1606010387-Love-Lust-and-Deception-Lucas.doc

by Love, Lust

Her voice sounded foreign and weak, but something about it made her giggle.

  “Cold.”

  She realized just a second before she began to shiver, but all her fuzzy brain would put out there was the one word.

  A second later, she felt the weight of another blanket as its radiated heat soaked into her bones. She forced her eyes to open and smiled again at the sight of Darius standing guard over her a lot like Johnny usually did. He looked rumpled, not at all like the usually pressed and perfect GQ look he usually had going.

  As more of her strength returned, she squeezed his hand back.

  “Are they out?”

  He leaned close, pressed a kiss to her forehead, and whispered, “Yes, baby. They’re all gone.”

  She’d done it. Her first big life decision…ever.

  “I’m going to be okay.”

  “Of course you are.”

  She smiled, not really strong enough to explain that she meant in life, not just the implants. She would make it. One step at a time, one day at a time, one decision at a time. This was her life, finally, and she would live it happily from this second on.

  Chapter 8

  Darius felt the chill run up his spine before the large carved door was even opened. He hadn’t been back at his boyhood home in more years then he cared to remember. But for Ashley, he’d walk through fire, or as in this case, horrendous boyhood memories.

  “Master Kiersen. It is so good to have you home.”

  Darius bit back his first response. It wasn’t the butler’s fault. He grimaced and returned a strained, “Thank you. Are all the rooms ready?”

  He knew they would be, but he was damned if he knew what else to say.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Miss Ashley is in your mother’s suite as you asked.”

  He felt a blush creep up his neck and felt slightly chastised.

  “Thank you, Finn. I’ll show her up. The remainder of our guests will be arriving by nightfall.”

  He placed a hand in the small of Ashley’s back and led her to the grand staircase. He held back a shudder as his foot hit the first step, memories flooding back with much more power than he expected. He ground his teeth to hold them at bay.

  Arriving on the second floor landing, he led Ashley down the hall to the right. The end of the hall presented two rooms, one on either side. Darius knew both rooms in detail, but he shoved away thoughts of his father’s suite and led Ashley to the bright yellow suite that still carried the soft scent of honeysuckle all these years later.

  “Oh, my God, Darius, this is beautiful!”

  Ashley’s smile rivaled the bright color and cheerful ambiance of the suite and gave Darius something to ground him. He had no idea how hard this would be. He felt the need to latch onto Ashley so he wouldn’t drown in memories, pain, and lost dreams.

  He watched her move about the room with childish delight, touching the yellow roses printed on the fabric of the overstuffed loveseat, pulling back the lace curtains to look at what he knew was a view of the pool.

  As hard as he tried not to, he couldn’t help but see a beautiful woman with long dark hair surrounded by three excited boys as she held their new baby sister. It was one of those moments that had become a fuzzy memory with time, but the feeling of happiness was still so deep that it couldn’t be forgotten.

  “Are you sure your mother won’t mind me staying in her suite?”

  He blinked, realizing Ashley knew next to nothing about him or his family. He gave her a sad smile with a simple, “No, she won’t,” and let it rest at that.

  He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to think of some reason to excuse himself when she moved closer. He saw it in her eyes that she knew something was wrong. He kissed her forehead. He wasn’t ready for this discussion.

  “Just get some rest, sweetheart. I’m going to take a walk around the grounds, clear my head.”

  He kissed her lips softly.

  “Just because I gave you my mother’s room doesn’t mean I don’t want you in my bed.”

  He took a step back before his lust grew out of control. That simple little kiss lit a flame he wasn’t prepared to act on.

  “Are we on the same page?”

  She touched his cheek. Her eyes so tender, they made his heart ache.

  “If that’s what you want. Enjoy your walk. Myself, I think I’m going to take a nap if you don’t mind.”

  He kissed her one last time and moved to the door.

  “Make yourself comfortable, sweetheart. I’ll be back in a while. Maybe we can have dinner on the patio tonight.”

  “Sounds lovely.”

  On the other side of the door, he leaned back against it, staring across the hall at his father’s door.

  Was Devlin right?

  Dev had changed so much since Darius had last seen him. He looked so much older and scared and lonely. The demons eating away at his soul were so evident. He wondered about the little blonde at the pool and hoped somehow she’d be able to heal his brother’s heart.

  Awareness of where he was stole in, his father’s bedroom door looming in front of him. He moved closer, ran his hand softly over the intricate carving. The conversation from the island with his brother rambled once again through his brain.

  “Darius, what could you possibly want?”

  “I’ve visited our father.”

  Dev snorted and bypassed him without a glance.

  “You’re a fool then, and I’m not interested.”

  Dev’s voice had been so harsh, Darius fought all his fears and insecurities to stand his ground. He’d gone to that damned island for a reason. He remembered pleading.

  “He’s in prison, Dev. He’s lost everything.”

  Dev turned on him obviously furious and Darius had no idea why.

  “And it’s his own damn fault! She was a goddamn child, Darius. He had no business—”

  “He loved her. He went to prison to protect her.”

  Darius fought back with all the childlike belief in the world that their father hadn’t been guilty.

