Rhiannon

by Carole Llewellyn

  ‘Y-yes, I’m fine. I just need to lie down for a while.’ Mair slowly sank onto the bed. ‘Rhi, why do I always feel so weak and so tired?’

  Rhiannon stared down at Mair’s tiny frame. Since her ordeal she’d lost so much weight. And even with Rhiannon’s and Mrs Gordon’s daily efforts to tempt her with tasty snacks, she had refused to eat.

  ‘I’m not surprised by your lack of energy. Look at you. There’s nothing of you. Mair, you really need to build up your strength and the only way to do that is to find your appetite. I’m sure a few bowls of Ethel Lewis’s famous lamb stew will soon make you feel better.’

  ‘I hope so, I really do.’ Mair closed her eyes and, almost immediately, she was fast asleep.

  Lifting the patchwork eiderdown from the bottom of the bed, Rhiannon carefully covered her sister and placed a soft kiss on Mair’s forehead. Quietly she left the room.

  When she entered Ethel Lewis’s homely kitchen; a huge coal fire burned in the grate, heating two black-lead ovens and hobs. On one hob stood a saucepan of simmering stew, while on the other sat a large black kettle of boiling water.

  ‘There you are. Tea’s made. Frank, pull up a chair near the fire for Rhi,’ Ethel instructed.

  Frank did as his mother asked and gestured for Rhi to sit next to him.

  ‘How’s Mair?’ Ethel asked, handing her a cup of tea.

  ‘I’m sure she’ll be fine after a little nap. I’m afraid she’s not been very well of late,’ Rhiannon said.

  ‘I can see that. I can’t believe the change in her. Whatever happened to the feisty young girl who left the valley? Why, she looks a shadow of her former self.’

  Rhiannon shook her head. ‘It’s a long story.’

  ‘Well, I’ve got all the time in the world,’ Ethel said.

  ‘Rhi, I really think you should tell her,’ Frank urged.

  ‘Tell her what?’ Ethel looked puzzled.

  Rhiannon looked towards Frank. She shook her head and turned her gaze to Sadie and Martha, who were sitting at the kitchen table playing a game of snakes and ladders.

  Frank immediately understood. ‘Sadie, Martha, how’d you fancy a walk to the corner shop? I’ve believe there’s a jar of sherbet just waiting for you two, and I just happen to have a threepenny piece in my pocket to treat you.’

  ‘Oh yes! Come on Martha, I’ll race you.’ The youngsters were soon on their feet heading for the door.

  Frank looked at his mother. ‘It’ll keep them out of earshot. What Rhi has to tell you is really not suitable for their ears.’

  When the girls had gone, Rhiannon took a deep breath and began to relay the whole sordid story of Mair’s abuse and ultimate betrayal.

  Ethel listened, most of the time shaking her head in disbelief. ‘Well, I always knew that Nellie Parsons was a bad ’un,’ Ethel eventually said when Rhi had finished. ‘It makes you wonder what sort of a mother could stand by and let this happen to her own flesh and blood? It’s not natural. When my Frank told me you were both returning to Ponty, I had a strong feeling that something was wrong. But I’d never in a million years have guessed at this ... this is just unthinkable.’

  ‘I know. What that man did to her was so terrible, I can only imagine how she feels. But knowing her own mother was party to it... ? Is it any wonder she seems to have lost the will to live?’

  ‘Tell me, Rhiannon, what are your immediate plans? How long can you stay?’ Ethel didn’t wait for an answer, she just continued: ‘As you know, after the wedding I plan to move the family – except Frank that is, into Mr Jenkins’s – John’s house. Frank, rightly, needs to spread his wings and make a new life for himself, although I’m not so sure about his joining the army – something else for me to worry about, eh? Only don’t tell him how I feel, will you?’

  ‘I’ll not say a word,’ Rhiannon promised.

  ‘Anyway,’ Ethel continued, ‘John’s house is one of the biggest in the valley. It has four large bedrooms – and you’ll not believe it – an indoor bathroom and lavatory. I shan’t know myself. I’ve had a word with John and he says that you’re both welcome to stay with us for as long as you like.’

  ‘That’s so very kind of you both. The thing is, Mrs Lewis—’

  ‘You calling me Mrs Lewis all the time sounds very formal. I remember how, when you were little, you used to call me Auntie Ethel, I liked that.’

