Across the Distance

by Marie Meyer

  “Jillian, that’s ridiculous. I’m not leaving my bike parked at your sister’s house.” He argued.

  “All right,” I challenged, turning my whole body around to face him. “We’ll go get your bike, but I’m following you home.” I pursed my lips and dared him to argue with me anymore.

  He peeked at me and shook his head, but kept his mouth shut.

  When he pulled into Jennifer’s driveway, I waited for the car to come to a complete stop before I jumped out and walked around to the driver’s side door.

  Griffin pushed the door open and stepped out, leaving the car running. “Bean—”

  “Don’t,” I interrupted. “I’m following you home, and you’re not going to change my mind.”

  The look on my face must have told him there was no point in arguing. “I’ll see you at my place, then.” He sighed and walked to his bike while I got in my car.

  It didn’t take more than ten minutes for us to get to his place. Griffin pulled into the back parking lot, and I followed. I parked in a space next to him and turned off the ignition before Griffin quieted his bike. The loud rumble of the Triumph rattled my car’s windows.

  I stepped out of my car and Griff killed the bike’s engine. “It’s late, Bean. Why don’t you just stay?” he asked, swinging his leg off the motorcycle.

  I shook my head. “I’ve got to go.” I was still too mad at him.

  I was just about to climb back into the car when he said, “Jillian, wait!” His voice boomed, amplified by the quiet of the early hour. I expected to see lights flipping on throughout the complex, but thankfully, none did.

  Against my better judgment, I halted. Griffin walked over and met me at my car door, pressing his hands to my shoulders.

  Remorse softened his features. “I’m really sorry, Bean.” He sounded contrite, but I was still fuming. “I’ve just been so busy.”

  “Since September!” I spat.

  He cringed. “Will you go with me to get one?” His lower lip turned down in a frown, waiting for my answer.

  I nodded. “I’m still pissed at you, though.” He ran his finger lightly along the side of my face. “I should go,” I sighed.

  “You sure?” he asked, cupping my face in his hand.

  No. I wasn’t sure about anything anymore, except that his hand on my face had extinguished my fury and lit a different kind of fire within me.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jillian, call me, dammit!

  By the sixth text I finally gave in and dialed her number. Sarah had been trying to get a hold of me for a few days, and I’d put her off as long as I could. Ever since my argument with Griffin, I hadn’t been in the mood to talk to anyone—including him. He’d called between rehearsals a dozen times in the past week, but I let his calls go to voicemail. When I left his place Christmas night, I knew what I wanted. The hard part was I just couldn’t figure out how to tell him. And I was pissed at myself for spoiling the moment and driving away…running away.

  I sighed and picked up the phone, giving Sarah a call. It was time I snapped out of my reclusive mindset and rejoined society. I’d moped for too long.

  After two rings, Sarah screamed in my ear. “Jesus H. Christ, Jillian! Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for days.”

  I drew the phone away from my ear during her tirade. When she finished, it was my turn to apologize. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I just haven’t felt much like talking.”

  “Uh-oh. What happened?” she asked worriedly.

  “I’ve just had a lot of shit to sort through, but I think I’ve got it all worked out.” I smiled, confident that my words weren’t just an empty placation for Sarah, or myself. “So, what’s new with you?” I asked, redirecting the conversation to her.

  “Oh, well…” she drawled for dramatic effect. “Brandon asked me to move in with him.” I could practically hear her smiling.

  “What? Sarah, that’s awesome!” I cheered. “Are you going to?” I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, worried I’d have a stranger moving into my room back at school.

  “Yeah, but not until summer. My parents aren’t too hip with the idea, and my mom begged me to ‘think’ about it for a few months.”

  I exhaled a silent sigh of relief. “So, I’m going to have to find a new roommate next year, huh?”

  “Sorry,” she replied sheepishly.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” I reassured her. “You and Brandon have been together for a long time. This was inevitable.”

  “Thanks.” She sounded relieved. “I was worried you’d be upset with me.”

  “Not at all. I’m happy for you, Sarah,” I said.

