“Your mom went to see a band with you?” I ask.
“Yeah, before Brad came into the picture we used to do all kinds of stuff like that.”
“What’s he like?” I ask.
“He’s okay. He makes her happy. I guess that’s all that matters.”
I stare down at the mosaic tile surrounding the hot tub. “Tell me about this college you want to go to.”
“It’s a beautiful campus. It’s in this really great town outside of Nashville called Franklin. There’s a historic downtown area but it’s got all these trendy restaurants, and they close the streets down all the time for festivals and stuff.”
“And that’s near your college?”
“Yeah, it’s right by that downtown area,” she says.
“And you’ll live near there?”
“You can rent these apartments above the restaurants and shops on the square. I totally want to do that if I can afford it.”
I push my foot through the fizzing water. “Do you know anyone else who’s going there?”
“No, but I think the school offers a roommate match up program.” She nudges me. “It’s going to be hard to match the guy I live with now.”
I imagine the two of us living together in this town she seems to love. She could go to school. I could get a job. We could be together. And I would never have to take another math class again as long as I lived.
“No guy roommates,” I say. “You know that’s a rule, right?”
She nudges my foot with her foot. “You see what happened last time I had a guy roommate.”
“Exactly.” I kiss the top of her head. “I’m going to work out something for us. I don’t care what it takes.”
She looks up at me and we kiss. She pulls away. “I love you like crazy.”
“Not as crazy as I love you.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Chloe
Landon and I sit on his bed with our legs crossed, holding hands, kissing occasionally, but mostly just looking at each other with goofy grins on our faces, which leads to us making faces at each other, which leads to more kissing. We’re trying to be good and not lie down because Monica’s on her way over.
She appears in the doorway. It shouldn’t bother me that she lets herself in his house like she’s family, but it does. She wears a wide smile which disappears when she sees me.
“Hey, Chloe,” she says with about as much enthusiasm as you give your dentist.
“Hey, Monica.” I turn to Landon and give him a peck on the lips. “I’ll be in my room.”
I settle into my bed with my sketchbook and iPod. I’m no dummy. I see the way Monica looks at Landon. Why wouldn’t she be in love with him? How could any girl be around him for any amount of time and not be? But I trust him. And he needs her whether I want to admit it or not.
I let my music flow over me, song to song while I sketch a scene from Landon’s future life…one on the mat. I never sketch myself into my own drawings, but I find a place in this one, way up high in the stands. A little dot, basically. But it’s me.
“Virgins” by Death from Above 1979 comes on, and I smile at the newfound irony. Movement from my peripheral breaks me from my zone, and I look up to find Monica waving at me from the doorway.
I pull my earbuds out. “Hey, come in.”
She walks hesitantly toward my bed. “Is that your drawing pad?”
I look down at it and shrug. “Yeah.”
“What are you sketching?” She sits on my bed.
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
“Can I see?” she asks.
She looks genuinely interested. I don’t like to share my drawings with strangers…especially ones who are in love with my boyfriend. But she’s important to him, so I need to make an effort. I show her the pad.
She peers at it for a long moment. “This is good, but you’re missing the mat girls.”
I’m a little irritated with her criticism. This is my picture. “Do they have those in collegiate wrestling?”
She shrugs. “I’m sure they do. We had them at Hilldale.”
“Were you one?”
“Yep.”
Of course she was.
She flips through my pad. “So is this what you do? Real life pictures?”
I eye the pad, wanting to take it back from her. She’s not being outwardly mean, but there’s something odd about her tone.
“Yeah, mostly.”
She meets my gaze. “You’re really good.” She flips some more. “But you probably don’t need me to confirm that.” She lands on the picture I drew of Landon before I knew him. “Who’s this? He’s hot.”
I take the pad from her. “Nobody. What’s Landon doing?”
She pulls her leg in toward her body and faces me. “On the phone with our guidance counselor from Hilldale. She’s agreed to proctor his final exam week after next.”
“Final exam?” I ask.
“Yeah. Your final exam has to be proctored or else you could have someone else take it for you.”
“Oh, yeah. Of course,” I say, feeling a little lost and naïve.
She bears her gaze into mine. “Did he not tell you about his exam?”
“Yeah…well…no, not really.”
She lets out an exhaustive breath. “Do you know how important this exam is? If he doesn’t pass, he can’t get into North Florida State.”
I just found out about the exam. How could I know how important it is? But it does hit me that I’ve been sweeping the importance of him passing this math class under the rug. He blew off Monica for me on more than one occasion, and I let him. I care about him. I’m supposed to be putting his needs before my own selfish interests of spending time with him. I should have made more of an effort to encourage him to keep his appointments with her, but I let my own stupid insecurities influence me. What was the point of putting myself through hell with this list this summer if I was still going to let Monica intimidate me?
“No wrestling, no school,” she says.
I nod. “I get it. Is there something I can do to help?”
