For a moment, we were still, lost in that instant of joining. That sensation of being whole and complete, that feeling that eluded me at any other time than when Conall was inside me. Then my hips began to slowly circle, all of their own accord. I simply followed the demands of my body. My fingertips slid up the smooth cotton of his t-shirt that still covered his firm pectorals, up over his tensed shoulders to curve around the back of his neck, and then I pulled his lips towards mine. Not quite kissing him, but sharing every breath and gazing in a lustful fog at the clench of his jaw, the arch of his brow, the dark shadow of his lashes as they lay on his cheek when he closed his eyes blissfully. He was beautiful. He felt incredible. He was everything in the world to me in that second.
The hand at my hip began to tense, rigidly guiding my movements as I slid up and down over his cock. The intense tightness of his length against my inner walls sent shockwaves through my body. The increasingly wet slap of skin sounded through the cab of the truck as our movements sped up.
I pressed my lips against his desperately, opening wide for the invasion of his tongue, and my fingertips trailed down his taut abs to push his t-shirt up and reveal his beautiful chest. Only pausing for a moment while I rode him, Conall yanked the shirt over his head before he pulled my naked body against his, capturing me in his strong arms and holding me tightly as he began to thrust up into me again. I blissfully allowed him to control my movements, to pull and push me, to create circles with my pelvis that rubbed him so perfectly inside. The deep love I felt for him pulsed through me, intensifying with each tantalizing thrust.
His movements slowed some and his arms relaxed, one hand coming around my front to squeeze the softness of my breast. His other hand lifted my torso just slightly and his lips closed over my nipple, causing my whole body to clench tightly around him.
“Fuck,” he groaned against my peaked nipple, and his other hand began to frantically urge my hips to move against him harder and faster. “Oh fuck…”
I braced my hand against the roof of the pickup to increase the force of my movements as the pressure built inside me, and Conall’s hands vigorously jerked my body against him. Small sobs began to escape my lips, breathy and euphoric, as I climbed closer to release. The intensity escalated until I shattered into tremulous rapture. My body swayed against him as he slowed momentarily, tangling his fingers through my hair and kissing me deeply. A light breeze drifted through his open window, skating across the sheen of sweat on my back and making me shiver.
For a few moments, he held me still. Then, I felt a tightening of his muscles and he again stroked inside me long and slow. With a sharp gasp, I pulled away from his lips and clutched at the smooth bare skin of his shoulders to look down his amazingly beautiful body, to watch him moving in and out of me. I circled my hips again, shivering with the aftershocks of my orgasm and the sensation of his still rock-hard length moving in and out. Again, his lips came forward to tease my nipples, and I arched my back, quickening the movements, wanting him to explode the way I just had. Wanting to feel the warm rush of him spilling inside me.
Conall’s voice was hoarse and thick as he began to moan against my breasts. With every rotation of my hips, his hands clenched me tighter, pulling and wrenching my quivering body to meet his own thrusts. The faster I moved, the tighter he held me with his bruising grip. My muscles ached from the motion but it simply felt too fucking amazing to stop or slow. A fucker’s high. Pushing through the pain to the sheer heaven of release.
With a convulsive clench of every muscle in his body and a deeply ragged groan, Conall erupted inside me. The hot flood of his cum shot into me, drenching me and forcing another jarring orgasm from my body. I saw spots and flashes of light. The blissful shocks ripped through me. I tasted the salt of my tears, the salt of sweat on his skin. My mind went completely blank, devastated by the intensity of my climax.
I was completely overwhelmed. Overwrought. Overcome. And for a time, all I had the power to do was to clutch him to me and cry.
Chapter 21 ~ Cursed
Sage
Oh God, I didn’t want to make the call.
But I had to.
I got Conall’s voicemail, so I left him a frantic message. I needed to talk to him right away. I’d just gotten to work, but I’d keep my phone on me.
Conall didn’t call. He showed up.
“Sage, what is it?” he asked as he rushed through the doors of the ER and caught me in his arms. “Is it Mattie?”
I shook my head, pressing my face into his neck. “Mattie’s fine.” I pulled back and looked up at him. My fingertips ran along his shoulders as I desperately tried to make this easier for him to hear. But there really wasn’t a way that wouldn’t hurt him. “It’s Jacob…” I said, watching him closely, wishing I could absorb the agony I was about to cause him. “He’s gone.”
