Strictly Come Dating (The Kathryn Freeman Romcom Collection, Book 3)

by Kathryn Freeman

  ‘You once told me you loved her.’

  He swallowed, hard. ‘Nothing’s changed.’

  ‘So why all the drama?

  He picked around for the right words. ‘I can’t carry on like this, sis. Living in your house, earning not very much. I need to… move forward.’ His eyes found hers. ‘That’s all I can say. The rest, Maggie needs to hear first.’

  ‘Fair enough, but please, treat her with care.’

  ‘You seriously need to say that to me?’

  Her eyes locked with his and she gave him a sad smile. ‘You’re right. I guess you both went into this with your eyes wide open.’

  They had. Yet he could never have anticipated how hard he’d fallen. ‘So, Friday?’

  ‘Fine. I’ll talk to Hannah. Might be best for me to sleep at Maggie’s with the kids. Let Hannah have her Friday night to go out on the town, like young folk do, apparently.’ She shook her head. ‘You know it would have been a lot easier if you’d dated Hannah instead.’

  Seb rose slowly to his feet and leant across the desk to kiss Sarah’s cheek. ‘Thanks, sis.’ When he got to the door, he looked back at her. ‘I didn’t want easy. I wanted deep, complex, serious, fascinating, challenging. Beautiful. I wanted Maggie. I still do.’

  But what he wanted, and what he could have, were two very different things.

  Later that evening, after Sarah confirmed Friday was fine, Seb picked up the phone to call Maggie. She answered on the second ring.

  ‘Hey.’ He heard the click of a door, and imagined she’d moved into another room. ‘I’m sorry about asking you to leave yesterday morning.’

  ‘No need. I understand.’ She didn’t want her kids getting the wrong idea, that he was a permanent fixture. He respected her decision, though it bloody hurt. Whatever the future held for him and Maggie, he still wanted to be part of their lives. All of their lives. ‘So, this Friday.’ He was alarmed to find his voice shaking. ‘I wanted to invite you over to mine. Technically to Sarah’s, though that kind of sounds naff so let’s stick with how I phrased it the first time.’ Get a grip. ‘Would you like to come over for a meal?’

  There was a pause, long enough to nearly give him a heart attack, before her voice came back on the line. ‘Well, with an invitation like that, how can I refuse?’

  He exhaled in relief, wondering when talking to Maggie had become so difficult. Since you decided what you want to do. ‘So that’s a yes? Sarah’s happy to come and stay at yours with the girls.’

  ‘This is an overnight offer then?’

  ‘Of course.’ Was he imagining it, or did she sound uncertain? ‘Does that change your answer?’

  ‘No, no, that’s fine.’

  Fine? Sleeping with him was only fine? ‘Okay then, it’s a date.’

  ‘It’s a date,’ she confirmed.

  Yet when he put down the phone, it didn’t feel like a date at all. It felt like the beginning of the end.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Friday evening, and Maggie’s heart was in her throat as she knocked on Sarah’s front door. Seb had offered to come and pick her up, but she’d wanted the comfort of knowing she could go when she wanted to.

  She wasn’t sure she could stay, once he told her he was leaving. Yet the way he’d set this up, getting Sarah to babysit, he was clearly expecting her to. Is that how he saw this playing out? They carried on seeing each other until she… God, would he expect her to put him on the bloody plane?

  ‘Hey.’ The door opened, and in the space of a blink, Seb’s face went from welcoming smile to concern. ‘Mags?’

  No regrets. She could do this. ‘Hi.’

  He ushered her in, hands on her shoulders, eyes burning into hers. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

  You’re bloody leaving me.

  She inhaled slowly, fighting for her composure. None of this was his fault, it was hers for taking things too far. Of course he was going back to the life he’d had. He was young, with no responsibilities. Why be trapped here, when he was free to start his next adventure? She was lucky to have this time with him. Swallowing down her emotions, she smiled. ‘Nothing is wrong.’ To prove it, she gave him a brief kiss, savouring the sensual feel of his lips against hers. ‘Just a bad day at work. Something a meal cooked by you will surely rectify.’

