“What? I want to know, too, and this way I don’t have it hear it secondhand from Christine.”
“Explain to me how you ended up kissing him? And when?” my mom demands.
“I feel like you’re asking me to pass you a note in class.”
“This is different—it’s not like we’re being nosey. Who’s been with you from the beginning? Your mother and I, is the answer, in case you didn’t know. We want you to be happy. And, let’s face it, it’s been too long since we’ve seen your real smile.”
Damn.
“The first day…” I begin to have them both shout “The first day?!” but I keep talking, ignoring their outbursts. “After practice, I went to his office, so he could discuss his injury. It was the first thing I wanted to ask him about. He showed me a picture of his pickup and I kind of lost it.”
“And ended up kissing him?” Andy asks.
I don’t tell them I ended up climbing onto his lap, too. Best not to go into too many details with them.
“I was a bit emotional,” I murmur.
“Sounds like it,” he jokes.
“He still doesn’t know?” Mom asks quietly.
“That I went to the hospital?” I clarify.
“Yes.”
“I don’t think so. At least, he doesn’t seem to know.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“Eventually. Yes. I plan to tell him everything that happened over those years we were apart.”
She sighs, relief evident in her voice when she says, “Good. It will be okay, Bri. I’m glad you’re moving forward.”
“Long time coming,” Andy murmurs.
They would think that, considering they’ve been pushing me the entire time to be honest with Grady.
We talk for a few more minutes, her asking me to come to their house the following weekend and throwing in that the boys are going to be home, too.
I’m just about to tell them that I’ll be there when out of the corner I notice Grady’s sliding door opening. He walks through, bottle of beer dangling between his fingers and Drew following close behind. His dog hot on their heels. They each sit down on a chair on the patio, and I slink back in my seat. My knees tucked up close to my chest. So maybe I have been hiding a little.
“Oh my gosh, guys, I gotta go,” I whisper.
“Why? What’s happening?” Andy whispers back.
Turd.
“I see Grady. I’m not ready for him to know I’m…”
“Watching him?” my mom interrupts.
“Yes!” I whisper shout, my hand covering the phone.
Seriously. Bless my own heart for how immature I’m being.
“Bri?” Andy asks.
“Yes?”
“It’s time, sweetheart. You need to step up. We’re here for you and always will be, but it’s time. You’ve held onto this fear of him rejecting you, of love not being enough, for far too long. Pull up your big girl britches and prove to Hazel that you’re as strong as she thinks you are. You’re better than this.”
I sit stunned silent.
“Look at your mom and me. I cannot imagine letting my own stupidity get in the way of what we have. My life would suck without you guys in it. I want what’s best for you. Six years is a long damn time to punish yourself.”
“I wasn’t punishing myself,” I say quietly, knowing it’s a lie.
“Yeah, you were. And believe me. I get it. It’s hard admitting out loud you made a mistake, but it’s even harder admitting it to yourself. Remember that when you forgive yourself, it’s a hell of a lot easier to ask for forgiveness from others.”
“How’d you get so smart?”
“I almost lost you and your mom once, remember?”
“But you pulled your head out of your butt after only like a month. Andy, I’ve been living in this stupidity for six years. What the heck is wrong with me?” I cry out much louder than I intended then quick look over toward Grady’s house to make sure he didn’t hear me. Luckily, it appears I’m still undetected.
“Nothing is wrong with you. You had a lot hit you at once between the baby and the breakup and it would shake anybody up. And then it was easier for you to ignore it, shove it into this box in your past, than confront it. You’re not weak. You’re not stupid. You’re human. And, it’s time to give yourself a bit of grace. But start with admitting to yourself that you’re worthy of it. Forgive yourself then worry about getting it from Grady.”
“And when you do,” Mom says, interjecting herself into the conversation for the first time in a while, “I have a Team Grady shirt all ready for you.”
A watery laugh escapes me, and I wipe the tears that began to stream down my face when Andy started talking.
“I love you guys,” I tell them through my whimpering.
“We love you too. Now, tell me more about this whole you two living in each other’s backyards and he still doesn’t know. You realize that you’re basically a full-fledged stalker now, right?”
“Shut up, Andy!” I whisper yell. He simply laughs. Not at all offended.
“How embarrassed are you going to be when he finds out?”
“Horrified.”
And then, because the embarrassment gods are against me, I see a giant spider shimmy down its stupid web right in front of my face dangling from the eaves above me. I’m like Little Miss Muffet, only I’m no longer sitting on my tuffet. I’m screaming and flailing around because… it’s a spider! And it’s enormous and likely flesh-eating, as are all spiders. It’s beady little eyes look directly into my soul, or I imagine they would had I not stood up and started dancing around to get away from it. I hit at my legs, brushing my arms, violently running my hands through my hair because it surely landed on my head and is about to make a nest.
In the process of my freaking out, I drop my phone so I army crawl across my tiny deck to get to it, lift it to my ear in time to hear Andy shouting into the phone, asking if I’m okay, if he needs to call the police.
Geesh. I must have really been freaking out.
But in my defense, spiders are my biggest fear. Their gross legs and sneakiness with the way a string can be produced out of their butts. Nothing about spiders is okay.
