by Love, Lust
Chapter 7
“I think maybe we should just give up on the idea of eating first.”
Ashley chuckled at Darius’ feigned exasperation as he dunked a strawberry in a glass of champagne, then ran it through a bowl of sugar before dusting her lips with it. They lay in the bed, moonlight flickering through the windows where the curtains were pulled back.
“I don’t know, for not having eaten…” She giggled again and blushed as the memories battered her softly. “Food, that is, I’m feeling pretty satisfied.”
He kissed her head and dropped back against the pillows.
“Tell me something, sweetheart.” She popped another strawberry in her mouth while he watched her curiously. “What color are your eyes, really?”
Ashley choked on the strawberry and scooted toward the edge of the bed, feeling much like a criminal caught with the Hope Diamond.
“How…how’d you know?”
He lay back against the mound of pillows like royalty conducting an inquisition.
“Sweetheart, they’re good contacts, but I’ve gotten pretty close to them recently and I’m not stupid.”
“But…” She exhaled. Did it really make a difference anyway? “They’re bluish gray.”
He reached forward and caressed her cheek.
“Sounds pretty.”
She shrugged and watched her fingers as they squeezed the top of the fingers on her other hand.
“Ash, when was the last time you were just yourself? Without being the superstar Ashley?”
“I guess it depends on how you look at it.”
He sat up, brushed her bangs back, and bent over so he could peer up into her eyes. “Is it all right that I want to know the you behind the image?”
His soft words echoed inside her head, bouncing around an empty space where there was no answer. Her eyes filled with tears and she realized just how lost she was. That no matter how brave a face she put on it, this new life, the one without anyone telling her what to do, scared her senseless.
She didn’t know how to be anyone other than good girl Ashley Williams. She didn’t know how to make her own decisions and take care of herself, or even where to start. She realized she was nothing more than a fool with dreams of grandeur and quite possibly doomed to some treacherous fate she didn’t even want to contemplate.
“I don’t know who that is. I’m not sure there is anyone else. Maybe it’s just this.” She spread her arms wide, let them fall against her naked body in despair. “I just don’t know anymore.”
And that was the long and short of it, right there in a nutshell. She didn’t know how she’d gotten here, and she didn’t know how to get out, either. Her life had become something bigger than she knew how to handle, something bigger than she herself was. As the tears started to stream down her cheeks, she realized how pathetic she must seem and humiliation burned into the pit of her stomach. Ashley pushed aside the concerned arms and ran for the bathroom.
Closing the door, she leaned back against it and slid to the floor.
* * * *
Darius twisted the knob, but found it locked the way he knew it would be.
Stupid!
He ran his hand through his hair and punched air before coming back to the door, both palms flat against the veneer.
“Ashley, honey. I’m sorry. Come out.”
He didn’t know exactly what had happened, so he wasn’t exactly sure how to fix it and that fact alone made him crazy. He heard her sniffling through the door and sank down to be level with the sounds.
“Sweetheart. Please.”
“Go away, Darius. I am what you see. That’s all men ever want, anyway. So you’ve had me, the sexy Ashley Williams. Now just go away. The scandal rags will give you big bucks for your story, even without pictures.”
“Damn it, Ashley!” He pounded a fist against the door in useless fury. “You know damn well that’s not what I’m about.”
She sniffled again, and he tried to figure out if it would be easier to remove the hinges or just break the doorframe.
“Just go away, Darius!”
“No.” He growled his declaration and saw a flicker of movement beneath the door. He pushed his fingers beneath it. “Ashley, let me in.”
He wanted in, in every way possible, wanted to wrap himself around her, become one with her. Whatever hurt her, hurt him, and right now his heart was about to break wide open.
“Ashleeeey.”
He was whining, his fingers, brushing air on the other side of the door, he didn’t think she’d move away entirely, but he wasn’t sure.
“Fucking hell! Ashley this is ridiculous! I don’t know what your past experiences are, but I’m not the other guys. Fuck, yes, you’re a potent dose of Viagra in a damn hot package, but that’s not what draws me to you.”
He blew out a slow breath and gave his scalp another rough pass with his hand.
“Maybe it’s nothing more than chemistry, honey, but I don’t think so. I’d be lying if I said the sex wasn’t every wet dream I’ve ever had, but…God, Ash, your heart calls to me. I hear it all the time. I think in a way I’ve been hearing it for years, I just never recognized it for what it was.
“I thought it was my cock.”
When he heard a small giggle from the other side, he laughed and smiled deeply with relief.
“Ashley, please don’t make me like the other guys, and I won’t make you be anyone other than who you really are. Under the contacts, under the implants, under the hair color.” He smiled as he could almost see her touch her hair, her brow furrowed. “Let me know you, Ash. She’s in there. I’ve seen her and just maybe, you need to get to know her, as well.”
He didn’t know what else to say. He leaned his head back against the door and hoped, prayed maybe. Did he even believe in God anymore? He wasn’t sure, but then, he couldn’t imagine any other reason Ashley Williams had been led into his life if not by God.
