Redwood Violet

by Robin Mahle

  Nearly the entire week had passed before Katie suffered through another nightmare, but in the early hours of this morning, she awoke in an almost violent manner. Spencer wasn’t lying next to her and so she’d decided to walk down the hall in search of him.

  The glow from the television bounced off his face like a strobe light as he sat almost lifeless on the couch. Dawn had broken and a dull light filtered through the edge of window curtains.

  “How long have you been up?” she asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

  “Since about three.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Couldn’t sleep.”

  Katie sat down beside him. “You passed; don’t worry. I know you did.” She wasn’t about to disclose her reason for being awake at this hour, not today.

  “I wish I had the same confidence in me as you do.”

  “I’ll go make some coffee.” She gently squeezed his thigh and walked into the kitchen. “You want some toast?”

  “Yeah, that’d be great. Hey, by the way, how’d you sleep? You’re up awfully early.”

  She shoved the spoon into the coffee can and took a deep breath. “I slept all right. I just noticed that you weren’t in the room and decided to come and check on you.” She hated lying to him, but there was no way she would worry him any more than he was already. The appointment with Dr. Reyes on Thursday still remained a secret. There was no point in saying anything, until there was something worth mentioning.

  The little silver tray they’d received as a house warming gift had some practical use. Katie used it to hold their coffees and toast as she brought them into the living room. “Here you are.”

  “Thanks.” Spencer took a sip of his coffee. “So, no bad dreams last night, then?” His undertones suggested he already knew why she was awake well before the alarm.

  “No.” She shook her head. “I may have tossed and turned little, but nothing that I can recall.”

  “Honey, come on. It’s me. I know you’re still struggling. I haven’t said anything because I didn’t want to pressure you. But it’s clear you’re trying to deal with something; emotions, stress or whatever else it could be. Have you thought any more about talking with someone?”

  The heavy sigh that escaped brought her some relief. “I didn’t want to burden you with anymore of this nonsense. You’ve been so anxious about your exam results and a few bad dreams seemed pretty insignificant.”

  “But it’s not, is it? And it’s more than a few,” he said. “Your mind and your body are trying to tell you something. Whether it’s to relax or change something in your life, I don’t know. Have you been happy at work?”

  “Of course; I love my job. It’s been a little quiet lately because I haven’t had an opportunity to work on any cases. Fundraising season, you know how that goes. If it makes you feel any better, I called Dr. Reyes last week. I told you about her at the hotel, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I called her and I’ve got an appointment for Thursday. I was going to tell you, but not until you got your results. I didn’t want you to worry.”

  “But I do worry about you. I know I’ve been swamped at work and admittedly stressed about the bar, but honey, please don’t keep things from me. I can handle more than you think.” He took a bite of his toast. “Well, I’m glad you made an appointment anyway. Whatever’s going on, we’ll get through it. I’ll just need a few more cups of coffee to help me get through the day.”

  * * *

  Katie was wrapping up a meeting with a major contributor to the foundation when a call came in on her cell phone. “Excuse me, Mr. Wallace; I’ve got to take. Jennifer will show you out. Thank you again for your generous contribution.” She shook his hand and walked into the corridor. “Hey, babe, tell me the good news.” There was a pause on the other end of the line and her heart jumped into her throat, fearing the worst.

  “Yeah, well about that.” He paused again, a much too lengthy one, giving rise to impending bad news. “I passed!”

  She was overcome with relief. “I swear, if you were here, I’d slap you for that.”

  He laughed on the other end of the line, that wonderful contagious laugh she loved so much. She couldn’t help but start laughing herself.

  “It’s one o’clock,” she said, glancing at her watch. “How about I give the guys a call and get everyone together tonight for a celebration?”

  “I would love that,” he replied.

  “So, what about your boss? Does he know yet? Do you think they’ll offer you a job?”

  “Don’t know. I literally just got the news. I’m going to go tell him now. I doubt they’ll offer me a job on the spot, but we’ll see.”

