by L. Michael
“Dad, she had cancer.”
“Tell that to my heart…”
It took me a moment to realize what my dad was trying to tell me.
“As a cop, I know that they are doing everything they can to find Sam. As a boyfriend, I´m worried sick, but as his Daddy, I should be there with him. I know Sam. He’s terrified and all alone.”
“That is the worst for a Daddy to feel powerless. We have stronger feelings towards our partners because of that dynamic. And you love him.”
“What?” That simple statement made me pause. My dad had seen something I missed. “Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I do.”
“Then concentrate on that, Jake. You're doing everything you can to get him back, and you´ll be there for him when you have him back. You're a good Daddy, and Sam knows that.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I smiled at him, then laughed. “You know it's funny to call you Dad now that I know that you´re a Daddy.”
“Feel free to call me Andy if that makes you feel better.” He patted my hand, then sat back. “Just don't think any less of your Mom. She was a strong woman.”
“To be honest, I think more of her now that I know. It takes a lot of courage and strength to have a relationship like this.”
We nodded to each other, and I went back to watching the timer on my phone, while my dad closed his eyes. There was a small smile on his lips, and I was sure that he was thinking about my mom.
◆◆◆
I was just getting back from the toilet, about an hour later, when I felt the energy shift. People were on their feet, and Captain Benson and Lieutenant Weston were running towards the exit. My heartbeat skipped a beat, so I ran after them. “Captain!”
Captain Benson turned around. “There you are.”
“What is it? Did you find Sam?”
“We don´t know for sure, but the FBI found the van parked out in an old industrial area. One of Curtis’s former partners told us that they would meet informants in a warehouse in that area. Swat is already on the way to check it out.”
“I´m coming with you.”
“Jakob…”
“We´re not staying behind.” My dad said behind me with Matt at his side.
Finally, the Captain sighed. “Fine. But you´ll stay in the car. You´re not a cop in this, Jakob. Am I clear?”
“Crystal, Sir.” My heartbeat was beating so fast that my hands began to shake. Please let him be there. Please let him be alive. With all the people running around, it looked like the whole precinct was on the way to the warehouse. My legs trembled as I sat between my dad and Matt in the back of the van. I tried to imagine what Sam was feeling now. Was he hurting? Was he scared? What had Curtis done to him?
A phone rang, then I heard Captain Benson whispering. I felt a hand on my leg, and when I looked, it was my dad's. He tried to calm me down, but all I could think about was Sam. What if this was the wrong place?
“Jake, were you listening?”
“What? No, what is it?”
“Swat arrived. They located Curtis and Samuel. They are holed up in the basement of the warehouse.” Captain Benson looked over his shoulder at me. “Samuel is alive, but they heard screams. They're going in, and we are only ten minutes out.”
I sighed in relief, while my dad whispered, “Thank God.”
But we were still ten minutes away, and God only knew what Curtis would do when the Swat went in. And why was Sam screaming? Was Curtis hurting him, or was he just scared? I would find out soon, and I was on my way to get my boy back. He just needed to hang on a little bit longer. Hang on, Sam, Daddy’s coming.
Eight minutes later, we pulled into the parking lot. Everyone was here, police, SWAT, FBI, fire and rescue, and medical staff. It was a madhouse. As soon as our van stopped, I jumped over my dad’s lap and out the door. I ran towards the warehouse.
“Goddammit, Lannister!” Captain Benson yelled after me, but I didn´t stop. I needed to know what was going on and what had happened. I saw an FBI agent talking to Captain McNeil from Internal Affairs.
“McNeil!” McNeil turned around. “What happened? Where's Sam?”
“You're not supposed to be here.”
“Yeah? So arrest me. Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or am I going in myself?” They would have to arrest me before I would back down. We stared at each other until he sighed.
“Swat went in ten minutes ago. There were shots fired four minutes ago. Curtis is down.”
Curtis was dead. I should be relieved or happy about it, but all I could think about was Sam. “And Sam?”
“He's still in the basement. Two Swat members are with him, but the building is not clear.”
“Is he…?”
“Alive, yes, but injured."