  He scrutinised her face, and though she was sure he didn’t fully believe her, he let the matter drop. ‘Come on in and have a drink. Wait, where’s your overnight bag?’ He looked around, his expression falling. ‘Please tell me you’re going to stay?’

  ‘It’s in the car,’ she answered truthfully.

  ‘Okay.’ Relief flickered in his eyes. ‘Shall I get it?’

  ‘Later.’ She couldn’t see a scenario where she would need it, but she’d packed it anyway because that’s what she did, plan for every eventuality, however slim. ‘First, I’ll have this drink you promised, and you can tell me what we’re eating.’

  He led her through to the kitchen, and she drew in a sharp breath when she noticed the table, and the effort he’d gone to. The twinkling tea lights, the silver place mats, folded napkins and, oh God, a small vase of snowdrops and crocuses. ‘It looks beautiful.’

  He gave her a small smile. ‘It’s Sarah’s candles, Sarah’s table decorations. The flowers I managed to sneak from the park.’

  She reached for his hand. ‘It’s the flowers I appreciate most of all.’

  His eyes searched hers, a swirl of blue. ‘Shit, Mags, there’s so much I want to say. I had all this planned, the wine, the food, but now I don’t know if it was a good idea. Maybe we should talk first.’

  But then she wouldn’t want to sit at his beautifully laid table, and eat his carefully prepared food. ‘In my experience, it’s always better to stick to a plan.’

  He laughed softly. ‘Yeah? Even if it’s a bad plan?’

  ‘When you decided on it, you thought it was a good plan.’

  ‘You’re the expert on these things so fine, let’s stick to plan A.’ A tenderness entered his eyes, one that made her heart swell and her chest tighten. ‘But we need to rewind, because we skipped the most important part.’

  ‘Yes?’ Her voice sounded husky.

  ‘Umm.’ He ran a hand through her hair, eyes never leaving hers. ‘First, we kiss. A proper one this time.’

  It had taken Seb to make her realise there were different kinds of kisses. With Paul a kiss had been a straightforward press of lips and tangle of tongues; a signal he wanted to have sex.

  With Seb, a kiss was like an enchanted journey. It didn’t need to arrive at a destination; the journey was a treat in itself. He could kiss for seconds, or for hours, but always, always, he kissed like he didn’t ever want it to end. Sometimes the kiss was gentle, often it was hungry, every time it left her breathless.

  As his hands slid down her back, cupping her buttocks, drawing her against him, his tongue teased, his lips caressed. Just when she was losing her mind, her body on fire, her heart dancing, he eased away. Pressing his forehead against hers, he groaned. ‘I could kiss you for ever.’

  Then do it. Don’t leave me.

  But that wasn’t fair. After all he’d given her, she wouldn’t let him feel bad about going. She’d accept it with a smile on her face, even as her heart tore in two. ‘Maybe you should feed me first.’

  He kissed her briefly on the end of her nose, then took a step back. ‘No diverging from the plan. Got it.’

  ‘What are we eating?’ She asked as she watched him slide some diced chicken into a wok. ‘No, let me guess. Chicken Pad Thai.’

  He smiled. ‘Well remembered, but I did say it was one of the few things I could cook. The other is Thai red curry.’

  ‘Wow, even your cooking is exotic.’

  He raised brow. ‘Even?’

  ‘Shirley once called you exotic, and at the time it made me laugh, but in a way I think she was right. All that travelling, living abroad, has made you different from most guys. You’re sort of, I don’t know, not domes
tic.’ She paused, catching his eye. ‘You like to roam free.’

  He regarded her questioningly for a moment, but made no comment as he sliced and stirred.

  It was only when they sat down at the table she realised she wasn’t the only one feeling strained. Seb looked – she could only describe it as twitchy. Nervous. Whatever he had to say, he’d wanted to blurt it out earlier, and she hadn’t let him.

  Now she regretted it, because now both of them were sitting here pretending everything was normal, when it wasn’t.

  Seb started to join all the dots together in his head. Her hesitation on the phone when he’d first invited her over. The anxious look on her face when he’d opened the door. Her reluctance to bring her overnight bag in, if she even had one. The gasp when she’d seen the way he’d set the table. The way she’d hardly touched her wine, presumably so she could still drive home.