  “Well, they’d be fools if they didn’t hire the hottest lawyer in town! I’m so proud of you. Anyway, I’ll get everyone together. Why don’t we meet after work at Wayfarers?”

  “Sounds great, honey. I’ll see later. Love you.”

  “I love you, bye.” Katie stood in the hall, struggling to remove the grin plastered on her face.

  “You look like the cat that ate the canary,” Richard said.

  “Spencer passed the bar.” Katie could hardly contain herself.

  “Congratulations! That’s wonderful news. Also, congratulations on getting a rather sizable donation from Mr. Wallace. That’s no easy task.” Richard patted her shoulder and continued on his way.

  For the first time in months, Katie felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Maybe Spencer was right, maybe I’ve just been too stressed.

  * * *

  Wayfarers was packed, as usual. Luckily, a few of the guys were able to get there early and get a table for everyone. Katie mingled amongst their college friends and a few of the interns from Spencer’s firm. Finally, Spencer arrived, late, but today that was okay.

  She stood up in front of everyone and began to clink a spoon against her wine glass.

  “First of all, on behalf of my amazingly intelligent boyfriend, I’d like to thank you all for joining us on this special occasion. After years of studying, spending long hours as a thankless grunt in a law office, and passing, on his first attempt, the California bar exam, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. Spencer J. Harris, Esquire!”

  With raised glasses and shouts of accolades and applause for the man of the hour, Spencer and Katie’s friends toasted to his success.

  “Thank you all and thank you to my beautiful Katie. Without her support, I would surely have failed not just the bar, but failed at life.” He walked around the booth to Katie, knelt down, and pulled a small blue velvet box from his pants pocket. Gasps could be heard from their surrounding friends. Katie’s eyes grew wide and began to fill with tears.

  “Katie. When we met in college, I had no idea that the 5’6” brunette beauty that stands before me now would turn out to be my soul mate. You have supported me every step of the way and I know it hasn’t been easy. I can only hope to find a way to repay you. I’d like to start by asking you to spend the rest of your life with me so that I can try. Katie, will you marry me?”

  Without hesitation, Katie knew her answer immediately. “Of course I will.”

  He slid the diamond solitaire on her ring finger and raised up to embrace her. “I love you so much, Katie.”

  They were the only words that mattered and she knew they’d come from his heart. Most of their close friends attended UCSD with them and had watched their relationship grow. Katie showed off the ring to the other women, while the men congratulated Spencer.

  “Did you have any idea this was coming?” asked Lindsey.

  “No, none at all. Even at Sam’s wedding, he didn’t elude to any of this. Honestly, I had no idea.”

  “So long as you’re happy,” Amanda replied.

  “Yes, I’m happy, very happy.”

  After a few rounds of drinks, the newly engaged couple finally had a moment alone as the others were occupied with their own conversations.

  “I’ve been planning this for a while, you kno
w,” Spencer started.

  “Really? Since when?”

  “Since the day I took the exam, 5 months ago. I knew right then that if I passed, I would be able to provide you with the life you deserved. We can move out of that crappy apartment and buy ourselves a house. We can talk about starting a family. This is all I’ve wanted for us since we graduated. It about killed me at Sam’s wedding. I wanted to ask you so badly then, but I had to wait. I had to know that I would make it as a lawyer.”

  “Spencer, I’d have married you, lawyer or not. You know that, right?”

  “I know. But this is what I needed to do first.” Spencer looked over at their friends. “Well, it looks as though everyone’s enjoying themselves. Don’t suppose you’re ready to get out of here?”

  “You bet, let’s bail.” Katie stood up to get everyone’s attention. “Hey guys. Thank you all so much for coming tonight, especially on short notice. I think we’re gonna head out and do some celebrating in private.” She winked at Spencer.

  * * *

  Katie stood on the landing, searching her purse for the keys to the apartment. Spencer’s arms wrapped around her while he kissed her delicate neck.

