I never thought my sex could be pretty, but I guess to a man it could be. I mean, as odd as it sounds, I’m kind of in love with Ryder’s cock. Even though it is way too big. But I love looking at it. I like touching it. I like the way it smells and how soft the skin is. I love it when he’s so hard that I think he’s like iron with warm flesh on top. I like the color of his penis—pink and turns kind of purplish on his head when he gets more and more aroused. And I like the veins.
Thinking about his erection, I’m considering asking him to take off his boxers, when he licks me. Right on my clit. It was such a soft yet noticeable touch. I gasp. And look down at him. He’s smiling up at me.
“Grab those pillows so you can watch me.”
I do as he tells me, and it’s not until I’m comfortable and can look at him that he licks me again.
“Oh god.”
He smiles in an assured manner. But then looks down at me again. “So fucking pretty and all mine.”
I would never expect him to say something so…possessive. Not in a creepy, stalker way. And not in a way that makes me think he’s excited just because I’m a virgin. Although I could be wrong. But I think it sounds sweet, something a lover who really cares says. Something a lover says who does want a future with me.
But before I can analyze it to death, he’s licking me. He’s licking me all over. He starts at my clit but then moves around to the sides of my sex, to my labia, then back to my clit. He explores with his tongue, and I can’t even watch because all I can do is close my eyes and focus on his touch. He sucks in one of my folds and I moan and open my legs more. He sucks in my clitoris and I drop my knees to his bed, completely open to him.
“I’m going to put my tongue inside you.”
I’m barely aware he’s said anything, other than I can feel the timbre of him against my pussy, how my womb even loves his voice. Then he’s at my opening, he’s pushing inside. And it feels so good. So fucking good. I moan and rock into his tongue. He laps me up. He’s thrusting in me and I’m rocking against him. I can feel my orgasm start to beckon.
Oh, but this feels so good I never want it to end.
“Ryder,” I call.
He keeps thrusting, but now one of his hands wraps around my hip and his finger finds my clit, rubbing right over it.
“Oh, Ian…Ryder…Oh god.”
“Yeah, baby. Let go.”
I snap my eyes open. “No, I don’t want to.”
He stops and looks up at me.
“I want this to last. It’s so good. I had no idea it could be this good.”
He smiles. “I’m glad. Really fucking glad.” He wipes around his mouth. That’s me he’s smearing off his face, my wetness. Even that turns me on, while he asks, “Ever try to have a multiple orgasm?”
I shake my head.
“Want to try?”
I smile slowly. “I—okay.”
He licks right up the center of me, my core contracting, squeezing. Yes, my orgasm is very close, but I want to hold out. I especially want this to last as he pushes his tongue into me again. But when his finger rubs over my clit once more, I know I can’t make this last. I’m rocking into his face. I’m gripping the bedding. I’m moaning so loud.
“Oh…Ryder.”
He’s thrusting inside me, rubbing just right.
“Ian…mmm.”
His tongue feels so good.
My orgasm floods me, tearing me into thousands of petals, flower petals. I’m soft and beautiful and feel like I’m drifting in a warm wind. I break again and again, becoming more and more blossoms, oscillating down, down, down from this intense moment.
Ian removes his tongue, but he’s suddenly licking my clit, making me cling to the bedding even more. My orgasm isn’t over. It keeps waving over me, through me. And then I feel something harder than his tongue just touching my opening. His finger.
“Yes,” I say, without even thinking. But I know he was waiting for me to give him permission. I know he was about to ask.
He’s slow and careful and enters me only a little bit. But I want more. I want so much more. Until Ryder, I’ve never masturbated with anything inside me. I’ve only used tampons when nothing else was available. I know it’s silly and Megan and I have been working on it, but my vagina seems like the place where my body betrayed me the most. Okay, it’s not silly. And it’s damned difficult to work through. I have this place on my body, in my body that other women seem to relish, this space that they’ve claimed and owned. I feel like it was ripped away from me. This sacred area of me, an area I want to ignore. Or hide from.