She relaxes her posture. “Actually, there is. You can give him space.”
“Absolutely,” I say. “I can book more jobs and stay away as much as possible between now and the test. When is it?”
She closes her eyes in exhaustion and smooths her hair back. “I don’t think you understand what I’m saying here. Do you realize how many sessions with me he’s missed these past few weeks?”
“I know he’s missed a couple, but—”
“Has he been talking to you about moving back with his dad?” she asks.
The night at the hot tub comes crashing into my brain, the questions about Nashville—his mention of living with his dad. “He may have mentioned something about Lexington being closer to where I live, but I don’t think he was serious.”
She bears her gaze into mine. “He’s talking about ditching school so he can be with you. He’s talking about moving home with his dad and getting a job waiting tables or some bullshit until he can move to Nashville with you next year.”
Holy crap. Though selfishly, I love the idea, I know I can’t entertain it seriously. He has to go to school. He’s going to be a lawyer.
“He hasn’t said anything like that to me,” I say.
She raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”
My chest starts to constrict as I realize my culpability in all of this. “I mean, we sort of dream about stuff but—”
“He’s not dreaming. He’s taking it seriously.”
I will myself to calm down. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll straighten all this out.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t understand. It’s not nearly that simple. How much do you know about dyscalculia?”
I blink. “I know it’s a learning disabi
lity that has to do with math.”
She calms herself with a deep breath like she’s a mom getting ready to explain something to a toddler. “I’ve read practically every article that’s ever been written about dyscalculia. I’ve watched countless YouTube videos, testimonials from kids who have it and tell about what their experience with it is like. I’ve corresponded with teachers and professors all over the United States about strategies on how to work with him. I’ve become an expert on Landon Jacobs.”
Her words hit me like a baseball bat. This is what I should have been doing. I know he told me it wouldn’t work for me to help him, but it never would have occurred to me to go on YouTube and find out what this was like for him. In fact, it never occurred to me that anyone else had it and could give me insight into him. But it occurred to Monica. From what she’s saying, it sounds like it’s a big part of her life. I realize now the magnitude of the bond between him and her, whether I like it or not.
“Did he tell you why he’s going to North Florida State?” she asks.
“That’s where he got the scholarship,” I say through a shaky breath.
She nods, pulling her leg up to her body. “That was part of it. But one of the main reasons is that it’s an hour from me. He picked a college close to home so I could help him through it. We did this together, our guidance counselor, his wrestling coach, Landon, and me. We all worked together to get him into this specific school just so he could be close to me.”
I gaze into her dark brown eyes so filled with concern. You’d think he was her child and not her friend. She’s got so many years with him in her arsenal. She’s bonded to him like superglue. I have a couple of months…not even.
But she cares, and there’s no doubt about that. And worse, she has his best interest in mind. I’ve been thinking with my heart. She’s been thinking with her head.
She squints at me. “You need to know exactly how this disability affects him. He doesn’t see numbers like we do…any numbers. He has to relearn basic multiplication and division every single time we sit down to work together. He doesn’t retain any of it.”
I remember him telling me that, but the gravity of that concept hasn’t hit me until just now.
“Do you realize he’s on a fourth grade math level?” she asks.
My face freezes as the blood drains from it. “What?”
She lets out a sigh. “This isn’t a joke. This isn’t someone who is simply bad at math. This is a serious learning disability that could keep him from graduating college and being a lawyer.”
I swipe at a tear that has leaked out of my eye. I sniff, trying my best not to let her see me cry, but there is so much truth in her words that I can’t hold back the emotion.
She leans in toward me. “You have no idea how often people who have this fail in life because they don’t have the confidence to go to college or even finish high school. They feel worthless and stupid. Nobody knows what dyscalculia is, and a lot of people don’t even think it’s real, so they dismiss it. I’ve seen kids talk about wanting to commit suicide because nobody cares or understands. But Landon has had me and his mom and amazing teachers and therapists supporting him at school. He’s one of the lucky ones. With our continued help, he’s going to college, and he’s going to be a brilliant lawyer. He’s not stupid. He can do this.” She relaxes back. “But not if you screw everything up.”
I swipe at my eyes, my chest constricting. “I’m going to talk to him. I’m going to tell him he has to go.”
She shakes her head, something like frustrated defeat etched across her face. “You don’t get it. He’s been freaked out about college since junior year. He’s been begging for an excuse not to go, and you’re like a carrot dangling over his head. It doesn’t matter if you’re here or there. Even if you talk him into staying here, even if you were to move here to be with him, he’s not going to focus on what’s important while he’s with you. You should have seen him the other night at my house. It was like he was set back two years.”
The words sting me like a jellyfish. The idea that he struggles so hard hurts my heart, but the idea that I could potentially ruin his life is something I don’t even want to think about.
