I stepped to my Aunt and gave her another hug. “I’m going to head back to school. But I’ll be back for the funeral.” I spoke in a hushed tone. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t want Mom to hear. More so, it didn’t feel right speaking like everything was okay. Grandfather had died moments before.
After I had packed my things, I got on my bike and hit the road. I couldn’t stay in the house with Mom. And I had so much to think about. The other pressing thought in my brain was the knowledge that I hadn’t cheated on Jess drunkenly, willingly, or in truth. And what was I going to do with that information?
forty-two
With the Harley safely tucked in its spot, I paced the room, unsure of my next move. Selfishly, I glanced at my phone for the thousandth time. The column of why I shouldn’t call was full, and the other option barely had any positives.
I closed my eyes and exhaled before I hit send.
“Hello.” Her voice held an optimism I wanted to think meant she wanted me to call.
“Jess.” It took a moment longer to force words out of my mouth. “I need you to hear me out.”
My forehead found the wall as I leaned into it.
“My grandfather died and—”
“Oh my God, Ethan. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine.” The words were hollow. “That’s not why I’m calling. So much has happened.” I sighed and placed my hand on my forehead not sure how much to tell her. “I wouldn’t have called, but there is something you need to know.”
“Go on,” she said hesitantly.
“That girl, that girl from that night…” I was messing it up. My words felt jumbled because it sounded ridiculous. Who had this shit happen to them?
“Ethan?”
Like a toilet sometimes needed, I plunged forward to get things out. “It was like a bad dream. She was there, the girl who was in my car that night.”
I expected an immediate reaction. Instead, dead air was a plague, and I found I wasn’t immune. I pushed forward, rubbing at the top of my head causing it to stand on end.
“It’s hard to explain, it sounds crazy. But I didn’t have sex with her that night. Turns out she was trying to set me up. She wanted me to knock her up or some crazy shit.”
Clarissa hadn’t exactly said that, but it was easy enough to infer.
“What?” Jess sounded confused.
“I know it's wild, I can hardly believe it. But her mother taped the confession. Anyway, I needed to tell you because this chick is off her rocker and I’m afraid she might come after you. I would have told you this in person, but you need to steer clear of me.”
“Is this true?”
“What?” Was she asking if it was all true or part of it?
“You didn’t cheat on me?”
“No, she drugged me when I was on my way to you. It’s a long story. And I think she might be behind the letters I’ve been getting.”
“Letters?”
I flipped around and tapped the back of my skull on the exposed brick wall.
“Yeah, letters.” Then, I launched and told her the whole of it. It felt like I could breathe when I said it all.
“Oh my God, Ethan. You haven’t told anyone about the letters?”
I shook my head before I remembered she couldn’t see me. “No.”
“And this Clarissa was in your room and she—”
“Yeah, but I was dreaming of you. I thought I was dreaming.”
I heard rustling on the other end of the phone.
“Jess, what are you doing?”
“I’m coming over there.”
“No.” The word left my tongue as sharp as broken glass.
“Why?”
“Can’t you see someone has it in for me? I need you safe. And you are safer away from me.”
“Ethan, I love you. I haven’t stopped.”
I slid to the floor as dread overcame my ability to stand. “I love you too. That’s why I have to let you go. We can’t be together. Richard is better for you. Being with him will make you safe too. Whoever is watching me will assume you with him is punishment enough for me.”
“Ethan… Don’t say that.”
“I won’t. I’m saying goodbye. And don’t come. I’m leaving to stay at my grandfather’s until the funeral.”
I hung up. It was a lie I hoped she bought.
Not long after, Bradley called, and I ignored it. I knew what he was going to say, and he would be right. Instead, I turned off all the lights and lay in bed trying my best to fall asleep.
The next morning with burning eyes that had barely closed, I headed to school. I needed the distraction, and I’d missed two days already. The idea that I may have a bank account full of cash didn’t enter my mind until I sat in the back seconds after Professor Saxon began her lecture.
Bear was several rows ahead and hadn’t noticed my entrance, which was the point. As cowardly as it was, the last thing I wanted to know was that the guys thought me a monster. Regardless of my secret, I didn’t want them to see me as the media was portraying me.
At the very end of class, I’d almost left unscathed until Professor Saxon called my name.
“Mr. Hart a word, please.”
Bear turned and frowned. I glanced away and began marching down to the front where the Professor stood in front of the podium.
Bear stopped me. “Dude! Where’ve you been?”
I tried to read the expression in his eyes, but got nothing besides he was pissed. That could be taken any number of ways.
“Coach benched me, something about taking a concussion seriously.”
“That’s wack. The guys are mad they didn’t protect you better. It was a cheap shot.”
The idea that the guys were feeling bad that the defense got through to me, made me feel marginally better. They hadn’t written me off.
“If they’ve taken you out for all that shit that’s being said about you online, that’s bullshit. None of us are buying that shit. Well… maybe Evans, but we all know his panties are bunched over Meghan. By the way, she came by looking for you.”
If that was his subtle way of asking where I was, then I would oblige him with an answer.
