Across the Distance

by Marie Meyer

I held my breath while my eyes welled up with tears. Not today, Jillian. You will not cry. I refused to give her the satisfaction. I stood up taller, giving myself a good two inches on her, and swallowed the lump forming in my throat. She was not going to ruin this day. The day I’d worked so hard to achieve.

  “Ready to go?” Griffin said, coming around the corner. “The boys are waiting by the door to say good-bye.”

  Jennifer stepped away from me and gave Griffin a disgusted once-over. “And yet another reason why I’m glad Jillian decided to go away to school,” she said. “At least I get a respite from the white trash walking through my front door.” Piercing me with an icy stare, she continued, “With the endless parade of women he flaunts in front of you, the tattoos, the music,” she scowled, “I’ve never understood the hold he has on you, Jillian.” She stifled a laugh. “Pathetic, if you ask me.”

  Griffin took a step in her direction. “Excuse me?” he growled, his expression darkening. I knew he wouldn’t hurt her, but he was damn good at intimidating her. He wasn’t the little boy who lived next door anymore. He’d grown up. With his deep voice and considerable size, he towered over her, the muscles in his arms flexing.

  She shuffled backward. “Just go.” With a dismissive flick of her wrist, she sat back down at the table.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought, all bark and no bite.” Griffin pulled on my arm. “Come on, Bean. You don’t have to put up with her shit anymore.”

  I glanced back at Jennifer; she’d already gone back to her broccoli-laced brownie recipe. Griffin was right; I wouldn’t have to put up with her shit while I was away. But he was wrong about her bite. When he wasn’t around to back her down, she relished the chance to sink her teeth into me. It hurt like hell when she latched on and wouldn’t let go.

  We walked down the hallway. Michael and Mitchell were waiting by the door. “I need big hugs, boys,” I said, bending down and opening my arms wide. “This hug has to last me until December, so make it a good one.” Both of them stepped into my embrace and I held onto them tightly. “You two be good for your mommy and daddy,” I said.

  “We will,” they replied.

  I let go and they smiled. “I love you both.”

  “Love you, Aunt Jillian,” they said.

  “Now, go find your mom. She’s in the kitchen.” Knowing the boys’ penchant for sneaking out of the house, I wanted to be sure their mother had them corralled before Griffin and I left.

  I stood back up and looked into Griffin’s dark eyes. “I’m ready.” I tossed him the keys.

  “I’m the chauffeur, huh?” Griffin smirked, pulling his eyebrow up. He opened the door for me and I stepped out onto the porch.

  “You get the first nine hours; I’ll take the back side.” This time he gave me a full smile. What would I do without him? On the porch, I froze. It finally hit me. What would I do without him? Sure, I wanted out of Jennifer’s house, but at what expense? Couldn’t I just go to the junior college like Griff and get my own apartment? Why had I made the decision to go to school eleven hundred miles away? How could I leave him—my best friend?

  The lump in my throat had come back but I forced the words out anyway. “Griff…” I sounded like a damn croaking frog.

  Griffin wrapped his arms around me. “Yeah?”

  “Why am I doing this?”

  “What do you mean? This is all you’ve talked about since you got the scholarship.”

  “I know.” I sniffled. “But, I don’t know if I can do this. We’ll be so far apart.”

  “Uh-uh. Stop that right now. I am not about to let you throw away the opportunity of a lifetime just because we won’t see each other as often. You’re too talented for Glen Carbon, Illinois and you know it. Now go, get your ass in the car.” With his hand, he popped me on the backside, just to get his point across.

  I jumped, not expecting his hand on my ass. My heart skipped and my cheeks flushed. “Hey!” I swatted his hand away.

  “Get in the car, Jillian.”

  Damn, I already miss him.

  Chapter Two

  Jillian. Jillian, wake up.”

  Griffin shook my shoulder while I blinked away a dream. “I’m sorry,” I replied groggily. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you. What time is it?”

  “It’s just after eleven.”

  I pulled my legs from the dashboard and sat up, my back popping and snapping in protest. “Ugh, I hope there’s a good yoga class on campus.” I stretched my back and legs the best I could and took in my surroundings. “Where are we?” Griffin pulled off the turnpike and headed into the business district of some small town.

