Chasing Butterflies

by Terri E. Laine

  “I don’t do friends.”

  “Joel,” I announced. “I’ve seen him around you.”

  “He’s cool. But that’s it. And I don’t want to be your friend, Len.”

  “Why not? Do something not in your playbook. Isn’t that what you’ve told me?”

  Abruptly, he stood. The chair scooted back a foot when he did. “Fine!” Then he started to strip. “I’ve wanted to do this since the day I got here.”

  I would have been impressed by the defined muscles on his body, but the darkish bruise caught my attention.

  “Oh no, you’re hurt.” I was on my feet and gracing my fingers over his bare chest before it registered what I was doing.

  “What, you didn’t believe me before?” His eyes bore into mine as I continued to let my fingertips travel over the muscles in his chest.

  “I did. It’s just…”

  He caught my wrist, and I felt like a spider trapped in his gaze. His eyes sparkled in the sun. They were beautiful. I almost told him, but he broke the spell by speaking.

  “Seeing is believing.” He removed my hand.

  Then he kicked his pants to the side, which left him mostly naked except for underwear that vaguely resembled the style of my boy shorts. Maybe that’s where they’d gotten the name. I stared at what he was packing, but glanced away when I realized I was looking.

  He chuckled darkly. “It’s okay to look, Lenny, as long as you realize what comes after.”

  Embarrassed, I glanced away. When I turned back, I got a view of him from behind, and holy hell. Before I could imprint the image on my brain he’d cannonballed into the pool. He shook his head when he reached the surface.

  “Is it cold?”

  He shook his head. “No. You could join me.”

  I backed away as he came over and folded his arms on the edge and peered up at me.

  “Oh, no, I can’t.”

  “Yeah, right. You wouldn’t want to do anything impulsive. I bet Mommy and Daddy told you to date that asshole and you did, because you always do what you’re told.”

  I knew he was baiting me, but he struck a nerve coming way too close to the truth. I didn’t want to be the good girl always doing the right thing.

  “I don’t have a bathing suit.”

  “Neither did I, and I didn’t let it stop me. Besides, isn’t a bikini not much more than what you girls wear under your clothes anyway?”

  He was right.

  “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered to myself. I lifted the hem of my sundress over my head and stood there in my undergarments.

  “Nice, you match.”

  I scowled at him. The blush pink cotton set wasn’t for show, but comfort. If I’d known what was in store for me, I might have worn the sexy black set Debbie talked me into one day. I’d been saving it for that special day that had yet to come.

  Too late for a wardrobe change, I thought as his eyes roamed over me. When the pink garments got wet, he would see all of me. Still, I took the leap and dived into the water.

  Warm water cocooned me. When I surfaced, he was way too close. I treaded water as I struggled for something to say. “It is nice in here,” I managed.

  “And it just got better. Come.” He beckoned me over to the circle area attached to the pool. It had to be the hot tub. I followed and warmer water settled all around me. I took a seat across from him.

  “You surprised me. I didn’t think you’d do it.”

  “Why not? I can be fun, adventurous.”

  “If that’s what you tell yourself.” He laughed.

  “What about you? Why do you play the bad boy and don’t want a relationship?”

  I didn’t think he would answer, but I was dying to know.

  “Bad boy?” He folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t have a girlfriend because we move too much. Why catch feelings for someone when the next day I could be gone?”

  Stunned, I hadn’t expected an answer or anything for that matter.

  “So you’ve never had a girlfriend?”

  “No. There were a couple of times I got close. We actually lived in one place for a few years. There was this girl next door,” he said wistfully. “She was fun. Only, I liked her more as a friend than anything else.”

  “Did you guys…?”

  “Have sex? Do you really want me to tell you about the girls I’ve screwed?” I glanced away, and he took advantage. “Has Ox never gotten close?”

  “And now we’re talking about my sex life?” I scoffed.

  “You brought it up.”