  “Do you have plans for New Year’s Eve?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I’m going to a Mine Shaft concert tonight,” I bragged. “What about you?”

  “That’s cool,” she said. “Brandon and I are going over to a friend’s house. Nothing too exciting.”

  “You live in New York, and you’re not going to watch the ball drop?” I teased.

  “Hell no!” she laughed. “I’m not going anywhere near Times Square tonight. I’ll watch the ball drop on television, thank you.”

  “Well, you have fun staying in tonight,” I said.

  “Have fun at Griffin’s concert,” she sang.

  After we hung up, I lay in bed thinking about how happy Sarah seemed about moving in with Brandon. I wanted that kind of happiness, too, but I would have to stop running from my past long enough to find it. I was tired of watching my life pass by in a blur because I was too busy running away. I’d missed so much already, and I’d be damned if I missed out on any more.

  I needed to tell Griffin how I felt…how I’d felt since last year.

  * * *

  I showered quickly and threw my hair into a messy bun on top my head. My checklist of things to accomplish before the Mine Shaft concert steadily grew. Thankfully, I hadn’t wasted the last week. I had used my solitude and gotten my ass in gear, pooling all my resources to create another piece for my Diamond in the Rough collection. I needed to pick up a few items at the fabric store before my newest creation was complete. My plan was to wear an original Jillian Lawson at the concert tonight.

  I skipped down the stairs and into the kitchen. Jennifer stood at the sink preparing breakfast for the twins, who were playing with their train set in the living room. I fetched my car keys from the shelf, hanging next to the door to the garage. Jennifer didn’t acknowledge my presence, as if I were invisible—a ghost. Typically, I would have pretended to be a ghost and left it alone, but I wanted to put forth a concerted effort and make things better.

  I mustered up all the confidence I could and stepped right up behind her. I stretched my arms out wide and wrapped them around the tops of hers, pinning them to her sides.

  Jennifer froze. The knife in her hand hovered mid-chop over a green pepper. For a split second I wondered if I’d live to see the New Year, but then her hand released the knife and it clattered to the counter. I laid my head on her back, between her shoulder blades, and closed my eyes. I couldn’t remember ever willingly hugging my sister. It was the strangest and most liberating thing I’d ever done.

  I drew in a large, soul-cleansing breath, squeezed Jennifer a little tighter, and let go. Spinning on my heels, I clung tightly to my keys and the strap of my purse, making my way down the hall, toward the front door. A wide smile tried to bloom across my face, but I pressed my lips together in a tight line. Like a shaken can of soda, if I allowed my lips to spread into the smile they so desperately wanted to, I would explode with bubbles of laughter and joy. Damn, it felt good to let go of some of that hurt.

  After ten minutes of scraping and defrosting my car windows, I headed to the fabric store. My dress was almost complete except for the white faux-leather straps that would intersect at various points across my bust, midsection, and waist. I also needed to pick up some fishnet tights and find the perfect pair of black, knee-high heeled boots. I wanted to look my b
est tonight, because for the first time, I didn’t feel like hiding.

  When I pulled into Sew Good’s parking lot, it was evident they weren’t expecting many patrons. The lot remained a snowy mess. I parked and killed the engine. Getting out, I crunched my way through the lot and stepped into my rainbow-colored sanctuary.

  In high school, I’d worked at Sew Good. It was peaceful being surrounded by bolts of fabric, yards of ribbon, and bobbles of every shape and size. Those few hours of work quieted all the negativity in my head, and I could imagine becoming a designer one day.

  “May I help you?” a voice called from behind the counter, at the back of the store.

  “No, thank you. I’m just going to look around,” I answered. The woman at the counter was new; I didn’t know her.

  She picked up a book and smiled. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  “I will. Thanks.”