  “We’re in Pennsylvania. Do you want to keep driving or call it a night?”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. I should have taken over the wheel a hundred miles ago.”

  “It’s all right. You looked too peaceful to wake up.”

  “I’m such a slacker.” Yawning, I rubbed my eyes, hoping to lubricate my dried-out contacts. “I don’t think I can make it any farther tonight. Let’s get a room.”

  “That’s what I hoped you’d say. My ass hurts and I really need to piss.”

  Griffin found a cheap hotel right off the turnpike. At the check-in desk, Griffin showed his ID and paid for the room.

  As soon as the desk attendant handed over our key cards, Griffin picked up his duffle bag and slung my backpack over his shoulder. We headed down the dimly lit corridor toward our room and a small chuckle escaped from my lips.

  “What’s so funny?” Griffin asked.

  “The wallpaper. It’s the same stuff Jennifer has on the walls in the guest room…my room.”

  “Leave it to Jennifer to troll cheap hotels for interior design inspiration,” Griffin replied with a smirk.

  We turned down another hallway and were immediately assaulted by the overpowering scent of chlorine. “I wonder if this hotel has a pool?” I inquired sarcastically.

  Griffin shook his head and smiled. “You’re such a smart-ass.”

  “I know. I learned from the best.”

  “Damn straight.”

  Griffin stopped in front of our door and slid the key card into the lock. The little red light flashed each time he pushed the card into the door. “Did I ever tell you how much I hate these things?” he said, turning around.

  “Scoot over, let me try.” I checked him with my hip and he playfully stumbled to the side. I shook my head and snatched the card from his hand. These kinds of locks required a certain rhythm—in, out…green light…and we were in. I turned to him and stuck my tongue out. “It’s okay. You can’t help it.” I patted his shoulder. “It’s not your fault you lack rhythm.”

  An indignant smile spread across his face. “Yep. Definitely a smart-ass.” He nudged me aside with his shoulder and stepped into the room.

  I followed and flipped on the light. There was one queen-sized bed in the center of the room and a large plasma screen TV sitting on the dresser. Griffin tossed the bags on the bed and headed straight for the bathroom. I flopped down next to our bags and contemplated never moving from that spot. It baffled my mind: I had done nothing but sit on my ass for almost ten hours, minus the occasional bathroom breaks and food stops, and yet I was completely exhausted. I heard Griffin turn on the shower. I closed my eyes and waited for my turn.

  My body relaxed into the fluffy down comforter and my mind drifted to the dream Griffin had awakened me from. My mom’s sweet voice still echoed through my head. She and my dad had been gone almost twelve years. Years of therapy had gotten me to the point where I could think about them and not cry…or run a blade across my skin. But no amount of therapy would ever diminish the guilt I harbored for them not coming home. It was my fault; I knew it and so did Jennifer.

  A few minutes later the shower shut off. Griffin stepped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His wet, coal-black hair stuck to his face and neck as he padded over to the bed where his duffle bag lay. Oh, sweet Jesus. The temperature of the room spiked
and my pulse raced. Why did he have this effect on me? He’s just your friend, Jillian. Get it together. But as I watched him cross the room, his olive, tattooed skin still damp and glistening, that was no easy feat.

  I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. With his body on full display, I couldn’t keep my eyes from roaming even if I’d wanted to. I didn’t know where to look first; every part of him demanded attention. His broad shoulders… his sculpted arms…the hard plains of his chest…and his chiseled abs, that gave way to the beautiful v-shaped outline right where the towel hugged his waist. My eyes lingered at his waist. Curses…that wretched towel. Every part of him was perfect.

  Avoiding my gaze, he rummaged through his bag, ignoring me completely.

  I had to pull myself together. Yes, he was gorgeous, but he was also MY BEST FRIEND. He’d made it quite clear that was all he wanted. Besides, if I put myself out there again, not only would I feel the sting of rejection bone-deep, I’d risk losing him altogether. I needed him in my life way too much. I refused to jeopardize our lifelong friendship because I couldn’t keep my hormones in check. I needed to lighten up the awkward tension in the room.