  He stood and sank deeper in the water for a second as he crossed the middle to me.

  “Do you want to hear about the things I do with my boyfriend?” I asked in challenge.

  Half in and half out, he stood over me. I shrank deeper in the water to hide that the tips of my chest had tightened.

  “Not especially. But you keep glancing toward my dick, and I wonder if you’ve ever seen one.”

  My face must have mirrored a rose bush for all the heat I felt in my cheeks. He yanked me to my feet.

  “I know you’re a good girl and would never cheat on your boyfriend. So you can blame this on me.” He pulled me close with his hand at the small of my back to bring us skin to skin. “Can you feel my dick and what you do to it?”

  “I—I,” stuttering words formed on my lips.

  “You don’t have to answer because I very much want to be in you, Len. I bet you’re warm, tight and when I do this”—he rubbed against me and my head fell back—“I bet you get wet.”

  Feeling dazed, I said the first thing that popped in my head. “I have a boyfriend.”

  Magically, he was gone. He sat back across from me. “I know.” Bumps erupted over my skin as I shivered. “Just stay there and let me look at you.”

  “Why?”

  His hands slid down. “Because I haven’t fucked in weeks because of you. No other girl will fucking cut it. And my balls will hurt like hell if I don’t.”

  No sex? I couldn’t think about that. “Don’t what?”

  He licked his lips. “I think you know what I’m doing.”

  The fist he made began to bob up and down. “You have fucking perfect tits, princess. I bet your pussy is pretty and pink too. Has anyone put their tongue on you?” Slowly, I shifted my head side to side. “Then I want to imagine that I’m your first. I want you to hear church bells when I put my tongue inside you. I want you to cum and scream my name before I stick my dick in you. And when you realize that idiot you call boyfriend wouldn’t know what a clit is, come see me. I’ll show you.”

  “A clit?” Unconsciously, my hand rubbed over an aching spot that had flared to life as I watched him.

  “Fuck,” he groaned, and white ribbons floated to the surface. Seconds later, his eyes opened. “A clitoris, Len. The place you were touching. You should really read up on it. It’s the female equivalent to a detonator.” He waved away. “You should probably get out before my sperm finds its way home.”

  Quickly, I hopped out of the water and not because I was grossed out. I wasn’t. Mortified that I’d touched myself and he’d seen, yes. But more, I was fascinated while I watched him jerk off. For the first time ever, I truly contemplated having sex.

  Towels had magically appeared, and I didn’t question what the housekeeper might have seen. Instead, I focused on drying myself off. Then I got dressed, deciding I should leave before I did anything stupid.

  “Where are you going? We haven’t had dinner.”

  There was humor in his voice. He’d expected me to flee, maybe even wanted me to.

  “I should get home. I have homework.”

  After I got everything back on, I headed for the gate without looking at him.

  His voice stroked fire over my skin. “You can run, little butterfly. But we both know I can catch you.”

  It had been a few weeks, and I hadn’t seen Lenny except a few times in passing. Agitated and wondering if she’d been avoiding me, I couldn�
��t put on a good face for Mom.

  “Go ahead. I’ll be fine,” Mom said.

  Her situation frustrated the hell out of me. Every day, she seemed to get a little worse. And although I could fight anything except my father, the damn invisible enemy that coursed through her veins turning her into a virtual baby was beyond my reach.

  “Mom, you need to tell me the truth. Everything I’ve read said with treatment you should be fine.”

  Her hand, which was more bone than anything else, reached for me and missed. I grabbed it as her eyes held pain from missing the mark.

  “I have the severe kind of MS. They call it Marburg. They don’t know why it happens. But…”

  Her voice started to shake, and she closed her mouth.

  “I can stay home tonight.”

  “No, you should go out. The nurse your aunt hired will be around.”

  The eyes that had shined into mine over the years and promised a world where I could live whatever dream I wanted, dulled in the dim sterile room Mom was confined in.

