wine and reaching over to pour myself another. “So what is going on with this adoption?”

  “Not here,” my mother says in her lowered voice. “We need to say goodnight and go home.”

  “What’s going on?” I hear Heidi say behind us, with the baby in her arms. I don’t know if I can bring myself to call him Jared. “I thought you were here to see the baby.”

  My mother stands up. “Let me hold him, Heidi.”

  Heidi takes a step back. “No.”

  My eyes widen. “Heidi, what the hell? She would like to hold her grandson.”

  Heidi shakes her head. “No. You can’t hold him. I invite you to see him, but he’s an infant. You could get him sick or-“

  “She’ll wash her hands,” I say sourly. “Are you not going to let anyone touch him?”

  “You two are drunk,” she says. “You’ve been drinking since you got here. I don’t want you two around the baby like this.”

  “Bullshit,” I say, but realize I am slightly slurring my speech. “Let’s go Mother,” I say, standing up and putting my hands on my mother’s shoulders to steady myself. “Goodbye Heidi. I hereby rescind my offer to babysit.”

  “Good,” Heidi says. “Mother, as always, thanks so much for coming and taking Leah’s side. You are truly predictable.”

  “Excuse me?” I say, stepping back. “Taking my side? Are you crazy? For years all I heard about was how wonderful you are and how well you married and how thin you are, when you’ve been making yourself throw up for years and you married someone who can’t manage to grow a pair so you can push him around as you please!” I cringe, hearing the words come out of my mouth and shout over Heidi’s shoulder into the other room. “No offense Jack, you’re great.”

  “Thanks Leah,” he calls back, obviously not wanting to stir the pot. Heidi glares behind her shoulder, as though Jack can see her. He’s a smart man who knows better than to get in between the words of three women.

  “And meanwhile,” Heidi continues. “You talk and talk and know absolutely nothing about what you’re saying, as always. You think Mom thinks I’m so wonderful? You think Mom loves me more? Well you’re wrong, Leah. You’re the one she’s been crying about for over ten years. You’re the one she talks about whenever I would see her and try and get her to focus on me. She loves you because you can…” She stops and I watch the tears streaming down her face. I’ve never seen Heidi break before, so this is a new experience and I’m secretly enjoying it while at the same time, I feel horrible.

  “I can what, Heidi?” I say softly. “Because I can craft? Because you can’t? Are you jealous of me?”

  “Stop it, Leah,” my mother says, pulling me away. I hadn’t realized I’m practically inches away from Heidi, stooping down so my face is as level with hers as comfortably possible. “Enough from the both of you. Leah, we’re going home.” My mother takes my arm and pulls me away, but before she gives me a good yank, I reach out and touch the baby’s forehead with two fingers and I freeze, causing the pulling on my arm to stop.

  My mother and I look right into each other’s eyes and I hear a gasp, not sure if it’s coming from her or from me. “Eleanor,” I whisper. I turn to face Heidi. “You took Eleanor’s baby.”

  The slap happens so quickly that I feel the burn on my face before I realize what actually happened. I stare at my mother in shock at what she just did. Heidi looks horrified.

  “Leah, you’re drunk,” my mother declares. “Heidi, I’m sorry. We’re going now.”

  Jack wanders into the kitchen where I am standing and holding my cheek, horrified. “Do you ladies need a ride home?”

  “No thank you Jack, I’m fine to drive,” my mother says. She yanks on my arm and pulls me out the front door so fast that I barely have time to grab my jacket off of the coat hook.

  The minute we are outside, she releases her grip on my arm. “What the hell did you slap me for?” I demand to know, shrugging into my jacket. “I’m not even that drunk. How dare you?”

  “Leah, get in the goddamn car right now,” my mother snaps. I know she’s serious if she’s swearing at me. Wordlessly I comply, getting into the passenger side of her silver Mercedes and slamming my door shut. She turns the car on and a blast of warm air provides some relief for my freezing limbs. I flip on the seat warmer, taking advantage of the luxuries my mother’s car provides that Betsey does not. My mother backs out of Heidi’s driveway and begins heading home. “I had to get us out of there,” my mother says.

  “You felt it too,” I say. “I don’t know how I knew, but when I touched him…the baby, I mean, it was like I could feel Eleanor. He’s her baby! How could Heidi have taken Eleanor’s baby?”

  “We don’t know that for sure,” my mother replies, but she sounds unsure of her own statement. “I felt it too, though. But you can’t just go shooting off accusations, Leah. If that is Eleanor and Andrew’s baby, Heidi could run off with him and Eleanor would have no chance of seeing him again. Do you understand? This is serious.”