“I’m okay,” I pant. “Spider.” I say as way of explanation. “Huge.”
“Ahh,” he says, understanding in his voice.
He’s seen firsthand how scared I am of spiders. Seen me frozen in fear when I was walking from my car to the house and a spider the size of a softball sat in my way, daring me to move past it. I moved to the right, it moved to its left. I screamed, it jumped in the air and charged me. I shouted at it that it needed to leave me alone. It cocked an eyebrow at me. I screamed again, begging anyone for help and Reece came running out of the house with a baseball bat, fearing that I was being assaulted. Which, I was. By a mocking spider.
Reece looked at the spider, up at me, then back down. Walked three steps, picked me up and flung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and brought me into the house. I looked at the spider over my shoulder and saw him shaking his head, likely laughing at me. When he got to the door, Andy stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, chuckling. Entirely too entertained at the prospect of me almost being killed.
Some of that memory could be a bit exaggerated, but I really don’t see how.
I spare a glance over my shoulder when I reach the sliding door and notice Drew and Grady are both on their feet, looking in my direction. Grady’s head is cocked to the side and even his dog seems to be on alert. Probably because my screams could only be heard by dogs.
I reach up as far as I can to open the door, so I can slink quietly back into the house but can only barely touch the handle with the tip of my fingers.
I sigh, realizing that I’m going to have to stand up to get into the house, or at the very least get up on my knees and shimmy through.
“Andy,” I whisper, my other hand cupping over the mouth piece.
“Yeah?” he whisp
ers back, clearly amused.
Now would be a really nice time to be able to scream, but that would defeat the purpose of my stealthy behavior. “I’m not even joking right now. You need to help me out.”
“How am I supposed to do that?” he asks, chuckling. Mom is in the background giggling.
“Call Grady.” My voice is still a whisper.
“And say what? That his neighbor is having a panic attack because of a daddy long leg?”
I shift, sitting on my butt, my eyes on the area the spider was dangling from moments ago. Anxiety kicking up ten notches because I don’t see it anymore.
“It wasn’t just a daddy long leg, you turd. It was probably a brown recluse and you know it. They’ve been stalking me for years.”
Now he laughs so hard he wheezes.
“Andy! Focus. Just call Grady so he isn’t staring in my direction. Provide a distraction so I can get inside!”
“Alright, alright. Good grief.”
“Wait. What do you mean so you can get inside?” Mom asks, still laughing. So annoying.
“I’m on the floor of my deck,” I say like it should be obvious.
“Why are you on the floor? And isn’t the deck technically the floor?”
“Because I dropped to it when I was trying to get away from the spider that was about to attack me! Keep up!”
They’re both cracking up on the other end of the phone, and I’m pretty certain my request for distraction isn’t going to be granted.
I realize I have one of two choices.
Provide my own distraction which, at this point, I’ve probably already done and the likelihood he doesn’t know I live here is pretty slim.
Or, pull up my big girl panties, stand up and enter my house like an adult. Adulting sucks.
I clear my throat and mumble, “Never mind. I got this.”
That makes the two yahoos laugh even harder.
“You sound like you’re going into war.”
I feel like I am. I’m sweating, and my breaths are coming out heavy. Vomit is threatening to come up from the worry that Grady saw me, ridiculous as that may be.
I suck in a breath. “Wish me luck.”
“Oh good grief.”
“You two are the worst kind of parents in the world. Not encouraging at all.”
“I beg to differ. If we don’t give you shit for your ridiculousness, who will?” Andy asks.
“I take back all the nice things I ever said about you,” I say, standing at the same time, hoping that talking to them on the phone will provide enough internal distraction that I can make my way into my house without making a bigger scene than I already have. “I’m starting to realize that maybe you were just sucking up all those years.”
I slide open the door and slip inside, peeking through one of my windows to see that Grady isn’t paying any attention to me at all. He’s talking to Drew. I watch as he lifts his beer to his lips and tips his head back. He looks down at the table and picks up his phone, looking at the screen. His thumbs type away like he’s texting someone then he sets it back down on the table, his shoulders moving up and down and his head shaking. Like he’s chuckling. I wish I could hear it.
“You all safe and sound hidden behind the curtains now?” my mom asks.
“Yes, no thanks to you two,” I grumble. Seconds after I’m inside my house, everything that just occurred hits me like a ton of bricks and I break, tired of being so unsure of myself. “You guys, what is happening to me? Why can’t I just grow up already? I’m stuck in some time warp where I never mature.”
“You’re letting fear continue to rule your life, honey. No more. Do you hear me? Do you want to get him back?”
I whimper because of course I do. So bad it hurts.
“Yes. I love him. I never stopped.”
There’s silence on the other end for just a moment before, “Bri.” Mom’s using her “mother voice” on me and it makes me want to cry even harder.
I slide to the floor, realizing so many things at once. I’m about to become a blubbering mess right here on my living room floor.
I hear Andy’s voice say “Go,” quietly then, “I’m on my way,” from my mom.
I nod, even though she can’t see me and sniffle. “I need to get off the phone, honey, so I can come to you.”
