Pretty Broken Dreams: A Pretty Broken Standalone Novel

by Jeana E. Mann

  “I have a few ideas.” His lips find my palm. The blue of his eyes matches the color of the sky. “We have plenty of time to figure it out.”

  “Yeah, I guess we do.” He takes my hand and tangles his fingers with mine. “Come on, let’s walk the rest of the way.” After a few paces, he says, “I want to meet your kids. I want to meet Gaston. Is that okay?”

  “That sounds great.” A smile stretches my face, until I think my skin might burst.

  “No pressure. Just something casual. It will give us all time to get to know one another.”

  “You think they’ll like it here?” he asks.

  “I think they’re going to love it.” My heart is lighter than it’s ever been. A light breeze ruffles the leaves overhead. I inhale the scent of freshly cut grass and listen to the whickering of the horses.

  Chapter 35

  Vanessa - Today

  WHEN IT’S TIME to meet the children at the airport, Cam offers his car and driver. I’m expecting his Mercedes sedan, but a Cadillac limousine shows up instead. The chauffeur tips his hat and opens the door. Cam is inside. My heart skips a beat at the sight of his tousled hair and stubbled jaw. He’s dressed casually in dark blue jeans and a baseball jersey with the sleeves pushed to his elbows. The corners of his mouth curl up when our eyes meet.

  “Don’t you have a meeting today?” I slide onto the seat across from him. The buttery black leather is cool against the backs of my thighs. The interior is quiet and shaded from the bright midday sun.

  “I rescheduled.” He lifts a finger and speaks a few short instructions into his Bluetooth then ends the call and removes the earpiece. “I thought you might like some company. Do you mind?”

  “No, it’s fine.” It’s more than fine; it’s fantastic. My children are a part of me, and he’ll have to accept them if we’re going any further with our relationship. His willingness to meet them means a lot to me. I’m not sure what this means for Gaston, but we can sort out the details later. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” His gaze dips to my lips. “Can I have a kiss?”

  “Always.” I lean into him, placing a hand on his knee for balance as the car rounds a corner. A groan rises from his throat at the meeting of our mouths. The familiar taste of his peppermint candy sizzles across my tongue. When we pull apart, heat shimmers in his eyes.

  “I’ve been looking forward to that all day.” He settles back in the seat, throwing an arm along the backrest. His denim-clad knee presses against my bare one. The casual contact causes my inner pelvic muscles to clench. “Nice shorts.”

  “Thanks.” A blush heats my cheeks. I paired the taupe shorts with a black silk T-shirt and nude strappy sandals. The outfit is casual but classy, a welcome change from the business suits I’ve been wearing.

  “Why are you so far away?” The tone of his voice is low, seductive. “Get over here.” I move across to his side. He threads his fingers through mine and sets our clasped hands on top of his thigh. “I like your hair down. You should wear it like this more often.” He toys with a loose lock dangling over my shoulder. The proprietary brush of his fingertips across my collarbone tightens my nipples.

  “You’re being awfully sweet today,” I tease. “You must want something.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe I’m just a sweet guy.”

  My pulse picks up speed. When he looks at me like he wants to eat me up, the way he’s looking right now, my thoughts scramble. I can’t imagine being anywhere else but here—with him.

  “You’re the best,” I brush his unruly hair away from his forehead. The black strands are silky and slip through my fingers.

  “You make me want to be a better man,” he replies. “You may not believe it, but it’s true.”

  “From my perspective, you’ve got a lot of potential.” We’re both smiling broadly. A bubble of giddiness swells in my chest.

  “Is that right? Some people might argue with you.”

  “Yes.” I brush my lips over the tip of his nose. He rolls his lips together like he’s tasting me. The gesture causes a strange flutter between my legs. I like him this way; playful and unassuming. These kinds of moments make me regret the years we lost.

  “I’ve been thinking about your living situation.”

  “You have? Do you think about me a lot?”

  “Constantly.” He lifts my hand to his lips and presses a kiss to my knuckles. “Have you found a house yet?”

