Doubletalk (The Busy Bean)

by Teralyn Mitchell

  “I understand, Trista. I think that's what I'm dealing with right now,” I told her. “Z and I knew each other as kids, and in a way that's how I still see him. He's the guy I grew up with and went to school with. Even though I've seen him play on TV and had to deal with the fans coming up to interrupt our outings, I still think of him that way. Tonight, and this whole trip…”

  “What about tonight and the trip is making you feel the way you do?” she asked.

  I stared up at the dark, starless sky as I tried to put my thoughts together. She was patient and didn't rush me. I guess having someone to talk this out with helped. She knew what I was feeling and could understand where I was coming from.

  “We're here because Zeke's agent secured meetings with teams from Jacksonville, Los Angeles, Kansas City, Vancouver, and the team here. I went to that meeting with Los Angeles, and their interest in Zeke was clear. Z told me about the other meetings, and they went well too. He's leaving. And I know that. I went into this knowing he wasn't staying in Vermont longer than the summer. But I guess it makes it real to see the teams interested in him. Being here tonight and meeting all of you just drives home who he is and what he does. My life is a quiet one where I write, edit, and work with authors while hanging out with my bestie and family. I stayed in Vermont because I was never interested in living in a big city like here or L.A. Now that I'm with Zeke, what will my life be like?”

  Trista took her time coming up with a reply to my lengthy answer to her question. “Those are valid fears and concerns. I can understand why it's scary and you're uncertain about what it all means for you and Zeke. But you don't have to move with him right away. You could do long-distance for a brief time until you feel ready to go with him. Or long-distance for however long you want. It's up to you. Just because there's an end date to his time in Vermont, it doesn't mean there's an end date to your relationship.”

  She had a point. I was thinking of it as all or nothing right now.

  “As for feeling as if you don't belong in his world, you don't,” she said, and I raised my eyebrows in question. “Not yet anyway, Mallory. It'll take time to get used to all of this, and I'm sure Zeke doesn't expect you to do that in one night or even in a certain amount of time. I doubt he cares if you ever belong. If you wanted to stay home every night and not attend any parties, I bet he’d stay home with you and cancel on us. I watched the way he’s looking at you tonight, and you're his world.”

  I smiled a little. “I don't know if long-distance is for me.”

  “Have you ever done it?” she asked.

  “No.”

  “Then how do you know it's not for you?” she asked. “Relationships are about give and take, Mallory, and the two of you will have to figure out what works for you. But you must communicate. Don't let these things simmer and not talk to him about them.”

  “You're right. I guess I just... I think I may have a bit of PTSD when it comes to parties. And I got lost in my head, and when the panic took hold, I couldn't think straight.”

  She nodded. “That's something you can talk to him about too. It's not going to be easy, and I don't know if it'll work out for the two of you, but you never know if you don't try. If you like him, then it's worth a shot, right?”

  The door opened and Zeke stuck his head out. Trista smiled as he joined us. She hugged me and told me I could call her anytime. We exchanged numbers, and then she went back inside. Zeke wrapped me in his arms.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I am, Z,” I said. “I just had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my mind.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I feel out of place here and in this part of your life,” I told him. “I'm not a model or actor, and I guess I wonder why you're even wasting your time with me. I'll be so uncomfortable at parties like these.”

  He stared down into my eyes, his light brown ones unreadable. “Let's get out of here. I think we have some things to talk about.”

  “Are you sure? I don't want to cut into your time with your friends.”

  “I'm seeing them tomorrow. They'll understand.”

  He twined our fingers and we walked back inside together. We said our goodbyes to his friends and headed back to the hotel.

  I climbed into the bed with Zeke, resting my head on his chest and wrapping a leg around his. He was leaning against the headboard as he wrapped his arms around me. I felt his lips on my forehead.

  “Feel better?” he asked.

  I smiled and nodded against his chest. When we arrived back in our room, Zeke had insisted on running me a bath. He set the bathroom up with music, candles, wine, and my Kindle. I was amazed that he had so much stuff. He'd even gotten a bath bomb from somewhere. He was so damn amazing to me. I liked him so much, and I didn't know if I was willing to give him up.

  “So, what are we going to do?” Zeke asked as his fingers trailed up and down the outside of my arm. “We’ve been saying we'll deal with my eventual departure when we got there, but maybe we need to discuss that right now. It's clearly affecting you, and I guess it's feeling more real now with teams actually interested and my meetings with them.”

  “It is, Zeke,” I told him. “I don't want to end things with you.”

  “But you don't want to do long-distance? And you think moving away with me is too soon?”

  “That's the thing. Trista had a valid point about me not having to do anything for a long time. I wasn't sure about long-distance, and I'm still not, but it's an option. I mean, if we feel it’s too early to move in together when you leave Vermont, it’s something we can consider.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I've never been in a relationship, so I'm still learning. We can figure this out as we go, and we need to keep our options open. Let's not close any door on any one possibility. When I saw you at the Bean that day, I never would have imagined we'd be dating and now discussing relationship things like a real couple.”