But with Ryder, his soft tongue and now his much harder finger are making it so I can’t ignore this space. I don’t want to ignore it. It gives me such pleasure.
Ian’s moving his finger. In. Out. In. Out.
“That’s—that’s good.”
“I only want it to be good.” His voice is raspy. “I want it to be so fucking good.”
I moan. But what comes out of my mouth next terrifies me. “You probably noticed I have an annular hymen, already a little worn away.”
He stops moving because I’m the weirdo who brings medical facts to bed. My medical facts.
Oh, but I don’t stop there. Nope. Why not embarrass myself more?
“So—so you’re right. I probably won’t bleed when we—if we—”
He shuts me up by sucking in my clitoris. Well, it doesn’t shut me up so much as makes it so I stop talking and can only moan. Then his finger goes in more and more. I feel him. I feel him inside of me. And I think he’s slowly adding another finger.
It doesn’t hurt. It feels different, yes, but this is what I wanted. Only, I didn’t know I wanted it.
“Yes. Yes. That’s it. Yes,” I’m screaming.
He’s licking me in a frenzy and I feel stretched even more, but something about it is so good. Not bad. I feel everything inside me. I’m not numb. This isn’t a dirty space. It’s pretty. I know because Ryder told me so. Everything about this moment is so beautiful. I had no idea sex could be beautiful. Sure, they write about it romance novels. But I thought the writers were exaggerating.
They aren’t.
I’m not sure if I ever stopped orgasming from earlier, but I feel something like another one coming closer and closer.
“Ryder…Ian…Ian…oh, baby.” I push on his shoulder with one of my feet, so he looks up at me. “Ian, I—I want you.”
“You got me, baby.”
“No, I want to make you come. I want to look at you while you come. While I come. Let me touch you.”
He swallows and wipes around his mouth with his manly big paw. God, why would that turn me on too? But it does.
“Oh, I’m going to come. Please.”
He hefts himself up, hovering over me, making it look like he’s going to lay beside me when I stop him. I like him where he’s at. I want him to come when he’s right where he is. So I reach for him, pushing his briefs down in a hurry, and take his cock in hand.
He closes his eyes. “Asha.”
I double up my hands the way he likes it right before he comes. What fascinates me is he starts thrusting into my fists. I barely have to do anything. He’s moving and groaning and saying my name.
“I’m going to lower you closer to me so you can touch my clit.”
He nods and bends his elbows slightly until his cock touches me. We’re mimicking sex. I know. And I don’t care if it’s ridiculous or silly. It just feels so good. When he resumes thrusting, the head of his hard length rubbing over me, he teeters to one elbow and kisses me. I realize he tastes of me and I kind of like that.
We kiss for a long time. Our tongues tangle. Our arms. My legs are around his hips, locking my ankles in place behind him.
“Asha.” The way he says my name is so…so sweet. Like I matter to him. Like I mean something. Like his heart is mine.
Right now, I imagine it is.
It might hurt me to imagine this, but I’m going to think his heart is mine
.
“Ian.”
“Baby, I’m—”
“Me too.” I’ve held off this orgasm long enough. It’s roaring in my ears.
“Asha…Asha…I—I lo—oh—” He’s coming.
I can’t help but join him. I’m rocking against his erection. His warm, warm seed spills on me. He’s shaking and jerking and I’m pretty sure he was going to say something besides my name.
He kisses me as his orgasm and mine subside. We keep kissing and I wonder if he’s kissing me like this so he won’t say what he was about to before he came.
But what distracts me more than the words he might have said—and I know better than to speculate too much into those words—is the fact that I’m naked and he is too. And we’re perfectly lined up to finally get rid of my virginity.
I’m going to get rid of it. Right here. Right now.
