Broken Lens

by Shannon Dermott

  Mr. Lambert patted my shoulder. “You need to get some rest and heal. There is a lovely young lady anxious to see you.”

  I wasn’t so sure. Jess couldn’t possibly want to be in my crazy life. I needed to let her go so she could find a guy without the dysfunctional family I had. Her dad wouldn’t tell me to leave her, but I knew he would respect my decision and see me as a man if I let her go.

  My parade of visitors didn’t end. When Jess’s gorgeous face graced my doorway, I wasn’t sure how I would find the words to say goodbye. But I thought it best to start with the truth.

  She wore jeans and a plain red tee shirt. She still had the hospital tag on her wrist. I wondered if she’d just been sprung. Quietly, she sat on a chair and scooted it closer to the bed.

  “I’m sorry,” we blurted at the same time. Nervous laughter escaped us both. I glanced away wondering if she was about to tell me goodbye before I had a chance to.

  “You first,” she said with a sad smile.

  I swallowed grateful I could speak first, not that it would be any easier. There weren’t always happy endings. Then again, who defined happy? Everything I said after the first would hurt not just her but me as well. One day she would smile again, and that gave me comfort.

  When she took my hand in hers after pulling her hair over to one shoulder, I thought I would lose my resolve.

  “The first time I ever saw your face, I knew I’d been wrong. I could fall in love.” Her eyes filled with tears, and I reached out to wipe them away with my thumb. “I don’t want to make you cry.”

  She took my hand and held it to her face. “You don’t have to do this.”

  It was killing me softly as the words sprang from my lips.

  “I think I’ve grown to be a better man. You’ve shown me unconditional love and trust when I hadn’t earned it. You deserve better than me. I’m just lucky enough to have run up to the cliff called love. If I had to do it all again, I would gladly jump off and fall for you again. You are hope and all things good. For once in my life, I’m going to do the right thing. Before I do, I need you to know I don’t do this easily. For you have to know how hopelessly in love I am with you.”

  Epilogue

  Love is unpredictable. Love can be kind even when it’s cruel. Finding love is one thing. Keeping it is another.

  I stared out into the city. The windows high enough I could see the skyline from beginning to end. I’d finished college and would graduate Summa Cum Laude. Charlene and Kathleen, my biological mother, would attend graduation. So much had changed over the years. I’d gone to both funerals of Clarissa and Mr. Miller. I still couldn’t think of him as Jeff. It made him too human and after all he’d done he wasn’t in my mind. I didn’t go to say any words to crazy people set to ruin my life. I’d gone to support the two women who had stood up for the right thing and lost.

  Charlene had been quiet and held all emotions inside. She didn’t ask for any support from me while she grieved. Kathleen, on the other hand, needed me to help remain upright. She had been clueless of her son’s behavior. She’d worked hard at the hospital in the ER as a nurse to raise him. Her hours were odd and often didn’t watch the news because she had enough of death and destruction at work. I remembered her glancing up at me when the preacher said the final words. No one had been in attendance except us.

  “I still love him. I hope you don’t hate me for that,” she said.

  “I don’t.”

  I understood because I’d loved my father through all the doubts about his innocence. Although I couldn’t believe he was guilty, I knew even if he had been, I would have still loved him.

  “I hope you don’t find this creepy. But I moved here to be closer to you. I couldn’t be your mother up close, but I had to be your mother even if from afar.”

  Her words triggered something. “It was you,” I whispered

  Her lips pressed together.

  I repeated my conclusion. “It was you who took pictures and gave them to grandfather.”

  She nodded. “He offered to pay me a modest sum to share my memories of you with pictures for him. He was a nice man. He helped me get through nursing school so I could provide for Jeff. He even funded Jeff’s schooling through scholarships.”

  I’d eventually learned he’d done the same for Clarissa as well. He didn’t want to give it to them outright. He’d wanted them to earn it. The scholarship they thought they won had conditions. He’d explained to both mothers he didn’t want their kids to expect everything to be handed to them in life like my mom. Too bad their greed had surpassed his kindness.

  I did what I could for all three mothers. I’d bought Charlene and Kathleen a house in good neighborhoods. They weren’t mansions, but they were probably bigger than either of them needed as single people. I’d also bought a ranch style estate with four bedrooms and four bathrooms for my Aunt with enough square footage that Mom and my Aunt had their own wing. They could live together yet separately in the same house. I didn’t buy it for Mom, as she would have never accepted it from me. We hadn’t spoken since the reading of the will, and I doubted we ever would. It still hurt, but life had a way of moving on.