  “No.” I’ve been too busy with work to look for houses. The few places I’ve seen have either been too large or in a poor location. “I guess we’ll stay in my suite until I find something.”

  “The hotel is no place to raise a family. I think you and the kids should move into my house until you find something.”

  “What? No. Cam, we couldn’t.”

  “It’s just sitting there empty, and I hate to see it unused.”

  “Is this because of Gaston?”

  “Maybe.” He bites the fullness of his bottom lip.

  “You know, I meant it when I said you don’t have to be a part of his life. He’ll need to be told eventually, but only when you’re both ready.”

  “I want to be a part of his life and yours.” One corner of his mouth twitches. “But the house only makes sense. The kids could have their own bedrooms and play outdoors.” The color of his eyes turns from vibrant to soft. “And it would give me a chance to get to know all of you without any pressure.”

  The generosity of his offer renews my admiration for him. He’s giving to a fault. It would mean an hour commute to work each day, but Lisle and Gaston would love the freedom. For most of their young lives, they’ve been stuck in city apartments. I want to give them all the things I never had, including a childhood.

  “What about you?” I don’t want to abuse his kindness, but this could be a temporary answer to my problems. “Where would you stay?”

  One of his eyebrows arches. “I have my apartment in the city, but I’d like to visit on the weekends. There’s enough room for all of us.” He leans further back in the seat, spreading his knees wider, and stares down at me. “You got a problem with that?”

  “No, but—” I don’t get a chance to finish the sentence. In one abrupt motion, he yanks me onto his lap. I squeal in surprise. I love it when he manhandles me.

  “Don’t be so damn stubborn, Vanessa. It’s the right thing to do, and you know it.” His gaze sweeps from my eyes to my mouth. With this hand tangled in the hair at my nape, he tilts my head back and peppers kisses along my exposed throat. “Now, say yes.”

  “Yes.” There’s no point in arguing. I want to be with him every minute of every day. He makes me feel like I matter, like my children matter. I curl my fingers in the fabric of his jersey and let him continue tracing kisses down to my breasts. “But I insist on paying you rent.”

  Cam’s deep voice vibrates against my skin. “Oh, you’ll pay all right. But I was thinking more along the lines of a trade.” I feel his lips curve into a smile. “And it’s going to cost you a lot.”

  ***

  Cam holds my hand as we walk through the airport. His palm is sweating, and he grows quieter with each step. The closer we get to the gate, the more furious my heart pounds. A part of me has been missing for the past few months. I won’t feel whole again until I have both my babies with me.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “I’m a little nervous,” he says. “This is important. What if they don’t like me?”

  I squeeze his hand, and try not to smile at his concern. He’s arrogant and confident in the boardroom, but two children have reduced him to a bundle of anxiety.

  “You’ll be fine. I like you, and that’s all that matters.” When he doesn’t smile, I stop walking and force him to look at me. “Just be yourself. It’ll all work out.”

  Even with a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes, he’s still recognized. Cameras flash and fingers point in our direction. We haven’t made any formal announcements to our friends or family
about our relationship. I haven’t told the children about him either, but I will.

  When Gaston and Lisle come through the gate, accompanied by their nanny Ruth, Cam drops my hand and moves aside. Emotion too strong for description brings tears of joy to my eyes. Lisle runs into my arms. I sweep her into a hug. She smells wonderful, like sunshine and shampoo. Gaston sidesteps my attempts to touch him. His gaze narrows at the sight of Cam.

  “Who are you?” Gaston asks Cam, his tone confrontational.

  “I’m Cameron Blackwood. You must be Gaston.” Cam extends his hand. When Gaston ignores him, Cam drops his hand. Disappointment clouds his eyes.

  “Don’t be rude, Gaston. Cam is a friend.” I nudge Gaston’s shoulder.

  “Nice to meet you,” Gaston says, his tone petulant.

  “Hi.” Lisle turns round eyes to Cam. “You’re very tall. It makes my neck hurt to look at you.”

  Cam’s laughter breaks some the awkwardness surrounding us. He crouches to her eye level. “Is this better.”

