The bullet went wide. Just like every night before.
“Reese! Reese, I’m sorry. Please, I’m so sorry.” The room was dark and blurry. I tried to sit up, but everything was swimming.
A dark shaped loomed in the moonlight from the window. Long, dark hair. She said something to me, but I couldn’t understand her. My name. That’s what she was saying. Telling me to quiet down. Everything was all right. The bed sagged as she sat next to me. Brushed the damp strands of hair from my eyes. Kissed my forehead ever so slightly. She smelled like Reese. But not. Not Reese. Maybe Reese. I closed my eyes and leaned into her warm body and cool hands and let sleep, dreamless sleep, overtake me.
Chapter Thirteen
For the first time in months, I woke next to an unfamiliar woman. Or at least a woman I hadn’t ever expected to wake up next to. Alexis was quite beautiful when she slept. The anger and entitlement just went away, leaving her younger and sweeter. I felt sad watching her. Because I knew she wanted me and I knew I’d never want her. She’d calmed me in the darkest of my moments. It didn’t matter that I had the same dream every night. It never got better or easier. Until Alexis. She had done everything I wanted Reese to do. Everything Reese had refused me.
But I still wanted Reese. Not Alexis.
So I carefully climbed out of bed. My clothes were hanging in the closet. The shirt and jacket were bloody so I left them. My coat wasn’t bad. Except for the hole. Oh well.
I debated leaving Alexis a note, but what could I say? Hey, Alexis, sorry I let you take care of me, but I still want your cousin who refuses to speak to me. It’s been real. Yeah, right.
It didn’t take long for the cab I called to get there. As we drove through the early morning light, I tried to justify my cruelty. Then again, I hadn’t exactly encouraged Alexis. Nor did I discourage her. Fuck it. Time to go. Reese wasn’t coming back for me. The twins probably didn’t even know where I was. And if they did, they didn’t care.
I didn’t know where I’d go. Maybe back home. Of course, Vito could probably find me there. I’d always wanted to do Europe. Maybe I’d just go there and disappear. Yeah, Europe.
Halfway through packing a bag, there was a knock at my door. Shit. Why the fuck did I rent an apartment with only one exit?
“Come on, Cooper. I know you’re in there.”
The windows in my bedroom were only two stories up. Maybe I could jump. Except, I didn’t really want to jump out a window. That joint I lit before packing may have been a bad idea. Made me stupid.
“Hey, Alexis.” I opened the door and tried to be cool. “What’s up?”
“We need to talk.”
“Sure, come on in. You want to sit?” What the fuck was I doing?
“Why are you being weird?” She stepped over the threshold, but didn’t go any farther.
“I’m not.” I was.
“Yes, you are. You’re usually broody and angry. Right now you’re being cheerful. Are you on something?”
“No.”
“I can smell the weed, so I know you’re lying.” Point to her. “Why does pot make you giddy?”
“It doesn’t. I just…” Couldn’t think of a decent lie. “I just finally caught up on sleep. So I’m feeling pretty good.”
“About that. I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m just going to say it.”
Fuck. I waited. It took her a while.
“I want you. And―”
That was when she kissed me. Softly at first. Then harder, more demanding. The tip of her tongue grazed my bottom lip. The smallest of bites followed. Her hands climbed my chest, traced my collarbones, slid into my hair. Just like Reese used to do. That was when I stopped her.
“Alexis, hey, Alexis, stop, please.” I gathered her hands in mine and stepped back. “You don’t want to do this.”
“I think I’m capable of determining what I want.”
“All right, then I don’t want to do this. I’m sorry.” Her face fell, just for a second, then the shields were back up. “It’s not you. I swear.” Damn, there was no way to say that without sounding cliché.
“Oh, I’m aware it’s not me. You’re still hung up on Reese.” Her voice started to shake. “Everyone is hung up on Reese.”
And just like that, I realized what it had been like for Alexis. She looked like Reese, acted, talked like Reese. And had been born a niece instead of a granddaughter. One generation too removed. I couldn’t add to that complex. So I lied.
“It’s not about Reese. Or you. I’m just seriously fucked up right now. I need to not be doing…whatever it is I’m doing.” Chivalry didn’t look good on me. Why did I have to choose right then to spare a girl’s feelings? I’d never done that before. But something about the flash of sadness in her eyes, the vulnerability in her voice, especially from a woman who ate vulnerable for breakfast, made it so I just couldn’t tell her the truth. It was pity, but misguided pity. She would have killed me right then if she’d known.
“You’re leaving?”
I never knew someone could sound devastated and pissed at the same time. “No, of course not. Just…reexamining.”
“What do you have to reexamine?” Oh, great. She decided on angry rather than hurt.
“I’m not sure. I just know that this isn’t the life I want.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t want to be a bottom rung driver in the mob or an extra body to follow you around or generally fucking useless. And I don’t want to be the jerk who leads you on just because it makes me feel better about myself.” And I don’t want to be your bait.
