by Wendy Louise
The rev of the engines turns our attention back to the screen.
The cars are in place on the track.
I have no idea how they work out who goes where but Gray tells me it’s all planned out.
I spot both Gray and Ethan on the large screen. Their names are printed on the sides of their cars. Gray’s car is predominantly red and Ethan’s is white, but there are other red and white cars out there too. It’s going to be hard to keep track of who’s who once they start, so I am relying on the commentators to keep me up to speed.
The cars start to move around the track for their warm-up laps, after which they all take their places on the starting grid. A green light illuminates, signalling the start of the formation lap, where the cars take a last drive around the track to warm up their tyres and double check their systems.
Once back in place on the grid, the starting light system consists of five pairs of lights, mounted vertically at the start line. Each pair of lights switches on at one second intervals. They are now all illuminated and we are waiting for them to switch off to signal the start of the race. The celebrities are given a thirty second head start, so as soon as those lights go out, they are off.
The roar of the engines and the smell of fuel is intoxicating. It’s impossible not to get swept up in the excitement of this.
I check on Ava. Her eyes have not moved from the screen as they follow Ethan’s car closely around the track. I keep mine trained on the red car that I think belongs to Gray. It’s quite difficult to tell if it’s him now that they are all speeding around the track.
They do lap after lap, and after a while I feel my sister relaxing beside me, getting into it like I am.
“This is pretty exciting,” she says as she jumps down from her chair. “Can I get you another drink?”
I nod. “Mineral water would be great thanks Ava.”
My eyes return to the screen, looking for the red car and watching with pride as it makes its way around the track again. His name is written boldly on the side, and I can just imagine the broad grin on his face as he navigates the track with purpose.
He’s doing so well. Driving with expertise but being careful of the cars around him.
Ava returns with my drink and takes her seat at my side.
“Thanks Sis,” I say as I lift it to take a sip.
“Oh no….” we hear over the broadcast.
My eyes fly to the screen and my face prickles as the blood drains away.
It’s a red car.
I can’t see if it’s Grayson or not.
It’s spinning…
Out of control…
Towards a wall on the far side of the track.
Ava’s hand grips mine tightly.
Please don’t say his name; please don’t say his name…..
My ears are so attuned to what the Broadcaster is saying that I can’t even hear the roar of the cars as they travel the circuit.
“….that doesn’t look good….”I hear.
“…nasty crash…”I hear.
Please don’t say his name; please don’t say his name…..
I see a white car pull up closely to where the red car has hit the wall. There is smoke billowing from the engine, but there is no sign that the driver is making any attempt to get out of the car.
When I see Ethan clearly emerge from the white car, I know that it’s Gray. The way Ethan is running towards the driver’s side door is frantic. The officials hold him back from the red car, and I can see him struggling to break free of them to reach the driver.
The remainder of the cars slow their speed and take their time around the track, waiting to see what will happen next.
Another car stops. It’s blue. It’s Madeline. She runs to her brother and throws her arms around him.
I can’t breathe.
I feel like I may faint.
My stomach feels ill, like I want to throw up, but I can’t tear my eyes from the screen.
I know Ava is with me, but I can’t afford to look away from the scene for a second. I don’t want to miss the moment that Gray gets out of that car.
Because he will get out of that car.
No ifs, buts or maybes.
I will not even entertain any other thoughts.
The circuit ambulance is now at the scene.
It’s blocking my view of the car. My body instinctively dismounts the chair and starts to head out towards the track. I’m not sure that my legs will willingly carry me anywhere right now but I need to get to him.
I hear Ava call my name from where I’ve left her. She is by my side in an instant, pulling me to a stop.
“Liv, you can’t go out there.”
I stare ahead, intent on making my way to Gray.
She takes my chin in her hand and swings my gaze to hers. That’s when I see the tears in her eyes. She repeats, “Sis, you can’t go out there.”
“I need to get to him.”
“I know, but right now we need to wait until we know what is happening.”
She steers me back towards the table we were seated at and gently pushes me down onto my seat.
“Stay here, I’ll see if I can find anything out.”
I watch her scurry off as I turn my gaze back to the screen where the ambulance is still blocking my view. They have a photo of Gray’s gorgeous face in the bottom right of the screen now and the writing that scrolls across the bottom of it says:
Breaking News: Grayson Adams crashes in Long Beach Grand Prix.
My hands begin to shake and I feel another bubble of nausea rise from my stomach. I need my sister. Where did she go?
My phone is ringing from my bag and before I can register that I need to answer it, Ava is back, grabbing my purse and removing my phone to take the call.
It’s Gray’s mum.
I can hear the fear in her voice from my seat beside Ava. I can’t talk to her right now and Ava has sensed that. I hear her filling Monica in with the few details that we know. Ava promises to call her as soon as we have more news, and then she powers off the call.
I feel Ava’s hand on my arm, but there is no warmth there. I’m bone-cold, chilled, worried and scared.