  “Yes.” She studies him. He takes the scrutiny with good grace. “I like your eyes. They’re pretty. Like Gaston’s.” A red flush creeps up Cam’s neck, but he stays cool.

  “Thank you. Yours are very pretty, too. They’re the same color as your mother’s,” Cam replies without missing a beat, but my chest tightens. The resemblance between father and son is obvious even to a six-year old.

  “I know.” She smiles at him, showing her dimples, and takes his hand in hers. “Okay. I’m ready to go now. Can we get something to eat? I’m starving.”

  “I’ll call the hotel and have them bring something up,” Cam says. “What would you like?”

  The children fill the last remaining empty space inside me. They’ve grown so much in the few months we’ve been apart. Even though we Skyped every day, I missed out on the subtle changes. Gaston is taller, and Lisle’s hair is longer by a few inches. They are quiet for the duration of the ride back to the hotel, and I try not to read anything into it. After all, they’ve been on a plane for the better part of a day, and must be exhausted.

  Gaston stares out the window, a sullen scowl on his face. Lisle snuggles into my arms and falls asleep within minutes. Cam withdraws into a corner of the car and types incessantly into his phone. New worries fill my head. This arrangement is foreign for all of us. What if my family is too much for Cam? Two children are a huge burden for a man who’s lived his entire life alone, not to mention a surprise son.

  When we arrive at the hotel room, Gaston frowns. “We’re living in a hotel? Seriously?” An angry sigh raises his chest. “Does Dad know about this?”

  Inside my head, I count to ten. “Yes, he does, and he’s fine with it. Besides, this suite is bigger than our Paris flat.”

  “I like it,” Lisle says.

  “But it’s a hotel.” He flops onto the sofa and puts his shoes on the coffee table.

  “Gaston, feet.”

  “Camilla lets me put my feet on the furniture,” he says. I wince at the mention of Giles new wife. Before I left, we had more than a few arguments over ground rules for the children.

  “No, she doesn’t,” Lisle says.

  “You know how to behave, Gaston. Good manners are not negotiable,” I reply. “Now, go wash your hands before we eat.” He shuffles toward the powder room. Lisle skips at his side, chattering happily.

  The food smells delicious. Silver chafing dishes line the top of the buffet in the dining room. I lift the lids and peek inside at a smorgasbord of food. Hamburgers, hot dogs, macaroni and cheese, pizza—the list continues.

  “Did you order everything on the menu, or what?” I ask Cam.

  “I wasn’t sure what to get,” he said. “Is this okay? I can call them back.”

  “It’s fine.” His concern touches my heart, reminding me of all the reasons I once loved him, and why those feelings have resurfaced.

  “Yay! Pizza.” Lisl bounces back into the room and begins to sing. “Pizza, pizza, I love pizza!”

  “You found your second wind, didn’t you, peanut?” The sound of her cherubic voice lightens my heart. I give her a squeeze.

  “Yes, mamma. I’m so happy.” She clings to my hand. “Tomorrow, can we go to the zoo and the museum?”

  “I hate the museum.” Gaston groans and crosses his arms over his chest.

  “Mamma has to work tomorrow, but we can go this weekend, if you’re good.”

  “Is Cam coming?” She turns hopeful eyes on him. At the sound of his name, he looks up from his phone. A smile brightens his dark features.

  “I’d love to, if your mom doesn’t mind.”

  “She doesn’t.” Lisle squirms into a chair at the dining room table. Her feet dangle above the floor.

  “It sounds like a great idea,” I say. “But Cam’s a busy man.” I don’t want him to feel obligated. He needs to take this transition at his own pace.

  “I can’t think of anything I’d rather do,” he replies.

  Chapter 36

  Cam - Today

  TWO DAYS LATER, I’m convinced these kids—Gaston in particular—are more than I can handle. Bright sunshine graces our visit to the zoo. Lisle skips from one exhibit to another, teeming with energy. She clings to her mother’s hand, like she’s afraid Vanessa will disappear. Her cheerful attitude and plentiful smiles are infectious. Gaston, however, is unimpressed and drags along behind us.

