“You had to have your appendix removed, pretty girl. You freaked me the fuck out,” he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “I saw you on my lunch and you seemed like you had the flu. Then four hours later I tried to get you to come to your door, but I didn't get an answer. I was blowing up your phone, called the landlord to come open your door but he couldn't be there for a couple hours. So I said fuck it and used a crow bar I had in my trunk and pried the latch loose and kicked in the door.” He kissed every single one of my fingers in turn, going slowly, taking his time. Pulling my wrist to his lips next he kissed my scar and ran his nose across my skin breathing me in.
“I probably,” I tried to talk but my throat was so dry and hoarse hardly any sound came out. He handed me a glass of water sitting on the table, and I took a few sips and tried again. “I probably look like hell,” he smiled and I frowned at him.
“Never, pretty girl, you're gorgeous.” My cheeks flushed and that damn monitor on my heart gave away what hearing him call me that had always done to my heart rate. Briefly his eyes flashed to the monitor, a sly smirk on his lips, focusing those pale green eyes back on me.
“How long have I been here?” I knew most hospitals had the dry erase boards in the rooms to tell the patients who their nurses were, the date, restrictions, and what they wanted the patient to try and accomplish for the day. Peeking around Cole I read that my nurse was Jenny, my restrictions were left empty, probably because what they wanted me to do today was stay awake without sedations, and it was Saturday. “Wait, what? Why does it say I've been sedated? It's Saturday? Holy shit, my professors probably think I could give a shit less about class, I'm going to fail everything. Shit!”
“Kahlen, it's okay. I got some papers from the doctors here and Jax already took them into your professors and sent copies to the University's academic office, they know everything going on. Emma stopped by each of your professor's offices daily to pick up anything they have for you so you can get caught up easier, and all of them said they would figure out how to adjust the syllabus for you if you felt you needed it.”
Tears pooled in my eyes, and I tried to take deep calming breaths. I was so thankful for Cole, Emma, and Jax. Who knows where I'd be with my classes without them. And Cole especially, if it wasn't for him I don't even know if I'd be alive right now. But there was one question burning at the front of my mind. “What about Brandon? Where is he?”
Cole shook his head. “Kahlen, why don't we wait until Emma gets up here okay. I haven't seen Brandon, so I don't know where he is or what he's been up to, but maybe she will have more information.”
“You haven't seen him, but she has, right? I mean, he hasn't been gone from his apartment since Tuesday, right?” Cole sat staring at me not knowing what to say. “Cole?” My tone was harsher than I wanted it to be, but I didn't want to be lied to. If he didn't know, then he didn't know, fine.
“No one has seen him, Kahlen.” A ton of bricks hit me square in my chest forcing all the air out. I couldn't breathe, the heart monitor was going off the charts, my breathing coming in gasps.
“No. He didn't leave, Cole. He couldn't. Not after what I told him that morning. Emma said she saw him at their parents' house that afternoon and he looked happy. There's no way he ran again.” Shaking my head back and forth, I didn't believe it. My entire body shook now, and I got super cold, my chest felt like an elephant sat on it, I couldn't get enough air in my lungs. I saw Cole reach over and push the nurse's button.
“Are you doing this because you want me for yourself, Cole? You are, aren't you. You're pissed about the connection I've always had with Brandon, and you want him out of the picture. I can't believe you'd go so low as to tell me he ran again.” Tears streamed down my face now. “You don't know me like he does, you don't. He wouldn't walk away, not after what I told him.” I shook my head again over and over.
The nurse came into the room and saw what I was doing. She opened the door back up and called out panic attack and some dose of some medication I'd never heard of before, which caught my attention. My gaze landed on Cole though instead of the nurse. He looked like I'd just pulled his heart out and dropped it on the floor to leave for dead.
Everything I'd said replayed in my head and my mouth dropped open, “Cole,” but his eyes glossed over and he looked like he was about to breakdown. “I didn't mean,” I needed to fix this right now, I couldn't let Cole walk away thinking I felt what I said, but he backed toward the door. “No, please, Cole. I'm sorry, I didn't,” but he was out of the room before I could say anything else.