“Okay,” I reply, not fighting it because I could be fifty and I think a hug from my mom will still cure anything.
“I love you, Bri. I would walk on hot coals for you, but this? Isn’t okay. You feeling like this isn’t okay. Let’s get control of that, yeah?” Andy. Step dad extraordinaire.
“Yeah,” I agree.
Thirty minutes after we hang up the phone, Mom’s charging through my front door. She has a Styrofoam container in her hand, and if I know my mom, it’s filled with bars from her shop. Hopefully, my favorites.
In her other hand, my little sister’s hand.
Hazel rushes over, jumping into my arms and I lift her up, pressing my face into her hair and holding her tightly.
Just what I needed.
I lift my head and look to my mom. “Thank you,” I tell her, and she nods, smiling.
“A spider attacked you?” Hazel says, her adorable hands holding both sides of my face, wide eyes looking at me with concern. I may or may not have accidentally transferred my fear of spiders to her.
“Almost. I barely made it out alive,” I tell her, my own eyes wide but my tone teasing.
She giggles and squirms, so I put her down. At six years old, she’s so over me holding her. Cue me rolling my eyes.
“Mommy said you live by Grady?”
Mom has the decency to at least look slightly sheepish.
“Yes, it appears I do,” I murmur.
Before I can stop her, my little pint-sized cherub of a sister darts out the door to the deck. I look at my mom and she quickly diverts her eyes. Apparently, she didn’t hold anything back in telling Hazel why they were coming over.
“Grady! Grady! Over here! I’m over here, Grady!” Hazel hollers, standing on her tip toes, waving her arms around.
My life.
Mom chuckles.
“Suck it up, buttercup. Time to face the music.”
“Those better be your chocolate caramel oatmeal bars,” I tell her, pointing to the container still nestled in her hands, like she’s going to be selfish and hold them hostage.
“They are.”
“Sucking up?”
She shrugs. “Making you feel better.”
“Thank you,” I tell her and walk over to get a hug that I desperately need. Mom gives the best hugs ever.
“I have a confession,” she tells me, wincing slightly as I begin digging into the container for the perfect bar. I love the ones in the middle, they have the gooiest deliciousness.
I groan. “What now?”
“I told your brothers.”
I pause, a bar already halfway to my mouth.
“Told them what, exactly?”
“I explained your living situation?” she says like it’s a question.
“Mom. We were off the phone for thirty minutes. Three. Zero. What the heck!”
“I’m sorry! I was excited!”
I don’t even know how to respond to her at this moment, so I don’t. Instead, I look out to the deck to see Hazel is standing on the bottom of the short deck railing, leaning over the side.
Reluctantly, I walk out and stand behind her. Grady’s standing on the other side of the fence that lines my yard.
“What are you doing over there, squirt?”
“I came to visit Bri. A spider attacked her, and she got scared.”
“Someone may have mentioned that,” he says, eyes shifting to me ever so quickly before returning back to Hazel.
Huh? Where did he hear that?
“Daddy said she was screaming really loud.”
“That she was.”
I scoff and cross my arms.
“So this is where you live, huh?” he asks me. I
nod. “I take it you knew I lived right there?” he says, pointing back to his house. Another nod. “I see. And you’ve known this since…”
I shrug and mumble, “The night we talked on the phone.”
His lip twitches. “All week, huh?”
My face burns bright.
“Possibly?”
He smiles.
Huh. That’s better than him looking at me in disgust.
I look around, grateful it appears the rest of the neighborhood hasn’t come outside to see what the commotion is.
“We’ve been having morning coffee together all week,” I admit, wishing there was a pebble I could kick. Or, you know, a rock to climb under. That’d be good too.
Another smile.
Drew walks over to join the party with a knowing smirk.
Even from this distance, Grady’s wide shoulders look even broader, more powerful. The angles of his jaw sharper. His bare toes visible from the black flip flops his feet are slid into. He always had nice toes. Kept the nails trimmed and sounds odd, yes, but as someone who hates feet, it’s an important trait to carry.
“Come in here, Grady!” I hear my little sister shout, breaking into my mental cataloging of his body.
“As long as it’s okay with your sister.”
“Of course it is!” she scoffs, like there would be any other answer.
He winks at me – so carefree – as he launches himself over the fence. As if he didn’t just discover I’ve been basically like a Peeping Tom for the past week. How is he so chill? Inside, I’m freaking out.
He could have at least taken the time to simply reach over and unlatch the door a few feet down from where he’s standing. Drew, on the other hand, comes in like a normal person, along with Rocky hot on his heels.
Hazel watches as Grady eats up the space between them, her affection toward him is so obvious, there’s no way he can’t see it.
I look at my mom and point at Hazel, wondering if she’s seeing this drama. She simply shrugs. “Sisters have the same taste, it would seem.”
My mouth flops open like a fish out of water. I want to protest, tell her to shut up and she’s embarrassing me. But, I’m not in high school anymore, despite how this entire situation is making me feel… and act.
Grady barks out a laugh. Drew shoves him to the side and says, “I’m so glad you cleared everything up, or I’d be even more confused now.”
Waiting for Her Page 12