“Liv, one of the Race Officials is going to take us to the hospital. Ethan is travelling in the ambulance with Gray. They don’t know much at the moment but they did tell me that he’s unconscious Sis. When we get there I need to call Gray’s mum back. They are going to hop on the next flight and hope to be here in a couple of hours. Do you need anything?”
I feel the streams of tears as they wet my face, and I want to speak, but I can’t. I just need to get to him.
Ava wraps her arms around me and gives me a squeeze. “He’ll be okay. C’mon we need to go.”
I follow behind Ava, feeling like I’m watching my life from afar. This can’t possibly be happening. Not when everything was so perfect. I have to be dreaming.
Right when everything had fallen into place. The world has been ripped from under me.
And I. Can’t. Breathe.
When we arrive at the hospital, Ethan is waiting for us in the Urgent Care department. His face is white, strained, worried for his friend. He is still wearing his race suit and his hair is sticking out at odd angles, betraying how many times he has run his hands through it.
He puts an arm out to catch Ava and then curls the other around me, pulling me close.
“He’ll get through this Liv. He has to,” he says against the side of my face before placing a light kiss to my cheek.
He releases me and pulls Ava to him. “You okay babe?”
She nods and then pulls back, taking my hand. “Liv, you’re so cold. Let’s sit.”
I let them steer me to the waiting room, where I sink into yet another chair.
To wait.
“They took him straight through; I haven’t seen a doctor yet.” Ethan says. “I’ll go and let them know you’re here Liv, they may want to talk to you.”
I nod.
Ava takes
my hand in both of hers, rubbing it to try and infuse some warmth. Right now, I don’t think my body is capable of reacting to anything.
I see Ethan talking to the nurse at the Reception desk, she hands him paperwork and a pen which he takes before moving back towards us.
“Liv, I’ll fill this out,” he says, “but I may need help with some of the details.”
I nod.
I watch as the pen moves across the page, his neat handwriting printing Adams and then Grayson in the small boxes that ask for his name.
Where are the doctors?
Why hasn’t anyone come to me?
Madeline rounds the corner in her blue racing suit. Her face tight with concern. Who would have thought that she would show so much compassion? She’s a different person to the one I met when I first arrived in LA. Having a family agrees with her.
She kneels down in front of me and places her hand on my knee. “I’m so sorry Olivia,” she says.
I nod.
She takes the seat on the other side of Ethan and we all settle in, waiting.
Waiting.
Waiting…
Sometime in the last fifteen minutes, someone has given me a cup of coffee. It warms my hand, but each sip I take fails to do anything to warm my insides.
Ethan has moved closer to me and is now asking me questions about Gray’s previous medical history.
Why don’t I know more about it? Why didn’t I ask more questions?
I find my voice enough to say, “You’ll need to ask Monica some of these questions when she arrives. She’ll have more detail than me when it comes to Gray’s heart condition.”
Ethan nods.
He’s aware of what Gray has been through.
He stands and makes his way back to the Reception desk, handing the forms back to the Nurse and whispering in hushed tones to her.
I notice for the first time that there are two burly bodyguards standing at the entrance of the Urgent Care unit. I appreciate the fact that someone has had the forethought to make sure that the press stay the hell away.
The double doors to my right swing open and a tall man in blue scrubs strides through. He pushes his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and comes towards us with purpose.
“Mrs Adams?” he says as he glances between Ava and I.
“Yes,” I reply, my voice is small and scared, raspy to my ears.
“I’m Doctor Baker. We’re taking your husband through to surgery. He’s suffered some broken ribs, and has shattered his right wrist. He hasn’t regained consciousness, and we’re concerned about a swelling on his brain that has shown up in his scans. We need to repair the bones and do something to ease the swelling. We will then know more about what we’re dealing with. I’ll be assisted by Doctor Reynolds throughout the surgery; he’s one of the best neurosurgeons we have.”
“Can I see him?”
“Not until after the surgery I’m afraid, they’re prepping him now.”
Ethan takes my right hand, while Ava still holds my left.
“Is he going to be okay Doc?”
Ethan asks the question that we are all too scared to verbalise.
“We’ll do all we can. I can’t say too much more until we get in there and see what’s going on.”
“Doctor Baker, he has a heart condition.” I say.
He nods. “I’ve read his notes. The Anaesthetist is aware of that too. We’ll take good care of him and monitor him closely. I’ll be back once we’re done. Are there any further questions?”
I shake my head. “Please take care of him.”
The doctor gives me a warm smile. “We will Mrs Adams.”
Mrs Adams.
Even though I’m keeping my name for work purposes, I still get a thrill when anyone calls me Mrs Adams.
It means I belong to him.
It means he belongs to me.
And right now it feels like the man I belong to is slipping through my fingers.
Waiting
“Liv you need to eat something.”
“I don’t feel like it.”
“Think of the baby.”
“Not now Ava, I’ll have something later.”