“I’ve had lots of shit going on. My grandfather passed away.”
“Ah man, that bites. Well, shit, it looks like teacher will bite us both if you don’t go talk to her. Not that I’m opposed to biting and scratching.”
I glanced over at the Professor whose expression had darkened. When I looked back at Bear, he winked before slapping a hand on my back. “Go get her.”
Involuntarily, I took a step under the weight of his hand.
“Damn Hart, you’ve gone soft on me after missing a few days of practice. You’ve got to get back in the game if we are going to get a bowl this year.”
He meant a bowl game, which was college football’s idea of a playoff. As he strode away, I headed in the opposite direction towards the lioness who waited for me.
Her arms were folded across her chest pushing up her ample rack for my vision. I kept my eyes level on hers, not wanting her to get the wrong message. Her thin and very red lips moved. The fact that I noticed had me jerking my eyes to meet hers.
“I received your e-mail. You’re up and about, so I assume all is well.”
“Yes, I’m better,” I replied wondering where the conversation was going.
“Good, I’ve graded your papers. I didn’t know you would be in class. So they are in my office if you want to stop by. And maybe we can have another talk.”
That wasn’t happening.
“Actually, since I was out the last two days, I’m pressed for time, trying to make up those two days. Plus my grandfather died yesterday. So I’ll be out a part of next week.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. You have a lot on your plate. I can tell you, you did very well. I wish I could award the re-do papers what they deserve, but as we discussed I’ve given you a B in place of the two Ds. The extra credit paper was also well done. You can pick them
up anytime. If you decide you need to talk, you know where my door is. And we can also discuss other extra credit opportunities if you like.”
Her eyes crawled over me before she walked away. It felt like an offer. I shrugged it off. She hadn’t said anything inappropriate. I pushed the thoughts away knowing I wouldn’t go to her office.
My other classes went well. I had As in all except Psychology. I could live with a B. My scholarship would remain.
It was odd not going to practice or even going to work. Instead, I shrugged off my backpack when I stepped into the flat and parked the bike in its spot. I remembered the envelope from before I left to see my grandfather. I took it out and stared a long time before I opened it.
Only two words stared back at me.
forty-three
less than two years ago
It was like slow motion until time caught up with a pop as the car hood crumbled like wrapping paper on impact.
Air bags deployed and I sat dazed as church bells rang in my head. When I was able to think and somewhat hear the moans including my own, I glanced around to make sure everyone was okay.
“Is everyone alright?”
There were murmurs of agreement. Allie made a hasty exit and Sam followed. I pushed at my door, surprised it opened with ease. I stumbled around the car and passed Sam rubbing Allie’s back while she was doubled over gagging. Since Sam was helping her, I opened Carly’s door to make sure she was good.
“Are you okay?”
It took a second for her eyes to focus. “Yeah,” she breathed. Her face squished up as if she had a bad headache as she brought her fingers to her temple and mouthed ouch.
When I went to try to help her out of the car, she yanked her hand back.
Instead, she used the door as leverage to get herself out. “No, you’ve done enough.”
After she stood and got her bearings, I couldn’t help the words that tumbled out of my mouth like vomit.
“Me,” I said stepping back. “If you would have kept your hands to yourself, I would have kept my eyes on the road.”
She brought a hand to her chest. “Me, you’re blaming this on me. You’re drunk as shit. Look at you swaying on your feet.”
“Yes, I’m blaming this on you.” I reached out for the opened door because I felt light headed. All the alcohol I’d drunk churned in my stomach and also spurred me on. “If I wasn’t fighting you to keep your hands off my dick, I wouldn’t have lost control of the car.”
I wasn’t sure her slurred words were a result of alcohol or the accident. “You like my hands on you.” She ended with a giggle that pissed me off more.
“You think the world revolves around you. It doesn’t.”
“Doesn’t it?” she challenged.
She walked forward and spun around to face us all. Allie didn’t look well, but it appeared to be more from a sick stomach if the puke at her feet was an indication.
Carly bent forward and pointed as if she were scolding a child. “You still want me.” Her finger landed accusingly on me before moving judgmentally to Allie. “You still want to be me.”
Then her glare landed on Sam. I was certain none of us had any idea what she’d say to him. “You should know they’ve been fucking behind your back.”
Then she let out a full belly laugh like her statement was the punch line. “I’m walking home. Screw all of you.”
We watched her stagger not towards the road but into the tree line many yards away. None of us made a move to stop her.
I glanced over at Allie and Sam, who began a heated discussion, no doubt about Carly’s revelation. According to what Sam had told me earlier, they weren’t dating when Allie and I messed around. He had to get over it and be with the girl he wanted and not worry about me. Both had a few cuts and scrapes, but neither was dripping in blood. The car was toast. I didn’t bother to look at the damage. I closed my eyes not wanting to do what I planned. Carly was a bitch, but I couldn’t let her walk in the woods alone.
“Carly wait,” I called out as I trotted shakily in the direction she’d gone.
I found her with her back resting against a trunk of a large tree. Moonlight bathed her in an angelic glow as a tear slipped down her face. With her mask of hate gone, I was reminded of the girl I could have one day said the L word to.