I couldn't breathe. I told the nurse I couldn't breathe. Gripping at my throat, tears falling nonstop from my eyes, the nurse slipped a needle into my IV and within seconds I was asleep.
***
“Listen dickhead, I don't give a shit what she said. She was upset, she'd just woken up from being kept under for three fucking days because of shit you have no idea about,” Emma ripped someone a new one, but whoever it was obviously cut her off.
“No, you can think you know whatever you want because of what you heard, but until she sits down with you and tells you, you don't know shit do you hear me.” Her hand was in a fist at her side, her entire body was tense. “Point is, she woke up and everything she thought was real fucking wasn't. You going to sit there and tell me you've never lashed out at anyone who didn't deserve it because you were upset?”
Emma was quiet for not even three seconds. “That's what I thought you idiot. Things happen, shit happens, Cole. Put on your big girl panties and get the fuck over it or stay the hell away from her. She doesn't need people coming into her life who are just going to walk away from her when shit gets real.”
Well, damn. If I'd ever questioned whether Emma was the best friend I could ever ask for, that could be put to rest.
“I don't care if she thinks she should be with the Pope, Cole. No one knows who they are supposed to end up with, until they know. She thinks she has feelings for Brandon, yeah, but that fuckwad left. Again. I know she wants to be your friend, and I know she has feelings for you too. Do I think she feels the same about you as she did Brandon? No. But guess what? Now she never will because you did the exact same pansy ass thing he did, you walked away the second something other than what you wanted to hear came out of her mouth.”
She pulled the phone completely away from her ear not even bothering to listen to what Cole was saying to her. Emma put the phone back up to her ear and told him to shut up. “Look, you couldn't even take hearing what you already knew was true come out of her mouth. You knew she was closer to Brandon, yet when she seems upset over him leaving that surprises you? Makes no sense. If you can't handle that and still be around to be her friend, because that's what she needs Cole, friends to stand by her side, then it's better you did leave. Everything else she's gone through makes what you just threw a fit over hearing seem like a fucking vacation on a tropical island. Man up or grow up.”
Emma successfully hung the phone up on him and slammed it down onto the cushion of the chair in the corner. Then she picked it up and slammed it back down over and over again, clearly frustrated. She liked telling people straight and then hanging up on them, letting what she said simmer around in their mind until it actually sunk in.
With a loud sigh she turned around to face the bed, and her scowl turned into a bright smile when she saw I was awake. “Hey, Kay, you gave everyone quite a scare. Don't do that shit to me again, okay?” She leaned in and gave me a hug and kissed my cheek. “I'm so glad you're awake, now you can finally come home. And by home I mean, my home. Jules is having heart attacks Kahlen, she's been talking about ways to have her listed as your guardian so that if anything like this ever happened again she could actually get information.” She rolled her eyes like she thought her mom was being so dramatic, but my eyes got teary at the thought of her wanting to do something so special for me.
“How did any of you know what was going on? Jax come up here and smile at someone?” I tried to laugh but
it hurt like hell. Emma laughed too, knowing all too well that it would be just that easy for him.
“Actually, for some reason the nurse that checked you in when Cole brought you into the emergency room seemed to think you were his fiancé, so she kept giving him all the information he asked for, and he never once denied or corrected any of the dozen nurses that were basically stripping in front of him trying to get his attention.” She shook her head in disbelief at how some women threw themselves at men. “I mean, I get he's sexy as fuck, but really? They all think to try to get in his pants when his damn fiancé is lying in a hospital bed. Talk about desperate bitches.”
I did giggle at that even though it hurt. Man I was glad to have Emma in my life. She was a straight shooter, told it like it was, cussed like a sailor, was loyal to a fault, and my best friend. I loved that blonde bombshell with all my heart.