  “There they are.” She opened the door and tossed her purse on the couch. “It’ll be nice moving out of this place, so long as we find a house with a great big closet.” They began kissing with a passion that seemed to be lacking recently.

  “You know, it’s only 9:00,” Spencer said, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Do you want to call you parents and tell them the news?”

  “Let’s see, it’s 9:00 on a Monday night.” Katie looked up, placing her hand beneath her chin. “Dad will probably be asleep on the couch after what I would guess to be his fifth or sixth drink of the night. Mom will be in her bed reading the latest self-help book. So, I’m thinking…no. Not tonight. I’ll call this weekend.”

  “Okay. You know, sometimes I think you’re harder on your folks than you should be.”

  Katie pulled out a chair at the dining table and sat down, feeling a little less amorous at the mention of her parents.

  Rather than squander the mood entirely, Spencer went into the kitchen to open a bottle of wine and continued. “You had a good childhood, from what you’ve told me. You grew up in a great neighborhood, had family vacations, so I don’t understand why you don’t have a closer relationship with them. I think we’ve only been up there, what, like maybe four times in the past seven years?”

  “You’re right. I was given pretty much everything I wanted. The problem was that what I wanted was their attention; their time. My dad worked constantly, building up his business, and I always felt like he kept me at arm’s length, you know? I can probably count the number of times he told me he loved me on one hand. After a while, it seemed like the only things that really mattered to him were work and plenty of beer. And, Mom, well you know how she is; Mrs. Humanitarian. I had to help her with practically every charity event she ran. She always said, ‘There are those far less fortunate than you, Kate. It’s important to give back.’”

  “Was she wrong?” Spencer jumped in.

  Katie sighed. “Of course not; she taught me the value of having a social conscious. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I love them both, dearly, but it’s like I’m not really their flesh and blood; like they’re detached from me.”

  Spencer handed her a glass as he sat down at the table. “Well, maybe it’s time to change that. What’s gonna happen when we have kids? You’ll want them to spend time with their grandparents, right?”

  “Well, we’ve got yours.” Katie grinned.

  “Mine live on the other side of the country. At least yours are only a two-hour flight away.”

  “Three, more like,” Katie said.

  “Okay, whatever, but you know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’ll call them tomorrow then, okay? I promise.” Katie held up her hand and admired her new ring. “You did a heck of a job picking this one out.”

  “Yeah, well, I know what you like.” Spencer’s devious smile gave away his intentions.

  “Oh really? Why don’t you show me, then?” Katie stood up, glass in hand, and began walking towards their bedroom. She stopped at the hall and looked back. “You comin’, Mr. Harris?”

  “Yes ma’am, soon-to-be Mrs. Harris.”

  * * *

  She hid behind a tree, hoping he wouldn’t see her and tried to take a deep breath, but the cramp in her side made her wince in pain. The throbbing in her legs begged her to sit down, but she couldn’t. And the birds chirped high in the trees. She looked up to see them, fearing they would give away her position. It was bright, too bright for her aching eyes. She had been in darkness, but did not know for how long. Time seemed to stand still with no light to guide the senses. Everything around her appeared hugely out of proportion. It was as if she was in a land of giants, like the kind in the children’s stories. The sound of leaves crackling made her head spin around. He was getting closer; she must run again. With each step, the cuts on her feet opened further and new ones formed as she trod over the broken branches and rocks on the forest floor. She could smell the rancid odor coming from the giant. He wasn’t far behind.

  As she ran, his footsteps drew closer and the smell grew worse, nearly making her gag. She forced her legs to continue, pushing with every ounce of strength she had. Images of her parents flashed through her mind like a slide show; memories of them at the playground, at the beach, playing with her in the backyard. Everyone was so happy. She remembered happiness and love and this was what kept her running through the fear and pain. But it was not enough. She felt the hot stench of his breath on the back of her neck and his large fingers trying to grasp her shirt. She looked back for a moment and saw nothing but darkness.