  Rhiannon smiled and nodded. ‘The thing is, Auntie Ethel, with the end of the show’s run at the Empire, I have this dilemma.’

  ‘Which is?’ Ethel urged.

  Rhiannon took a deep breath. ‘Adam Fletcher, our musical director, has planned a twelve-week tour of Wales and the West Country for a small troupe of artists, and ... well ... I’ve been chosen to join them. It’s such a great opportunity for me. Adam even offered Mair a job in wardrobe, so that we could be together, but she’s adamant she doesn’t want to go.’

  ‘Well, Rhiannon, if I may say so, having seen for myself the way Mair is, I really don’t think that, in her present state, she’s fit enough. So why not leave her here with me? You know I’ll look after her as if she were one of my own.’ Ethel’s voice was firm. ‘What that poor mite upstairs needs most of all is to feel part of a caring, loving family. It’ll be the start needed to build up not only her strength, but her faith in human nature.’

  Rhiannon breathed a sigh of relief. Ethel Lewis had come up trumps and Rhiannon was free to go on tour, safe in the knowledge that Mair would be well looked after. Still, part of her wondered what she would have done if Mrs Lewis had refused to look after Mair. Would she have stayed at home and not gone on tour? She wanted to believe that that would have been so; thankfully this was a decision that now she wouldn’t have to make, but that didn’t stop her feeling a tinge of guilt for, once again, putting her career before Mair. She hoped Mair would understand how much this tour really meant to her. She truly loved Mair and she hoped that one day she would have a chance to prove it.

  ‘Congratulations, Auntie Ethel. Or should I now call you Mrs Jenkins?’ Rhiannon laughed.

  ‘Auntie Ethel’s fine.’

  ‘You look so happy,’ Rhiannon said.

  ‘I am. John Jenkins is a good man. The truth is, I thought after my Jack died that I’d never feel this way again. But when I’m with John, it feels so – so right.’

  ‘I’m pleased for you. You’re such a good generous person, you deserve to find happiness, whereas I’m... .’

  ‘You’re what?’

  ‘I’m selfish and ... not at all good.’

  Ethel reached out and took Rhiannon’s hand in hers. ‘Rhiannon, that’s just not true. What you are is a young girl with ambition. And that’s to be admired. Your dear father and mother would have been so proud of you. They both wanted so much for you. In my book, you’ve done them proud.’

  ‘I don’t think they’d approve of the way I’m abandoning Mair.’

  ‘I take offence at you suggesting that leaving her with me constitutes abandonment! Why, your father often entrusted you, his special little girl, to my care ... until Nellie Parsons came on the scene, that was.’

  ‘Oh Auntie Ethel, I didn’t mean to imply that I don’t trust you with her. Of course I do. You’ve always taken care of me from as far back as I can remember.’

  ‘Then you have to stop reproaching yourself. Mair will be fine, I promise. You go on the tour with a clear conscience ... be successful ... make us all proud. And when the tour ends I’ll expect you back here to spend Christmas with us.’

  ‘Oh, thank you so much, Aunt Ethel.’

  Rhiannon went up to the bedroom.

  ‘It’s all settled. Aunt Ethel said that, you’re more than welcome to stay on with the family when they move into John Jenkins’s house for as long as you want. My tour lasts for three months. As soon as it’s ended I promise I’ll be back in time for Christmas. We’re to spend it with Aunt Ethel and the family. Now, you must be pleased with that.’

  ‘Oh Rhi, a real family Christmas – I c
an’t wait. Although I will miss you; three months is such a long time. Mind you, I’ll miss Frank too. This morning he told me how he’s actually received his call-up papers.’

  Rhiannon looked surprised. ‘Funny. I wonder why he didn’t come to tell me.’

  It pleased Mair to think that Frank had chosen to tell her before Rhiannon. But she knew better than to read anything into it. After all, she’d seen the way he looked at Rhi, the drooling sort of look that made her wonder if there wasn’t something going on between them.

  ‘Rhi, can I ask you something, personal, like?’ Mair ventured.

  ‘Ask away; what is it you want to know?’

  ‘Rhi, you would tell me if you and Frank were... ?’

  ‘Were what?’ Rhi asked.