  “She was fifteen. He was damn near sixty.”

  Darius had tried to argue with him, but Dev stopped him with a hand to the shoulder and leveled the final blow.

  “She wasn’t the only one. He went to prison to protect that.”

  His fingers painfully dug into the wood grain.

  “Is it true?”

  Had he been a fool all his fucking life?

  He dropped his head against the door, all the memories spinning together until he was so dizzy, he could barely stand, then made a dash for fresh air.

  * * * *

  Ashley still felt as if she were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Darius had been nothing but good to her for days. She was living in his house…well, his parent’s house but still, there she was along with her small entourage, nevertheless something wasn’t right.

  For starters, she’d been sleeping in his bed and he hadn’t touched her—outside of holding her carefully all night long.

  She hated the voice whispering in her head that told her it was because he’d lost interest around the time she’d lost two-cup sizes.

  He held her every single night. Got her pain meds, fed her, entertained her with stories of him and his brothers, and over all distracted her from the fact that she was slowly reverting back into Ashley Bensen. A change more than simply the breasts, it was her heart.

  Her agent pressured her to take a meeting with one of the hottest directors in town right now. The guy really wanted her. She knew the part was hers for the asking, or eyelash bat, but she didn’t seem to care.

  She didn’t want to go to her next hair appointment and be bleached, highlighted, trimmed, and polished. She didn’t want to do the press interviews Darius had lined up for her to do, even if she did think he’d put a genius spin on her breast removal. She wanted to stay here, lie in Darius’ arms, and forget the rest of the world existed.

  If only Darius felt the same.

  “Hey, pr
incess, wanna go for a walk around the grounds?”

  Johnny’s deep timbre drew her up from her thoughts instantly and comforted her like it always did.

  “I think I’m having an identity crisis.”

  “Honey, your tits aren’t who you are.”

  Ashley laughed so hard, she couldn’t breathe for a moment. His words caught her by such surprise. Laughter was the only response she had for him. She was so thankful to have had that man in her life all these years.

  “Hey, sweetheart. What’s so funny?”

  Darius’ arrival slowed her laughter as her body started to heat in anticipation of his touch. God, she had to do something about that. No other man had ever had that type of effect on her.

  “I think you had to be here.”

  She smiled and wiped the wetness from her eyes. Darius moved beside her, placing a gentle kiss to the top of her head. Normally, she loved the way he did that, it made her feel cared for and protected. Right now, she found it simply irritating because that was the most action she got from him lately.

  “Thanks for the offer, Johnny, but I have something I have to talk to Darius about and it can’t wait. Maybe later?”

  “Sure thing, princess. Sorry about the remark about your tits, hon, didn’t mean anything by it.”

  She held back the giggle by pressing both lips between her teeth and simply nodded in Johnny’s direction. Taking in a slow breath, she meandered to the other side of the living room. A formal room covered in gold and cream, very monochromatic, and not at all to her tastes, so she had no idea why this room always drew her in, but it was where she’d been spending most of her time since moving in with Darius.

  Tall arched windows lined one wall giving a peaceful view of the back terrace and gardens stretching out beyond. She almost felt a spirit of happiness dwelling in that garden. It was the strangest sensation.

  She jumped a bit when Darius came up behind her, wrapping both arms around her waist, and pulling her back against him. The kiss he placed at her temple was gentle and sweet and squeezed her heart in a very real way.

  “Ashley, what’s wrong? You haven’t been the same since the surgery and I swore I wouldn’t ask, but I’m worried. Are you in pain? Did something go wrong? Am I just being a complete moron?”

  She laughed again, reaching behind her to touch his cheek. He’d become so dear to her in such a short time.

  “Nothing’s wrong, but I have been wondering the same about you.” She turned in his arms until she faced him. He had the bluest eyes, so deep and so tender. “I…” She closed her eyes, afraid to give voice to the words.

  Feeling his fingers beneath her chin, she obliged but felt ridiculous as the first tear rolled over her cheek.

  “Hey.”

  His voice was so achingly soft and filled with concern, it only made her cry harder. He pulled her body against his and held her close until her tears became sniffles.

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Please tell me. I’m not trying to be nosy, but I can tell you’re hurting and it’s killing me not to be able to help.”

  She laughed softly, not quite believing he was real.

  “I never knew men like you existed.”

  Pulling away, she crossed the room, arms folded tightly around her for emotional protection if nothing more.

  “I’m just so confused, Darius. I’ve been going through a two-year identity crisis and all the changes I’ve been making recently aren’t helping. If anything, I’m more confused than ever about who I am.

  “All my life, I’ve been Ashley…whoever. I was born Ashley Bensen and I’m not even sure who she was anymore. I feel so fake. My hair, my boobs, my figure, my eyes, my charity work, everything planned and perfected to project an image. No one ever consulted me. It was either Myra or Gabe that was in charge. They decided who Ashley was, never me.”

  She brushed away a tear and once again laughed on a breath.

  “I have this image of being a sexy seductress, but no real man has ever really wanted me, and until very recently, I was a fucking virgin!”