  I nod. “I’m sorry,” I agree. “I flew off the handle.”

  “That’s why water and fire don’t mix,” she says. “But Leah, my god, I may not be sure about the baby, but I’m pretty sure you’re a dual, and that could mean….” She trails off, her hand fluttering to her throat where her black pearls sit against white skin.

  “That could mean what, Mother?” I say, eyes narrowing.

  “It might be that Ash isn’t your only catalyst,” she replies. “I’ve seen it before. Some people have none, some have one, some have many.” Her free hand twists her pearls nervously. “You should have stayed away from Blackwater, Leah. This is only going to cause your life to be hard, and I never wanted that for you.”

  “Ash is my catalyst,” I say in a steady voice. “I have no doubt in my mind.”

  “No, you’re absolutely right,” my mother says, gracefully putting one jeweled hand over another to make a left turn. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t have another catalyst.”

  I consider this. The way I feel with Ash when I’m with him – angry post-phone-sex moment aside, I don’t feel like it’s possible to feel that way with anyone else. It can’t be possible. He’s mine and I’m his, end of story. Then I feel a panic attack coming on. “Could Ash have another catalyst?” I ask my mother.

  “It’s possible,” she says. “Anything is possible. Lisette Lavanne has had four husbands and crafter children from every single one of those unions. That means she’s had at least four people who were her catalyst. I’ve seen it happen, Leah. It’s often within the same family, too.”

  “So Heidi could be Ash’s catalyst?” I say, turning in shock to face my mother and feeling my heart pounding in my throat. “I’d kill her.”

  “Leah, that’s ridiculous,” my mother says. “Heidi has no crafting ability whatsoever. That’s why she’s jealous of you. She knows she can’t ever change that, and she married Jack.”

  “I think I just peed myself.”

  My mother reaches over to my side of the car and switches the seat warmer switch off. “You’re drunk.”

  *

  I practically crawl up the stairs to my bedroom. I’m feeling completely worn out from the day and the encounter with Heidi. Add the information my mother has given me, and I pretty much feel like spending the rest of the night curled up in bed with some cheese popcorn and a fresh bottle of wine. My intent is to pass out gracefully drunk and wake up and forget today happened. Apparently my life has other plans. I nearly scream when I open the door to my bedroom and see Ash sitting on my bed. “Shhhhh,” he says, standing up and running over to me to cover my mouth. “I don’t want your mother shooting me on site.”

  “You’re breaking and entering,” I say, shutting the door behind me. “Why shouldn’t she shoot you?”

  “I didn’t break anything. Isabel gave me the garage code.” I’m going to have to give Isabel a good lecture on taking sides when I see he
r again. “I needed to see you, Leah.”

  “You didn’t a few hours ago,” I say angrily, taking my shoes off and throwing my jacket on the floor. “What’s changed?”

  Ash leans forward and sniffs at my face. “How much have you had to drink?”

  “Enough to make the room spin violently and not enough to throw up.” Ash smirks and pulls me into his arms. “Stop it,” I whine. “You’re going to take advantage of me.”

  “I’m getting you to bed,” he says. “You’re a mess.”

  “I’m a mess because of you!” I cry out. “I was looking forward to seeing you all day and you left me high and dry.”

  He shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure I left you pretty wet when you hung up on me.”

  I smack him flat in the chest, hard enough to make him wince. “That’s exactly the problem! How could you do that to me?”

  He grabs my wrists, just hard enough to stop me from hitting him again. “Leah, everything that happened tonight was with you in mind.”

  I inhale sharply. “What happened?”

  He shakes his head. “I can’t tell you that.”

  I bite my lower lip. “Did you have sex with Erika?”

  “No!” he says. “Absolutely not.”

  “But you were with her.”

  He nods. “That’s all you need to know. Do you trust me?”

  “No.”

  He grabs me around the waist and spreads his legs to stand at eye level with me. “Trust me, Leah. I will not cheat on you. I will never cheat on you. There is no one for me but you, and anyone else would just leave me empty. Do you understand?” His black eyes are so fierce that I can’t help but swallow and nod silently. He pushes a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “Can I hold you tonight?” he asks me. “I just want to watch you sleep.”

  I sigh. “Yes, you can stay and hold me tonight. Because I’m a drunk sucker.”

  Chapter 20

  I see Ash every night of the week, whether it’s to dinner after work or him staying over in my bed. For some reason, I sneak him in every night, even though I’m an adult and my mother is perfectly aware of what’s happening. Something about being in my childhood home with my lover makes me revert back to sneakiness.