Sun Touched (Diamara Book 1)

by J. C. Hart

  Jaxon grinned and a laugh slipped free. "You're funny."

  Madea snorted. "Well, I'm glad you think so!" She found she was laughing too. "Do some drawing. I'll be back in a couple of minutes." She stood again and grabbed a change of clothes from the wardrobe before shutting herself in the bathroom.

  As she stripped, she checked her timer again. It still said she had an hour. Still said she was safe. Something had gone wrong, but she had no idea what. It had been serviced recently.

  She pulled the useless piece of equipment off and threw it to the ground, stomping it with the heel of her foot. It was pointless—it would take much more force to damage it—but she felt better for it. She would find a way to wreck it, to hide the evidence that she had been over-exposed, before turning it in for a new one.

  For the second time that day she stepped into the shower, waiting for the heat to wash away her worries. Her brain felt a little fuzzy—was that madness, or the fact that she'd not eaten in a while?—and her limbs ached. She needed to eat.

  Crap.

  Sarai and Rickard were coming for dinner. Could her day get any worse? At least they knew about the baby, they could help her resolve one problem, even if she had added an extra few to her life since the night before. What was she going to do with Jaxon? Was that also a burden she could share?

  No, he would have to stay in her room. Tomorrow she would take him out, let him get some fresh air, but for tonight she just wanted to pretend that everything was normal.

  Madea flicked the water off her body before stepping from the shower. She should have chosen her clothes more wisely, as the pants and t-shirt she'd grabbed weren't really tidy enough for company, but at least she would be comfortable, and hopefully she had enough food in the house to conjure up a halfway decent meal.

  Jaxon perched at one of the stools in the kitchen while she cooked, passing comment on the smells and playing at taste tester. Madea was surprised by how intelligent he was, considering...considering what? That he had been raised in Dome Four and his mother had been Touched? Madea snorted. She was going to have to stop passing judgement so readily.

  "What's funny?" Jaxon asked.

  "Nothing, really," Madea said with a smile. "I never thought my day would turn out like this."

  "I'm sorry." His lip quivered.

  She stopped slicing vegetables and caught his gaze. "Don't be. I might not have expected it, I might not have been ready for this, but it's okay. Really. You're a cool kid."

  "I am?" His eyebrows shot up and he leaned forward a little.

  "I think so. But then what would I know?" She shrugged, her lips quirking in a grin. "I'm not very motherly, but I want to help you. Be patient with me while I figure it out. Okay?"

  "Don't worry," he assured her. "Nothing could be worse than living with my Aunt Lucinda."

  "Were you there for long?" Madea went back to slicing, only glancing up at Jaxon occasionally. She desperately wanted to know his story, but she didn't want to make him feel like he was being questioned.

  "A few days. They took Mum...They took her away, after what she did..." He stopped talking and dropped his gaze to the bench.

  "I'm sorry. Jaxon. I'm really sorry." Madea moved behind him so that she could place an arm around his shoulder. "I know it's hard. I didn't mean to make you upset."

  He shrugged.

  "If you want to talk to me about it, then I want to hear. But I'm not going to make you, okay?"

  Jaxon nodded, then finally looked up at her and gave her a half smile.

  "Now, I better finish up here. Then we can get you some food sorted, and I think I might have something to keep you busy. I'll try to keep dinner short. Okay?"

  He nodded again, and went back to his drawing.

  She had barely managed to settle Jaxon into the bedroom when Sarai and Rickard showed up. She opened the door, a smile on her face, heat in her cheeks

  "Hey, Sis." Sarai leaned in and hugged her. "You're looking less distressed than last night."

  "I am?" Madea laughed. "I guess that's a good thing. Come in." She stepped aside to let them pass. Rickard stopped and gave her a quick squeeze before following Sarai into the kitchen.

  "Smells good in here. I wasn't sure whether you could cook," Rickard quipped. He managed to duck out of the way of Madea's fist, grinning. "Well, you're always at work..."

