“You know my dad sees you like a son. Anyway, he was watching and saw what happened. When the news didn’t give an update on your condition about an hour later, he called me.”
“Why would he call you? Doesn’t he know?”
“He knows,” she said, glancing away again. Her eyes couldn’t quite meet mine. “He also knows that I’m irrevocably in love with you. He thought it was only a matter of time before I took you back against his wishes.”
Her last statement had my skin prickle with disappointment. She read me easily enough.
“It isn’t because he doesn’t like you Ethan,” she quickly amended. “He just thinks we’re too young to be so serious about each other.”
He’d given me that same speech before we’d left for college. He cautioned me that we were young and with us close but not at the same college, we could drift apart. His warning was for me to be honest with Jess and not play with her feelings if I wanted to date other people. Great, he knew I’d failed his trust. No way Jess had explained I’d inadvertently slept with someone else. So he probably thought I’d dated someone else as the definition of cheating on her.
“I called around and couldn’t get anyone. My roommate offered to drive me to your school. I went to your dorm and found your room. Your roommate told me where they’d taken you and took me to see your coach. The coach said he planned to drive up to get you when they said you could be released.”
I wondered how long it had been after I’d spoken to Coach until she showed up.
“My roommate offered to drive me up. I told your coach that, and I’d bring you home, but he said regulations required that a staff member of the University’s Football Program be the one to retrieve you. I told him I was going anyway. I wasn’t sure if I’d make it before he could whisk you away. If you are out here, that means I almost missed you.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.” I blamed pain medication they’d given me for the raw emotions that came through in that one statement.
She blushed at the intensity of my gaze before she glanced around.
“Is your coach close to reaching here? I’m sure he must have left shortly after we did if you are out here waiting.”
My smile was sheepish. “Actually, I didn’t call him to let him know I would be released. I figured why burden him, you know?”
She nodded, and her brow arched playfully. “So, you need a ride?”
I nodded. “I called a cab, but I’d much rather ride with you.”
Her roommate made an appearance then.
“Does this mean he’s coming with us?” she asked in a bored tone.
Jess positively beamed while nodding.
Her roommate rolled her eyes with a smirk. “We should hit the road.” When her gaze bounced off Jess and headed in my direction, I could see her animosity grow as her jaw tightened with her eyes on me.
“I have to use the restroom really quick,” Jess announced before she leaned in and kissed my cheek. “I’m so happy you’re okay.”
She rushed off through the automatic doors and out of site. I glanced up to see the real expression Jess’s roommate wore for me. The scowl was plastered like it never left her face.
“I heard all about you on the news.”
That was the final nail in the pine box. My secrets were most certainly blown. Everyone on campus would know my name and what I’d been accused of. On top of that, Dad’s crimes would be added to my list of sins, as the news would smear my already tainted family’s history to make ratings.
The Asian girl, who’d yet to give her name continued without pause.
“Against my advice, Jess was determined to get to you. I don’t know if you’re a murderer or not, but if you ever hurt her I will find you. My family is in the business of finding people.”
Her malicious tone was threat enough. I had no idea if she could make good on her words. It did make me feel better someone was looking out for Jess when I couldn’t. Hopefully, she would keep Jess just as safe from the dickwad as she was trying to do with me.
I said nothing in my defense. Outside of being grateful Jess had a good friend, fury bloomed in my chest that she would try to dictate the terms of our relationship. And even if on some level she was right, I was a selfish bastard and wanted what I shouldn’t have.
However, my brain beat the shit out of my heart, and I found myself nodding at her. The last thing I planned to do was make Jess feel like she had to choose between us.
Jess’s blonde hair moved like a curtain in a breeze as she strolled through the emergency room doors with a radiant smile for me. Hope grew in my chest like crabgrass. I couldn’t stop it even though I shouldn’t allow its presence in my life.
I stood and found I was a little shaky after hours off my feet. Jess was there like combat doctor giving me an arm to steady me. I looked down at her and swallowed. The spray of freckles across her nose made want to press my lips to her sun-kissed face. She stole my breath away every time I looked at her.
“I can walk,” I muttered in defeat.
Having her that close wasn’t good for my stony heart. Her touch was like a chisel as she chipped away at my soul. She’d already imprinted J.S. + E.H. on the trunk of my heart. Only, she’d left me a stump of a man when she’d axed our relationship.
A cab slid up blocking our path. After a brief apology to the driver and a nice tip, we moved towards her roommate’s car. I should have told her I had a ride because I needed to distance myself from her. The fallout from my making the news didn’t have to touch her. And the only way for that to happen was to steer clear of her. Yet, I let her lead me past it and to the parking lot.
A slick silver Mini Cooper turned out to be our destination. I felt like a clown in the circus as I climb into the back.
“You can sit up front,” Jess implored.
I didn’t accept. I had no intentions of sitting with her viper roommate’s ire. I sat sideways, allowing my legs to stretch to the other side of the tiny car. I let my head fall back. Before I closed my eyes as music filled the space, I sent an apologetic text to my Coach explaining I’d gotten a ride from Jess because I’d been sprung. There was no need for him to make the trip because she was already there. I turned off my phone not wanting a return call from Coach giving me a lecture on school policy as we headed south. When the car jerked to a stop, I woke from a sound sleep.