  A sharp pain pierced the arch of her foot as she lurched forward to avoid his grip. Her foot gave way as she tumbled to the ground. She looked up at the giant. His arms reached out for her. His great big hands clasped onto her shoulders and squeezed.

  Katie’s eyes flew open as she lay in a pool of sweat. Her heart raced so fast, she took hold of her chest as if that would slow it down. This was by far the worst one yet. Never before had he touched her. She could still feel a tenderness in her arms as if it had actually happened. Glancing at Spencer and ensuring he was still asleep, Katie got up from her bed and reached for her robe.

  Shuffling into the living room, she sat on the couch and flipped on the TV. The clock showed 4 a.m. It did not matter to her what channel the TV was on; she only stared at it to fill her mind with images other than what she had just dreamed.

  “What’s wrong with me?” She closed her eyes and began sobbing quietly in the early morning hours, the day after her engagement.

  Asleep on the couch, Spencer shook her awake. A few hours must have passed. “Did you sleep out here?”

  “It was a bad night; I woke up and came out here to watch TV. I guess I must have fallen back to sleep.” Katie began rubbing her neck, stiff from resting on the arm of the couch.

  “Do you want to go back to bed?”

  “No, no. I’m good now. Let’s have some breakfast.” Katie started to rise.

  “You stay here. I’ll make it.”

  “Thanks, hon.”

  Not long after, Spencer returned with coffee and a bagel. “So, it was pretty bad, was it?”

  “Yeah. It was different, too.” Katie paused for a moment. “It caught me this time.”

  “Oh, honey. I’m sorry. Why didn’t you wake me?”

  “Over what? Some stupid dream that won’t leave me alone? So I have bad dreams, it doesn’t matter.” She wasn’t angry with him; she was angry with herself.

  “You know, you’re right. It doesn’t matter because you’re going to the doctor this week and she’ll figure out what’s going on and you’ll be fine.”

  She could see he was trying not to make a big deal of it, but was he doing it for her sake or his own?

  “Thanks for bre
akfast. I suppose we’ve got a big day ahead of us, right? We need to start planning our wedding.” She inhaled the wonderful aroma wafting from the top of her cup, grateful to be changing the topic. “We haven’t set a date yet. When were you thinking?”

  “Okay, well,” Spencer began, barely able to contain his delight. “I was thinking Valentine’s Day.”

  Katie winced. “Really? Isn’t that a little, um, cliché?”

  “You think so?” He spoke as if that hadn’t actually occurred to him.

  “Never mind; if that’s when you’d like to get married, I’m all for it,” she insisted.

  “No, no. I didn’t really think it through, but you’re right. Valentine’s Day; way too cliché. What about this winter, around Christmas time? Like around December 15th?”

  Katie smiled. “Of course; that’s perfect. But why then?”

  “Seriously? You don’t remember?”

  She searched her mind for some recognition of that particular date, figuring it must have been important. “Oh right. That was the day we met.”

  “It took you that long to remember?” he asked.

  “Have I told you lately how amazing you are?” She said, glossing over her obvious blunder.

  “Yes, I believe you did after I laid down my ‘special move’ on you last night. I’m sure I heard you call me amazing.”

  She hit his arm and knocked his coffee cup. “Oh, sorry.”

  “That’s okay; just trying to knock me out of commission for a while, I guess.”

  “Never!” Katie exclaimed as she stood up. “I’m going to hop in the shower. I’ll take my coffee with me.”

  It was easy enough for her to give the impression that none of what she’d been going through lately had any impact on her. Like Sam’s mom said, she had a way of controlling her emotions.

  * * *

  Later that afternoon, Katie called Sam from work to tell her the good news. “Oh my God, Kate, that’s fantastic! First, he passes the bar, then this? It’s really wonderful and I’m very happy for you both.”