"He's got a shiner on him, a big one, and a bruised rib. He was carrying the little jug you guys made the other day down those damn back steps. I've been after him to fix them for a long time. I think the worse part for him is that he fell on Mutty and broke the dog's front leg."
He continued, "Mutty's still at the vets. He'll be okay, just like a person he'll need a cast for a while, probably three or four weeks."
Her breath came out in a gasp. "How awful. You said Matthew had fallen before?"
He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah. It was about a year ago. He just tries to do so much in his life..." but his voice trailed off and Bethany could tell he was on the verge of tears.
"Well," she said, "I'll just have to go upstairs and see him."
"I wouldn't suggest it right now. He's in bad shape. Last time, it took him weeks to recover and get his spirit back."
With that, he left, rubbing his eyes and shaking his head.
She didn't know what to do next. It just didn't seem at all like the Matthew she knew, just to sit around and feel sorry for himself.
But, he didn't come downstairs that day, or the next. Her only links to him were Nat and Sarah.
Mutty was back from the vets office, but confined to the downstairs, so she coddled him with doggie treats and lots of petting.
The third day, she thought she should go upstairs and see Matthew, against Nat's advice.
She hadn't been in the upstairs of the house, and had to search for a while until she found his bedroom, the master suite.
She knocked on the open door, but he didn't respond. He was unshaven, and lay against the pillows with a grim look on his face. The curtain was drawn closed against the light of the sun.
"I came to say hello," she said in a light tone, "since you won't come downstairs."
But he said nothing, just stared straight ahead. His mouth was slightly smiling, but it wasn't a happy smile, she thought. She could see the black eye, now a purple shade, and while his eyes moved with her, she knew he couldn't see anything.
"Nat told me what happened. I don't understand why you don't come downstairs. Just put on your robe and slippers and join me as I toil away down there," she said, in the same light tone, trying to joke with him. "You could listen to your music."
"You shouldn't be here," he said finally, "it's not proper."
"I've been known to throw my fate to the winds at times," she said. "I've just missed you, is all. Don't you get bored up here?"
"No. I don't."
She sighed, and came around his bedside. "How can you just give up like this? It's not like you," she told him honestly.
"You don't really know me," he said softly, "I'm better off by myself."
"Why that's ridiculous. How can you even say that? You have lots and lots of friends, even that Catherine woman."
One side of his mouth quirked up at that.
"And I bring you greetings from Mutty also. Everyone except you has signed his little cast. He misses you."
"He's better off without me. Look what happened."
"For heaven sake, Matthew. It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone. Dogs break legs every day. And, Nat said those stairs were bad to begin with."
But he was still sullen and uncommunicative, giving her one word replies.
"Well," she said finally, "I'll be back tomorrow to see you."
"Don't bother. Please."
When she was home at the end of the day, she broke down and cried to her mother and Kate about it.
"How awful for him," her mother said, handing her a tissue, as they sat on the sofa. "I guess the only way for us to know his pain is just to put ourselves in the same boat, and just imagine. What can we ever do to bring him around? Or, maybe it will just take time. It reminds me of a Psalm I read today, 55 I think it was, where a woman is trying to hide from the storm and questioning the love of God."
They discussed it for a good hour, but could come up with no plan.
"Well, listen you two," her mother said, "can you come and help me at the battered women's shelter tonight? It's just folding blankets and distributing supplies. Would you mind? And in the mean time, maybe we can think of something for our Matthew."
Bethany and Jacob were an instant hit at the women's shelter, as she brought him in with his little helmet on, then sat entertaining the women with his cooing, while they taught him to say "Mama" and "Papa" which, with Jacob's voice, came out more like "Maaaa" and "Paaaa" in a light screaming pitch.
And Bethany was surprised to see Alicia, Nat's girlfriend, come in to work at the shelter a few minutes later.
"I didn't know you worked here," Bethany told her, as they made supply bags for the women and children, filled with toothbrushes, toothpaste, soap, combs and even some toys.
"It's court-ordered," Alicia said, as Kate joined them in the back room.
"Oh," Bethany replied, not sure whether to ask her about the details. "Sorry, Alicia this is my sister, Kate."
"It's okay," Alicia said, "I don't mind talking about it. I'm an alcoholic and I was in a car accident. I caused it, and it sent four people in the other car to the hospital." She added, "Thank God I didn't kill anyone."
Bethany noticed Kate had slowed her bagging, and was now listening with interest.
"What happened?" Bethany asked.
"I thought I was okay to drive after I was at a bar for the evening. I was by myself, just rounding a curve, and I'm not sure if I fell asleep, or went into a black-out, but the next thing I heard was the sound of Nat's voice, as he talked to me as they were cutting me out of the car."
"Wow," Kate said.
"How did Nat get there?" Bethany asked.
"He called 911 after he saw the accident. He was a bystander but he's helped me so much since then. I broke my back, and he read The Bible to me, as I recovered. He let me see I could make something of my life. I started back to school and everything. But I still have almost a thousand hours of community service to do. I don't mind at all, though. It lets me see how the other people in the world are sometimes suffering."