  Seeing the puzzled look on her sister’s face, Mair decided just to come out with it. ‘Rhi, do you love Frank?’

  ‘Of course I do, to me he’s like the brother I never had.’

  ‘I don’t mean as a brother. I mean ... like ... in love with him?’ Mair persisted.

  ‘You daft ha’peth, whatever’s put that in your head? And no, I’ve never thought of Frank in that way. The only man I’ve ever felt that way about was ... Gus.’

  ‘Well, if that’s the case, then I really don’t think you should lead Frank on so!’ Mair snapped.

  ‘I don’t know what you mean?’ Rhi looked genuinely puzzled.

  ‘Come on, Rhi, are you trying to tell me that you haven’t noticed the way his eyes light up every time you enter the room or the way he hangs on your every word? It’s so obvious. He’s besotted with you.’ Mair almost added you lucky thing, you, but stopped herself, confused as to how, after all that had happened to her, the thought of Frank loving Rhi hurt so much.

  ‘Mair love, if what you say is true ... then before I leave, I shall set him straight on the matter; make my feelings clear.’

  ‘There’s no need.’ Frank’s voice came abruptly from behind. ‘Mair has got it wrong.’ He entered the room. ‘I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help but overhear.’ He turned firstly to Mair. ‘Mair, I can’t imagine what’s put such a silly idea into your head.’ Then, turning to face Rhiannon, ‘And Rhi, just to set the record straight, I’m pleased to hear that you think of me as a brother – an older brother, of course.’ He threw her a wicked smile, reached out and took Mair’s and Rhiannon’s hands in his. ‘That’s how I truly think of myself regarding the two of you. And I want you both to know that I’ll always look out for you.’

  Rhiannon forced a smile. ‘I really meant it when I said I’ll miss you.’

  ‘Me too,’ an embarrassed Mair whispered.

  Rhiannon and Frank made the journey to Cardiff together on Friday.

  ‘When do you actually need to present yourself to the battalion?’ Rhiannon asked, breaking what she thought to be an awkward silence between them. Since overhearing her and Mair’s little chat he seemed to have distanced himself from her – or was she imagining it?

  ‘Monday morning. I’m hoping Adam won’t mind my lodging at his house until then.’

  ‘I’m sure he’ll be only too pleased to have you stay. I’ll be staying with Mrs Gordon and her sister. It’s only for one night; we leave early in the morning to start the tour. Look, I know it’s short notice but later tonight, maybe we could get together for a farewell meal?’

  Frank smiled. ‘I’d like that.’

  ‘Do you know where you’re heading?’ Rhiannon asked.

  ‘My initiation will be in Cardiff. After that, I’ll be based at Maendy barracks. And after that – who knows?’

  ‘We’ll keep in touch, though?’

  ‘I don’t think that, with you on tour and me stationed God knows where, that it would be practical for us to write directly to each other. I shall of course be writing at regular intervals to my mother, so maybe you could do the same.’

  ‘Of course. I understand,’ she said, but in truth, she didn’t understand at all.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  The tour was going well. Every venue they visited was a complete sell-out. The tour was a real eye-opener for Rhiannon. It was much harder than she’d expected: living out of a suitcase, never staying in one town longer than a couple of days, frequently moving digs – some better than others. Even Sundays, usually their day off, were spent in rehearsals.

  Rhiannon, keeping her promise, frequently wrote to Ethel and Mair, separate letters in one envelope. Unfortunately, while on tour, it turned out to be a logistic nightmare for, though she found it easy to send letters, receiving them – well that was another thing.

  She sent Ethel and Mair the first letter from Chepstow the day she arrived. She had to wait nearly two weeks before getting a reply! Ethel’s letter, together with a short note from Mair, had been forwarded from the venue in Chepstow, then on to Bristol before eventually finding her in Taunton.

  Ethel’s letter told her that, although Mair seemed happy enough and was now eating well, her health seemed slow to recover. Ethel said she was keeping a close eye on her and if things didn’t improve she would seek the advice of the doctor. Although this was a worry to Rhiannon, it made her realize how right she’d been to leave Mair behind.

  Ethel went on to say how proud she was of her Frank, who appeared to be getting on so well in the army. For years he’d not just been her son but the head of the family ... the main breadwinner. Her marriage to John Jenkins had set him free to make a career in the army and maybe travel the world.