  The willowy woman went back to reading her romance novel. I walked down the small aisle, which was stacked from floor to ceiling with bolts of various colors of cotton, polyester, rayon, satin…the list went on and on. My hand trailed along the edges of the folded fabrics. The tips of my fingers registered the differences in textures as they bumped from one bolt to another. My imagination ran ahead of me down the aisle, gathering a plethora of ideas and liberating my stifled creativity. Unfortunately, time forced me to rein in my creative spirit. I needed to focus and find what I’d come for.

  A few aisles over, I found spools of two-inch, shiny, white faux leather belting—exactly what I needed to finish my dress. I pulled two spools from the rack and took them to the lady reading at the counter.

  “I’d like to get a yard and a half of this please,” I said, passing over the spools.

  “Sure.” She set her book down and took the spools from my hand. Her long bony fingers pulled the stretchy material over the yard stick built into the table. She snipped it at a yard and repeated the process one more time, before she folded and pinned the belting into a neat loop. I handed her the cash for my purchase and bundled up before I went back out into the snowy parking lot.

  * * *

  By the time I found my boots and tights, the day had disappeared. I was in a hurry to get back to Jennifer’s (hey, there’s a first time for everything) and finish my dress. Before I pulled out of the parking space at the shoe store, I sent Griffin a quick text: Good luck tonight! I know you’ll rock their fucking socks off! :)

  We hadn’t spoken in the last week. He’d been really busy prepping for the concert, and I’d been too busy trying to figure things out. Needless to say, Griffin still didn’t have a helmet, but as soon as this concert was over we were going to remedy that problem.

  Thx! You’re coming tonight, right? He wrote back.

  Butterflies danced in my stomach as I replied. I can’t wait to have my socks rocked off!

  My phone buzzed. Oh, that won’t be a problem…I’m THAT good!

  Cocky much? I wrote, smiling at the screen. Yep, I was ready. Tonight, after his set, I was going to be brave and tell him how I felt. By the way he’d acted around me the last couple months, I was confident he felt something, too; I just couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t acted on it. Whatever the reason was, I didn’t plan on waiting for him to figure it out. I was in love with him and it was time he knew it.

  Griffin texted, I can be cocky. I’ve got the goods to back it up!

  Promise? was all I wrote in reply, waiting for his usual response.

  Griffin’s message popped up: FOREVER. My heart skipped a couple of beats and my cheeks warmed. I was so ready.

  I had one more stop before I went back to Jennifer’s. My chest thumped harder the closer I got, but I had to do it. They’d told me good-bye; it was time I did the same.

  I turned the car onto the narrow street and climbed over several hills before I pulled over. Stepping out of the car, I threw my hood up and trudged through the wind and snow flurries, shivering from the cold. Or just from being here.

  Stopping a few feet from the road, I knelt down and brushed the snow from the marble plaque in the ground. “Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad,” I whispered, even though I knew they weren’t physically buried there. My grandparents had insisted on the marker, so Jennifer and I would have a place to talk to them. I’d only come here a handful of times, because it hurt too much knowing they weren’t really here. But now I finally understood my grandparents’ reasoning—it was a reminder that they existed, that they’d left a mark on this world and would never be forgotten.

  I ran my finger over the engraved letters, hearing the last words my parents had ever spoken. Even though I’d only listened to that recording once, their words were seared permanently into my memory, just like the words etched into the stone beneath my fingers.

  “My sweet, baby girls,” Mom choked. I could hear that she was crying, but she tried to push her tears away with a chuckle for us. “Daddy and I wanted to tell you how much we love you.” She cried.

  Dad came on the line. “I love you, girls.” He was crying, too.

  “Daddy and I don’t have a lot of time.” Mom’s voice sounded rough. “Something’s happened…”She paused, overcome with tears. Taking a deep breath, she continued. “We need you both to be strong,” she said forcefully, pushing through her sadness to get the words out. “And take care of each other and listen to Grandma and Grandpa.”

  “Girls,” Dad interrupted, sounding very serious. “We love you both so much,” he stressed. His voice was low and scratchy. “Jenny, I wish more than anything, we could have one more tickle fight. I can hear your honeyed belly laughs as I speak.” He chuckled at the memory. “And Jillian, what I wouldn’t give for one more fashion show in the living room.” He tried to stifle a sob. “I love you, girls. You’re always with me. Take care of each other.”