Bethany's eyes linked with Kate's, and she almost said, "Listen up," but in the end she thought better of it. Kate knew what to do. She just had to get serious about getting and keeping sober.
Thursday of that week, the fourth day of Matthew's self-imposed exile, Bethany made her way into his house with her little surprise in the morning.
"Anything else, Miss Bethany?" Ollie said, as he assisted her.
"No, thanks. This should do it."
She took Jacob's helmet off, and he cooed at her contentedly as she put his baby carrier seat on Matthew's desktop. "Now listen, little man, you have to make lots of noise now for mama. Remember? Maaaa, Paaaa," she said excitedly.
He waved his hands and feet in the air, but made no noise.
"Maaaa, Paaaa," she said again, clapping her hands.
Suddenly, he screeched, "Paaaa" in the loudest voice she'd ever heard him use. It echoed in the house, and Bethany giggled to herself as she realized there was no doubt that Matthew heard it.
He screeched it again and then again. Sarah and Ollie stood in the doorway, trying to stifle their laughs, before they went back into the kitchen.
Matthew came down the stairs then, slowly, and she could hear his cane and Mutty's scratching against the floor as he approached his master at the foot of the stairs.
Matthew's hand came down to absently pet him and tie his robe sash at the same time. "You shouldn't have brought the child here," he said in a stiff voice.
Feeling her eyes fill with tears, she said slowly, "I had no sitter. My mother is ill today." She had to adlib, as this was not the reaction she was expecting.
"Then you should go and take care of her. This is not a house for children." And with that, he left her standing by his desk as he went to sit in the living room.
She felt like someone had punched her hard in the stomach, and she quickly gathered up her things and Ollie, reluctantly, watchin
g Matthew in the living room, helped her out and fastened Jacob in the baby seat in her car. "Can you watch him just for a second?" she asked Ollie, who nodded then.
Walking quickly back into the house, she went into the living room. "What happened to your faith?" she asked Matthew loudly. "You don't practice what you preach. I thought you were really on the level, but you're not. You told me once you wouldn't waste your time feeling sorry for yourself. You lied to me. You're just a big phony. Why I believed you for a minute I'll never know. God made us able to question, but not Him." And, with that, she left his house.
"My man," Nat said to Matthew in the living room, after he came in the kitchen a few minutes later and found out what happened, "you screwed up."
"Not really," Matthew said. "Just think about it. I would go to hold the child and fall. And it wouldn't be poor little Mutty who gets the broken leg. It would be the child."
"Hey, this is me. And the child is Jacob. You can't say his name or what? So," Nat continued, "what else?"
"She feels sorry for me. I can tell."
"You're doing a great job of that all by yourself, Matt. And, I do not agree with that. If anything, she looks up to you and respects you. That is what I see."
"Don't interfere."
"Whatever. She's gone anyway. Packed up all her stuff. Left you a disc for the next person with her work on it. So you're all alone, man. That's what you wanted, and that's what you've got. Enjoy."
And, at that point in time, Matthew thought his heart was broken in two. He'd heard little Jacob's cries, and wanted to go to him, hold him, his little feet and hands, smell his clean baby scent. He knew he didn't want this alone, empty feeling. But Bethany was right, he thought, he was a phony. A lost cause.
Day by day, he didn't talk, even to Nat or his pastor who called every day. He just sat with his eyes focused on the window in his bedroom.
Bethany answered her door a few days later and saw Nat on the doorstep. She let him in. "How are things?" she asked him after she'd poured him coffee.
He smiled, after he took a sip. "First things first, how are you and Jacob doing?"
"Well, I haven't found a job yet. It's such a tough market out there. We're limping along the best we can. Matthew arranged for severance pay, several months actually."
Nat frowned then sighed. "Matt's really bad this time, Beth. It wasn't anything you did. I don't want you feeling responsible. And I know he wants you to come back and work for him."
"He actually said that?" she asked him with a smile, "or are you reading his mind?"
"Tell you what," he said slowly, "why don't you come for a visit. You know, like Catherine. Just breeze in and chatter."
"That might make him even worse," she said.
"Not necessarily. He couldn't be any worse than he is right now. Come by around two o'clock this afternoon. I'll take it from there. And bring Jacob."
Now, Bethany stood holding Jacob's carrier in front of Matthew's house, thinking she really should not do this thing. But, also thinking she had nothing to lose, she knocked.
Inside the house, Matthew was becoming increasingly upset with Nat, who, for some reason, was hovering around him, demanding he shower and shave before helping him down the steps into the living room. "What's going on?" he said impatiently. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"You're like a big crab with its claws open," Nat said, giving him a slight push to sit back on the couch.
A knock sounded and he heard Nat usher someone in. "Who is it?" he asked irritably.
"Darling," a familiar voice said, "How are you darling?"
Bethany. And he heard Jacob cooing in his seat.
He looked up and tried to see her shadow. "I'm all right," he said. How he'd missed her voice, and little Jacob's sounds, he realized. The house had been dead without these sounds.
Then, suddenly, Jacob was in his lap. "I don't think-"
"Darling," she continued, "I must tell you about all the social happenings."
By that time, Jacob had grabbed the front of his robe, and Matthew tightened his grip on the boy a bit so he wouldn't fall off his lap.
