Waiting for Her

by Jennifer Van Wyk

  I scrub a hand down my face and slam my soda can on the counter. “Fuck me, is nothing private anymore?”

  His only response is, “Never has been.”

  I decide it’s much easier to come out with it, so I give him the shortened version of how my Friday night turned out.

  “And this morning?”

  “Dammit, Cole!”

  “What? It’s not my fault! Mia called Bri this afternoon. Wanted to clear things up between the two of them. I mean, yes, we heard from Christine part of last night, so Mia figured might as well make things better between the two of them since you guys are going to get back together soon.”

  My head jerks back. “What?”

  He waggles his eyebrows and taps his temple. “I know things.”

  Never in my life have I had so many conflicting emotions as I have since Bri came back into my life.

  “Mia called Bri?”

  “She did.”

  I shouldn’t be surprised to hear Mia stepped up. When Bri decided to end things, Mia had to watch me break down for months after, missing her so severely it felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. She dragged me out of the darkness and back into the light. Literally. One morning she stormed into my bedroom, the door hitting against the wall. Ripped the covers off my body and slapped me across the face before grabbing my ankle and tugging for all she was worth.

  I was so surprised by going from sleeping peacefully to jarred awake that she was able to pull me right out of bed, landing flat on my back with a thud.

  Then she not so gently nudged me with her foot until I stood up and she shoved me into the bathroom, forcing me to shower.

  Five minutes later, I was in her passenger seat of her little car. She drove me to the park where I first kissed Bri.

  “Are you trying to drive the knife in deeper?”

  “No. I’m trying to show you life still goes on.”

  She gestures to the kids around us playing on the playground equipment. The parents watching them, some of them running around right along with the kids. A group of teenagers are in the grassy field off to the side, playing flag football. It makes me smile, remembering the times my friends and I did the exact same thing. That smile quickly vanishes when I think about how often Bri was part of those games.

  Mia snaps her fingers in front of my face.

  “She is not the reason you are living.”

  I sigh. She just doesn’t get it.

  “Listen to me.” Mia places her hands on my cheeks and forces me to look down at her. “You are more than Bri Jameson’s friend. More than Bri’s boyfriend. You are Grady fucking Ryan and you’re amazing. Ten schools wanted you to play for them. Ten. Do you realize how incredible that is? She didn’t do that. You did.” She pokes a tiny finger into my chest and I brush it away.

  “You don’t understand.”

  “Oh, I understand perfectly. She got scared. I don’t blame her. Her dad made a big mistake and now she’s questioning everything in her life, including you.”

  I swallow hard and breathe through my nose, pissed that the sting of it all still gets to me.

  “Bri is not your reason for living. She didn’t make you the man you are today. Do you understand me? She’s a big part of your past, I’m not denying that. But your life doesn’t revolve around her and it never did.”

  I look away from her knowing stare. “Grady. This is your life. You need to start living it.”

  “What the hell do you think I’m doing?”

  She shrugs. “Going to class and playing football.”

  “Damn right I am! I’m killing it on the field,” I shout, spreading my arms out on either side of me. “Do you have any idea what kind of pressure I’m under? You just said it. I’m Grady Fucking Ryan, Mia! Everyone expects me to be great. Get straight A’s. Lead the team to the win. Well guess what? I’m fucking doing it!” I pound on my chest once and take a deep breath, stepping closer to her. “If I’m a little sad because the girl I’ve loved over half my life decided I wasn’t worth fighting for? Then let me be sad! Let me be pissed! I deserve some time! I thought she was going to be my wife, Mia! My wife. The mother of my children.”

  “Sad, yes. I’m not saying you’re not allowed time, either. But you’re not just sad, Grady. You’re vacant. You’re right. You’re doing everything everyone expects of you. What about what you expect of you? What do you want?”

  “I want Bri! How do you not understand that?”

  Her eyes blaze and she stands on her tiptoes, getting right up in my face. “Well guess what? She doesn’t want you. Not anymore.”