“He’ll start making everything about you,” she says. “He’ll focus on your dreams, not his own. He’ll move heaven and earth for you because that’s the kind of amazing guy he is. He’s not someone who can adapt into your life. He needs someone who can adapt into his.”
My anger gets the best of me, and I decide to take a swipe. “Like you?”
She gives a nonchalant shrug. “I’m already in his life. I’ve been in his life since he was three. He thrives with me in his life. He gets scholarships into college. He passes exams. I serve to push him forward. You serve to hold him back.”
I scrunch up my nose. I’m a ball of emotions. I’m enraged with jealousy of this girl who knows him inside and out, and I feel like a total heel for being the one who is potentially holding him back.
She stands and looms over me. “Do you love him?”
I stare at her without words. It’s none of her goddamned business. But it’s not like it’s not written all over my face.
She nods. “Then let him go.”
She turns her back on me and walks out of the room without another word.
Landon
Monica and I finish a decent session. I think I need to start doing these at my house. Something about knowing Chloe was right in the next room helped me focus.
I walk Monica to the door. She turns to me and smiles. “You did really well today. I think we’re back on track.”
I walk outside with her and close the door behind me. “I’m really sorry for the way I acted the other day. I had no right to unload on you like that.”
She touches my arm. “That’s what I’m here for. Always.” She gives a sweet smile.
I pull her in for a hug, relieved we’re back to our old friendship…at least it feels that way to me. “Thanks, that means a lot.”
As Monica heads to her car parked on the street, Roth pulls up in the driveway, and Jenna hops out of his car.
Roth jumps out of the driver side. “I’ll walk you—”
“I had fun. I’ll see you soon,” Jenna says, cutting him off as she heads my way, focused on me.
Roth gives up and gets back in his car.
Jenna saunters up to me with attitude. “Hope I didn’t interrupt anything here on the front porch with Mila Kunis.”
I glare at her. “You know you didn’t. The girl I’m crazy in love with is right upstairs.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Crazy in love. I see.”
“Yeah,” I say, unapologetically.
“Okay. I trust you”—she runs her eyes from my head to my feet—“…a little.”
I let us in the house. “Still torturing Roth, I see.”
“He knows I just want to be friends. I’ve never indicated anything otherwise.”
I follow her up the stairs. “What’s it like to be able to wrap every guy on the planet around your pinky?”
“I don’t know.” She stops in the middle of the stairs and turns to me. “Another girl’s got you wrapped around hers.”
She turns and heads back up the stairs.
I can’t argue that. “Damn straight.”
I follow Jenna into their room and find Chloe putting on her shoes.
I pinch her hip. “Hey.”
She scratches her forehead and turns to me with a smile that doesn’t even come close to reaching her eyes, which look like they may have been crying.
She focuses on her shoes. “I got called for a job. I’m heading out.”
“Okay,” I say, peering at her. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I just…I need to go. I’ll see you later.”
She pushes past me and scurries down t
he stairs. I turn to Jenna. “Do you know what that was about?”
She shrugs. “I’ve been at the beach. I don’t have a clue.”
I head down the stairs and out the front door. She’s already backing out the driveway. I wave, but she doesn’t look at me and heads down the street.
Chapter Forty-Five
Chloe
I wake up Monday morning feeling like a freight train mowed me down. I drove around Destin and Fort Walton for five hours last night, searching for some sense in this situation.
As much as I want to hate Monica for throwing this brick at me, I can’t dismiss all that she said. I know she wants him to herself, but I also have to admit she does seem to have his best interest in mind. I have nothing but my own selfish feelings.
He told me he had a learning disability, but if I’m being honest, I don’t know what that means. I don’t like school, but it’s also not hard for me. I study. I get decent grades. I’ve never had trouble with anything except for geometry, and with the help of a tutor, I passed the class with a B.
According to Monica, Landon’s learning disability is really serious. When I think back to the night he told me about it, he said it was serious. He told me it affected his whole life. I believed him, but so much other stuff happened that night, and while we’ve talked a ton since then, we haven’t talked at all about what he’s going through. I figured he’d talk to me when he was ready, and I didn’t want to push him. The truth of the matter is I don’t really know him…not like she does.
I flash back to the night he and I got grilled cheese at that food truck and the credit card machine was down. He couldn’t count that money out. I thought it was weird at the time, but I knew how smart he was so I figured…I don’t know what I figured. He looked like a deer in headlights. That girl was being such a bitch and hurrying him. Now I’m pissed at her for rushing him. Didn’t she know something was off? I can’t be pissed at her. I didn’t know.
All I want is to be with him. A part of me wants to help him pack his bags and move him to Lexington away from all the stresses of school. We could see each other all the time. We could meet in the middle somewhere. And then when I graduated, we could move to Nashville together. We could do it at the end of the school year and both get jobs there for next summer. We’d only have ten months or so apart, and then we could be together.
The Summer Before Forever Page 24