“He's alive.” My knees almost gave out. He was hurting, and whatever Curtis had been up to, it must have terrified Sam. But he’s alive.
“Are you the boyfriend? The Detective?” The FBI Agent asked, and I nodded. “And that's your Captain?” He pointed behind me; Benson was standing with my dad. Behind them, Weston was talking with Matt and two Swat guys.
“Yes, that’s my Captain, yes.”
“Yes, I’m Captain Benson. What do we have?”
“Curtis is down. He started firing as soon as Swat entered the building. Doctor Baker is alive.” The FBI agent looked at McNeill before he cleared his throat. “The warehouse is clear now, but the two swat officers with Doctor Baker can´t calm him down enough to release him from the cuffs. I think his boyfriend should go in, but he's your Detective. It's up to you.”
Captain Benson started to say something, but before he answered, I was running towards the building. It didn’t matter what he said. Sam needed me. At first, I couldn´t spot a stairway, but a Swat member saw me looking and pointed into a corner. I nodded my thanks and ran. Sam was down there, probably having a panic attack.
“Detective Lannister?” A Swat member asked when I got to the bottom.
“Yes. Where is he?”
“Back there.” I went to walk around him, but he held me back. “Hey, fair warning. He's in a full-blown panic attack, and he keeps calling for his Daddy. He´s hurting himself struggling against the cuffs.”
“I got it.”
“Okay. I´ll send the paramedics down.”
“Thank you.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked down the dim hallway. The closer I got the louder Sam’s crying got. I rushed into the room and stopped dead. A bare lightbulb lit the room, but it was clear what would have happened in here if the Swat hadn´t stopped Curtis. Sam was lying naked on a single bed with a dirty mattress, his hands and legs cuffed. What shocked me most was the video camera, set up in front of the bed, and a beer bottle lying on the floor.
An inhuman wail pulled me out of my stupor, and I rushed over to the bed. Sam struggled against the cuffs, and that was making his wrist bleed. Another Swat member stood helpless next to the bed.
“I have the keys for the cuffs, but we can’t get him to calm down.”
“Give them to me and then leave us alone for a minute.”
He handed over the keys, and he stepped just out of the room. Of course, he wouldn't leave entirely, but it was enough space for me. I reached out and gently stroked Sam’s cheek. “Sam? Can you hear me?” The only answer I got was a whimper. “Shhhhh, it's okay. Daddy's here, Baby. I got you. You're safe. Daddy is here, Peanut.”
Another whimper, then a frown, and he blinked up at me. He must have lost his glasses. I bent down closer so he could see me properly. “It's me, Baby. Shhhh. I'm here.”
“D-Daddy?” His voice was small and raw, but at least some part of him realized that I was there.
“Yes, yes, Peanut. Daddy is here. Can you calm down so I can uncuff you?”
“H-Hurts… Daddy.”
“I know. I promise I'll be careful, okay?” Slowly Sam nodded, and I opened the cuffs. When he was free, Sam rolled to his side into a fetal position and started crying. It broke my heart. Unsure of what to do
, I took off my jacket and covered him as best as I could.
“What can I do to help you? I'm scared to make it worse for you, Baby.”
“You're here.”
“Yes, Baby. I'm here, and I won't leave you. You´re safe now.”
“H-Hurts… Everything hurts…”
“The paramedics will be here any second now. They'll make the pain go away.” I wanted to hold him, but I didn´t dare touch him. After a second, Sam reached out and pulled my thumb towards his mouth. “It's okay, Peanut. You rest now.”
“It hurts Daddy.”
“I know, Peanut. I know.” Being Little was a coping mechanism for him, but he went so deep into Little mode that he didn’t care when the paramedics came in. He kept suckling my thumb.
“This won't work.” the male paramedic said quietly to me. When I looked up, I was surprised to see Josh, one of the Littles who came into the Rainbow Room. “Guess it's a good thing I got the call, huh?” He winked at me.
“He was having a panic attack when they found him, and now, he's in full Little mode.”
“It's a safe place for him. The cops told us what had happened. Little mode is better than a panic attack.”