  Mair’s first note said that although missing Rhiannon, she was so happy to be staying with Ethel and the family, and how welcome they made her feel. Reading this went a long way towards easing Rhiannon’s conscience.

  Once again Rhiannon replied immediately. She thanked Ethel for looking after Mair and asked her to let her know straight away if another visit to the doctor became necessary. She asked to be remembered to Frank and hoped to see him soon. She answered Mair, telling her how much she was missing her and, as they were already three weeks into the tour, it wouldn’t be long before they were together again.

  Not for the first time, Rhiannon wondered what the future held for them. When the tour ended Adam Fletcher would return to the company’s base at the Empire Theatre, Cardiff; a new season, a new show to run from March through to September. He had already placed an advertisement in The Stage, looking for artists and dancers; auditions were to start in February.

  ‘There’s a two-song slot for you, in the show, if you’re interested?’ Adam offered.

  Rhiannon’s first reaction was to jump at the chance of joining another of Adam’s shows, but she knew she had to discuss it with Mair first.

  When no reply came to her letter, Rhiannon hoped all was well.

  ‘Mair love, are you all right? You’ve been in that lavatory for ages,’ Ethel called.

  ‘Yes, I’m fine, thank you,’ Mair answered, but she’d lied. She felt wretched. She’d been sick again, the fourth morning in as many days. With her monthly course almost nine weeks late, she knew it could only mean one thing. She was pregnant.

  If being brought up by the promiscuous Nellie Parson had taught Mair anything, it was to keep track of when her monthlies were due. If Nellie was as much as a day late she’d reach for the tried and tested remedy of a good nip of gin and a hot bath – an ‘old wives’ tale’ maybe, but it seemed always to have worked for Nellie.

  A week ago, in desperation, Mair had tried the hot bath but, with no access to gin, it hadn’t worked. It had been more than ten weeks since . . . she couldn’t even bring herself to give what happened to her a name; the fact was that, by her calculations, she was nearly three months gone. Soon her belly would start to get big and then everyone would know. Mair felt that, before it became common knowledge, Ethel Jenkins deserved to be told. She decided to confide in Ethel after supper tonight, preferably when all the others had gone to bed. But that was later, right now it was time to face the family for breakfast.

  Mair entered the kitchen and to her
surprise found Ethel sitting alone at the breakfast table reading a letter.

  Ethel looked up. ‘Good morning, Mair. Tea’s brewed. Be a love and pour us both a cup.’

  ‘Where is everyone?’ Mair asked.

  ‘It’s Saturday, so John – Mr Jenkins – invited the girls to accompany him to work in the shop next door. He offered them a sixpenny piece each if they’d help out. He rightly feels they should begin to get to know the workings of the butchery business. I do so hope they are a help, rather than a hindrance. You know what a pair of chatterboxes they can be? As soon as I’ve read this letter from Frank, I’ll make you some breakfast.’

  ‘Thank you, but I’m not really hungry,’ Mair said. She lifted the large teapot from the hob in front of the coal fire and poured two mugs of hot steaming tea. She placed one on the table in front of Ethel.

  Ethel reached over for the honey jar and proceeded to scoop a heaped teaspoonful into her tea. ‘I know I shouldn’t, but I like my tea strong and sweet. Come sit next to me.’ Ethel tapped the multicoloured, hand-knitted cushion of the chair next to her and Mair did as she was bid.

  ‘Good news. Frank’s been given a weekend pass; he’s on his way home. He sent this letter on Thursday, hoping it would get to us in time . . . he’ll be home tonight,’ Ethel gushed.

  Mair, although pleased to hear of Frank’s return home, knew she would have to delay telling Ethel about the pregnancy. The thought of Frank finding out filled her with shame. Although he plainly only thought of her like a sister, to her there could be no denying that she idolized him. She had thought, after what that man had done to her, that she would hate all men, and at first she had. But Ethel had come to her bedroom one night and talked to her like a real mother, changing her way of thinking.

  Mair, love, I don’t want to delve too deeply into the dreadful experience you’ve had to endure at such a young age, but I keep thinking what I might say to help you. Since you’ve been here with us, I’ve come to think of you like one of my girls, and I’ve seen the way you, understandably, draw back when any man enters the house – even my John.’