  The only hand she could move in the crippling episode fluttered, and I moved close to hear what she wanted to say to me.

  “Promise me, Kelley...”

  I pulled back enough to meet her eyes. “Anything, anything at all.” What else could I say to the woman who had given me life and tried her best for me?

  Her hand weakly clasped in mine as her eyes widened in horror. I leaned down to hear what she whispered.

  “Nurse.”

  The one word felt incomplete. So I sat back only to see humiliation on Mom’s face before tears flooded her eyes. It wasn’t long before I realized the problem.

  I glanced around, searching for the on call nurse Aunt Joy had hired, but it was just me. I stood and went to the door and looked out. I couldn’t say I was too keen on the idea of what I had to do next and not for my sake but for hers.

  There had to be a competition of who was more embarrassed, but we got through it. Mom silently cried through it, all while I kept a neutral expression, not wanting her to feel any worse. I balled up the soiled linens and threw them in the corner just about the time my aunt showed up.

  “You didn’t have to do that.” I just glared at her. “The nurse was on a break, but she’ll be back.”

  “It’s fine,” I said defiantly. I glanced back at Mom, who continued to silently weep.

  I walked over, kissed her cheek, and tried for a joke. “It’s okay. It’s nothing you haven’t done for me.”

  She squeezed my hand slightly before I left, grateful to be away from my unsympathetic aunt, and out of a place I could never call home. I did wonder if I should stay. Though Mom had wanted me to leave, and I could give her that. I didn’t want her embarrassment to make things any more awful for her.

  Joel waited at the curb, his car idling.

  “What took you so long?”

  I shrugged. Even though Joel and I had become somewhat close, there was no way I would tell anyone about what I had to do. And not for me, but Mom’s dignity.

  The drive was short considering we only moved a few houses down. We ended up parking behind a river of cars. “Ox?”

  It was a question I already had the answer to considering we were near the guy’s house.

  “Dude, if I’d told you, would you have come?”

  I didn’t bother to answer. I’d heard Ox was throwing a party, but he wasn’t the only party that night. I just assumed we were going somewhere else. Only, there wasn’t anything I could do besides walking back to my empty room and thoughts.

  “Fuck it,” I muttered.

  We traipsed over to the front gate where Trina was leaning.

  “What took you boys so long?”

  She gave me a passing glance, but her eyes were for my boy. Good for him. Maybe he’d lose his virginity tonight. I left them to eye fuck one another and walked up the stairs to the front door where music pounded away.

  I didn’t relish the idea of seeing Lenny with Ox. The few times I’d seen her at school, he’d been near, holding her hand or touching her in some way. She’d clearly made her choice, not that I expected any different.

  Inside, people were scattered around like ants in mounds cluttered here and there. I found myself herded with the crowd and landed in the kitchen where alcohol was being served. A cup found its way in my hand, and I drank, needing an escape.

  The last time should have been a deterrent considering the effects alcohol had on me. Only I watched Lenny go by with Ox’s hands around her waist and a smile on her face. Something weird happened in my chest and felt like I couldn’t breathe. I ended up choking on a swallow. I cleared my throat, to find a girl I’d seen around school with glazed eyes planted on me.

  “Kelley, right?”

  “That’s me.”

  It was easier than I thought to turn on the charm. She looped her arm in mine, and I can’t say it was a bad thing. She was cute, and I needed a distraction. If only my dick would get on board, it wouldn’t be hard to do her as she steered me into the main room.

  Time was like a weird loop with no end and no beginning as long as I had a drink in my hand. I never felt more alone than I did in the crowded place. I didn’t have friends. Yeah, Joel was there, but he was cool with me keeping him at a distance. I hadn’t told him my life’s story. No, I’d given those details to a girl who would never be mine.

  I had no idea how long I sat with the laughing girl on my lap before she tugged me to my feet.

  “Come on.” She giggled.