Conall warily leaned away, shaking his head. “What?” His hands gripped my hips, and he weaved slightly with shock. “No…”
“He was brought into the hospital a little while ago with chest pain,” I explained in a voice thick with sorrow, and my fingers lovingly traced the tense angle of his jaw. “It all happened a little bit before I got to work. Someone saw him pulled over on the side of the road on his way into town and called an ambulance. But his heart… they just couldn’t…” I couldn’t continue. Tears filled my eyes at the obvious pain Conall was going through.
I pressed myself close to him, hoping my love could be some form of comfort. Hoping I could give him some of my frail strength. Anything to help absorb the shock he was feeling, the sheer agony that radiated through his body.
Conall clutched me back. His shoulders were tight. Every muscle of his body had become tense, rigid with emotion. And for a time, we just stood like that. Still. Hurting. Wrapped in each other’s arms.
Finally, Conall’s hold relaxed a little. He lifted his head, and the coffee-brown of his eyes reflected a dazed, soulful pain I hadn’t seen in years. A glistening to his eyes, a vulnerability that tore at my heart, that hadn’t existed since Matt died.
And now, another person he loved was gone.
I could see the wheels turning in his mind. And my own fear began to clutch at my heart. He’d felt like a curse on my family before. On his own. Would he feel this way about Jacob, too? Would this loss make him panic and run like when Matt died?
“His kids are on their way. Did you…” I choked a little at the raw concern and fear began to pervade my throat, “did you want to see him before they get here?”
But he took a deep breath and nodded. I took hold of his arm, holding it close to me as we slowly walked into the room where Jacob’s body lay.
“Do you want to be alone with him for a minute?” I asked, barely a whisper.
His anguished eyes turned towards me, and he shook his head slowly from side to side. So I slid my arm around his waist and nestled against him. His arms tightened around me, clutching me to him as though he needed what little support I could give him.
So I held him. I ran my fingers in a soothing motion along his back and was just simply… with him.
Conall
A couple hours later, the family showed up. David, Jacob’s son who built the cabin, was the first to arrive. Then his sister, Jacob’s daughter Lily. It was a bit of a surreal feeling. They’d known him and loved him longer than I ever had. But they were so matter-of-fact about everything. Calm and taking care of business. It sort of bothered me that they seemed to be holding it together so much better than I felt I was. In a way, I became almost angry that they didn’t really get what a special man their dad was. As if the time and distance had made them take him for granted.
Sage stood by my side as long as she could. Her very presence gave me comfort. Her touch, the strength I garnered from holding her, became my salvation. After a while, she unfortunately got called to work with some patients. A couple little kids with some sort of stomach flu that required a great deal of care. Her shift would be over in about an ho
ur or so, so I figured I’d just wait for her. I couldn’t bear going out to the ranch just yet. Not alone. I just wanted the solace of her and Mattie.
Brynn had stopped by Mattie’s daycare to pick her up and take her back to Sage’s apartment, thinking it might help. Mattie could be fast asleep by the time Sage got done working, and we could have a little quiet time to reflect on this huge loss. On the uncertainty of the situation I now found myself in. My employer, the man who had given me a place to land, was gone. This left things extremely unsettled. And it would shake Sage’s budding security.
Yet, there was a thought in my mind. There was an option.
But that option would very likely scare her to death. It would be a huge shift from the way things had been over the past couple weeks. And I had no idea how she was going to react.
So I sat in the waiting room, my thoughts in turmoil trying to come to grips with the changes that were being forced upon us. And trying to figure out the best way to take care of my girls. I sat lost in these thoughts when David came in and sat down across from me.
“Thank you,” he said, “for being there for my dad. He figured his days were numbered out there, and was pretty heartbroken talking about selling the ranch. But when you showed up, when you offered to help him out, you took a huge weight off his shoulders.”
“He’s done a lot for me. Ever since I was a kid. And he loved that place. He’d lived there his whole life.”
“Yeah,” David said. “I know he was really bothered that Lily or I didn’t want to take it over. I tried, but my wife… just can’t take the Californian out of her.”
“So, I’m guessing you guys will sell the ranch, then,” I murmured.
“Yeah, Lily and I kinda talked about it already. The inheritance taxes on a place that big are kind of killer, but if we put it up for sale right away, we can get it sold before we have to pay them.” He gave me a look of concern.
