Somehow I think better in the humidity, and as the steamy heat clears my head I try to game plan my next move and what I'm going to do now that I'm out of a job. I can't go back to Preston-Ward; the Wanderers have made that painstakingly clear. To be honest, I don't think I want to, not after knowing what Mr. Taylor was trying to do and how I'd unwittingly almost helped him succeed. Kade told me earlier he'd be taking care of my resignation for me on Monday, which is fine by me. My only request had been that he help me fix things with Ben and Melanie so they believed whatever lies we needed to tell them.
"Of course," he'd promised. He'd been right, like always. Using power had consequences and I was just beginning to understand all the collateral damage that had to be cleaned up.
I had been instructed to lay low until the Wanderer investigation into Preston-Ward was over, so other than discovering my hidden talents or searching the job market, I had no plans for the foreseeable future. Too much time on my hands, I think and inwardly groan. All that can wait for Monday, though. I plan to relax and enjoy the weekend, starting with tonight. Shutting off the water I wrap a towel around my body and tip toe into the closet to get ready.
The digital display in the Mini reads 9p.m. when I glance down at it for the hundredth time. I'm later than late. I'd only anticipated missing Melanie’s 7p.m. deadline by thirty minutes. I knew it'd be past 7p.m. by the time I got polished and grabbed a bite to eat, but somehow I'd dawdled and now I'm two hours late. Honestly, I'd still only have been just over an hour late if I'd been able to get out of my car when I first arrived to the bar. Prying my hands from the steering wheel I force the door open and take a deep breath, making the necessary two steps to get up and out of the little coup. Slamming the door closed definitively, I give myself no choice but to cross the street to The Spotted Dog.
I hesitate again on the sidewalk. How do I walk through that door and step back into real life? My empty house was easy, but my friends and family are in the bar right now. In light of everything that’s happened, how do I make the transition from knowing to blissful ignorance? My face is too transparent, the events of the previous days have been etched deeply into my skin for all to read. I can see them all through the window, bathed in the soft glow cast by the recessed lighting, the shadows of my past. Stepping back into the alley adjacent to the bar, my pulse races and the pounding of my heart resounds in my ears, deafening me to all else. I struggle to breath. I cling to the brick wall and its cold hard stability, desperate for control. I can’t do it, how do I lie to the people I love? Don’t get me wrong, I’m a good liar, just not with those closest to me—but then I’ve never had to be.
Pushing away from the wall, straightening to my full height, I close my eyes. I will do this, I tell myself, I have no choice.
Standing alone in the alley shivering, I affix the mask to my face, the mask I will wear for the rest of my life. The woman who opens her eyes is stoic, as if the concerns of mere minutes before are gone. I am counting on this woman to move us forward, to keep living, to open the door to the bar, that mystic portal back into our reality. But time passes and still this new creation makes no attempt to move. Looking to the heavens she speaks our prayerful petition to the sky. “Please, God, help me cross this threshold.”
“God has nothing, or perhaps he has everything, to do with it,” replies a broken voice from the shadows behind. Whipping around in surprise I can just make out a poorly dressed man slumped against the brick wall further down the alley. Fear grips me as he lurches to his feet and I recognize the risky situation I’ve put myself in. Quickly checking my surroundings I choose the safest exit available to me. Sprinting the short span to The Spotted Dog, I rush through the entrance.
What the hell was that? I wonder, coming to a halt just inside the front door. Turning to look out the nearest window I don’t see anything.
“Gwennie!!!” Melanie’s shriek distracts me and I forget about the startling experience, immediately caught up in a whole new danger. I’m trapped, stuck between a gaze of loving and desirous mystic blue and one of passionate and possessive liquid amber. If I couldn’t reconcile the two chapters of my life old and new, I sure as hell wasn’t going to be able to sort out the two men pulling me apart.