  I didn’t remember her name. Still I followed her toward the stairs, knowing very well where we were going.

  Lenny suddenly appeared, and I couldn’t help feeling like I saw an oasis in a desert. She was so fucking pretty it hurt.

  Her soft hand landed on me, stopping my forward progress. Certain parts of me stood at attention from her touch.

  “Hey, have you seen Debbie?”

  I met her gorgeous gaze. “No.”

  “Maybe she’s in a room upstairs,” the girl on my arm thoughtfully added.

  Lenny’s smile turned frosty before she met my gaze again. I turned from her appraising stare and followed the girl upstairs. The long hallway was filled with closed doors. Some were locked and others weren’t, but all were occupied. The last door on the right opened easily enough, but the sight thrilled and pissed me off.

  “Close the fucking door.”

  It was none of my business, so I pulled the door toward me. Only a slight figure pushed in front of me, opening the door in the process.

  The two people on the bed stopped long enough to glare in the direction of the door.

  “Ox?” a small voice questioned.

  The guy tossed the girl straddling his lap to the side and stood up, giving us all a good view. The pants he hadn’t fully taken off pooled at his feet. I turned away, pulling the girl I’d come with away from what was going to be a fight.

  Anger should have been my main emotion. And while I felt some of it, I was more disgusted.

  “Debbie?”

  It wasn’t so much of a question. What question could there be? Ox was in the room naked with my so called best friend. I turned, noticing Kelley had disappeared.

  “Lenny, wait!”

  Part of me ached with disappointment. I mean, how could she do that to me? We’d been friends forever. I picked up my pace, taking the stairs down two at a time. I landed on the bottom with a little thud absorbed by all the music. The door was straight ahead, and I took it without knowing where I was going.

  The night was a balm to my weary soul. I lived a few miles away and it would give me a chance to cool off. Thankfully, everything I brought to the damned party was with me. I patted the small cross body purse and felt my phone beneath my palm.

  Not so far in, I changed course and found a place to sit, surprised by my luck. I covered my eyes with my palm, not surprised no tears came. Betrayal had a way of killing any warm thoughts I ever held for my former boyfriend and best friend.

/>   And that’s how he found me. The door opened, and I glanced up seeing his tall frame fill the space as the night surrounded him like a cloak.

  “What are you doing here, Len?”

  I scrambled to my feet, feeling as though I needed to not be sitting on his bed when we had this conversation.

  He stepped forward, closing us in together in the process. Unable to form words, I shrugged. He tipped my chin up, forcing me to meet his steely gaze.

  Whispered words fanned across my lips. “Why are you here, Lenora?”

  “It’s my birthday,” I blurted. I couldn’t believe the year before Ox had thrown me the sweetest party.

  He pulled back. “It’s a shitty thing to happen. But you could have gone home. Why did you come here?”

  In his eyes was a determination I felt when I marched out of Ox’s house. He wasn’t going to let this go.

  “I want to be with you.”

  My voice felt small as he towered over me. Whatever I thought he would say, I didn’t expect him to put distance between us. In two backward strides he stood flush with the door.

  “You can’t say things like that, Len.”

  Stubbornly, I lifted my chin. “Why not? Isn’t that what you do? You do every girl in school, but not me.”

  Because no matter what he said, there were rumors.

  “Not you,” he breathed, and my lip trembled.

  I hadn’t wanted to cry when I caught the two people closest to me getting it on. But when he rejected me, I felt on the verge of tears.

  Thankfully, my backbone was ramrod stiff. I coerced my feet to move until I was reaching for the doorknob to the side of him.

  He caught my wrist. “Tell me why me first.”

  What did he think? That I was a glutton for punishment? Apparently, my mouth and my brain no longer worked on the same team.

  “Admit it, you like me,” he said softly.

  I bit my bottom lip. “I’ll admit you’re the first boy to give me butterflies.”

  His eyes narrowed when he asked, “Butterflies?”