“I guess you're right.” I looked over to the young woman who stood behind him. But she didn´t even blink at our conversation. Instead, she nodded.
“I´m going to pick up some blankets from the bus. I'll be right back.”
“Thanks, Angela.” Josh gave me a reassuring smile, and then he knelt on the floor beside me. “Hey, Sam. I´m Josh. I'm here to help you.”
The suckling on my thumb got quicker, and Sam blinked rapidly without looking at Josh. Damn, I had to make sure that he got some glasses.
“I´d like to have a look at your wounds, but I need you to sit up for that. Why don´t we ask your Daddy to hold you on his lap? How does that sound?”
Sam’s eyes wandered to me, and after a second, he nodded slowly. Thank God. I got up and gently helped Sam onto my lap. He winced, and there were more tears until he sat in a position where Josh could look at his wounds. There were several bruises, but as far as I could tell, the worst where his wrists.
“There, that's better. I fell off the swing once and hurt my knee. My Daddy held me like this when he looked at the wound. Oh man, it hurt so bad. It felt like my knee was burning.” Gently, Josh took Sam’s hands in his and looked the wounds over, and then he looked up at me. “Good job Sam. It looks worse than it is. He won’t need stitches.”
“What about the bruises?”
“Hey, Sam, why don't you suckle a bit more to relax you, while I have a look at your bruises?”
As soon as he said it, I raised my hand and pushed my thumb between Sam’s lips. He started to suckle but whimpered when Josh pressed on a dark purple spot on his breast.
“They will check for broken ribs and internal bleeding at the hospital. But so far it's not looking too bad.”
“It looks bad enough to me.” I carefully wrapped my arm around Sam and held him close without hurting him even more. My poor Baby.
“How about your head, Sam. Is that bruise from the car accident.” Josh gently held Sam's face in his hands and looked at the bruise on his forehead. “Is your head hurting?” Sam slowly shook his head, no. “And your tummy?” Again, Sam slowly shook his head, no, but he winced when Josh looked into his eyes with a light. “No signs of a concussion, but his pupils are dilated. He's pale and sweating, which are all signs of shock. Okay, I think we´re good to go. We'll take him to the hospital.”
“H-Home. I want to go home, Daddy.” Sam whispered around my thumb.
“We can't go home just yet, Peanut.”
“Hey, I know hospitals are scary, Sam,” Josh said quietly and took the blankets from Angela. He handed them to me, and I carefully wrapped Sam up. Maybe I could get my dad to go to my apartment to get some clothes for us both and spare glasses for Sam.
“How about this, Sam. I know that there's a gift shop in the hospital. When we get there, I´ll buy you a friend to keep you company.”
That just made Sam cry again. Then Sam dropped my thumb out of his mouth and held my hand instead. “I wanted to go see the turtles. Grandpa promised me a stuffed turtle and popcorn.”
“You were on your way to the aquarium?” Josh asked, and Sam nodded, still crying.
“Shhhh. It's okay, Peanut. I promise I'll take you to the aquarium as soon as you are feeling better.” I whispered into his neck, gently kissing his head. My sweet boy, all he wanted to do was have a fun day with the turtles and sharks.
“I'll find you the biggest turtle in the gift shop, okay?” Josh asked again, but this time Sam nodded. “Okay, Buddy, then let's go.” Josh held his hand out for Sam, but he flinched away and curled himself into me. With a sigh, Josh got up and looked at me.
“Can you walk upstairs, Peanut?” The only reaction I got was whimper and Sam throwing his arms around my neck. He wailed a little when his wrists made contact with my neck, but he hung on.
“Don't… please, Daddy, don't leave me alone.”
“I won't. You just hold onto Daddy, Peanut.” He wrapped his legs around my waist, and I carefully got up. He wasn´t heavy but carrying him upstairs was going to be awkward. But it was the only option if he wouldn’t walk.
“You okay, like this?” Josh asked as he wrapped Sam in a cocoon of blankets. “There are still a lot of people upstairs.”
“Doesn’t matter. Sam needs me. Lead the way.”