“I know there are things you want to talk about, Kahlen, but let’s just get you out of here first okay? You've been in here for way to long, and my parents are ready to fall all over themselves to take care of you. We were all really worried. Maybe you don't want to hear it, but what Cole did for you, damn if I wouldn't be taking a man to bed if he did all that for me.”
She smacked my leg and laughed, but I kept replaying everything Cole did for me and what I said to him. The awful, untrue things I said. That was the worst version of myself I had ever seen. It was the version of myself that mirrored Helen and Chuck, the last foster home I was with. And it made me sick.
So many things went through my mind, I wanted answers about Brandon. Emma and Jax needed to know how much I appreciated everything they'd done while I was in the hospital. But more than anything I wanted to fix things with Cole.
It took another hour and a half for the doctor to do his final exam and the nurses to get the release paperwork together to go over with me and for me to sign. Emma stopped by my place and grabbed some clothes and all the school work she'd dropped off every afternoon. From what the doctor said, I needed to stay off my feet as much as possible for the next week and then come back for a recheck. At that point he'd be able to let me know if I could return to work and school.
I couldn't help but look at the empty spot where Brandon usually parked. Keeping my head turned out the window I let myself silently cry. He left me. I thought if he knew me, and knew how much telling him everything I'd gone through meant to me, there was no way he'd run again. I was wrong. And not only that, but I was positive I'd ruined my friendship with Cole. So I let myself cry and try to release the pain inside.
Today was Sunday, family dinner night, but from what I assumed one member of the family would be missing. I didn't want to have the conversation about Brandon that I knew was coming from his family. He should've been the one to tell me his story, the one to open up to me when he was ready. Now they would tell me because they felt sorry for me, and figured if I knew at least some of what kept Brandon running I might not feel so bad.
Right now I wasn't as concerned about the guy who kept running from me, as I was about the guy who had stood by my side unwavering. Cole let Brandon hit him, he stayed my friend even after I told him how I felt about Brandon, took me canoeing in the rain, checked on me when he thought I was sick, and checked back in just like he said he would.
This whole time I'd been chasing someone who kept running. Someone who clearly didn't give two shits about me and who did ruin me a little for the next guy. But I was lucky enough to have the possibility of Cole being that guy, until I had to go and blow it.
Everything I touched or came close to seemed to fall apart. That's how it'd been my whole life, though usually the thing falling apart was me. Now that I'd let other people into my life I wasn't only self destructing, I could, and did, take them down with me.
Chapter 15
Walking into the Lucas' house felt a little bit like coming home. Dan, Jules, and Jax were there. She came out and scooped me right into a hug and Jax carried me into the house and put me on the couch saying he didn't think I should be up walking around. Jules had some water and my favorite pop sitting on the table next to the couch, and told me if there was anything I needed all I had to do was ask.
I thanked them all for their kindness and letting me stay there until the doctor released me to go back to all normal activity. Emma grabbed an extra blanket from the closet as her parents told me to rest, and made their way into the kitchen to finish getting dinner ready.
The oversized couch was so comfortable, and I was certain I kept dozing off just not sure for how long. Emma came and sat at the end of the couch, picking my feet up and putting them back down on her lap. “Let's chat.” It wasn't a question of whether I wanted to, just that we were going to. I nodded and waited for her to continue.
“Looks like I've been the one chosen to explain my brother to you in more detail.” She rolled her eyes obviously irritated to be put in this position. I started to object telling her she didn't have to do this, that his choices were his choices, but she cut me off. “Yeah I do Kay, you need to hear it, and since he isn't here to do it, I will.”
I instantly got a little nervous, if she thought it was a big enough deal then I knew it needed to be taken seriously. Pushing myself so I could sit up a little, I rubbed my hands across the blanket.
“Brandon met Jax and Sadie the summer going into all of their freshman year here at University of S.C. Brandon had never been big on relationships, I actually don't think he ever had one, still hasn't. Anyway, so they all met in orientation, just like we did. It was clear to both the guys that Sadie was into Brandon, so Jax said he'd back off and let my brother do his thing, but that when Brandon was done with her he wanted to be able to try and date her.