I’ve watched the hands of the clock rotate around the face twice. Two hours. Two whole hours since the doctor came out to tell us that they were taking Gray to surgery and we still don’t know what’s going on.
Movement to my left grabs my attention and I see Monica and Sienna fly through the doors. The looks on their faces must be mirrored on mine because both of their eyes widen when they see me.
Joel and Christian follow directly behind them and before I know it, I’m wrapped in their arms, all of us crying, everyone murmuring words to one another as we share our fear.
Our fear for Grayson.
“Have you heard anything?” Monica asks as she pulls back.
“He’s been in surgery for just over two hours,” Ethan replies.
“Is the doctor aware of Grayson’s heart issues?” Joel asks.
“I told them what I could, but you may need to give them more detail.” I respond.
He strides across to the Reception desk with Christian on his heels, as Monica and Sienna take the seats opposite mine.
“Are you okay Sweetie? Can we get you anything?” I see Monica’s eyes flick down towards my stomach. Like Ava, she is worrying about what this stress is doing to the baby.
“No, I’m fine.”
She gives me a tiny, tight smile, the corners of her lips pulling up ever so slightly. Sienna takes her hand and they sit back and wait.
Wait…
I pull my phone from my bag and grab my earbuds.
I need to hear his voice.
I scroll through my playlists until I come to the one I labelled ‘Love’. All the songs on this playlist are Gray’s. Some of them are my favourite Awesome Rebel ballads and some of them are covers that Gray recorded of my favourite songs, just for me.
I find the song I need and I press play.
And I pray…
Sunset Love fills my ears and I drop my head back against the wall, close my eyes and I listen.
At five minutes past the three hour mark, Doctor Baker strides through the door, pulling his surgical cap from his head and looking weary.
We all rise as one, moving towards him as his long strides close the distance.
My heart is beating out of my chest.
“He’s in recovery. We set his wrist and did our best with the ribs. He’s bruised and swollen. We managed to get a good look at the swelling on the brain, and it’s significant...”
Monica reaches for my hand and squeezes it tight.
Significant…
That doesn’t sound like a good thing.
“There was also some extensive bleeding, but we’ve managed to get it under control. The next 24 hours will be telling. There was a moment on the table where his heart rate dropped very quickly, but we managed to stabilise it. We will need to monitor that closely also. We have him in an induced coma to keep him still and comfortable but we hope to bring him out of that by the end of tomorrow, based on his progress.”
“What if he doesn’t progress as expected?” Joel queries.
“Then we tackle that at the time. With any brain injury, we need to be cautious. He’s not out of the woods yet.”
“Will he make a full recovery?” Monica asks in a scared voice.
“It’s too soon to speculate. Let’s see how the next day goes. The first 24 hours following surgery are critical. If we can bring him out of the coma tomorrow afternoon then we will have more idea of how he is doing and the extent of his injuries. Let’s not jump ahead until we see how that goes.”
“Will there be any permanent damage to his brain?” Christian asks.
“Again, it’s too soon to speculate. Once we start to pull him out of the coma then we can assess the extent of the damage.”
“Can I see him?” My voice sounds small.
He nods. “No more than two at a time.
He’s in intensive care right now. You can sit with him for short bursts. I’ll leave you with the nurses to guide you there.”
“Thank you Doctor,” Monica says.
He gives us all a small smile and retreats back through the double doors as one of the nurses approaches. “Who can I take through first?”
Monica links her arm through mine and strides us forward.
As we follow the nurse down the corridor I get nervous of what is waiting for me on the other side of the door.
What if Gray wakes up and can’t remember me?
What if he wakes up and isn’t the same Grayson that we all know and love?
What if he doesn’t wake up?
As long as Grayson is still with me, I’ll be okay. I’ll take him any way I can have him. I can’t even fathom any other outcome right now.
We push through the doors and when I see him on the bed, I feel the air leave my lungs, constricting my throat and labouring my breathing.
Monica stops too, both of us in shock.
The white blanket hides his body, but his right arm is sitting on top in bright blue plaster from his hand to his elbow, keeping his wrist in place. His dark mane of hair has been shaved in one section, where there is a neat row of black stitches in his skin. A breathing tube sits in his mouth, connected to a loud machine that whooshes as the air is pumped through it.
There are bruises.
Lots of them.
On his face, his arms, his chest…
His other hand has two IV tubes taped to it, both of which connect to bags of fluids and drugs on a pole next to the bed.
I can’t see his gorgeous green eyes because they’re shut. He looks like he’s sleeping, and if the signs of his injuries weren’t there, you would think that is all he is doing.
Monica edges me forward and we both move to opposite sides of the bed, taking every inch of him in.
I lower myself into the chair on my side and grab his hand carefully, ensuring that I don’t snag the IV lines. I lower my face and kiss the back of it, smelling his Grayson smell and feeling his warm tanned skin heat up my hand for the first time since this ordeal began.
Monica places a kiss on his forehead before sitting down across from me and we both stay with him. Sitting in silence, but touching his skin, letting him know we’re there.