Chapter Twenty-Two - Ryder
Asha had pulled me down to cover her body with my own after we came. But being so close, skin against skin, made me want her all the more. Want to keep kissing her, cup her breasts, then thrust inside her.
Somehow, through brute force more than anything, we’re now cleaning up in the shower when Asha smiles up at me and asks the big question, “What do you want me to do so we can make love?”
We have two more days left to get to know each other. Two more days to woo her, make her fall in love with me. But instead, this morning, I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. I couldn’t think straight. I just wanted my face between her thighs. I wanted to watch her come undone. I wanted to be inside her, one way or another.
Making it even harder coming up with an answer is I think she’s ready for me, for my cock. She was so tight I nearly cried, but after a little work…yeah, she’s ready for sex. Sex that might not hurt her. Of course, I’ll be careful. I won’t get crazy. I’ll save that for later.
But what if there is no later?
She still seems to think that my dick is the only thing she wants from me.
I’ve cooked for her, taken her out, listened to her, memorized that her grandmother on her mother’s side is Nana, while the grandmother on her dad’s side is Ona. I’ve committed to memory how she and her twin graduated from high school two years early because they were so excited to go to medical school. I don’t know what happened and Asha glossed over it, but she was the only one who went medical school. Her brother went into law, and she hasn’t talked to him for a very long time.
Hell, I’ve told her things about me. I told her about my grandmother’s weird hyper-religiousness that morphed into crazy from time to time. I told her about starving and then thieving. I told her about Zoe and Neil. I fucking told her about Adam. I told her about war and how I couldn’t sleep. Doesn’t she realize I can sleep with her? Doesn’t she think about that?
I’m giving her my heart, my fucking heart, and she wants my dick.
Fuck.
I’m so pissed that for a few seconds I can hardly think clearly. Then things become transparent, making it real easy to say what I want to.
She’s smiling and so relaxed and leaning against me, her breasts warm and squished on my chest, her arms wrapping around my neck. I’m somehow still hard, almost never dying down and Steve, fucking Steve, is more than happy to accept her proposal.
But I’m not.
I place my hands on her back, touching her soft skin, wondering if I can possibly ever win her, when I say, “You’ll have to introduce me to Hon, your brother, first.”
Her face falls.
Granted, I thought she’d look surprised, but something else passes through her eyes. Something that looks like pain. That I caused.
I’m about to take it back when she steps away a little, her arms hanging at her sides.
“Why?” Her voice is tiny. A fraction of what it usually is.
I did that to her.
I’m hurting her. And, sure, yeah, I do think talking things out with her brother would be good for her, but what the fuck do I know? I’m not Dr. Drew.
Making things murky again is the one word floating through my mind—love. When I was close to coming, I almost said that to her. It would have been a complete dick move on my part, because the first time you say it is not when you’re about to come. I know at least that much. And I can’t believe I’m thinking it. Love. It’s way too soon. It’s only been a few days. A few intense days.
But I know me. I’ve never fallen before. And I am for her.
Call it just falling or falling in love, it doesn’t matter. My heart’s attached. I’m attached.
I want to ask if all I am to her is my dick. I want to ask about when she says my name while I’m making her come, if it means anything.
No, I want her to ask these kinds of questions.
I want this to be fucking easy. I want there to be some kind of chick-flick movie music floating through, and she asks me what I mean to her. I’ll tell her it’s too soon, but I like her. We’ll keep going on dates, and then I’ll finally tell her I love her a few months from now.
Why can’t she ask me?
“I want to meet your brother,” I say with an edge of tension and anger added. I don’t mean to sound like this. It’s just coming out of me.
She turns her back to me, grabbing the soap, but I’m pretty sure it’s a ploy so I can’t see her face.
What the fuck am I doing, sounding like an asshole and acting like it?
But the fact is, she’s crushing my heart. I’m hurt she only wants me for my cock.
“My brother is…different now.” Her voice is still small, and I can hardly hear her over the shower.