  Boardroom negotiations have always been my strong suit, but this kid is intimidating. He’s tall for his age, like me, and full of attitude—also like me. Whenever I touch Vanessa, he visibly bristles. It’s going to take more than pizza and a visit to the monkey exhibit to win this boy over.

  “The zoo isn’t your thing?” I ask during a quiet moment.

  “No.” He snorts, giving me a boatload of pre-teen disdain.

  “Me neither.”

  The girls go to the edge of the duck pond to feed a pair of swans. Lisle’s giggles travel across the water. Gaston stands a few yards away, tossing pebbles into a tiny stream. When I approach, he stiffens and jerks his chin in the opposite direction. A classic move, one that I invented. The truth hits me hard in the gut. If I didn’t believe it before, I do now. This is my kid. My son. He’s got my characteristics plus Vanessa’s stubbornness to deal with. The boy is going to need my help.

  “What, exactly, is your thing?” I ask and lean my forearms on the rail fence separating us from the creek bank.

  “I don’t know.” He shrugs.

  “Come on. You’ve got to be into something. Video games? Baseball? Music?” I grab a handful of pebbles and chuck one across the water.

  “Baseball’s okay, I guess.”

  “Ever been to a game?” My next throw ricochets off a rock and lands between two geese. They squawk, flapping their wings. Gaston’s lips twitch. Before he can smile, he catches himself and restores his scowl.

  “No.”

  Man, this kid is the king of short answers. He’s going to make a terrific negotiator someday. I try again.

  “I’ve got box seats at Wrigley Field, if you want to go sometime.” A flicker of interest sparks in his eyes then extinguishes. I try one more option. “Or, if you’re into cars, we could visit the track.”

  “You mean the racetrack?” For the first time, he faces me fully.

  “Yeah.” Finally. Jackpot. I swallow and try to remain cool. “NASCAR or Indy car?”

  “Either. Both.” His voice shakes with repressed excitement, and his accent thickens. “My dad took me to watch the Le Mans once. It was really cool.”

  “Really? I always wanted to go.” A feeling I’ve never known sweeps through me. It’s a combination of awe, relief, and excitement.

  “Oui, I mean—yes. It was the most amazing thing.” The words pour out of him. His face lights up, transforming his features from petulant to enthused.

  “Are you guys ready to head home?” Vanessa asks, stopping at my side. She drops a hand onto my forearm. The casual contact sends a ripple of pleasu
re up to my shoulder. Gaston’s gaze drops to where she’s touching me. I lift an eyebrow, and he glances away. Sooner or later, he’s going to have to accept our relationship. It might as well start now. Vanessa looks from me to our son. “You two are up to something.”

  “Tell you later.” I whisper in her ear and brush a kiss across her cheek.

  ***

  Vanessa and the kids transfer to my house the following weekend. Once they’re settled in, I travel out to visit and make sure things are going smoothly. Lisle runs out the front door to greet me in the driveway. Her excitement warms my heart. We’re becoming fast friends. Beneath her arm is a glass pickle jar.

  “What’s this?” I kneel in front of her and point to the jar.

  “Swear jar,” she replies brightly.

  “Explain, please.” I raise an eyebrow, sending her into giggles.

  “Every time someone says a bad word, they have to put a dollar in the jar.” While she speaks, she dances in a circle around me.

  “Is that so?” I ask. She nods vigorously.

  “Yes.” Vanessa says from the front steps. Her hair is piled high on her head in a messy bun. Dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a flowing T-shirt, she looks about nineteen. My heart beats faster at the sight of her.

  “Mama says you’re going to put me through college,” Lisle announces proudly.

  “No way. Hell, that’s a bunch of shit,” I say. Lisle giggles and extends the jar toward me. I pull out my wallet and stuff two dollars into the jar. Vanessa shakes her head, feigning annoyance, but a smile plays on her lips. “Sorry.”

  I stand and give her a kiss on the lips. When we part, my heart is still pounding. We haven’t had sex since the night at the club. I don’t want to rush our relationship. It’s important to take things slow, but I’m dying to feel my underneath me again.