  I stumble back, my hand clutching where my heart is beating because it feels like she reached in and yanked it straight out of my chest.

  “Grady,” Mia says quietly, resting a hand on my arm. “I love Bri. You know I do. And if she got her head pulled out of her ass right now, I’d be back on board the Brady train –”

  “No one combines names anymore,” I murmur with a smirk, trying to bring some semblance of happiness into this depressing conversation.

  “Shut up and don’t interrupt me. I’m telling you if she were to realize her mistake, I’d be all for you two getting back together, but you can’t wait around for that to happen. Cole and I? We’re worried about you. We want you happy, and I know that seems impossible right now but…”

  “But what?”

  “You have to forget about Bri for a while. And maybe this is a good thing. Maybe you’ll both realize that there’s someone else out there for you. Maybe not. You don’t know what the future holds, but for the first time in your life, it’s not planned out for you. It’s a gift, Grady. It sucks, yes, and I hate that you’re going through it. But it’s time to live again. There’s life beyond Bri.”

  I take a deep breath and close my eyes, feeling the damn sting of tears hit the back of my eyes. I sit down on the bench, Mia sitting next to me. I lean forward, elbows to my knees, letting my head drop between my hands.

  “I miss her so damn much,” I whisper.

  She leans over, wrapping her arm around my shoulder from the back and resting her cheek on my other shoulder. “I know you do. I do, too. But we can’t control her feelings. She’s lost, Grady.”

  “I want the hurt to go away. Why does it hurt so much?”

  “Because she broke your heart,” she reminds me.

  “I can’t believe she’s gone.”

  “Me either.”

  “Why doesn’t she trust me?” I whisper.

  “I wish I had the answer to that.”

  “Yeah. Me too.”

  “Listen to me, Grady. She’s going to come back. I don’t know when, and I can’t even say that I want you to wait for her, because that’s not fair to you, but I know she’ll realize her mistakes and come back to you. Your love story with Bri Jameson isn’t finished. I’m not sure it ever will be.”

  “She’s your lobster.” Mia’s voice cuts in. I’ve been hearing Friends references my entire life. I’m pretty sure that’s at least fifty percent of my mom’s vocabulary. I don’t even roll my eyes anymore.

  Her hand is patting Anderson’s back softly, his head resting against her shoulder, mouth wide open in a milk coma as she bounces up and down, moving from side to side slightly. Such a mom already. The thought makes me smile.

  I reach for my baby nephew, tucking him in close and smelling his head before I give him a kiss. I can’t believe how much I love him already. It’s not that I haven’t been around babies recently. A few of my friends and cousins have kids, but this is so different.

  Cole hands her a glass of water and winks. “Remember you need to keep hydrated,” he tells her.

  My big brother’s a husband and daddy. It’s so weird to see.

  Even weirder is how jealous I am.

  I kiss Anderson again and murmur soft words as I walk around the house, holding him close. I can’t help but let my mind drift to the baby Bri and I never got to hold, feed and burp. So many things we never got th
e chance to experience.

  How can I feel sad over losing something I never had in the first place?

  I make my way into the nursery and settle into the glider rocking chair, Anderson sleeping soundly against my chest. He’s so tiny that my hand covers his back.

  The quiet of the room allows my mind to wander to all the information I’ve recently learned. For the last six years, I questioned why it was so easy for her to walk away from us. Turns out, it wasn’t easy at all.

  This afternoon after Bri was back at her house, I texted Jack. Two simple words. But he understood exactly what I was referring to.

  Me: Thank you

  Jack: No need to thank me

  Me: You know that’s not true

  Jack: Then, you’re welcome

  I lean my head back, close my eyes, and take a deep breath.

  There’s only one way to move forward. Nothing else makes sense. We’ve both been stuck in a rut, but now I know what was holding her back. I didn’t realize how much I needed that small amount of closure.

  Feeling like someone is watching me, I keep my head rested against the chair.