  Mom came back. “I love you, Jenny. I love you, Jillian.” She said our names bravely. “I’m so, so proud of you both. You’re the best parts of my life, and I’m not ready to say good-bye.” She broke down. A heavy crackling sound filled the line along with her sobs. Working through the tears, she spoke firmly this time. “I won’t be there for all the important things, but here’s my advice for you: Believe in yourself, and listen when life’s trying to tell you something.” She sniffled and went on. “We’re family. We may not be together anymore, but we’re always a part of each other. Bye, Loves.”

  “Bye, Mom,” I said quietly, answering the memory. “I just needed to tell you that.” My eyes watered. “I miss you both so much. I love you. And Dad, I know you’ll be watching my show from up there.” I looked toward the sky. Tiny snowflakes tickled my face and I smiled, knowing I was going to be all right.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Since Mine Shaft was headlining the New Year’s event at The Pageant, their set wasn’t scheduled to begin until 10:30 p.m. That gave me plenty of time to finish my dress, color my hair, and calm my nerves. At 7:30, I sewed the last button in place and admired my one-of-a-kind creation.

  I ran to the bathroom, got cleaned up, and was ready to get dressed. I pulled the ensemble over my head and smoothed it down over the curves of my hips. The black spandex clung tightly to my body, accentuating my usually non-existent bust line. The white, faux leather straps traveled vertically from each shoulder to the peek-a-boo hemline with intersecting straps across my bust, waist and hips. The dress ended just higher than mid-thigh and blended perfectly with my fishnet tights.

  Sitting down on the bed, I pulled a long shiny boot over each of my calves and stared at my transformed self in the mirror. I reached for my phone and snapped a couple of shots. I sent Sarah a Snapchat, knowing she’d want to see my new dress.

  I dropped my phone back onto the bed and stared at the pseudo-voluptuous blond with hot red streaks of hair chalk. I twisted from side to side in order to get the full effect.

  My phone buzzed. Sarah sent back a selfie with a caption that read, Damn! Who is that hottie?

  As soon as the picture expired I
sent her a close-up of me rolling my eyes and sticking my tongue out. Do you approve? I asked.

  Hells yeah! She wrote back, giving me a thumbs-up and a silly grin.

  I’m off to the concert. I wrote in response.

  Opening her Snapchat, she sent a picture of herself, kissing the screen along with the caption, Have fun, Jilli!

  I kissed her back. Thanks! Happy New Year!

  * * *

  I sent Griffin a quick text, letting him know I’d made it to the venue. Hey Griff, I’m here. Headed for the dance floor.

  His response came back quickly. Be careful down there. I hate that you’re alone.

  I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, I wrote back.

  I always worry about you, Bean. Go to the main bar area, I left a VIP pass for you.

  I thumbed my reply. Thanks! Can’t wait for the show!

  I weaved through throngs of people toward the bar. It didn’t surprise me that the entire bi-state area’s twenty-something population had come out for Griffin’s show tonight; Mine Shaft was amazing.

  By the time I got to the bar, I’d worked up a sweat. I stood, waiting for the bartender to finish with the couple at the other end. Spinning around, I took in the stage. A single spotlight was trained on the center microphone while various pinks and blues lit the floor.

  “What’ll it be, beautiful?” A male voice said behind me.

  I spun around and focused my attention on the bartender. He didn’t seem much older than me, and he was hot. Hello, biceps. The black t-shirt he wore was under a serious amount of strain. I could appreciate the beauty in other people, but in my eyes he didn’t hold a candle to Griffin.

  “I’ll have a Schlafly Oatmeal Stout, please.” I dug through my purse in search of my fake ID and some cash.

  “You got it.” He took a few steps down the bar and returned with my beer.

  “Thanks,” I said, handing over the money to pay for my drink. “Griffin Daniels said he left a VIP pass for me. I’m supposed to pick it up.”