“So you want more responsibility? Hell of a way of telling me.”
“No. No, no, no. I don’t want responsibility. I just don’t want to feel like your bitch all the time. I don’t think it’s good for me to be here.”
Alexis crossed her arms over her fantastic chest, pursed those exquisitely made up lips, and stared at me with her cold eyes. For the first time since she’d walked into my apartment, I got wet. Something was wrong with me.
“Maybe I should just pack up and leave.” Seriously.
“No.” Something about her tone suggested that would be a very bad decision. Like the kind of decision people don’t live to follow through on. “I’ve got something different for you to do. I’ve been branching out from our usual business. It’s a pet project of mine, but don’t worry, I rarely spend time there. You won’t have to see me.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t want to see you.”
“Maybe I don’t want to see you.” Alexis smiled a sad sort of smile. “I’ll pick you up in a couple hours.”
“’Kay.” She turned to leave. I stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. When she shuddered, I jerked my hand back like I’d been burned.
“What now?”
“Umm, is this little excursion one I’ll be coming back from? Because if you’re going to kill me, I’d rather you just got it over with.”
“You think that little of me?”
“Huh?”
“You reject me so I send you on a permanent vacation? Seems a little extreme.” Good point.
“I just thought I’d check.”
“I’ll see you at eleven.”
*
I considered about a thousand different things Alexis might have wanted me to do. Few options were in my moral code. The majority, I feared, were along the line of what Esau considered a good night. I even thought about the possibility that she was going to take me out back and shoot me, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t going to happen. She was right; she wasn’t that petty. But none of my bloody, soulless imaginings came close to what Alexis showed me that day.
The building we parked behind was in a decidedly bad part of town. That wasn’t a surprise. Nor were the subtly positioned security cameras. I wasn’t even surprised at the mass of muscle who answered the back door.
I followed Alexis through a sad kitchen, upstairs to a poorly lit hallway. The rooms didn’t have doors on t
hem. Inside, the rooms were crack house chic. Like stained mattresses, boarded up windows, fucking dirty. In each room, a mass of neglected looking young girls huddled together on the stained mattresses sleeping. If you could call it sleeping. Some shivered, others twitched. Most kept their faces covered like they were waiting for an unannounced blow to the head.
It took all my strength not to hurl. I didn’t want to add more bodily fluid to the floors. As it was, I was dry heaving and trying to play it cool.
Alexis DiGiovanni was a sick motherfucker. And I wanted nothing to do with her.
“This will be your room.” She opened the one door still standing. The only improvements from the other rooms were a small TV and a blanket on the mattress. “You will be on rotating shifts with two other guys. All you have to do is watch the girls, keep them safe, and keep them healthy. When new girls arrive, I want you to check them over. I trust you not to mess with the merchandise.” She rolled her eyes like we were in on a joke. “As you can imagine, we’ve had trouble with that in the past.”
I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t even look at her, much less speak. So I turned around, went down the stairs, and headed for the door. Muscle guy tried to stop me.
“I need some air,” I said.
“Maybe you should wait for the boss.”
“No, I need to go outside. Now.” He didn’t move. “This doesn’t need to be a problem.” With a show of calm I didn’t feel, I undid both buttons on my jacket and slid my hands into my pockets. My jacket slid open, revealing the butt of my Beretta.
“Hey, man. I just don’t want to piss off the lady.” He backed away from the door.
“Thanks.” I walked outside slowly, let the door close behind me, and strolled to the end of the alley. Then I ran for my fuckin’ life.
I was a long way from where I was going, but I didn’t get a cab. I didn’t want a record of my destination. Because I was going to disappear. After a couple blocks, I forced myself to walk. I was noticeable enough as it was without sprinting.
Alexis called a couple times, but I didn’t answer. Bitch was evil. I figured she’d have to call Vito at some point to report that I was gone. Alexis would do her best to find me first because she wouldn’t want to admit she’d lost me. I planned on being very much gone by the time that happened.
My phone rang again. I checked the readout. Not Alexis.
“Hey, Esau. Not who I expected, but I’m not surprised.”
“What are you talking about? Never mind. I don’t want to know. I need you.”
Seriously? He wanted help torturing some poor fuck right then?
“What do you want?”
“I need your help with a job I’m working on. There’s a plane ticket waiting for you,” Esau said.
“I can’t.”
“Kid, this isn’t the usual job.”
“I still can’t. I just got reassigned.” And I was so gone.
“That doesn’t matter. I just caught up with an old friend of yours.” All right. He had my attention. “Well, the father of a friend of yours. I think you want to do business with this guy.”
Holy fuckin’ shit. He’d found Christopher. And I was a tool. Who the fuck else would have stolen the gold bars? The twins didn’t have them, I didn’t have them, and Vito didn’t have them. Christopher was the only one who knew they even existed. I was such an idiot.
“When…how did you…never mind. I’ll be there.”
“Perfect. I’m calling the boss now,” he said.
“Business as usual?”
“Business as usual.”