  Zeke chuckled. “I hate to break it to you, Ace, but we are a real couple. I never imagined it, either. I'm unbelievably happy that you gave me another chance, Rory. I don't want this to end either, and I'm willing to do whatever you want me to do to make it work.”

  I tilted my head back to look up at him. His light brown eyes were filled with so many feelings that I wasn't ready to put a name to yet.

  “I am too, Z.”

  His lips touched mine, and all my worries seemed small. If we were together, we could figure out anything. I had to be okay with things being up in the air for a little while until he settled, and we knew where he'd end up.

  I broke our kiss briefly to straddle his lap. Zeke's hands gripped my waist while I pressed my lips to his again. I was going to enjoy the last few hours I had with Zeke before I left to go back home tomorrow. We'd figure this all out, because not having Zeke in my life wasn't an option anymore.

  I threaded my arm through Stacey’s as we left the restaurant after having dinner with her parents. I’d arrived back in Vermont a few hours ago and hadn’t even been home yet. Stacey picked me up from the airport, and we came to the restaurant straight from there. It was a good thing I’d worn something other than sweats and a t-shirt like I usually did when I traveled.

  “Thank you again for not bringing up my breakup with Malik,” Stacey said.

  “I will choose not to be offended by that,” I said.

  “How could you be offended when I’m thanking you?”

  “Because you’re saying that I would have ratted you out to your mom and dad. It’s an insult to thank me.”

  “Nothing is good enough for you,” she said with a sigh.

  “Just admit you were wrong, and we can move on.”

  She looked up at the sky as if she were asking the universe to give her patience. Knowing her, she probably was.

  “I was wrong. I should have never said such an offensive thing to my one and only devoted friend.”

  “Thank you, Stace. You make my black heart be
at a little harder.”

  She chuckled, and that made me happy. She’d been so down since her breakup, and I wanted her to feel better. I wasn’t rushing her in any way and would be there for her if she needed me.

  “I thought Zeke did that,” she joked.

  “To an extent, but you really get it pumping,” I told her.

  She laughed harder as she unlocked her car with the key fob. Once we climbed in, Stacey dropped the keys in the console before pressing the ignition button to start the car. It was finally starting to warm up a little, but nights were still cold and we needed the heater.

  “We’re hitting up Oh, For Heaven's Cakes when we get back to Colebury. Gigi promised to put some goodies aside for us,” I stated.

  “Thanks, Ror.”

  “And some ice cream, and we’ll end this night in our PJs and watching true crime documentaries. As fate would have it, tonight’s episode is about women who kill their spouses and boyfriends. I feel like you could use that.”

  “For sure,” Stacey said. She told me to decide on a playlist as she put the car in reverse to back out of the parking spot.

  We changed into our pajamas once we made it back home with our treats and met in the living room. I told Stacey to sit while I got everything ready for us. She had the TV paused when I joined her on the couch. We had a fleece blanket draped over both of our legs before grabbing our plates. Stacey pressed play.

  It was only a matter of time before we were talking to each other about why the woman had murdered her husband. Neither of us thought it was a good reason to do so and wondered at her motive. The glimmer of light back in Stacey’s dark eyes and the fact that she was into the show made me happy. She was slowly getting back to herself. It would take some time, but I knew she’d bounce back from this.

  28

  Zeke

  The ball clanked off the front of the rim, falling to the floor. I let out a loud sigh.

  “What’s going on with you today?” Cedric asked as he grabbed the ball.

  “I have a lot on my mind,” I mumbled.

  “Do you want to call it for today? We can start fresh next week. Some of your friends are showing up in a couple of weeks, right?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. They decided to train with me and help me get back in shape. Since the season will be over then, and they aren’t going to the playoffs, they needed something to do.”

  He made the decision that we should end our training session a little early today. It was Friday, and I had too much shit on my mind to focus. I left Cedric on the court and headed back to the locker room.

  My mind was already off basketball and onto Mallory. I hadn't seen her in person since she came back to Vermont last Saturday. I ended up staying in New York longer than I'd planned, since Seth was able to secure more meetings for me. From the airport, I'd gone straight to my doctor's appointment, and then rehab, before meeting Cedric at the gym for our training session.

  Mallory had been on my mind the whole time I was gone. The way she'd had a panic attack at the party had been so reminiscent of the one she had when we were teens. I'd felt as helpless as I had when we were in high school. I’d worried she would decide that my life was too much for her and she couldn't handle it. But it'd been the opposite. She seemed to commit more to our relationship and was willing to stay open to whatever possibility worked for us.

  And I was so damn happy that she was willing to move with me or do long-distance until we were comfortable with moving in together. I rode that high until I was coming back from the airport after dropping off Mallory. It all came crashing down when I saw a message from Mallory on the dating app to Coby. It was old and one I hadn't had the chance to respond to since we'd been together. How could I have anything with Mallory with this lie hanging over our heads? I had to figure out how to come clean to Mallory. But I hoped I could get her to see that it wasn't malicious and give me a chance to make it up to her. I slapped the wall of the locker and swore.