Plastering a smile on my face, I take the easy way out, choosing the short blonde spitfire screaming my name from our usual stools at the bar. Embracing the girlie moment for all it’s worth I crush Melanie to my chest in a bear hug, like we haven’t seen each other in years. When I finally let her up for air she just laughs, a little tipsy and completely oblivious to my uncharacteristic display of affection. Kade sees it, not missing much, and I catch his slight frown out of the corner of my eye as I down the shot Melanie’s handed me. Fuck him, I think to myself ordering another, this whole thing is his fault.
The music is great and I quickly find myself as carefree as the melody. I give up dancing, though, when the room begins to spin, resigning myself to sit at the bar and drink with Melanie. Looking around I notice the short blonde seems to have left me, so I finish her shot since no one’s been by to refill my glass in a while. Twisting around on my stool, I do a double take when I find Melanie on the seat to my right.
“When did you get there?” I slur, confused.
“Thank God you’re pretty,” she teases rolling her eyes.
“Ben!” Melanie yells a second later, hurting my ears. Tired I cross my arms and rest my head on the bar.
“I’ve never seen her like this,” Ben’s voice cuts in over the music. Melanie’s fairylike laughter follows.
“It doesn’t happen very often, but after finding out what happened to her lab this doesn’t surprise me.”
“Yeah I guess,” Ben responds, concerned.
The first of many lies had started tonight with me pretending to hear about my lab for the first time from Melanie. It’s good to know the ordeal had provided me with an acceptable excuse to drink, though.
“She can’t drive home,” Ben says.
“No,” Melanie agrees.
“Can you drive her? I can’t leave, I’m still on duty.”
“I’ll take her,” a deep voice volunteers, suddenly joining the conversation I’d been eavesdropping on. If some tense, awkward, alpha male confrontation takes place I’ve no idea; I’m too inebriated to lift my own head and contribute to the conversation about my well-being.
Lying there I try to remember what Ben and Kade think of one another. Is there animosity between them? Are they cordial for my sake alone? I can’t seem to recall. They rarely if ever inhabit the same space, I realize through my fog. Sometime during my speculations the trio must have come to a decision, because strong, familiar arms suddenly scoop me up and carry me outside, Ben’s humorous voice telling me to hold on. I’m lowered into a vehicle heavy with Kade’s rich scent and I know who’s won the right to take me home.
The sound of a car door opening and closing pulls me back into a semiconscious state. I’m sitting in the passenger seat of the Mini and Kade has brought me home, I remember. My door opens and a groan escapes my lips as my body is effortlessly lifted and cradled against Kade’s chest. My feelings are as queasy as my stomach and, as I’m whisked across the front lawn, I try to keep my mouth closed and a hold on to both.
Kade doesn’t just plop me down on the couch when we enter the house. He walks me all the way to my room, laying me tenderly on the bed before removing both my shoes and covering me with a light blanket. Keeping my breathing even I pretend to be asleep while my silent guardian sits motionless at the end of the bed, watching over me.
“I love you,” I sob suddenly, afraid he’s gone when I no longer feel his weight on the edge of the bed.
“I know,” he breathes tucking a bedraggled strand of hair behind my ear on his way out.
Chapter 36
Kade
The front door pulls closed with a soft click behind me as I step out onto the front porch. Alone in the moonlight I gaze up and take a deep breath. Running my fi
ngers through my hair I exhale slowly, hoping to clear my head.
Tonight had not gone the way I’d imagined. To tell the truth, I’m not sure what I had anticipated, but the events that unfolded tonight had been furthest from my expectations. My heart had whispered lies, telling me Gwen would run into my arms, and like an idiot my head had believed it. Shaking off the memory I trudge down Gwen’s front-steps. As I reach the lawn, a familiar feeling alerts me to the presence of another.
“Why don’t you come out Hal, I saw you at the bar. I know you’re following me.”
Shifting my weight I redirect my attention to the bushes that conceal my brother. A soft rustling precedes Halim’s emergence into the light.
“I wasn’t so much following you as I was keeping an eye on her.”
“You don’t think she’s safe with me?” I accuse, surprised by how clipped and aggressive I sound.
