by Mia Ford
“I always wanted you, really. This could be our chance to get back to that place. But do it better this time around. You focus on me more; I’ll focus on you more. We can really give it a shot.”
“I just have to pay off these debts first, right? That’s what you’re trying to say.”
“Well, we won’t be able to start a fresh life without that, will we?”
She grabs my hips and moves her hands up my body, her eyes flashing as she does. She knows me well, she thinks that she has me, but I’m not the same person I was when we were together. I’ve changed a lot.
“Anna, stop this.” I grab her hands and move her off me. “This isn’t going to work.”
“You think?” She pushes up onto her tip toes and smiles at me. Her lips are so close to mine I can almost feel the moisture on them. But it doesn’t interest me. Not one bit. “Why are you trying to deny us, Carter?”
“There is no us. That’s because of you. If you wanted an us then you shouldn’t have cheated.”
“You’re acting like people can’t change. Like they can’t grow.”
“Oh, no. I’m not. I know that people can grow, I’m not a fool. I’ve grown myself, and now I don’t want to go anywhere near you anymore. There’s nothing that you can do to change my mind.”
She grabs my bulge, going in for the kill, but as soon as she realizes that there isn’t a scrap of activity going on down there, her eyebrows furrow in anger. She wiggles her hand a bit as if she’s trying to wake up my cock, but of course, there’s still nothing. I think she’s finally starting to see that it isn’t going to happen. I push her off.
“What the fuck, Carter? Why are you being such a dick?” She takes offense to my lack of erection. “What the fuck is going on with you? You can’t honestly be still pissy about our marriage now.”
“Wow. Yet again you prove how little you think of me. Classic Anna.”
“Come off it. Get down from your high horse. I just want some help.”
I step back and she immediately folds her arms across her chest. Thank God she’s stopped touching me now.
“I am not going to help you, Anna. And if you can’t understand why then there’s nothing I can do for you.”
“You pretend to be a nice person, Carter, but you aren’t. You suck. You can’t help someone that you used to love even when she’s in trouble. What if these guys kill me?”
“That’s something you need to speak to Daniel about. He’s the one that you’re with now…”
“No, I’m not,” she jumps in childishly. “I already told you that.”
“He’s the one who created this then. It wasn’t me, was it? So, he can get you out of it.”
“But he can’t afford to get me out of it. Do you honestly think that I would be here now if he could?”
As she runs her eyes up and down me, looking utterly disgusted by me, I laugh mirthlessly and shake my head. She is utterly unbelievable, able to play a range of characters. It’s actually quite sickening.
“You asshole, Carter. You would actually like me to die for revenge?”
“Don’t be so dramatic, Anna. No one ever said that you’re going to die. The guys probably just want their money back. Find out where Daniel is, put it all on him.” If I liked her more, I would offer her Lee’s services. He would find Daniel in a heartbeat. I guarantee it. “You don’t need to take it all, Anna. That’s all I can say.”
“So, you really aren’t going to help me then? After everything that we’ve been through?”
“I’m not going to help you because of everything that we’ve been through.”
“Because of a mistake? Carter, that’s crazy.”
I shake my head. I’m done. This conversation isn’t getting us anywhere. I refuse to go around and around in circles with Anna. We’ve been doing enough of this all day long.
“Just get out of here, Anna. We’re done. I have nothing more to say to you. I suggest that you delete my number like I have yours because I won’t ever meet with you again.”
Her face turns red with rage. “Fuck you, Carter. Just… fuck you to hell.”
As she storms off, slamming every door that she can find behind her, I’m overcome with a sense of peace that I haven’t had before. That was weird, a mess that I certainly didn’t expect to face today, but it’s also given me a closure. I feel good knowing that she’s gone and that this time it’s for good.
This time she left on my terms, and that surprisingly makes all the difference.
Perhaps now, I can move on. I don’t know how, or with who since Raelyn is with someone else, but it feels more possible than before. I need to take this closure and run with it, finally get something positive in my life. It’s about damn time.
20
Raelyn
Tears roll down my cheeks as I run out of the office. I feel ridiculous, but I can’t stop it. I’m upset and hurt even if I’m not really sure that I have any right to be. I’m just in too deep and that’s all there is to it.
“Abbi!” I call out desperately as soon as she answers the phone. “Where are you? I need you!”
“I’m visiting my mom this week; don’t you remember me telling you? I’m not back until tomorrow.”
Oh. I do remember. She’s out of the state for her mother’s birthday. We talked about this. I knew this. I just didn’t think that it would come at a time when I needed her the most. Tomorrow feels like a life time away.
“Oh, of course.” I wipe my tears away with my sleeve. “Sorry, I forgot all about that.”
“What’s going on, Raelyn? You sound all messed up. Has something happened?” She speaks quietly, probably so as not to alert her mom that she’s taking the time out to deal with me and my problems.
“We can talk about it when you get back. It doesn’t matter. I’m okay. I don’t want to disturb your time with your mother.” I accidently sniff a couple of times. “I know how much you’ve been looking forward to this.”