  Allie had finally called me days after I’d been released from the hospital. The conversation had been short.

  “Ethan.”

  “Allie.” It hadn’t been hope in my voice when I said her name. It had been more of a surprise to finally hear from her. The call had come up as Unknown Caller, but I’d taken a chance and answered it anyway.

  “I’m sorry for everything that’s happened to you,” she said earnestly.

  “Really, I’m actually shocked you bothered to call.” I heard the sharp sarcasm in my tone, but the hurt and anger from her not getting in touch sooner forced its way out.

  “Please,” she begged. “I don’t expect you to understand. I’ve been through a lot.”

  “So I ‘haven’t’ heard,” I said bitterly. “I thought we were friends.”

  Her response was immediate. “We were a lot of things, but I hardly think the word ‘friends’ covers it.”

  That shut me up for a moment while I recovered from the slap of her words. “I never lied to you,” I said gently as guilt softened my tone.

  She sighed. “It’s not your fault I was in love with you and you were in love with her. Jess is great. I truly adored her. I just wanted to be her. But I’m better now. I’m not trying so hard to be anyone else that includes Carly or Jess. I’m me, and I’m learning to love myself.”

  “That’s good.” It was hardly the right thing to say. “You have a lot to love. You’re a great person, fun to be around, not to mention one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever met.”

  “Not beautiful enough,” she murmured, allowing her self-doubt to show through.

  “You can’t help who you fall in love with.” I hadn’t set out to love anyone after Carly. “And I hope one day a guy gives you the love you deserve, not because of how great you look, but because you’re you.”

  She was quiet for a moment making me wonder at the wisdom of my words.

  “Thanks for that Ethan. I wish you and Jess the best in life.”

  I didn’t correct her assumption.

  “I’m sure she would love to hear from you.”

  “Maybe…”

  She paused, and I wondered if she’d call Jess.

  “I did want to tell you something. I messed up when I went to Jeff and… well, you know what happened I’m sure.”

  ‘Jeff Miller’. It was weird for me to hear her call him by his first name even after his death. I still thought of him as my art teacher, Mr. Miller, and not my half-brother, ‘Jeff’. I shuddered at the thought.

  “He said some things to me about it.”

  She went quiet, and I wondered if she’d cringed knowing what he might have told me about their relationship.

  “I never meant to hurt you, not directly at least, or so my therapist tells me. I wanted to hurt myself. Anyway, I’m not ready to tal
k about what happened yet. Maybe one day.”

  “You have my number if you ever want to talk,” I offered and meant it.

  “I do. And maybe I’ll see you both again someday.”

  When I heard the elevator ding, I turned outward from my thoughts of the past. It had been four years and I hadn’t spoken to Allie since.

  The doors opened, and there she was just as beautiful I remembered. She stepped through the door as if it were the first time we were meeting. I wanted to run to her and beg her never to leave. Groveling was the least of my worries.

  We moved slowly at first. Then my legs ate up the distance between us. I wrapped her in my arms prepared never to let her go. I didn’t wait for an invitation. I kissed the living hell out of her, and she kissed me back.

  “You’d think I didn’t live here,” she said giggling.

  I’d dumped the flat and everything in it after getting out of the hospital. I wouldn’t have gone back inside if not for my motorcycle, camera’s memory card, and sketch book. The clothes and furniture could all be tossed. I wouldn’t ever be able to look at it the same.

  When Jess wouldn’t let me say goodbye that day in the hospital, we’d compromised. I’d bought a condo in between her school and mine. I’d kept my dorm room mainly, so Bear didn’t have to deal with a new roommate that year. Jess kept hers, but we dated. I took her out, and sometimes she spent the night. We took it slow. I let her have her life, and I tried to have one.

  I’d quit football and paid the school back the scholarship given to me by offering scholarship funds to someone else in need.

  Mom had contested the will. It took a while, though in the end she lost. Dad’s estate had taken almost a year before it was released and distributed to me. I guess I was sort of a wealthy guy. When it made the news, woman flocked like I sported peacock feathers. Only, I had eyes for one girl.