“You know that’s not true. You also know this is a dangerous time for her. We still don’t understand what happened at Preston-Ward and any Sylph we failed to contain may try to track her down, seeking vengeance. It never hurts to have back-up, Kade.”
Marching across the yard I stand toe to toe with Hal.
“Say what it is you need to say to me.”
“You’re being completely unfair to her,” Hal answers. Shocked, my eyes widen for a split second before narrowing to stare more intensely at my brother. “I watched you tonight at the bar, staring at Gwen like you own her.”
Sucking in a breath I challenge, “Have the events of the past week totally slipped your mind?” Aggravated I want to shake my brother, to make him see, but I refrain. “She finally sees past the glamour; she sees me, she loves me.”
“I’m well aware she holds feelings for you, but you need to realize that this week was a lot for her to take in.”
“Gwen can handle it, she’s strong,” I interrupt.
“Damn it, Kade, her old life doesn’t just disappear because all of a sudden the supernatural exists. Look at what happened tonight.”
My mood darkens and I reflect on the memory of this evening. Gwen had walked into the bar tonight and without a word to anyone proceeded to get shit-faced drunk.
Hal continues. “The people she cares about still exist for her, Kade. They’re not something she can just divorce herself from.”
Clenching my fists in an attempt to control the anger threatening to crack through my tightly controlled exterior, I bare me teeth and hiss, “You’re out of line.”
Done with the conversation, I storm off in the direction of the street, only to be stopped dead in my tracks by my brother’s next statement.
“What’s your name mean, Kaden?” Not bothering to turn around I stretch to my full height and pause for several heartbeats not wanting to answer.
“Companion.”
“That’s right, the angels called you Companion, but did you ever stop to think maybe they didn’t call you that because you are a companion? Maybe they charged you with it because that’s what you needed to become. What Gwen needs you to become.”
Chapter 37
Gwen
Rolling over in bed I pull the pillow tight against my head in a vain attempt to escape the morning rays that have begun to creep through the windows. I groan; everything hurts. My head is pounding, my throat is dry, and my body plays host to a myriad of other aches and pains.
Man, alcohol is really starting to lose its appeal the older I get. Unfortunately it hasn't erased the pain or magically solved anything like it promised last night. Dragging my ass out of bed I down three glasses of water in the kitchen before pulling a Coke from the fridge. The need for caffeine greatly outweighs the potential risk of further dehydration. I'm sure my logic is flawed but as long as I drink as much water as I do Coke I'm pretty sure I'll be alright.
When I'm ready, or at least as ready as I'll ever be, I drag a kitchen chair out onto the porch to wait. I know he'll be here soon to check on me. Ben doesn't get off work until tomorrow and I was wasted last night. Kade will come.
My wait is uncomfortable, a combination of the stiff chair and my anxiety. I lace my fingers together after a few minutes when my hands begin to shake. The roar of his bike's engine breaks my reverie, the sound reaching my ears long before I see Kade. Several times in the span of a minute I almost lose my nerve and head back inside to pull the comforter over my head and pretend nothing ever happened.
Once I see him, it's all over, the need to be here in this moment, in any moment, with him is too great. I'd sooner chop my arm off than walk away from him. Having finally acknowledged the depth of my feelings I allow myself to appreciate how breathtaking he is. Tall, dark, and handsome just fails to describe the true magnificence of my Wanderer.
Parking his motorcycle he swings a leg over the back, dismounting fluidly. My whole body screams for him to look at me, and my breath catches in my throat when his smoldering eyes finally meet mine. They look tired, as if he hasn't slept at all. He approaches hesitantly, like he isn't sure exactly how to proceed, which is absurd. Kade always knows his course. Rising to meet him at the bottom of the stairs, I fold my arms over my chest to keep from wringing my hands. Man, I have no idea how to have this conversation. I'm being ridiculous, I tell myself, but I stall anyway, filling the silence with trivial conversation.