  "You guys need to lay off with the whole workaholic thing. It's getting old."

  "You can't say it's not true, though. All I really want to know is whether you work so hard because you're in love with the work, or with Sullivan." Sarai's gaze was glued to Madea's, but she couldn't quite fathom the emotion that filled them.

  Madea glanced away. "That's a bit harsh. I thought maybe we'd have something to eat before you started the interrogation."

  "We're here to help you, Maddy." Sarai reached out and grabbed her hands. "We can't help if you won't tell us what's going on."

  "I know, I..." Her shoulders slumped and she leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen.

  "Do you love him?"

  It was pity, Madea realized. That was the look in her sister's eyes.

  "No, I don't love him. I admire him, I think he's great, but...I'm not deluded enough to love him. There would be no point." Madea shrugged away from Sarai and moved into the kitchen, pouring glasses of juice for each of them and pushing the tray of nibbles closer to Rickard.

  "The way I see it, it's really none of our business how you got knocked up," Rickard said. Sarai hit him in the arm. "Ouch! It's not. Madea is a grown up, she makes her own choices—what we can do is support her with those." He took a cracker and bit into it. "So you took the test, right?"

  "Yes, I'm definitely pregnant," Madea said. Her voice was quiet, but firm. She knew that she would raise this baby, not give it to someone else to look after. Having Jaxon here, imagining how it might be to have a child of her own...she felt a connection to this being inside her, even if she'd only found out about it yesterday. She wanted to have that fierce love she had seen in Janae's eyes when she'd pleaded with Madea to help her son. She could imagine herself in the same position. Except that if she was Touched, if anyone found out—if she was Hollowed—her baby would still be growing in her womb. As far as she knew, it wasn't known what affect being Touched, or Hollowed, might have on an unborn child because those pregnant were given jobs within the domes. Madea wasn't prepared to find out. She would fake sanity for as long as possible, for the sake of herself, and her child.

  "When are you going to tell Sullivan?" Sarai asked. She was chewing on her bottom lip, a trait that Rickard obviously found endearing from the way he was gazing at her. Sickening.

  "I don't know. When I have to? It's still early."

  "If you tell him now, maybe he can help?"

  "And what kind of help do you think I need, huh?" Her back stiffened and she turned away, pulling out plates and cutlery and thumping them onto the bench.

  "I didn't mean it like that." Sarai's voice was soft as she came into the kitchen and placed her arms around Madea's shoulders. "I think that maybe he'd like to be there for you, too."

  Madea closed her eyes, rigid in Sarai's arms. She tilted her face up towards the kitchen light, wishing for a moment that she could believe in some higher power that could help her out. "I need a few days to get my head around it. To figure out what this means for me." She relaxed into her sister’s embrace. "I'm still getting used to the idea."

  "You're not the only one who has to adjust," Rickard said. "I'm going to be an uncle!"

  "Had to find a way to make it all about you," Madea said with a snort, though she smiled. He always knew how to lighten the mood. "Let's eat."

  Sarai helped her serve the meal and they sat at the small table in the kitchen.

  "So tell me, other than falling in love, what have you two been doing?"

  Sarai and Rickard clasped hands across the table and grinned at each other. Stupid, happy grins. "Rickard has been overseeing the new construction i
n Dome Eight. They're thinking about shutting down Dome Four because the building was a bit shoddy."

  "What kind of shoddy? Putting the people in danger shoddy?" Madea raised an eyebrow, her thoughts going back to what Jaxon's grandfather had said.

  "Not enough to cause over-exposure," Rickard said quickly. "The layout is all wrong though, and with the new work fields being developed they want to move some of the labourers over, and then re-develop Four with some better housing and infrastructure."

  "They're going to put him in charge of that too," Sarai added. "Father—"

  "Father has great connections. I know. Sounds like things are going really well for you Rickard. What about you, Sis?" Madea forced herself to eat more salad, though her stomach was beginning to churn.

  "I've been doing some work for Father. He's been very busy. You know he's running for Elect Chairman on the Council."