  “That’s an oxymoron, sweetheart.”

  She covered her eyes with her hands, in part to guard herself from that damn irresistible smile of his and in part because she felt emotionally depleted and still so damn confused it wasn’t even funny. When Darius came to comfort her, she took it all out on him, shoving him away with a ferocity that surprised her.

  “No, damn it! Don’t comfort me. I don’t want your fucking comfort, Darius. I want you. I want your body. I want you to still find me attractive, sexy, even though my boobs disappeared. I want some damn man to want me! Why is that always so much to ask?”

  She stared at him, willing him to call her on it, praying he would. She wanted so deep in her soul for him to be different, for this to finally be the man who just wanted her—her spirit, her personality, her love—and didn’t give a damn if she were blonde or brunette, large busted or small, stick thin, curvy, or overweight. She just wanted to be loved for herself for once in her goddamn life. Why was it always so much to ask? Why was she never worth it to anyone?

  He stood there and stared at her, and she knew she’d lost him. She started to turn, the pain in her heart too great to bear much longer with the fear flooding through. When he grabbed her, she wasn’t sure what happened. Her mouth opened to say…something, she wasn’t sure, but his closed down on hers in a hungry possession that left her struggling for air and her brain cells blown.

  She grabbed onto him with all the passion she had in her heart and met his kiss with her own desperation. He picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his waist and the kiss grew deeper still.

  There was no way on this earth she would have shooed him away, even though she did wonder if it were pity. She needed this.

  Needed him.

  When he finally pulled his mouth away, they were both breathless. The dark desire in his eyes was tempered by a deep burning fury that excited her more than scared her. She’d never needed anyone in her life the way she needed him. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to analyze. She just wanted to feel, to hold, to kiss, to have him buried deep inside her and make her feel safe and treasured.

  “I. Do. Not. Pity fuck. I. Do. Not. Give a damn, about how you look. I’m so goddamn fucking in love with you, Ashley, that I can’t see straight. I haven’t the faintest clue why—we really don’t know each other well—but if you’d have me, I’d marry you today and spend the rest of my life making damn sure you never regretted it.

  “I want you, Ashley. Everything you are and everything you will be, I want. And if that's a Hollywood star, fine. If it’s a woman barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen, fine. If it’s a woman who’s in the middle of an identity crisis and just needs time to figure things out, as long as she lets me watch and make fierce love to her every night, I don't give a damn.

  “Am. I. Clear?”

  Ashley thought her heart might burst. She felt his cock pressing hard against her and knew he wasn’t lying about how much he wanted her, but she also believed it was truly she he wanted. Even if she herself wasn’t clear on whom that was.

  “Fuck me, Darius. Now!”

  He tore her light sweater over her head, and broke the clasp on her bra with his teeth and one hand, the other cradling her ass, as he held her off the floor. She grabbed his attention away monetarily with a needy kiss that almost incinerated them both. When he put her back on the floor, she didn’t waste a second, going straight for his pants, tearing at them and losing two nails in the process.

  He removed her skirt and it joined his pants on the floor. She had no idea where the condom came from, but the next thing she knew, he had her in his arms again, back pressed against the wall, and sliding into her hard and so fast.

  The first orgasm hit her almost immediately and took her by surprise. The second was an absolute anomaly for her, reminding her everything about sex was different with Darius.

  He pumped into her again and again until he too fou
nd climax. His body tensed. He pressed against her once more and slipped his tongue deep inside her mouth. As the last of his orgasm waned, he took her with him and slid silently down the wall to the floor.

  Chapter 9

  Ashley was utterly charmed by the setting Darius had chosen for their picnic—a children’s story garden right of the main terrace that was secluded enough to forget she was so near to the house. Surrounded by topiary in the shapes of animals and children’s literature characters such as the White Rabbit and March Hare from Alice in Wonderland, it was the type of garden she would swear fairies lived in.

  She wondered what had Darius’ mind so captured, though. He lounged beside her but had been so quiet the entire lunch that the only real company she felt she had was that of the splashing fountain and the chattering birds.

  After dusting her fingers on a napkin and setting aside her plate, she moved closer to Darius and ran her fingers trough his hair.

  “I think this is the longest it’s been in five years.”

  He laughed softly.

  “I like it long.” She pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I think it’s sexy.”

  She had the very real impression she did not have his attention, so she decided to test it.

  “The last time I was on a picnic, ten enormous purple aliens appeared out of nowhere and I fucked each and every one of them.”

  She paused, watching to see if he’d at all heard her. When he said nothing, she continued, “The fourth one had the largest cock I’ve ever seen and it was in his armpit!”

  “What the fuck?”

  She couldn’t help but laugh at his expression alone.

  “Sweetheart, I love the picnic, but I feel that I’m on it alone. Can I listen? Help in some way?”

  He lay back on the blanket, pulling her with him, and tucking her to his side. She wrapped her arm around him, resting her head against his shoulder. It was the best spot in the whole world and someday she would figure out how to have herself permanently affixed there.

  “Angel, I’m not even sure where I’d start and you have enough on your plate. Are you at all ready for tomorrow’s event?”