Brandon said he didn't care what Jax did, and like they both thought, Sadie wanted Brandon. She was young, inexperienced, everything my brother needed to ruin her completely and not care at all while it was happening. Brandon was, and has always been, really careful when it came to having sex, always using condoms, always.”
She took a deep breath, pulling at her bottom lip with her thumb and finger. I started to see how she may have issues dating Jax, but needed to hear where this went.
“So of course Brandon hooked up with Sadie, but she wasn't the only one he slept with or saw during that time. Much like you, Sadie thought she saw something in Brandon that drew her to him. I think it's just the fact that some girls want to find a guy they think they can fix, and y'all are stupid, but that's my opinion.
Anyway, Sadie ended up giving up on Brandon and ran straight to Jax. Brandon could have cared less, school had started, they met Cole and started the band, everything was chill. But Jax cared, he is a naturally caring person, but he liked Sadie. Then for whatever reason, Brandon got pissed about the whole Jax and Sadie thing. No one knew why at the time, but I know now.
Turns out Brandon pulled Sadie back in and was sleeping with her again, but she knew he wouldn't ever want her the way Jax wanted to be with her, so she stayed with Jax. It was over like a two month time frame she had been sleeping with my brother while still with Jax.
Out of the blue she wanted to sit down with both of them, but instead of telling them she was moving on from both of them like they thought she was going to do, Sadie told them she was pregnant.”
Oh holy shit. Brandon had a kid out there? That's why he pushed girls away and never got into a serious relationship?
“Brandon automatically assumed it was Jax's kid because he was sure he used protection every single time. Jax said there was no possible way it was his baby, none. No one knows why he was so adamant about it, Brandon was too, but there was something so matter of fact with Jax that we all knew deep down. It was Brandon's baby. No matter how careful he was, he'd messed up.
He went down a horrible spiral, and fell into depression. For whatever reason, Brandon felt like Sadie trapped him. There was never a time he wasn't safe, and he knew condoms weren't a hundred percent, but he was sure she'd done something. He fli
pped out on Sadie, told her he wanted a test done as soon as the baby was born and until then he wanted nothing to do with her.
She called him two weeks later but he never picked up the phone. Later that night he got a call from her parents telling him that she'd passed away in a horrible car accident. The cops said it was a freak accident...she wasn't drunk, the other driver wasn't drunk. Sadie was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Emma took a long drink of her pop. She looked me over seeing if she could figure out how I was taking all of this. I stared back at her thinking the story over and over. It was a sad story obviously, any time someone loses their life before they even got a chance to live, that's sad. But Brandon didn't love her, and while I'm sure her death affected him like it would anyone, I can't imagine it turned him into what he was now.
“I don't get it, Em. What am I missing?”
“What you are missing is the two voicemails that passed between Brandon and Sadie. One voicemail Brandon left on Sadie's phone the night they hooked back up for the first time when she was still with Jax, a voicemail she never told anyone about. After she passed her parents gave Jax her phone since the majority of the pictures on there were of Sadie and him, and that's when Jax heard the voicemail. He played it for Brandon, but my brother said, and sounded, so wasted he didn't remember leaving it. And then there's the voicemail Sadie left Brandon the day she died.
Brandon's voicemail told Sadie how dare she approach him saying Jax was a better man, better lover, better all around person, that he knew she wanted him to fuck her more than anyone else and he'd make her come twice as much as Jax could ever wish to. Then Brandon told her he'd ruined her for any other man, that she'd always want him and she'd never be able to have him.”
Emma got choked up now, which only told me the worst was coming.
“The voicemail she left him told him he was right, that she stopped taking her birth control she was on and she messed with the condoms he was using with her. Sadie told him she did it because he was right, he did ruin her. She thought he was in love with her, but there was no such thing as love. She still wanted a piece of him to keep with her forever because even knowing he'd never love her she was still so in love with him, so she got pregnant.
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