Chapter 17
Samuel
Time stood still. Curtis had come back after, what I could only guess, was a few hours. Setting up the camera, he told me exactly what he was going to do to me. Then Curtis brought in a beer bottle all rational thought left my brain. He had beaten me, then undressed me and cuffed me to the bed again. Then more punches to keep me quiet, but I couldn't stop screaming. Not when I knew what was going to happen. But then it sounded like World War Three had started. People were shouting for Curtis. I saw a blurry Curtis run out of the room. More raised voices then gunshots and silence. Strangers came in and were hovering around me. No, I had to get free. Can’t let them take me.
And then Daddy was there, his voice cutting through my panic. Daddy saved me. He pulled me from the dark recesses of my mind. I clung to him like the octopus I was. Daddy carried me upstairs, and I shivered under the blankets when he stepped out of the building. The air was cold, and I was naked under the blankets. There were people everywhere. So, I hid my face in Daddy’s neck. Holding onto Daddy like that hurt like hell, but I couldn't, no, I wouldn’t, let him go. I just got him back.
“Shhh. It's okay. We're almost to the ambulance, Peanut.”
“Sam!” My name came above the crowd, and I peeked up. I blinked against all the blurred shaped people, but then I saw a familiar figure running towards us. Suddenly, Andrew’s face appeared in front of me, a bandage on his head and tears in his eyes. “Oh, Sam. You're okay. You're going to be okay, sweet boy. We have you now. You're safe now.”
Tears started to fall again when I saw his kind face. “Your head…”
“Don´t worry. I have a thick skull. Your Daddy is taking you inside the ambulance now. I'll follow close behind and meet you at the hospital.”
Hospital. No, I didn't want to go to the hospital. I wanted to go home with Daddy. I couldn´t help the whimper that escaped me.
“I need you to lay down now, Peanut.”
“N-No…” I held onto his neck, pressing myself closer to his body, even if that hurt like hell. If I let go of Daddy, I would be all alone again. What if this was just a dream, and when I let go, I would be back in that basement? Without Daddy?
“Buddy, your Daddy is staying right here with you. But we can't drive like this. You need to lie down, and your Daddy can sit right next to you. I bet he will even hold your hand the whole ride.”
Right the nice paramedic who promised me a turtle from the gift shop. I lowered my arms and looked up at Daddy. He didn´t step back but s
tarted to gently stroke my hair until I was lying down.
“Good boy. Sam, do you have some spare glasses in the precinct or your apartment?”
Oh right. I´d lost my glasses somewhere. That's why the world was so blurry. “My… office. S-Second drawer in my desk.”
“I'll go get them,” I heard Andrew say. “And I’ll bring something for you to wear, as well. I'll meet you at the hospital.”
Right. Clothes. Yeah, I was missing those too. I shivered under the blankets. Because Curtis had undressed me. Curtis. My breathing got quicker. Nobody had told me what happened. “C-Curtis?”
“He's dead, Baby. He can't hurt you anymore.” Daddy sat down on the seat beside the gurney. Eddie Curtis was dead. I should feel sorry for him, but all I could feel was relief that he was gone.
“Okay, we're good to go,” Josh said somewhere behind me, then I heard the doors of the ambulance closing. The van started, and Josh appeared on my other side. “If you´re getting sick or you start to feel weird in any way, let me know. I´ll be right here.”
I nodded. My poor Daddy, he looked tired and pale. His hair disheveled, but he was here. “D-Daddy?”
“I´m right here, Peanut. What is it?”
“I…I missed you…so much, I-I thought. I thought I would never see you again.”
“I missed you too, Peanut.” Daddy leaned over the gurney and gently stroked my cheek. “I was worried sick about you. But you´re okay. We´re okay, Baby. Don't think about it right now. I´m here, and I won´t leave you alone.”
“Promise?”
“Yes, Peanut. I promise.”
◆◆◆
The hospital was even scarier than I thought it would be. There were so many people when we arrived. You would think it would be more comfortable, not being able to see them correctly, but it just made it worse. I turned my face away and held onto Daddy as he walked beside the gurney. Josh had insisted that I stayed on it until he got me into the ER.