Her eyes opened as I drew near. Only, poison still laced her voice when she spoke. “What do you want Ethan? I’m not some Disney princess that’s needs rescue. I can find my way home.”
She held up and waved a cell phone.
“Home is that way?” I said pointing in the direction in which I’d come.
As I reached her, I rested my hand on the bark of the tree still unsteady on my feet. I caught sight of a purplish bruise on the side of her head as she craned her neck to look up at me.
“You’re not Prince Charming, Prince Harry or any Prince for that matter.”
“I never said I was.”
She huffed. “You’re here trying to save me. Maybe I don’t want to be saved. Maybe all I want is this.” She took my free hand and brought it up to her throat. “Not that you know how to do it well, anyway. You barely ever flexed your muscles. Jack knows how to do it better.”
I did nothing as I stared into her eyes searching for the girl I’d fallen for. Only bitterness rested in the corners of her mouth along with a few scraps.
“Jack, your co-star, who’s like twenty-three.”
“Yeah, and maybe it’s because he’s an actor, he knows better, not because he’s older.”
I let my fingers uncurl and rest lightly across of the line of her throat, my ego taking over my better judgment.
“Is this what you want? You want me to do you here like this?”
“No,” she gritted. Her hand covered mine and squeezed, forcing me to put more pressure than I was comfortable with. “I want you to do it like this.”
I snatched my hand away, wanting to stand without the aid of the tree because I needed distance from her. Only, I swayed and had to brace myself again unless I planned to fall at her feet. I found her eyes, knowing somewhere in there had to exist the girl I’d come to know.
“Have you ever thought that what you’re asking for is wrong? That maybe you need help. You need to talk to someone and tell them about your uncle.”
She chortled, but the anger in her eyes belittled the upturn curl of her lips.
She waved her hands animatedly as she spoke. “Me, talk to someone? You, the boy with mommy issues? Pot and kettle and all that.” Her eyes narrowed as they held mine. “I wondered what I’d be paid if I went to the press them and told them all about your mommy issues.”
“Don’t,” I warned. Fear bloomed in me that secrets I’d dumbly trusted her with would be exposed. With Dad’s death still making the news because the government was investigating our family for his supposed crimes, I knew the press would eat up anything she had to say.
She laughed again. “I could tell them all about how you like to choke me and the reasons behind it. Remember what you told me about catching your Dad and Mom in the act. I bet that’s the reason you like doing it.”
“You’re a liar. I don’t like it. You know it.”
“I am a liar. That’s what makes me a good actress. And I know exactly how much you liked it. You barely touched me. But who do you think they’d believe? America’s darling or the pretty boy who likes to party hard and has a reputation of banging everything that moves.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
The look in her eyes said otherwise.
“How do you know I haven’t already set up the interviews? My agent thinks since your family is in the press, now would be a good time for me to capitalize on our relationship. His words not mine.”
She held up her hands as if she was innocent. I knew better. I’d learned my lessons well.
“And what does it matter to you? You live in that big house with all those fancy things. Oops,” she covered her mouth for a second. “Well, you still liv
e in the house. The fancy things are gone, but you have the money to replace them. My family counts on me to use all my talents to give them a better life.”
My hand still rested on her pulse point.
“And exposing our relationship will make headline news. Everyone will feel sorry for me as I’m the victim.” Her voice had changed as she faked innocence. “And then, the opportunities will start raining in.”
The hate I felt at that moment transcended any anger I’d felt before. She thought me a pussy and a puppet. And she was determined to ruin my life for her personal gain. How could anyone blame me for what I did next?
forty-four
There was nothing to do or to say about the two words that made my blood shiver. I hadn’t properly given the threat any credibility. Time was up. What did that mean? I hadn’t been given any clear direction of what whoever wanted me to do or what the consequences were for failing to follow through.
My immediate concern was for Jess. I snatched up my phone and a few swipes later, her sweet voice said my name.
“Ethan.”
As much as I wanted to give into the need behind her tone, I was more concerned with her safety.
“Listen, don’t be alone tonight.” I told her about the latest envelope I’d gotten and my fear for her. “Whoever is doing this is going to lash out.”
“Don’t you think you should call the police?” The panic in her voice for me made me love her more for it.
“For what? They’ll take my statement and do nothing. They can’t protect me from the unknown. I have to protect myself and you. Maybe it would be better if you went home for a while. I’ll tell your Dad what’s going on. He’ll hate me, but he’ll keep you safe.”
“No, I’m not running scared. But I’ll call my parents and tell them if you want me to.”
“Do it. I have to go.”
“Ethan, wait—”
“I love you Jessica. I’ll do whatever I have to, to keep you safe.”
I hung up and went over to my backpack. I pulled out a different envelope. The one the lawyer gave me. I sat on the edge of my bed and closed my eyes for a second. I didn’t want what I found inside to change me. Money had a way of doing that. Money had taken my father’s reputation and his life. Money had Mom keep my grandfather away from me. Money had never done me any favors at all.
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