We were in front of my industrial flat. I decided to call it that because apartment seemed weird in an apartment less part of town. Using the English term flat somehow fit, especially because the space was open and flat with no room definition besides the bathroom.
Jess had to get out before I could. When she didn’t climb back in, I faced her.
“You should go home.”
“No,” she said adamantly with a short quick shake of her head. “I read about concussions. You shouldn’t be alone.”
The words flicked out of me like a frog catching a fly, too fast for me to stop, but slow and steady enough for my point to be made. “I’ve been alone all my life. It’s too late to rescue me. Go home Jessica Shelby and be safe from me.”
I wrestled the strap of my bag over my shoulder and pulled my keys out of my pocket. It took the strength of my all-encompassing feelings for the girl behind me not to look back. The door closed, and the purr of the engine drove steadily away.
Only after I’d entered, and I turned to close the door did I see that Jess obstinately stood on my threshold with kitten eyes. The kind that made you say, aww, even though, no guy wanted to look like a pussy. However, I had no choice but to let her in. The mini cooper and her avenging friend were long gone.
“You can’t get rid of me that easily Ethan Hart.”
Her smile was like an infectious disease, and I had to force the scowl to remain on my face. I closed and locked the door after she stepped inside. I skimmed by her as she stood waiting for something I couldn’t give. I made a beeline for the refrigerator and pulled out the six-pack of beer I had stashed.
“Ethan.”
“You can’t fix me.” I sank into the couch pulling one bottle free. Jess moved to stand in front of the TV and bulls-eyed herself directly in the sight lines of the remote I had aimed at her midsection.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
It wasn’t hard to know what she was talking about. If her friend had seen the news, so had she. My hand fell like an anchor. I let go of my grip on the remote. The discussion was going to happen whether I wanted it to or not. I thought about the pain pills in my bag. The nurse said they caused drowsiness. I yearned to take them as a way out of the train wreck of a conversation that was about to occur.
“I’m tired and in pain. Let me give you the summarized version. My life is totally fucked. My father screwed up our lives and left Mom and me penniless. My mother hates me and has my entire life. I can’t remember having sex with some chick, and I lost the only girl I’ve ever loved. Is that what you want to hear?”
I chucked the beer bottle I held across the room. With accurate precision, the bottle hit the spot I aimed for with a crash that punctuated everything words couldn’t say. Bonus, it made a fantastic mess.
She jumped at the sound and I hated myself for the grief that made its way on her face.
“Go to sleep Jessica,” I said wearily.
Her earnest eyes were as wide as quarters.
“You should take the bed,” she offered softly.
I ground my teeth. “Can’t I do one thing right for once? If you think for one second I’m going to sleep on the bed and make you sleep on the couch, you don’t know me. I’m an ass for sure, but I’m not a total douche.”
“But—”
“But nothing. We won’t be sharing space either. I can’t do this with you anymore.”
“You—”
“I was a fool. You were right. Your father is right. We can’t do this.” I used two fingers to point between us. “This is nothing but a total toxic waste of your time.”
A tear spilled from her eye and she fled. For the second time, I had to force myself still. I hated I’d made her cry. But I couldn’t go to her, otherwise everything I’d done to poison her against us would go to waste. I’d find myself on my knees begging her to forgive me.
Instead, I gazed at the blank screen before I managed to turn the TV on. Breaking news flashed brightly on ESPN, the last channel I’d watched. Words rolled through a red bar across the bottom of the screen. A picture of my face with headlines about the pending court case and still the missing Carly were all I needed as an incentive to get Jess out of my life.
After the second beer and a dose of pain meds, I finally passed out. I dreamed of better times. A carefree Jess when I’d realized I’d fallen completely for her. Then she’d looked at me like I was worth something more than the image of my face or the size of my bank account.
The warmth of the sunlight was like Jess’s fingertips on my skin. I jolted awake. My hand went to the back of my neck where the sofa created kinks I couldn’t get out. I stood still unsteady and found Jess still sleeping on my bed. Thoughts of kissing my way up her from her leg to her beautiful mouth invaded my mind. I made a hasty retreat to my bathroom and noticed the glass and spill from the beer weren’t there making me feel worse knowing Jess had cleaned up after my tantrum.
I shucked my clothes, and they slapped against the tile floor. I turned on the shower and stepped in, even though, the water was as cold as ice. I needed it that way because the heat of desire for the girl on my bed had me hard as my thick skull.
Soapy, head to toe, I fisted my need in my hand as I rested my head on the tiles. Water cascaded down my back and did nothing to cool my heated skin. I almost didn’t hear the door to the shower stall open. When a soft hand landed on my hip, I jumped and turned around.
Jess stood with willing Puritan eyes. If only she knew of the monster that was so close to the surface as the water warmed at my back, she would most likely run like hell.
“Jessica, you need to leave now.”