I can’t believe I’m doing this. Her voice is killing me, and I grab her hips and move her into the warm shower spray like that can help. She’s been lathering the soap, making a white bubbly mess in her hands. Her eyes are wide. Scared looking.
“My sister can act a little cold, well that’s nothing compared to my brother. Now.”
I’m outside the spray, feeling a little cold myself. I want to touch her. I want to comfort her.
But I’m not.
I can’t believe I’m not.
Because underneath all the laughing and talking and deals, I wonder if this woman who I adore cares for me at all. That’s what’s keeping me from holding her, consoling her.
She looks up, blinking. “And I don’t know if he’ll even answer my call.”
“If he doesn’t, then we’ll figure something else out.”
She suds her hands even more, looking down at the foam. “Okay.”
We dress in silence. We do everything in silence, a kind of quiet that’s killing me.
I’m about to tell her she doesn’t have to make the call when I find her in my kitchen, her cell already connected to her ear.
She looks even more shocked as she says, “Hey. It’s me.”
She’s quiet for a long time. A really long time. She’s swallowing and tears are forming in her eyes.
“Me too.” Her voice croaks.
There’s another long stretch of silence, but then she says, “I have someone I want you to meet.” She sniffs. “Yeah. Hmm-mmm.” She sniffs again. “Yeah, we can be there.” She turns her back to me once again, and I know what I’ve done is quite possibly the shittiest thing ever.
How the fuck is meeting her brother going to make her fall in love with me?
What the hell was I thinking?
So her sister seemed to like me. So what. Did I really think that if I could get her brother to like me and make up to Asha that she’d fall in love with me?
I’m stupid, aren’t I?
“Yeah, we’ll be there soon.” She pauses then adds, “I love you.” But she looks at the phone. I’m pretty sure he hung up before he heard her, which is probably hurting her even more.
I’m so fucking stupid.
“We don’t—”
“You’re probably wondering what it is that caused us to be this way.” Her voice isn’t small and sad. It’s now icy. She�
�s chilling me to the bone with the way she’s talking to me.
I shake my head, but without her looking at me, what good is that? “No.”
She finally does glance at me. Her eyes narrowed.
“Okay, yes, but not at that second.”
She squares herself against me. She’s a fighter and I know it. I deserve any kind of wrath aimed at me.
“I’m not going to tell you.”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
Her eyes narrow even more. “What is this to you, Ian? Why do you care about my brother?”
Why can’t she tell what this is to me? Forming the words is almost impossible. I can’t think of them. Or, rather, I can, but I can’t tell her because they’re too much, they give me away.
“I care.” That’s all I can think of to say. But it does convey a little of my truth.
She shakes her head. “He said he’s at his new business. Some place he bought. He’s taking measurements for office furniture. We can meet him down there.”
“Now?”
“Now.”
I nod and turn to collect the helmets. But when I reach out to Asha with hers, she doesn’t take it.
Her lips are pursed and she looks even more angry. I know this is the worst time to think it, but she’s so gorgeous. She’s a warrior and I know she’s going to kill me. I knew it from the beginning. I’ll never be the same again after she’s left me, which will be a kind of death for me. I’ll find a job somewhere else and talk Zoe and Neil into moving there. Or maybe I’ll move closer to them. They need me. I can be Neil’s sad uncle, the one who always talks about the woman who was too good for him. And he, me, couldn’t figure out how to be a better man for her.
She throws her hands into the air. “Just tell me why? Why do you want to meet him? Why are you doing this? You don’t have to do this to appease your conscience.”
“You think I’m doing this to appease my conscience?”
“Aren’t you? You think just because I’m a virgin I can’t handle sex, just sex, so you’re trying to do things to make me feel more comfortable with you. That way, when you do have sex with me it won’t be so hard on you, so you still have honor even though you’re just fucking me.”
Bad Medicine (Wolf Love Book 4) Page 19