  “Whoa, where did those come from?” I pointed to his arms, much more defined than they had been a few months ago. I’m sure his new workout regime had something to do with the fact that his garage band, Mine Shaft, had recently moved out of the garage and onto the frat circuit.

  “What?” he answered, still avoiding my eyes.

  By the deepening blush of his cheeks, I could tell I’d embarrassed him. “You’re looking good, Daniels. Real hottie material now.”

  “Shut up,” he said, rolling his eyes.

  “I’m serious, Griff. Your tat looks amazing now that your arms are bigger.”

  “Enough, Jillian. I don’t want to talk about my arms. The shower’s all yours.” He thwacked me with the shirt he held in his hands. “Move over.” I slid off the bed, giving him more room. Plopping down in the space I’d just vacated, he reached in his bag and pulled out a pair of boxers.

  “Touchy, touchy. Remind me not to give you any more compliments.” I stood up and leaned over him, grabbing my backpack off the bed. That’s when I noticed the ink on his back. “You didn’t tell me you got a new one,” I said, trying to get a better look at the beautiful griffin spread across his back. “Turn around. I want to see it.” My fingers traced over the muscular curves of his back, following the lines of the wings that spanned from one shoulder blade to the other. “Griff, this is amazing. When did you get it?”

  “Um, it was finished up about a month ago.”

  “And you didn’t tell me?” I swung my backpack at him. He threw his hands up, prepared for more attacks.

  “Sorry, the band’s been busy.”

  “Well, you certainly look the part now: Mr. Hardcore Rocker all tatted up and sexy.” I added a little hip-shimmy for effect.

  “I do have an image to uphold.” He grinned and pulled the t-shirt over his head, hiding the griffin underneath.

  I nodded in agreement and slung my backpack over my shoulder. “I’ll be out in a bit.”

  The shower was a godsend. The heavy ache that my earlier dream had glued to my heart lost some of its stickiness and circled the drain with the orange hair chalk I rinsed from my hair.

  Toweling off, I slipped on my comfy flannel pajama bottoms and an old tie-dyed t-shirt I’d made in high school. I brushed the tangles from my hair and pulled it back into a ponytail before I went to lie down.

  Griffin was already in bed, his breathing deep and even. Quietly, I tiptoed from the bathroom. I set my bag down and pulled an extra blanket from the bed and grabbed a pillow. The chair in the corner looked comfortable enough for me to curl up in for a few hours. “What are you doing?” Griffin asked.

  “Uh…getting ready for bed?”

  “Get over here.” He sighed and patted the bed.

  “Griff, I don’t feel right about this. What about Erin?”

  The last thing I wanted to do was get him in trouble with Erin. Even though they hadn’t been together for more than a month, I didn’t want to ruin anything. From the few times I’d met her, she seemed like a nice girl.

  “Jillibean, I’m tired and I want to go to sleep. Erin’s fine. Now, get over here, I’m not letting you sleep in a fucking chair.”

  I tossed the blanket and pillow back onto the bed and climbed in beside him. “You’re already in trouble, aren’t you?” I asked, burrowing under the blankets.

  “Nothing I can’t handle.” He turned and faced the other wall, pulling the blankets up to his chin. “Good night, Bean.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Staring into the dark, I remembered the sleepovers Griffin and I had as children. We’d stay up all night watching movies and eating junk food until one of us felt like we would puke. But the second puberty knocked on the door, my grandparents had put the kibosh on our late night visits. Still, we saw each other every day—living next door to each other helped out a lot. Since I’d moved in with my grandparents at the age of six, Griffin had always been by my side—my protector, my cohort, and my best friend.

  I snuggled into the covers, my back pressed to his. Heat pooled beneath the blanket we shared. I wondered if he felt it too…probably not. Sharing a bed with him now was very different than when we were children. We weren’t kids anymore and my body reacted to him in a very different way.