  Slowly, as time passed, she’d moved in, and we called this place our own. I’d bought her a car, a modest one. She wanted something eco-friendly and not too big and not too expensive. She ended up picking a Honda Accord Hybrid, not too small as I feared she’d die in a collision in the Mini Cooper she originally wanted.

  “What’s that in your hand?” I asked. She held an envelope and a small wrapped box. I eyed the box suspiciously.

  “It’s your birthday,” she announced.

  I’d wanted to forget. Birthdays were hard because I remember all the things I’d done with my dad and could never do again. Jess, however, was insistent we celebrate. She said we would make new memories together.

  “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

  She winked. My shy girl had come out of her shell.

  I started peeling at her coat. It was raining outside, but it wasn’t quite cold enough for the coat she wore.

  “Wait,” she giggled sidestepping me. “Here open this first.”

  I frowned and took the envelope she held out.

  “What’s this?”

  “It’s the prenup from the lawyer.”

  I gritted my teeth. “I told you I didn’t want you to sign it.”

  She smiled the smile that made me want to rip her clothes off. “And I’m telling you what does it matter if you plan on staying with me forever. I’ll sign and make your lawyers happy, and all you have to do is be with me, and it’s meaningless.”

  I tossed the envelope not caring if it landed on the kitchen counter or the trash. I moved my hands to open the buttons on her coat. When I found only skin, I pulled back.

  “Don’t tell me you wore only a trench all day?”

  She shook her head. “I only changed after my appointment before coming home.”

  I scooped her up in my arms as she wrapped her legs around me. I didn’t wait, heading directly to our bedroom.

  “Ethan, we’ll have company soon.”

  “I know,” I growled into her neck causing her to squeal. “There is plenty of room for your sister and brother, Madison and Bradley since your parents decided to take me up on my offer of a hotel room.”

  Jess’s graduation was tomorrow, and mine was next week. We would head to California after for Madison and Bradley’s graduation only to come back in time to make Kyle’s high school graduation. It was going to be a busy month.

  Meanwhile, Dad’s house had been totally gutted. I wasn’t sure yet if I would sell. But I didn’t want it to be turned into a tourist stop if I decided to. People were cray cray like that. Nothing of the house would be in the same place except the kitchen and the dark room. The kitchen would, however, be configured slightly different.

  We’d spent the last few summers at my grandfather’s house watching the videos and getting to know the man who’d known so much about me. There was history in the house, and none of it was horrible for me. So far, my plans were to keep it.

  I managed to kick the door open with my foot and tossed Jess on the bed. I buried my face in her and kissed my way up to her mouth.

  “Wait,” she teased. “Open this first.”

  She still held onto the box.

  I rose on my arms before shifting over to sit beside her. Her face held so much amusement I actually took the present with a smile forming on my face. The size of the square was too large for jewelry, although it could have been a watch.

  Once opened, I stared at it unsure why she gave me a mug but didn’t want to ask.

  “Turn it around silly,” she said laughing at me.

  Slowly I turned it knowing there would be words she wanted me to read. I almost dropped it when I did. Her hands came up to cup mine.

  With my jaw open, I muttered, “Your dad’s going to kill me.”

  She wiggled her ring finger at me allowing the diamond I’d put it to sparkle in the light.

  “We’re getting married next month. He can’t kill you.”

  But I remembered distinctly what he’d told me. And I recalled Jess’s appointment this morning. I thought about how we were starting law school in the fall.

  “Breathe Ethan and read the words. We’ll figure out the rest later.”

  I started to speak, but the words caught in my throat. I cleared my throat before I was able to speak again.

  “Keep Calm. You’re Going To Be A Daddy.”

  <<<<>>>>

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  She also can be found on Facebook and Goodreads. You can find links on her website. Bonus chapter and other extra information can be found on her blog.

  Other Books by Shannon Dermott

  YA Paranormal Romance

  Beg for Mercy

  Waiting for Mercy

  No Mercy

  Angel of Mercy

  Have No Mercy

  Book 5 (summer of 2015)

  Remember

  YA Contemporary Romance

  Through The Lens

  Broken Lens

  Too Far (coming summer of 2015)

  Adult Contemporary Romance

  Mini Series

  Assets

  Liabilities

  Equity

  Profit & Loss (a companion novel)  spring of 2015

 

 

 
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