"I ran into this weird guy in the alley last night, he was going on about God and life and stuff, I wish I could remember exactly what he said, it was pretty creepy." I say it in a rush, as one long sentence, but still an involuntarily shudder runs down my spine at the memory. A pained expression I can't quite place flits across Kade's face but he recovers quickly.
"What the hell were you doing alone in an alley?" he asks angrily.
Eyes flashing I stare him down. If anyone has a right to be upset right now it’s me.
"Maybe I was having a little trouble walking into the bar last night. You didn't exactly make it easy," I tack on, furious at how this has all played out, desperate for a man who should have claimed me years ago.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"You know exactly what I mean. Why the hell didn't you pursue me?" I ask shaking my fists, hurt.
"You think this is my fault?" he asks flabbergasted.
"You've had years, years, Kade."
"Yeah and maybe, just maybe I wanted you to see me for yourself." He runs a hand through his hair, visibly distraught. The effort to control his speech is plain on his face.
"What are you talking about? I see you."
"Damn it, woman, when you can make anyone do or believe anything you want, it’s not the same. I wanted you to see me, through everything else," he says voice softening. Reaching forward he pulls my hands into his. "You of all people should have been able to."
"No!" I shout, pushing his hands away and turning around. His emotional sentiment and the physical contact is too much for me. I still want to fight, to blame something, anything. "No! You should have done something then, not this, not now, when I can't hope to be with you."
As he closes the gap between us I feel his breath on the back of my hair and the warmth of his body pressed against mine.
"Gwen, don't. You belong with me."
Stepping away again I turn around to face him. The space doesn't help, the man is like gravity invisibly pulling me closer. "Maybe I did, or I would have, but not now, not anymore."
"But you love me," his voice catches heavy with emotion.
Placing my hands flat against his chest, my shoulders slump and my head hangs. "But I've made promises to another." It's Kade's turn to get angry.
"Ben," he says, shaking me off. The word slips out more like an expletive, loaded with a lifetime’s worth of jealousy. I realize suddenly I’ve only heard Kade utter Ben's name a couple of times over the years. Now I understand why.
"You don't belong here," Kade says, casting his arms wide to emphasize my home, my life. "After everything that's happened, can't you see that? I need you with me. I l
ove you."
A bit of my temper resurfaces as I ask, "Could you, I mean could you really love and respect someone capable of tossing their commitments aside so easily?"
Caught by my words, he covers his mouth with a hand and stares at the porch, thinking.
"I thought not," I whisper.
Everything from start to finish today has come out wrong, and truth be told, so have the last ten years. I chose Ben, and I love him, but he will never be the man standing in front of me. And the worst part of all, knowing I love Kade, doesn’t change a damn thing. He may be the sun around which my world now orbits but I made my vows to Ben.
“Look at me please,” I beg him. When he eventually lifts his head, my breath catches in my throat. His eyes are dull, the warm honey having dried out, faded. My eyes well up until I can't see at which point the inevitable happens and my sorrow trickles slowly down my face. In a heartbeat he's wrapped around me folding me against his chest.
"Don't, someone will see," I say trying to pry away.
"No one can see us," he promises a second before capturing my lips.
My hands wrap around his neck automatically and I hold on, desperately fighting against the eventual separation. A warm current like lightening races through my veins, vanishing as our lips part. The sensation is somehow familiar but I can’t put my finger on it.
"I'm not letting you go. I'll be back for you, he can’t live forever," Kade breathes as he releases me and strides away. Unable to support myself without him I drop to my knees and watch him go. Seeing Kade ride away on his motorcycle no longer sends me into a fit of giggles I note. He was made for the saddle and the sands, and sadly this is the closest he’ll get in our modern society.
Closing my eyes I imagine the sound of thundering hooves and remember the sight of my Wanderer racing cross the dunes. He isn't gone, I console myself. I've no idea how long I continue to sit there but my knees hurt and the sun is past its zenith by the time I've collected myself enough to stand. Gathering my things I again face the front door, my defining symbol of old and new, of ignorant bliss and supernatural awareness, of Ben and Kade. With a half smile I turn the handle and step back inside, leaving the door open behind me.
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