He shook his head. He was having theological debates inside his own mind now.
Just terrific.
He was absorbed in self mocking when the door tipped open suddenly, spilling him on the bathroom tile. Ashley dropped to her knees beside him. Hair tucked back behind her ears, she nibbled her lower lip.
“Are you serious?”
He saw her swallow, her eyes filled with panic and want, but it was anything but sexual. Darius knew in that moment that he’d never meant anything more in his life. He reached up, twining his fingers in hers and tugging her closer until she toppled to the floor with him and he could capture her lips in a soft kiss that he hoped told her more than words exactly how serious he was.
She fell against him with a soft moan, welcoming his tongue between the seam of her lips. He brushed against hers, feeling a shiver snake through him. He wrapped his arms tight around her body and held her hard against him. He could feel the beating of her heart against his own chest. His palm pressed itself against her breast. With both still naked from their earlier activities, it didn’t take much to position her over his straining cock, and when she slid down over him, he knew his earlier debate was fruitless. Of course there had to be a God because there simply could be no other explanation for the perfect fit of bodies and souls than that God had planned it that way.
“Condom?” She asked on a breath, before piercing her lower lip with straight white teeth.
“Shit!”
He helped her slide off him and grabbed for the condoms, spilling the box all over the floor. He grabbed one, slid it on hastily, and grabbed Ashley’s supple body again.
“Bed?”
Before he impaled her on his cock again, he wanted to know. She closed her eyes, shaking her head furiously. “Don’t give a fuck.”
In another second, he was inside her again. He felt her muscles squeeze him and knew his climax would come swift and strong. He fingered her clit while she rode him, eventually tugging her body down on his so he could kiss her, then suckled on a nipple.
The second his mou
th closed over the puckered flesh, she came. Her pussy squeezed his cock so hard, he wouldn’t have been able to hold back his climax if he tried. Sliding her up and down over his shaft, her muscles milked every last drop of cum from his body and as she fell atop his chest, her breath ragged, he closed his arms around her and knew he’d found paradise.
* * * *
Ashley circled the table, eyeing the phone as if it might bite her. She pulled the sash of the plush robe tighter around her waist and started chewing on her thumbnail, something Myra never tolerated. Darius still slept in the other room, and she had to make this phone call before he woke up.
After all, it was what she wanted.
She reached halfway to the phone, then pulled her hand all the way back inside the robe. “Oh, you’re just pathetic,” she scolded herself.
“Why’s that?”
She jumped at the deep baritone, still rough with sleep. Darius stepped through the bedroom door with just his pants on. They weren’t done up and he wore no shoes. He looked damned sexy.
Delish!
Her mouth watered at the sight. She caught the vague impression of black hairs just above the V in the zipper and the temptation was so swift, it nearly knocked her on her ass. She smiled guiltily, in part for her less than pure thoughts and in part because she’d been caught waffling about the phone call.
With a giggle, she moved toward him, hand in his pants before he could guess what she was thinking.
“Mmmm, Ashleeey.”
“What?”
She feigned innocence and blinked up at him. His smile was so dreamy. It looked sexy, with a hint of pirate in it. She kissed him, unable to help herself. She was giddy over this relationship. She’d never been so happy. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, then nipped and suckled her lips, his tongue twisting and turning around her own until she was senseless. When he paused for a moment, he hit her with the question.
“So who were you torturing yourself about calling?”
“I…” A long sigh escaped despite her attempt to stop it. “My doctor.”
He tipped her chin, kissed her brow, and in general made her feel comforted. Ashley wasn’t sure she’d ever felt that before. Maybe a couple of times with Johnny she’d been close, but this was pure bliss. She snuggled deeper into his arms, the sense of comfort making her more confident.
“I’m scared, Darius. I want them out, but…”
He kissed her long and deep, held her so close, she felt like a part of him. When he pulled away, he tucked her head under his chin and ran his hand over her hair and down her back.
“It’s not my place to tell you what to do, sweetheart, but it seems to me you’re serious, so how can I help you make the call?”
A tear came to the surface. She blinked it away, then looked up into his eyes with open curiosity.
“Seriously? You’re not going to tell me what to do, or just to suck it up, or not to worry my head about it?”
“Why on God’s earth would I tell you any of those things?”
He sounded genuinely confused and maybe even a little offended. Ashley pulled away, slumping onto the edge of the sofa. Darius came close and kneeled on the floor in front of her. His hands rested on her knees. The look on his face was so tender, it made her want to cry.
“Sweetheart, I don’t know you well, but I think you are an incredibly brave, smart woman. I think you can face anything and, Ashley, honestly, though I don’t think you need it, I want to be there with you. I want to hold your hand or wait by your side while you sleep, whatever you need.
“You don’t even need to make the call. You must know Paige can make it. Hell, I’ll make it if you want. Just get the appointment made, then we’ll take the next step after that, okay?”