  Maggie had guessed what he was about to say, and was dreading it.

  Shit. What did he do now? Go through with it still, despite pretty much knowing her response? You like to roam free. Had that been her subtle way of telling him that’s what he should be doing?

  Maggie settled her fork onto her plate and sat back in her chair. ‘I think, for both our sakes, we need to talk.’

  The mouthful he’d just taken stuck in his throat, and Seb had to fight to swallow it. Abandoning the rest of his plateful – it had tasted like cardboard, anyway – he stood, collected the plates and dumped them on the side of the sink. ‘Let’s go to the sitting room.’ At least when it all went up in flames, his bum would be comfortable.

  She sat down first, shifting right to the end of the sofa, but Seb wasn’t having that. Deliberately he sat next to her, and took hold of her hand. Though she froze for a second, he felt her body relax as she squeezed it back. ‘I…’ He cleared his throat. Where were those bloody words he wanted to say? Why the fuck hadn’t he planned this? Because however hard it had seemed, it was a thousand times worse now he was pretty certain what her response was going to be.

  ‘It’s okay,’ Maggie said quietly. ‘I know about Australia.’

  He jerked his head up. ‘What do you know?’

  ‘Your sisters told me about the phone calls.’ Her eyes flicked away from his. ‘How you’re flying out there the first week in March.’

  He sighed, wondering how much his interfering siblings had overheard. ‘They’re such bloody gossips.’

  ‘Maybe they thought I deserved to know.’

  Her tone was mild, but he sensed she was upset. ‘Obviously I was going to tell you, but me going to pick the rest of my stuff up and sorting out the loose ends over there didn’t seem to be such a big deal.’ He looked down at their clasped hands, trying to find his rhythm. ‘There’s so many more important things I need to tell you. Things you might not want to hear, which is okay, because I kind of expect that, but I have to say this anyway, just in case there’s some chance—’

  ‘Sorting out loose ends?’

  Her strangled question made him look back up at her. ‘That’s what I said, yes.’ Her eyes were like saucers, her expression one of utter confusion. ‘Holy shit, you thought the trip to Oz was it? That I’m leaving, leaving?’ She nodded, and as he watched the tears well in her gorgeous grey eyes, his heart began to thump into life. ‘Christ, Mags, I could never leave you. Don’t you realise this yet? I’m in love with you. I’m yours, totally and utterly, if you want me.’ He clutched her hands with both of his. ‘Hell, even if you don’t, I’m here. I’m going to hang around just in case you change your mind.’

  She looked dazed. The good news, she hadn’t pulled away her hand. He’d hold onto that flicker of hope.

  ‘But Alice said you’d handed your notice in at the youth centre.’

  ‘She what? Bloody hell, she’s like some super spy. Why the hell is she discussing my business with you?’ But then he shook his head, realising exactly why. ‘Because she’s your friend as much as she’s my sister.’

  ‘She was trying to forewarn me.’

  ‘Yeah, might have been better if she’d got her facts straight first.’

  ‘She’s right though? You are leaving?’

  ‘I’ll be working at the centre right up to September, but then yes, I’ll be leaving.’ He’d told her he loved her, that he was hers, yet she’d kept quiet about her own feelings. That spark of hope began to fade but he ploughed on, determined to give it his best shot, even though he’d always known it was a long one. ‘I’ve signed up to do a master’s in youth and community work at one of the London universities.’

  Her eyebrows shot up, her face losing some of its shock. ‘Seb, that’s… amazing. I’m so happy for you.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  Her hands, previously still, shifted so she was now holding his tightly. ‘Yes. It means you’ve decided what you want to do.’

  ‘I have.’ He met her eyes. ‘I’ve also decided where I want to be, and who I want to be with. If she’ll have me.’ Before she could say anything, he played his final cards. ‘I can’t offer you what Paul did, or what others can. What you deserve. For the next year I’ll be earning pretty much zero, and the savings I have will be decimated by university fees and living expenses.’ He dragged in a breath, his chest tight, his pulse racing. ‘All I can say is nobody could love you more. If you want to take a risk on seeing me still, on giving you and me a real go, I’ll always put you and the girls first.’ From the dodgy start, the words now poured out of him. ‘Just one more thing, Tabby and Penny. You know I’m besotted with them, don’t you? That I know they come as part of the package, but that only makes it even more precious.’