Abbi doesn’t get to see her much loved mother anywhere near as much as she’d like. She needs this.
“It’s okay, I can take a bit of time to talk to you if you need me to.”
I cannot go on about my stupid, petty problems with a guy that I hardly know, at a time like this. I’m on my own with this one. I just need to find a way to overcome this all by myself. My eyes scan around and quickly spot a bar. I can get a drink in there which will help me to numb this sadness. Or not, it might just make it worse, but it’s the nearest solution that I can find. Right now, I’m in need of a quick fix.
“I’m good. You just have a nice time, okay? Call me when you get back.”
“Alright, well I’m here if you change your mind and you decide that you want to talk to me.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I rasp sadly. “That means a lot to me. Speak soon, love you.”
“Will do. Love you too, Raelyn. Don’t forget that. I’ll call you as soon as I return.”
I hang up and stare back at the office, hating what’s going on inside there. Carter is probably deep inside Anna now, reconciling what they once had. I’m going to have to see this too beautiful love pushed in my face all the time. Carter won’t be able to remember me and what happened between us when he has that beauty in his arms.
Urgh, that’s going to be absolute agony. More pain than I’ve ever been through before. If I thought that Thomas’ words hurt me, then I was wrong. What’s going on now is so much worse. Infinitely so. I didn’t really care about Thomas, it was just the spite that got me, the nastiness of his words when he was so damn wrong about me. This is deep, it cuts and scars me, it really does ache.
I can’t do this on my own, I need Abbi so desperately. She’s always been there for me before; I haven’t ever had to go through anything without her. I don’t know what I’m going to do by myself.
I turn my head and make my way inside the bar. One drink won’t hurt. I need it before I go anywhere. Before I face home all by myself. Those cold four walls staring at me, re
minding me that I’m all alone.
I push the door open and head inside, the warmth of the bar doing nothing to make my mood any better. I don’t really bother looking at the décor, my eyes are on the prize. I just need a drink.
“Hello,” the friendly looking bar man says. “What can I get for you?”
“Wine, please,” I gasp back. “A glass of white wine. I don’t mind which one.”
I don’t even care what it is. Just anything to take this powerful edge off.
“Sure.” He gives me a smile as he pours the drink. “Everything okay? You look upset.”
“Don’t even ask. I don’t even know where to begin.” I shake my head. “I don’t even want to think about it at the moment. It’s all just…” I finish that sentence with a weird noise that means absolutely nothing.
“Maybe you’ll find the words once you’ve had a drink. That’s what normally happens.”
He seems like a chatty bartender, the sort that I might actually accidently tell all my secrets to, which is the last thing I need, I take my drink and I search for a seat. Very quickly, I find a window which I’m sure looks over our office building. Enough to see who’s coming and going anyway. I will be able to see how long it takes for Carter and his ex to leave, and what state they’re in as they go. If they are all loved up and romantic, I will confirm for sure that I don’t stand a chance. Not the healthiest thought, for sure, but I’m not in the best place right now.
I feel like an idiot as I take my seat and I take a tentative sip of my drink. This is stupid, I shouldn’t be here, hanging around like a stalker. I should take this as a hint and go already before I make more of a fool of myself.
What would Abbi do? I ask myself miserably. If it would be her, would she be watching?
I don’t know to be honest, I haven’t ever seen her as addicted to a man as I am right now. She might feel strongly about Randall but I haven’t yet seen them together. She might stalk him like this if she’s scared about losing him. Or maybe I’m just trying to rationalize my crazy behavior. To suggest that someone else would do the same as me so it doesn’t seem like I’m actually losing my mind over Carter.
Finish this drink, I warn myself. Then go. Go and cry at home like a normal person. Don’t do this.
But I don’t drink any faster and I don’t take my eyes off that door. I think about how much he probably loves her, how wonderful they look together, how incredible their wedding must have been… I bet she looked stunning. A true vision. Like a princess, and not just what people say to every bride, but for real. I bet she looked incredible. I torture myself until I can’t stand it anymore. Until I fear I might explode into a million pieces.
What the…? All of a sudden, a figure emerges from the building, bursting through like an angry firework. It’s her, Anna Lace, with a red looking face and a flurry of blonde hair swishing out behind her. Now I can see more of her, I’m even more intimidated. She has the body of a super model, probably because she is one. She is everything. I would give my left leg to look even a little bit like she does.
She looks angry though, that hasn’t escaped my notice. I can see her enough to know that’s rage bursting across her face. Something has infuriated her and I can only assume that since he isn’t with her, Carter is to blame. I wonder what he did. Did they have sex then it got awkward? I can understand that since I’ve been there before. In fact, I might have even had the same expression on my face when I ran out after our first time. Or maybe he’s said something insensitive to hurt her feelings, which again, I have experienced myself. Or they have argued. It didn’t sound like they were going to row when I was eavesdropping, but anything could have happened…
I wonder what happened, I can’t help asking myself. I wonder what he did.