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, an attempt to slow my racing heart. Burying my want, I let myself be content with feeling safe with him beside me. My eyelids drooped and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

  Chapter Three

  My eyelids fluttered open when I heard a key sliding in and out of the lock, followed by a few choice words. Sleepily I walked over to the door and peered through the peephole. Griffin cursed on the other side.

  “Fucking piece of…”

  “Shit?” I said, opening the door with a smirk.

  “Yes,” he nodded in agreement. He smiled, chucked the key card across the room, and handed me a Starbucks coffee cup.

  “You’re up early,” I said, pulling the stopper from the lid and sipping my skinny soy mocha. He walked past me into the room, pressing his lips to the side of his lidless coffee cup. “Why don’t you ever get a lid on your coffee?” I asked.

  “I like the smell as much as the taste.” He winked and took another sip.

  “You’re so weird.” Before I curled up into the small chair beside the desk I peeked into his cup and wrinkled my nose. “Black coffee? You should be a little more adventurous.”

  “I’ll save the adventure for my love life.”

  “Ew.” I rolled my eyes, shooing away adventurous images of him and his newest girlfriend. “But since you brought it up, have you heard from Erin?” They hadn’t been dating long. I bet this trip hadn’t gone over well…not that she had anything to worry about.

  “Yeah, she called before you got up. I didn’t want to wake you, so I took a walk down the street while I talked to her. And as luck would have it, I ran into these two beauties.” He pointed to our coffees and smiled.

  “So, how is Miss Erin?” I asked, curling into the small chair beside the desk.

  “Eh, good, I guess.” He shrugged.

  “You guess? That doesn’t sound good.”

  “I don’t know. Things are just so damn awkward with her right now.”

  I chewed on the end of the stopper from my cup. “You’re doing it again.” I pulled the stopper from my mouth and pointed it at him.

  “What?” he asked, staring at me with his dark eyes.

  “You’re looking for some reason to break up with her.”

  “I am not.”

  “Whatever you say. But when you talk about her, you sound more like the Grim Reaper than Cupid.” My heart still clenched at the thought of him with someone else. What did they offer him that I couldn’t? But, putting my jealousy aside, I wanted him to be happy. “Give her a chance,” I encouraged.


  “Yeah. We’ll see,” he said with a noncommittal shrug. “You ready?” he asked, draining the last of his coffee. His convenient change of topic wasn’t lost on me, but I didn’t press for more information; he’d talk when he was ready.

  “As I’ll ever be,” I grumbled, unfolding myself from the chair. Setting my coffee cup on the table, I raised my arms above my head and stretched. “I guess I should get changed, huh?” I dropped my arms, smacking them against my legs like they were made of lead.

  Griffin took a quick sip of coffee and cocked his head, swallowing. “Hmm, I don’t know?” He tilted his head the other direction and pointed at me. “I like those shorts,” he said with a wink.

  I glanced down at my comfy sheep-adorned sleep shorts…my very short sleep shorts. Why did he have to say stuff like that? I knew it was nothing more than him messing with me—friendly, playful banter—but shit, my heart had to go and morph it into something more. Damn him. And damn my traitorous, fluttering heart. I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t make fun of the sheep.”

  He took another gulp of coffee and held up his hands. “Hey, you asked. Just offering some sound fashion advice. You wear sheep well, Jillibean.”

  “Mm-hm. And you said I was the smart-ass.” I shook my head and padded across the room, kneeling beside my bag. Rooting around, I pulled out a pair of denim shorts and a tank top. “I’ll be right back.” I turned and made my way to the bathroom, trying to keep my heart in check. Friend, Jillian. He’s just a friend.

  * * *

  “Remind me again why you chose to go to school in Rhode Island?” Griffin asked wearily. Eight hours trapped in the car had taken its toll on the both of us.

  “Because it’s where budding fashionistas, like myself, must learn the trade,” I replied with affected enthusiasm. At this point in the journey, I too had begun to wonder why I’d decided to leave southern Illinois and go to school 1,100 miles away. But then images of planes crashing into New York City buildings popped into my head and I remembered why FIT hadn’t even been an option.

  “Gotcha.” Griffin tried to stretch out his long legs and failed miserably. My little Honda Civic didn’t provide very much leg room for a person who stood six foot four.