  “So, you called her?” I ask, not needing to look to know who’s standing in the doorway.

  Mia’s unapologetic when she replies, “I did. I invited her here tonight, too, but she thought maybe you’d want time alone with your nephew.”

  “Looks like you’ve got a handle on things here. We’ll just be taking a nap if you need us,” Cole jokes.

  I still don’t open my eyes, but I smile, waving a hand of dismissal their way. “Big man and I are fine. Go. Take your nap.” I look down at Anderson still sleeping soundly. “We got this, don’t we, buddy?”

  As if on cue, Anderson’s little face scrunches up and his bottom lip pokes out. I think he’s going to start crying, but then I hear the wettest fart I’ve ever heard—and felt—in my life.

  I still in my rocking, eyes wide. I’m not sure I have the confidence to move my arm that was resting on his butt. “What. The. Heck. Was. That?!”

  I’m holding Anderson with as much stability as I can while I stand, desperately trying not to let his backside touch anything else of mine. I’m looking at Mia and Cole for answers, but they have completely innocent looks on their faces. Not even the least bit concerned with the catastrophic sound that emitted from their newborn. There’s no way that noise could have come from his tiny body. And if it did, I’m pretty sure my brother needs to check to make sure some of his intestines didn’t just fall out his butthole.

  “You got this, right?” Mia teases, reaching over to take Anderson back from me. Any other time I would protest, wanting some cuddle time. But I’m more than happy to hand him off right now. She can have the little poop pants. Especially when I look at his tiny little bottom after handing him off and see some nasty color coming through his sleeper.

  I go to the bathroom to wash my hands and arms and do a double take when I see what’s resting on the counter.

  When I make my way back into the living room, I see Cole sitting on the couch, head leaned back looking like someone beat the hell out of him.

  “What the hell is happening to your family? Stool softeners and hemorrhoid cream? Did Mia’s giant boobs make your son have farts that could come out of a 400-pound truck driver? And what the ever-loving hell is this thing?” I ask, holding up some strange suction cup funnel attached to a bottle.

  “That’s parenthood, man,” he says without so much as popping open an eye to look at what I’m showing him.

  I crinkle my nose and look at it again, drop it unceremoniously on the end table and plop down on the chair just as Mia comes shuffling back into the living room.

  “That was his third blowout of the day,” she mutters followed by a yawn.

  “Y’all are making me want to have babies so bad,” I tease.

  Cole’s middle finger is aimed in my direction before his arm flops back to the cushion.

  “Worth it,” he murmurs with a small smile. I stand up, take hold of Anderson now that he’s clean again and place him on my chest before sitting back down on the chair, his tiny body curls up into a ball.

  We sit in silence for so long I’m pretty sure both Mia and Cole have fallen asleep. Their snoring and mouths wide open as drool slips out is a pretty good indication. I pay attention to those clues.

  “Yeah, you do seem pretty worth it, little guy,” I whisper into Anderson’s ear before I gently stand. I wrap a thin little blanket around his body, covering his head with a little cotton hat. I step out into their backyard to take Anderson on a little stroll in the fresh night air.

  I walk around the small outdoor space, listening to the quiet hush of the night. His soft squeaks every so often causing my lips to quirk. I take a seat on one of their patio chairs and sigh, relaxing with him in my arms.

  “Buddy, one day some girl is going to grab hold of your heart and it’ll bring you to your knees. When that happens, you just come visit your favorite uncle. I’ll be here to give you lots of pointers.”

  “I have a feeling he’ll be coming to you for lots of advice,” I hear Mia say before she takes a seat in the chair next to me, but not before bending down to kiss Anderson on the top of his head first.

  “You were supposed to be resting,” I scold her.

  “I’ll sleep eventually. You know, before he came, I would have told you to run in the other direction.”

  “But now?”

  “I see the light in your eyes again, having her back in your life. I also see life is about so much more than holding a grudge.”

  “Thank you for calling her today.”