  I could see Mallory's struggle when it came to me and Coby. Lately, she’d been more secretive about him. She didn’t talk about our online relationship as much as she had a few weeks ago. I’d noticed a shift in her when it came to her relationship with Coby. Not in our exchanges online but when we were together in person. I saw how she lit up whenever she got a message from me on the app. She’d get this guilty look on her face if I asked her who she was talking to. Something was changing for her when it came to her feelings about Coby. I wanted to fess up, but I worried she may not be able to forgive me for this, and that was why I hadn't said anything. The fear of losing Mallory made me feel queasy. I groaned.

  “You're not masturbating, are you?”

  I let out another groan before turning to face my old trainer and ex-friend. Daniel looked a little rough. His dirty blond hair was longer and shaggier than normal, and dark smudges under his eyes told a tale of sleepless nights. His hands were shoved into the pockets of his jeans.

  “What do you want?”

  “Still salty about what happened?”

  “I'm not in the mood to deal with your bullshit, Daniel. If you're here just to antagonize me, you can go.”

  He let out a harsh breath. “I wanted to come to talk to you. We've been friends for years, Z, and it seems wrong to throw that away because of some chick.”

  My fists curled automatically, and I took a step towards him. He held up his hands.

  “Shit, man. Sorry.”

  “Don't disrespect Mallory.”

  “She must have some magic pussy,” he muttered.

  I was across the room and had him slammed against the wall before I fully realized what I was doing. Why I’d stayed friends with him as long as I had made no damn sense.

  “What’s your fucking problem? You've been an asshole ever since we ran into Mallory back in January.”

  “Hey,” Cedric said, coming into the locker room. He pulled at my arms, but I had a good five inches on him and way more in weight. He couldn't pry me away even if he used all his strength. “Don't throw away your shot for a dick like this. Everyone knows what a tool he is, but this may make teams back off. They may see you as a troublemaker.”

  I stared at Daniel for another moment before letting him go and putting some distance between us.

  “Can we have a minute?” Daniel said to Cedric.

  “Like hell I'm leaving,” Cedric said, squaring his shoulders and widening his stance like he expected Daniel to try to force him.

  “It's fine, Ced. I promise to keep my cool.”

  He stared Daniel down before heading to the office where he'd left his things. I turned back to Daniel. I had nothing more to say to him.

  “I don’t get how you can choose her over me like you did in high school.”

  I just looked at him. I chose him and our other friends more times than I can count over Mallory when we were growing up. I wasn’t going to do that again.

  “What’s going on with you?”

  “You were a dick to Mallory and what you did at the party was fucked up, Daniel. I don’t get why that’s not enough for you. And to top it all off, you lied to me about high school.”

  His face fell as he took in my words. I wondered if that’s what this was all about. Why he’s been so adamant that I stay away from Mallory. He was afraid she’d blow his secret and I’d cut him out of my life again. It didn’t make any of this right.

  “You didn’t even talk to her then and I… I missed my friend, Z. I didn’t have many of them. I knew if she was back in your life, you'd choose her over me, and once she told you everything, well....”

  “So lying was the right thing to do? That’s why you’ve been a grade-A prick all this time when it comes to Mallory.”

  “There was no way she’d ever forgive me, and I knew the two of you didn’t talk.”

  “Okay.”

  “That's it?”

  “Yeah. I shouldn't have forgiven you back then, and I'm not doing it now. Mallory and I are together, and I'm not going
to be friends with someone who is so damn disrespectful and abusive towards her.”

  “I never put a hand on her,” he argued.

  “There are other forms, and from the little she did tell me about the rest of sophomore year, I know you were a real dick to her. She won't tell me what you did, and you should be happy for that. I’m done and if I never have to see your face again, it won’t be long enough.”

  His whole demeanor and face changed with those words. “You’re a fucking asshole. All that shit happened years ago. I don’t get why you keep harping on the past. I apologized.”

  I didn’t respond. There was nothing else for me to say. He waited a beat to see if I’d speak and when I didn’t, I could see that his temper was about to blow, and he was probably going to say something that sealed the end of this friendship.

  “She wasn’t worth this shit before, and she definitely isn’t worth it now. You’re going to regret choosing her over me when she pushes you out of her life again. Do you really think she’s going to leave Vermont for you?”

  He glared at me for a moment longer before storming out. His words hit a little close to home. If I didn’t figure out how to get Mallory to understand why I’d kept up with the Coby façade, I was going to lose her again. I decided to skip the shower and just grabbed my stuff and headed to the parking lot after saying bye to Cedric.

  My cousin was standing at the sink with a bowl of cereal when I walked into the house.

  “You’re home early,” he commented.

  It was Friday and the middle of the afternoon. He was the one that should be at work, but since he broke up with Stacey, he’d been working from home more.

  My sessions had been running later even before I left for New York. I was cleared for contact practice by my doctor today, and starting next week, I didn’t have to go to physical therapy every day. I would go once a week. Things were looking up with basketball since I had no lingering pain and teams were interested. I had to figure out how to come clean to Mallory and hope that I didn’t lose her.