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Maggie felt like she was coming out of a deep sleep. One in which she’d imagined Seb was leaving her. A nightmare she’d now found out wasn’t real.

  Her brain was still playing catch up though, her thoughts muddled. ‘I came here tonight expecting you to tell me you were leaving.’

  His body, usually so fluid, tensed in front of her eyes. ‘Would you rather that was the case?’

  The uncertainty of his voice, the vulnerability in his eyes… Maggie’s heart clutched painfully. He’d bravely laid out all his feelings and she’d given him nothing in return.

  How much could she trust what he was saying, though? By his own admission he ambled through life, not thinking ahead, living for now. He was still young, what if he changed his mind?

  ‘Mags, you’re killing me here.’

  ‘Oh God, I’m sorry.’ She flung her arms around his neck, inhaling his essence: fresh, vigorous. So unlike the expensive, sophisticated smell of her ex.

  In a heartbeat she knew she wanted to carry on inhaling Seb’s unique scent for the rest of her life. That meant taking a giant risk though, one she’d be taking not just for her but for the girls.

  He pulled away, his gaze skimming her face. ‘Talk to me, please. Even if it’s to say things you know I don’t want to hear.’

  ‘Okay.’ Her hands lifted to his face, her thumbs running over the unlined skin around his eyes. He was young, but she’d been younger when she’d got married. Look how well that worked out. ‘Before I say anything else, it’s important that you know I love you, too.’

  Hope flared in his expression. ‘That’s… wow.’ As he watched her though, the light in his eyes began to dim. ‘You don’t look happy about it.’

  ‘I am.’ She caressed his face gently with her fingers. ‘But I’m worried you’re doing this for me, and it isn’t right for you. What if in six months you get itchy feet and you want to go travelling again?’ She drew in a breath, trying to order her words. ‘I don’t want you resenting me. Feeling trapped.’ Her voice began to break. ‘I’ve already had one man do that, and I can’t bear to go through it again.’

  ‘No, no.’ His hands flew to hers, dragging them to his chest. ‘You’ve got this idea I’m some adventurer, but that’s not the case at all.’ His expression intensified, as if he was willing her to believe him. ‘T
hink back to that first conversation we had, about why I went travelling. Do you remember it?’

  How could she forget? It had been just before they’d made love for the first time. ‘You said it was because you didn’t know what you wanted to do, except to avoid being stuck behind a desk.’

  ‘Exactly. I sloped off abroad not because I wanted to explore, not because I had a thirst for adventure, but because I didn’t know what I wanted to do.’ His eyes burned into hers. ‘Now I do. I want to work with kids. I want to put down roots here, near my family. I desperately want you in my life, too, but if you don’t want that, if you’re not ready for it, I’m still going to get my master’s, and I’m still going to pursue a career in youth work.’

  Inside her chest, her heart began to beat so fast, she feared it was going to trip over itself. Was this really happening? ‘I thought I’d have to put you on the plane.’ She buried her face in the crook of his neck, squeezing the words out past the giant lump in her throat. ‘I’d told myself I could do it, smile while I waved you off, even though inside my heart would be breaking.’

  He groaned, hugging her tighter. ‘When you were so keen for me to leave that morning I overslept, and then so hesitant about coming here tonight, I thought you were getting ready to break up with me.’ His voice faltered. ‘Then you looked upset when I opened the door, and when you saw the table set out. You hardly drank any wine. I thought you’d guessed what I was going to say, and were thinking of a way to let me down gently. Before you scarpered.’

  God, they’d both jumped to the wrong conclusions. As she relaxed into his arms, Maggie tried to collect her scattered thoughts, going back through what he’d said and processing it again, this time without the fog of shock. All the while his hand stroked her thigh, and his heart beat strong and steady where she lay her head.

  ‘You still haven’t said if you see me in your future.’ As he spoke, his heart beat faster.