  "I'd seen something about it. I'm sure he'll breeze in, with your assistance of course." Madea smiled, though she didn't really mean it. Sarai was smart enough, but the primary benefit of having Sarai with him was that it made him look good. Caring father, dutiful servant of the people. Bleck.

  They argued over her father’s ambitions until the plates were cleared and stacked in the kitchen. She yawned and stretched her neck, surprised by how many pops she could hear. "I'm going to have to kick you out," she said. "Hope you had enough to eat."

  "Definitely," Rickard said with a smile. He patted his belly. "I feel better knowing you'll be well fed."

  "It sounds like you're hoping to fatten me up like a prized pig."

  "Just keeping my niece or nephew in mind." Rickard winked. "No, really, we just want you to look after yourself."

  "I know. I'll take it easy, I promise. Besides, if I tell Sullivan, maybe he'll fire me and I won't have any work to do." Madea rolled her eyes.

  "If? Don't you mean when?" Sarai asked, a frown creasing her brow.

  "When, if, whatever." Madea sucked her bottom lip in. "I don't know how to broach the topic. I can't see him being happy about it."

  "Who knows, maybe he'll surprise you." Sarai smiled as she stood from the table. "You'll find the right way, I know you will." She kissed Madea on her forehead. "I love you. You know where I am if you need me, okay?"

  "Yeah, I know. Love you too." Madea smiled.

  "Same goes with me," said Rickard.

  "I know, I know!" Madea laughed. "You're going to kill me with your kindnesses before this baby arrives."

  "Who knows, maybe we'll have a baby soon, and we can raise our wee ones together." Sarai beamed at Madea, who felt like she'd had a bucket of cold vomit poured down her back. She couldn’t play happy families with her sister, not when she didn’t have one of her own.

  "Who knows?" She did her best to smile, but avoided her sister's gaze, knowing it wouldn't reach her eyes. "Thanks for coming. I'll see you soon."

  "As soon as you want. Remember, you're the workaholic here, not us." Sarai's eyes filled with what could be sadness, and Madea couldn't help but wonder if Sarai was actually jealous. She swallowed a laugh as she ushered her guests out the door and closed it behind her. Wouldn't that be funny—she was jealous of her sister, who was marrying Madea's best friend, and her sister was jealous of the baby Madea had conceived without knowing. The laugh erupted from her chest then, harsh and humourless. It echoed down the hallway as she walked to her room.

  She opened the door to find Jaxon curled up in a ball on the floor, tears streaming down his face. All her self-absorbed thoughts vanished when she heard the sorrow in his sobs.

  "Jaxon, honey, what's wrong?" She rushed to his side, dropping to her knees and placing a hand on his arm.

  "You-you-you're having a baby. I heard." He sniffed and wiped at his face.

  "I am." Madea nodded, not sure why this was so upsetting for him.

  "That's why you don't want me. Isn't it?"

  "I didn't...I never..." She struggled to find the right words. "It's not that I don't want you. I...I've never looked after a kid before, and I don't know what I'm doing. Wouldn't you be happier with your family?"

  Jaxon cried harder, his thin shoulders heaving. She scooped him into her arms, feeling his grief wash over her. He'd lost everything in the last few days. What did he have left, but her?

  "I'm sorry, Jaxon, I'm so sorry. I do want you, I do. I didn't think you'd want me." He was so small, so lean, his ribs poked into her and his scraggly hair tickled her nose.

  "Please don't send me away. Please. I promise I'll be good. I promise. I'll do whatever you want."

  "Oh, honey." Madea held him as tightly as she could, rocking on her knees until his sobbing ceased and his breathing evened out. She could feel his heart beating against her chest, slowing into a steady rhythm until eventually he became a dead weight in her arms and she realized he was asleep.

  So much had changed. Everything, in fact. She had made a pact with this boy, now she would find a way to make this work. There was no way that she would abandon him like the others had. She didn't think he would survive if she did.