*
Esau picked me up in San Francisco, then we drove toward Sacramento. I attempted to sleep for the first ninety minutes. I’d avoided doing so on the plane for fear I’d wake up screaming. My attempt to sleep didn’t work. I gave up in Elk Grove.
“So Christopher came back to the McMansion?”
“Yes. Can you believe that?”
I shook my head. “How long have you been looking for him?”
“Five months. Give or take.”
“And he just showed up at the house? Is he stupid?” No, Christopher wasn’t stupid. And he knew better. Especially if he had the gold.
“You’re right. Something is off. I thought we’d watch the house for a day or so before going in.”
“Get into the left lane.”
“What?” Esau looked at me like I was losing it. And coming from him that was insulting.
“Just get into the left lane.”
He did as he was told. When the right lane branched off without warning half a second later, he started laughing.
“You’ll need to jump three lanes once we merge.”
“Vito told me you grew up here.”
“Yep.”
“Weird to be home?”
“Drive, Esau.”
He didn’t need to know what it felt like to drive on Highway 50 after giving up hope of ever seeing this stretch of ugly roadside again. He didn’t need to know that my heart had made a sudden and deafening appearance. That I felt like I was drowning in the rush of blood and memory.
Esau displayed his canines and kept driving. “We should spend the first few hours together, but after that, I’m thinking we will trade shifts.”
“Have you already done a drive-by to check it out?”
“No.”
“Well, we can’t drive in and out because the security cameras will pick us up. Plus, there are actual gates and we don’t have clearance to get in. And we can’t use the usual surveillance sedan. The neighbors will call security. Or the cops. ’Cause it’s totally a suburban street. So we should get an SUV. Something disgusting and big and flashy with tinted windows. That way we will blend in and we won’t be seen.” I was rambling. And pretending to be in charge. It could have been nerves. It could have been my first glimpse at Sacramento in far too long.
“An SUV?” Esau pursed his lips and looked around. That was a weird habit for a dude. “You mean something like, I don’t know, the Escalade we are currently driving in?”
“Oh.”
“I do have a little experience at this.”
“My bad.”
“I’m guessing you know a back way in.” I did. “Once we park this car up there we can leave it. There is a new housing development right below Christopher’s house. It’s not visible from his street, but we can walk up the hill from there to switch shifts.”
“Sorry. I’ll shut up.”
“I will need help with one thing.” He offered a less predatory version of his smile.
“What?”
“Please tell me there’s a decent Thai place.”
This dude was a freak show.
*
The house was quiet at seven a.m. By eight, there was definite movement. I pulled up the hood on my sweatshirt and put on a pair of sunglasses. The neighbors would probably just think I was another kid sleeping it off before going home. It was freezing, but I kept the window cracked so the windshield wouldn’t fog. I didn’t care so much if someone noticed me because I knew they wouldn’t recognize me. But I didn’t want anything to obstruct my view.
At eleven, a car pulled up. The front door of the blue house opened and my dad walked out on the porch. I had to put my hands, which had been shaking for the last hour, under my legs. Otherwise, I might open the door. I might go up to the house. I might walk inside.
I became very aware of swallowing, of how dry and itchy my eyes were, of each shattered breath as it forced its way into and out of my chest.
Carson and Derek got out of the car. Dad met them halfway up the driveway. They all hugged for a long, long time. It wasn’t until my mom emerged from the house that Derek broke away. They hugged too. Then Carson stepped up to hug her. She pulled both of them close and kissed their foreheads.
Before the group ever reached the front door, another car pulled up. It was Austin. This time it was my mom who went to pull him into her arms. She had started crying. Before anyone else could re
ach the twosome, Ade ran out of the house. Not a young girl, not anymore. Adriana didn’t look like mom now. She’d grown out of that. Her chin was more prominent, jaw slimmer. Those green eyes, just like Dad’s, just like mine, had gotten brighter. Maybe it was her long eyelashes. Maybe she’d just grown up. And I hadn’t been there to watch.
My baby sister tackled Austin in a hug as soon as my mother let go of him. He ruffled her hair and put his arm around her waist to walk her into the house.
Twenty minutes later, four more couples had gone inside. Through the front window I caught glimpses of people talking, trying to smile. There was more hugging. The scene was iconic. Roaring fire. The tree in the window lit by pink lights, that must have been Adriana’s idea. The boys were all wearing matching chunky sweaters. They thought it was hilarious to dress like twins at the holidays. Every year, they picked out new horrible sweaters. This year it was reindeer.
But something was off. Somber. Adriana wasn’t smiling. I had taken my baby sister’s smile. One of Carson’s dads was leaning by the fire with mine pretending it was okay to drink wine before noon. I wondered if that was normal for Dad now.
The windows were cracked open as a concession to the heat from the kitchen. Pieces of conversation drifted out. Derek’s stepmom’s voice carried the most. It reminded me of campouts in their backyard when we were ten. I didn’t start to cry until Mom called out that the food was ready.
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