"Well," Bethany continued, "we're still working with Alicia at the women's shelter, and my sister and Alicia are both still sober, as well as being fast friends, I'm happy to report. My mother continues to watch Jacob as I pound the pavement for a job, as my former employer let me go. Oh, did I tell you about that?"
A smile pulled on his lips. "Yes, I seem to recall-"
"Yes," she interrupted, "the cad just said for me to leave, I never quite understood it, you know, as I thought I was doing a great job."
"You were-"
"Can you just believe the nerve of that fellow," she interrupted again, in a sing-song voice, "I just think he'll be a cross-out on my social calendar."
And, as she continued her ridiculous chatter, he sat back on the sofa and laughed, a sound that hadn't been heard in the house for a week.
Nat grinned in the hallway, and left for his apartment.
"Paaaa" Jacob shrieked loudly, as his little arms and legs pumped up and down.
"And," she said, "you missed Jacob turning over by himself. I put him on his stomach and he flips over, with a big smile on his face when he realizes what he's done."
He laughed again, then grew serious. "Can you ever forgive me for being such a dunce?"
"Oh, you mean, write you in my social calendar? Gosh, it's pretty full. I'd have to check with my secretary on that."
"Well, while you're checking, put in time for a wedding."
Silence greeted him on that one. He wondered if she even would marry him after what he'd put her through. Plus, the deck was stacked against him, being blind.
"Nat and Alicia?" she said softly.
He laughed even harder at that. "No. You and I. If you'll have me, that is."
"Well," she replied slowly, "I suppose so. But, with stipulations."
"Go ahead."
"Fix the back steps."
"All right. What else?"
"You really need to get dressed, Matthew. I'm tired of the robe."
He grinned, and kissed Jacob. "Go on. Give it to me."
"Well, I will, once we're married."
He laughed so hard at that, he scared Jacob, who started crying then. "Oh, little man, I'm sorry," he said, kissing his head and rocking him.
Chapter 8
Bethany looked at her reflection in Matthew's dressing room, which was partly hers now, with all her clothes hanging there, and thought she was very nervous. He couldn't see her, but she wondered how different the love making would be. She hadn't made love in so long, and she was too nervous now to even enter the bedroom.
Their wedding had been small and very intimate, with only family, Nat, Alicia, Sarah, Ollie, her mother, Jacob, Kate, and, of course, Mutty. Her mother held Jacob during the service, and he was silent, just bobbing his head and watching her. At the very end, he screamed, "Paaaa!" making everyone laugh.
They would have a reception when they were back from their honeymoon in the Bahamas, with all the church members and the pastor in attendance. And Jacob would stay with her mother while they were gone.
But now, they were staying the first night of their married life in Matthew's bedroom, not leaving until the morning.
"Bethany?" he called.
"I'll be right there," she said, fluffing her hair again and looking at herself in the floor-length silky nightgown she'd picked. It was green. She'd tell him about the color.
Still nervous, she padded into the bedroom and lay next to him under the covers.
"You're shaking," he said. "Please don't be nervous. I won't bite."
His arms came around her, and he sighed. "I like your gown."
"It's light green," she said, "and sort of silky."
He laughed. "I figured that one out on my own." His hand ran over her back, her hip then her thigh. "You have no idea how good you feel to me. And how long I've wanted to touch you like this."
&n
bsp; His hand came back to stroke her hair slowly, and the intimate touch gave her goose-bumps. But then he kissed her, a long subtle kiss that grew deeper as she drew herself closer to him.
Matthew thought she was so very responsive, moving her body next to his. He could hear her sharp intake of breath when his hand roved over her backside, then pulled her leg over his. His body was ready for her, but he knew he needed to get her ready as well.
"Take off your gown," he whispered.
He felt her wiggle out of the thing, before his body was full on hers, naked and so vulnerable. "Tell me what you like," he urged.
She brought his hand to her breast where he palmed the nipple, before she led his hand between her legs. "Anywhere. It feels so good," she whispered.
Softly, his lips met hers, and he felt her tense slightly. Then she seemed to relax, and her arm came around his waist. Feeling her seductive, soft lips on his own, he groaned, as the kiss grew deeper and she did nothing to stop it.
Slowly, his hand roved her body, against her soft skin, her back, then her backside, her thighs, and between her legs, loving the feel of the sweet nectar there on his fingers.
"Lay on top of me," he said urgently.
She did, and he felt her hair on his cheek. His hands stroked her backside, and slowly slid to her breasts, while his hardness pulsed between her legs.
"You have beautiful breasts," he whispered, as he palmed the nipples and heard her gasp. Reaching up, he drew her head down and his lips met hers, while he turned them both over, so she was beneath him.
"Please," she said softly, "come in me."
He was ready, he thought, and she as well, but he was afraid he couldn't stop himself once inside her.
Gently, he guided his hardness inside her, and felt her pulsing against him while she gasped and moved underneath him as he began a slow rhythm. "Matthew," she whispered, "I love you."
He moaned, as he thrust deeply into her, relishing the womanly feel of her body against his, while he heard her sharp intake of breath.
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