I don’t know why I’m just assuming that it’s him, it could be her as well. I guess it’s just because of the way that he’s behaved as far as I’m concerned. Which only leaves me wondering what on earth is wrong with me, that I’m chasing after such a confusing man that doesn’t even really seem to want me!
Still, I focus on her, watching her glance both ways, then back at the building. I can see what she’s doing, she’s hanging around for a few extra moments to see if he’ll follow her out here, but it seems to me that she’s out of luck. He isn’t coming, I don’t think he’s sensitive enough to even pick up the hint that he should.
Once she gathers that as well, she grabs out her cell phone and puts in a call to someone. Dad, maybe, or Dan. I can’t lip read well enough to tell. I don’t really know the situation, but I’d still love to know who she’s calling and what she’s saying. Not that I’m about to head out there to follow her… as tempting an idea as that is. No, I’m going stay here and wait for Carter to come out instead. I should be able to gauge by his face what actually happened in there because right now I don’t even have half the story. I barely have even a quarter of it. I’m hoping that he can fill in the missing pieces.
My hand shakes as I bring the drink to my lips. I barely taste it now as it slides down. I’m hardly even in this room now, I’m just spinning hard and high, the anticipation killing me.
Why is so much with Carter just anticipation? Waiting for something to happen?
I wait. I wait for what feels like forever. I wait so long that I become restless and irritated. My heart thumps against my chest, my teeth chatter together, anxiety zig zags all the way through me. I’m a mess. I cannot stand this waiting. Maybe what I should do is head back inside. Make an excuse and just accidently stumble across Carter, pretend like I don’t know what happened and just see him. Would that be weird? Can I have an excuse to go inside without being totally obvious? I could have forgotten something. That wouldn’t be so strange…
No, it would, I scold myself. He will know. He isn’t an idiot…
“Can I get you another drink?” I jump as the bartender grabs my focus once more.
“Er, sure.” I hand him my glass. Another drink is a bad idea because it means that I definitely won’t be able to drive home, but I’m probably already passed that right now anyway. “Thanks.”
No one’s coming. I’m sure I didn’t miss Carter leave as I turned away because his car is still in the parking lot. He’s still in there and I’m growing increasingly curious by the moment. I want to know what he’s doing in there. The longer it takes, the more my mind is spinning into overdrive. I mean, what if she hurt him.
“Here.” The bartender hands me my drink. I stuff a bill into his hands but I don’t touch the booze. Instead, I chew on my thumbnail hard, as I try to calm myself down. He isn’t hurt, that’s crazy… is he? Would it be wrong of me to just dismiss this because I’m afraid of being seen as a fool? What if he needs me? It doesn’t matter what’s going on between him and me, or him and her. This is something else. Or at least, it could be.
I push my chair back and stand to leave. Fuck my pride, screw my feelings, I just need to get out there and see him already. I can’t stand the anticipation for another second longer…
21
Carter
Wow, that was insane. I shake my head, still in shock. But thank God she’s gone now.
“You pretend to be a nice person, Carter, but you aren’t. You suck. You can’t help someone that you used to love even when she’s in trouble. What if these guys kill me?”
“You asshole, Carter. You would actually like me to die for revenge?”
So dramatic. She was always a drama queen, especially when she wanted something. Of course, she doesn’t like that I’ve wised up to her now, but what did she think was going to happen in the last few years?
“Fuck you, Carter. Just… fuck you to hell.”
And then it came out. Her true feelings. She never really cared about me at all.
That comment has stuck with me. It was designed to make me feel guilty and it worked. But I need to shake it off. It isn’t my responsibility anymore. It’s probably not even the truth anyway.
I don’t w
ant to be put in that situation again, not with Anna. We’re done. She will never be anything other than the dreadful person that she’s always been, and I know now that I deserve better. It will never work. Whatever the truth is when it comes to her story, whether Daniel really has lost everything through gambling and has consequently run away, or if it’s just a trap to try and extortionate more money from me, I don’t know, but I’m not bothered either. I’m happy to leave them to the life that they created for one another.
“Right. Time to leave.” I gather up my belongings. “I might need a drink to forget about this.”
Ryan is working today, I’m sure of it. After a couple of beers or whiskeys, I might be able to talk about it with him. Get a bit of it off my chest. Or at least forget about what’s going on… that could work too.
“Phew.” I lean against my desk and wait a couple of moments. I want to really make sure that Anna has gone before I go out there. Just in case she hangs around for a couple of moments for yet another show down. More rowing, more pathetic attempts at seduction, more mind games that I need to bat away.
Finally, I make a move. I walk around the building to check everything, grateful that Raelyn wasn’t around to hear any of that madness, and I head towards the front door. I peer through it, checking like I’m in a spy movie that she isn’t around. For a moment, I wonder if this is what Lee’s private investigator life is like… all sneaking around and snooping on people. That would be cool, but I’m sure most of it is computer hacking now. Sitting at a desk and typing away, sneaking through information that people assume is private, but isn’t.
God, technology must have transformed the spying business! I should ask Lee about that at some point…