  “Eh, it was a long time coming. I know I was irrationally pissed. She hurt you.”

  “She hurt you, too,” I say, not as a question.

  She nods. “True. She left all of us. We haven’t talked it all through but she’s here now, and whether it’s because of the article or not, I know deep down she wouldn’t have allowed herself to be put in this position if she wasn’t ready to move forward. I figure it’s probably time for all of us to do the same.”

  I think about what she just said. She’s not wrong, not that I’d tell her she’s right. She’d never let me hear the end of it. And it’s a little shocking how well Mia knows me. There was a very small part of me that felt like the only reason she was here, telling me everything was because of the article.

  “She opened up to me today.”

  “And?”

  “So much happened when I wasn’t part of her life. Things that if I had been there, never would have happened.”

  “You can’t be her hero, Grady.”

  “Like hell I can’t,” I grumble.

  She gives me a sad smile, head turned as if to say “you know better.”

  I rub Anderson’s back and lean down, inhale his sweet baby scent.

  “I know,” I admit. “But her life when we weren’t together wasn’t easy.”

  “Life is never supposed to be easy. You seem to think you’re supposed to make it perfect for everyone all the time.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  I think for a moment, hating to admit she’s right. “I blame Mom and Dad. Yours too.”

  Mia giggles. “They’d probably take that blame.”

  “They’re the ones who made us believe in high school sweethearts.” I shift Anderson in my arms a little bit and murmur, “I never got over her.”

  She gasps, pressing a hand to her chest. “No kidding? I had no idea!”

  “You’re such a brat.”

  She stands, reaching down to take Anderson from me, kisses me on the top of my head first. “Go get your girl. You’ve waited long enough.”

  Bri

  I’m cuddled under the covers, Kindle open and resting on my chest. My phone buzzes on the nightstand and I reach over, heart thumping when I see a text from Grady.

  Grady: Up for company?

  Me: This a booty call?

  Grady:
Your head in the gutter, Bri?

  Me: Let’s just say I’m up for company

  Logic tells me I would have time to double check that I’m presentable before he arrives, but there’s a knock on the door a few seconds after my phone shows Delivered under the last message.

  “Oh my gosh. Holy crap.” I start murmuring as I freak out, throwing the covers off my legs and jumping out of bed.

  I don’t give myself time to think, rushing toward the door, I throw it open.

  Grady’s eyes widen, do a slow track up and down, down, down… lingering on my bare legs. “Holy shit,” I think I hear him whisper but it’s so quiet I can’t be sure.

  But what I am pretty sure of is that he can see nipple through my thin pale pink tank top.

  My simple white boy short panties the only thing covering my bottom half.

  Two steps and he’s inside.

  I turn around, start walking farther into my small house and hear the door slam behind him. The lock clicks, the sound echoing through the small space.

  Two pair of feet moving quietly, every step quicker than the last.

  Strong arms wrap around me from behind, pull me back to his chest.

  “How long am I gonna have to chase you?” Grady’s voice is gruff, breath hot against my neck.

  His hands splay across my stomach.

  Lips brush against my jaw.

  “Are you done running, Bri?”

  I’m a bobble head, my head nodding so quickly I’m lucky it’s attached so it doesn’t roll away.

  “Thank fuck,” he growls and suddenly I’m airborne, my legs being taken out from underneath me as he lifts me up in a cradle hold.

  I’ve never been so grateful for my small home than I am in this moment.

  He makes it to my bedroom in record time then… slowly, he lowers me to the bed, leans over me with his arms bracing on either side of my head. His strong frame covers mine.

  It feels so good, his body draped heavily on top of me. I squirm a bit, opening myself up enough to throw a leg around him, wrap a hand around his shoulders, my palm coming to rest on the back of his neck.

  I press my lips together, staring up into his handsome face. My fingers trace the contours of his cheek, over his lip. “I don’t need any more chances, Grady. No more time. I’m here. With you. Yours, for as long as you’ll have me.”