Her hand reached up and touched my shoulder. “I don’t want to leave.”
“You have no idea what you’re asking for. Please leave, or I swear I’m going to fuck you like I’ve wanted to since the first day I saw you.”
I gave her my back and rinsed the soap out of my hair. Her finger grazed around from my hip down the definition of muscle that led to my pulsing length.
Roughly, I said once more. “Jessica, please go.”
Only she didn’t stop. She grabbed me letting loose the beast within. I spun and pinned her wrist above her head as the hard length of me pressed against the crack of her ass.
She let out a breathy moan, and I didn’t wait for any consent. I’d given her fair warning not once but twice. I tested her waters, and the river flowed, letting me know she was ready without any more preambles. I parked myself in her like she was the last spot in a crowded garage, quickly and with much excitement.
Bent at the knee, I used my divining rod to find the treasure that awaited me. I plundered her depths like a pirate determined to find the crown jewels. One hand continued to hold her captive plastered to the wall while the other snaked its way up her ribcage. I squeezed her curves as she pressed her bottom back on me like she enjoyed my every movement. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand was on her throat. Though I longed to give the long line of it a little squeeze, I pulled back and slammed my hand on the wall instead. When she fisted me like a glove with her silky depths, I jerked out and painted her back with my release.
I quickly rinsed off then before I exited the shower, disgusted with myself. I’d been so rough with her. There was no doubt I’d left bruises on her. I slammed the door of the bathroom hating myself for marring one inch of her beautiful skin. What the hell kind of asshole was I? Was I really my father’s son?
It didn’t take long for me to decide what to do next. I picked up my phone and opened the Uber app I never had much use for until the last twenty-four hours.
When Jess came out of the bathroom, her eyes were rimmed in blood red. I glanced away unable to watch the pain I continued to create. I heard the whispers of her clothing, as she got dressed. Her soft footsteps warned me that she headed my way.
Her quiet sniffles made me feel like a bigger dick because she was on the verge of tears if she hadn’t already cried.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked as she came into view. “Why are you pushing me away?”
Her words shoved away some of my remorse. Was she kidding me?
“Didn’t you already do that? You couldn’t trust me.”
She swallowed as if she was trying to think of what to say.
“I’m sorry. I do trust you. I just needed time, but I don’t need it anymore. There is no one else but you.”
I stood nearly jumping off of the sofa. The puff of air from my hasty dismount was the calm before the storm.
“What are you going to do Jessica? Follow me to the ends of the earth. It only ends in hell for me. And I care enough about you not to let you end up there.”
She stepped closer, but I didn’t allow her to touch me. Her eyes pleaded as she added her words to them. “Don’t you see? You’re not alone. You don’t have to do this by yourself.”
“But I do.”
A horn sounded outside causing her head to glance towards the door. I answered the question she didn’t ask.
“I called you a cab. It’s paid for.”
Chin up, she declared, “I’m not leaving.” I saw the stubborn line of her jaw and hadn’t expected less. Only, I had my ace in the whole.
“Then you’re in for a world hurt because Meghan is coming. I didn’t expect company when I made my plans for today.”
She fish mouthed for a second as I waited for her to call me the liar I was. Meghan was scheduled to pick up her photos today at the studio. She wasn’t coming to see me as far as I knew.
Jess spun so fast the ends of her long wet hair slapped against her skin. She snatched up he
r small bag and slid it on her shoulder before she walked out of the door and out of my life. That realization made me take a moment before I had the courage to go to lock up behind her. When I did, I heard the distant sound of a car engine departing.
My fist landed on the door with a thunderous clap.
thirty-five
Time was endless when you no longer had a beating heart. Jess had taken mine when she left, devastated by my words and actions.
When my phone rang, I knew who would be calling.
“Cooper.”
“You better have a damn good reason Jess is so upset she can barely speak. And I know for sure she misheard you when you said another chick was on her way over.”
I closed my glassy eyes weighted down by emotion, grateful I was alone.
“I can’t be with her.”
“What the hell man? Did you develop some psycho bullshit condition I haven’t heard about? You’ve been moaning over her for the past several weeks. Now, you can’t be with her?”
I pulled my phone away from my ear as he growled into it. I didn’t want to explain myself, but I wanted one person not to hate me.
“I know you’ve seen the headlines about that hit—”
“Yeah, I saw that. You got clocked. I can’t believe you nailed that pass and won the game.”
I hadn’t realized that we’d won. The images on the screen blurred when I realized the past would be front page news for longer than I wished. My name, the story of Carly’s disappearance, and the current trial would give the paparazzi and the news organizations that paid them, reasons to dig into my life for anything to talk about.
Then there was the truth that somehow someone found out about if the letters were to be believed. And the only way that could be…
“Are you there? Did your head get hit that hard?” He sighed, and I imagined he’d pushed his hair off his forehead a thousand times by then. He sounded just as tired as I felt. “She loves you man.”
I didn’t mince my words. “She’s better off far away from me. There’s shit you don’t know, and I won’t let my existence spoil her. She deserves far better than me.”
Broken Lens Page 18