  Madea managed to get to her feet. Jaxon dangled in her arms and she tugged the covers of her bed back before gently placing him down. Even in sleep he didn't want to release her from his grasp so she folded herself in beside him, listening as his gentle snores filled the room.

  He was so young and already his life was a mess. If there was a God then he was cruel, because what kind of deity would drag a boy from one Sun-Touched mother to another? It didn't seem fair—and not just because she didn't want to go mad, didn't want to be Hollowed—but because he deserved better than this. He hadn't done anything wrong.

  Neither had Janae, unless there was something to her father's words and Jaxon's father had been trying to keep her quiet. It seemed too strange to be true, but she would do some digging and see what she could find out. Maybe the father wasn't as bad as Jaxon’s grandfather had made out, maybe he could help provide for this young boy who so desperately needed someone to take care of him.

  Madea sighed and tried, unsuccessfully, to drag her arm out from beneath Jaxon. She was well and truly trapped, and her inability to get up and move around meant that her mind was free to think about the future, something she would rather avoid at the moment. There was too much going on. Yes, she was strong, and yes, she was an independent woman, but how much was one person expected to handle?

  Tears trickled down her cheek, across her nose, making her sneeze. Jaxon twitched in his sleep but didn't wake. She couldn't even move to wipe them from her face, but she didn't want to. They felt good, like they were washing away some of the angst that had gotten wound so tightly in her stomach. She needed the relief they brought, needed to accept the hurts for what they were. And maybe, after sleep, she would wake refreshed.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  For a moment, she could pretend that the weight on the other side of the bed was a man, not a boy, and that the baby growing within her was welcomed by this man. Muted morning light washed in through the slats in the blinds and she could picture what would happen in her perfect life: she would get up and make tea for the two of them, then they would eat breakfast together, talking about science and the state of things, politics even—that would make her father happy—because those things were more important now that they were bringing a new life into the colony. She'd want to change the systems in place to spread benefits more widely, make sure that food was shared more evenly between the skilled and working classes, that healthcare was freely available, because it was obvious now that not everyone was getting the same opportunities. The ideals of everyone having a role, everyone being nurtured, hell, of life on Diamara being better for even the least important was far from accurate. And this man of her imaginings would agree with her, because they valued the same things, had the same goals and vision.

  Madea took a deep breath and exhaled the dream, pushing it as far from her body as she could. Things could be worse. Really, they could be. She could be homeless,
jobless, without a family who cared about her.

  The only thing that was unrecoverable from was the potential over-exposure yesterday. And even then, it might be days before she knew for sure if she had been Touched. Today, she couldn't think about it because she had bigger things to deal with.

  Like telling Sullivan about the baby.

  The best thing to do was get it over with as soon as possible so that they could work out whatever kinks they needed to in their 'relationship' and get on with being coworkers, and coparents. He was the father, and he could deal with whatever feelings that brought up, but the bottom line was that he didn't have to be involved if he didn't want to. She didn't need him for that, she didn't want him for that.

  She pushed herself up from the bed, feeling grotty from sleeping in her clothes. Jaxon was still snoring softly, oblivious to the fact that she was awake and moving around the room, so she grabbed some clean clothes and headed for the shower.

  Maybe it was the fact that she was pregnant that was making her need to be immersed in water on such a regular basis. Whatever it was, her skin felt prickly and her clothes irritated her. She stripped off and washed as quickly as she could so that she could maximise the time spent just standing there, letting the water flow over her body.

  Once she had dried off she pulled a simple dress over her head. The fabric was soft—the most comfortable thing she owned—and felt amazing next to her skin. She glanced in the mirror and for once felt vaguely pleased with her gently rounded belly. At least now she could feel good about it, knowing it was nurturing something.

  Madea went into the kitchen and put water on to boil. She would make tea, she would make breakfast and then she would wake Jaxon so that they could talk over the meal—he wasn't the man of her dreams, but he was part of her family now and for once, she had the opportunity to be the adult in the situation.