She looked at him in awe. She’d always dreamed people like this existed, but she’d spent so many years in Myra’s gilded cage that she’d never before met one. She touched his jaw, pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
“Hand me the phone.”
He did, with a small kiss to the top of her head. She made the appointment for the day after tomorrow and though her stomach was in knots, she felt immensely proud of her accomplishment. Looking into Darius’ eyes, she wondered how it was she’d found him exactly when she needed him.
She knew all the pop psychology about standing on her own two feet. She’d read as many of the books as she could get her hands on over the last two years. In truth, she should be pushing Darius away, telling him she needed to do this by herself. Then, in another year or so when she was more whole, balanced, then she could look for a partner.
Fuck that!
The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away.
She had no idea how many times she’d heard Myra preach that, usually not in context either, but in this situation, she wondered if perhaps it weren’t true, only in reverse.
Maybe God knew exactly what she’d need to get through this. Maybe Darius was sent like an angel in heaven to help her and she couldn’t find a reason to turn her back on such a gift.
“Thank you.” She cupped his cheek in her palm. “Though it doesn’t seem enough, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for you.”
There were so many other things she wanted to say, but the words caught in her throat with the lump that formed. She pressed her head against his chest and reveled in his warm embrace. He kissed the top of her head—she just loved it when he did that.
“I’m not sure I entirely understand yet, sweetheart, but I’m glad I’m here for you. And I’ll keep being here with you until you tell me otherwise.”
Ashley had never wanted to believe anyone more in her life, but life had taught her people weren’t true to their words, so even though she reveled in the moment, she still kept a piece of her heart hidden from view. If Darius would walk over her heart at some point, at least she’d have one small part tucked away where he couldn’t get at it.
* * * *
The morning of her surgery, true to his word, Darius was right beside her every step of the way. He’d gone over his PR plan with her the night before, but she’d just been too anxious to pay that much attention. The funny thing was that after all the years she hadn’t been allowed to participate in her press and had wanted to, now she had someone laying it out at her feet and she hadn’t been able to focus.
The sad fact was it had got her wondering if maybe her mother had been right after all.
Already feeling the effects from the sedation, Ashley looked to Darius, who stood beside her, holding her hand. Once she was out, he had to leave and she knew that, but she couldn’t believe how comforting it was to have him with her. Like last night, she’d been too wound up for sex, but Darius had stayed anyway, holding her the entire night and not once did he try to take advantage.
He simply held her while she slept.
The whole night!
He was so completely different from any man she’d ever met and she wanted to keep him, but how crazy was it to feel so much for someone in such a short amount of time? Truth be told, she didn’t even know all that much about him. He rarely talked about himself, and never of his family.
Although, to be fair, she was keeping her fair share of secrets as well.
“Okay, time for you to go.”
The deep tone of the nurse startled her as he suddenly appeared in the room, but her reaction time was slowed and she couldn’t keep her eyes open any more. She did feel the light kiss on her forehead and the squeeze to her hand as Darius took his leave. Her last conscious thought was of wanting him to stay, not just for the surgery, but forever.
* * * *
Darius paced a deep indent into the carpet of the waiting room. It was an outpatient procedure and a few hours from now, he’d have Ashley all tucked up safe where she belonged, in his bed. In his arms.
Along with the PR campaign, he’d built in a reason for Ashley to stay with him at the Kiersen estate in Bel Air. He hadn’t even stayed there in years, preferring his penthouse in Playa
Del Rey overlooking the marina. Memories he didn’t want to face waited for him there, but it worked for this situation. The press would buy that she was staying at the Kiersen estate to recover, not that she was staying in his little condo on the marina.
And all that mattered to him right now was Ashley. He’d damn well face every ghost in that place to keep her safe.
“She’ll be okay. It’s a very routine procedure.”
Paige’s soft voice broke into his thought process. He gave her a tender smile. He liked Paige and her dedication to Ashley. She and Johnny were of course also going to be staying at the estate. Hell, it was damn well turning into a party.
“I know. Still nerve wracking, though.”
He smiled again and checked his watch. Surely she’d be out soon. It had already been three hours.
The waiting room was quiet. Johnny stood unnaturally still looking out a window, Paige crocheted something in lavender, and Darius, well, he just kept pacing.
How on earth had one petite blonde slipped under his skin so deep in such a short amount of time? He would have been concerned for any woman having surgery, but right now, he about felt strangled with fear and what if scenarios. The bottom line was screaming loud and clear, Ashley Williams had become so much more than just a fantasy.
He was falling in love with her.
Now if only he could convince her to do the same.
* * * *
Consciousness came slowly. Ashley felt as if there were tiny weights attached to each eyelash, a larger one on her arms and legs. There wasn’t any pain, but the heavy grogginess made her feel slightly panicked.
“Hey, sweet angel. Are you back?”
He squeezed her hand. Ashley thought she smiled but wasn’t entirely sure if it had made it all the way from her brain to her lips.
“Maybe?”