“I’ll help you get stuff together. To get it ready for sale. I’ve got Jacob’s contacts for selling the cattle, and you could either auction the equipment or include it with the land. You’d probably get more with an auction, though.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate that because, quite frankly, I haven’t the faintest idea what to do.”
For a minute or two, we sat in a companionable silence. Both grieving.
David finally looked over at me. “Do you know what you’re going to do?” he asked. “If we sell the ranch, they might need a foreman. I’m not sure what to do in the meantime, though, after the cattle are gone. Not sure how to keep you on.”
“I have a plan B,” I said softly.
Sage
I have a plan B…
I sat in Conall’s pickup wondering what he’d meant by that. I’d been about to step into the waiting room when his words hit me, and I froze solid. I couldn’t take another step. I couldn’t breathe. My heart stopped and my vision clouded. I’d turned on my heel and made a beeline for the supply closet, closing the door behind me to gather my wits.
Was he going to leave again? It was my first thought. My only thought, really, since that moment.
Logically, I knew it would be different this time. Somewhat. He knew about Mattie. And everything in me told me he’d be responsible and take care of her.
But his job was gone. His home would be sold out from under him. And to truly be responsible, he’d have to have both of those.
And what about me?
He hadn’t said a word about his plan B to me. He sounded so certain when he spoke of it. Almost as though it was already in place. He’d been quiet since we left the hospital, and, honestly, with the horrible night we’d had, I didn’t want to push him. Jacob was going to leave a huge hole in Conall’s life. He really didn’t need me freaking out all of a sudden. He had enough on his plate.
So I sat there in the passenger seat of Conall’s pickup while he stopped at a gas station convenience store on the way back to my apartment.
“Need anything?” he asked as he got out of the truck.
I shook my head and he went inside. I couldn’t talk. I could barely breathe. All I could do was sit there and think of plan B.
And, truly, I was freaking the fuck out. But I was also doing everything I could to hold it together… for Conall.
A piece of paper on the dashboard of the pickup caught my attention. I tried really hard not to see it. Not to see what it said. But it was like I couldn’t look away. Like I couldn’t stop my hand for reaching for it. Like I couldn’t stop my eyes from reading the words. I didn’t have the strength to not read what it said.
It was from the Army.
It explained that, with the current period of forced reductions, retention was being tightly managed. While Conall, with five years of service, was considered an ‘initial-term’ soldier, his performance had been exemplary. He had three months from his discharge to contact retention officials about assignment opportunities.
The letter was outlining his options for reenlistment.
Conall’s words from the hospital waiting room began to reverberate through my head. Over and over like a skip in a CD.
I have a plan B…
Oh God. He was reenlisting.
He was leaving.
I slipped the letter back up on the dash as I saw him heading back out to the pickup with a gallon of milk. He’d remembered that we’d run out that morning. Everything that had happened in the last few hours, and he remembered when I hadn’t, knowing Mattie would need it for breakfast. A pang ripped through my heart. What would I do without him? I’d come to rely on him. To need him. To feel whole… with him.
I tried to calm my breathing and think rationally. He’d made good money in the Army. He’d risen to the rank of sergeant. He was a strong leader, an honest and dedicated man, and they’d asked for him to come back.
With a sickening roil of my stomach, I realized this was what he was talking about.
This was plan B.
Conall
The next few days were sort of a blurry haze. Jacob’s funeral was a swirl of black dresses and tearful expressions. Sage came with me, although I was a pallbearer, so I sat in a different area. Looking out over the sea of mourners, her face in the crowd, her presence alone gave me strength and comfort.
Following the funeral, I helped David and Lily clean out Jacob’s house. I helped get the ranch equipment itemized, along with other assets, to assist with settling the estate.
And I started packing up the cabin.
And, through all this, I barely saw Sage, although, truth be told, I didn’t get much time to dwell on it.
But I really needed to talk to her. Soon. We needed to sit down and have a long discussion. A discussion I dreaded because I could see her really freaking out. I didn’t want to scare her, but, if the past was any indication, it would. It would terrify her.
As luck would have it, though, my long, hectic days at the ranch seemed to be just opposite of her long, hectic shifts at the hospital. We were like two ships passing in the night. I stayed at her apartment, needing the close contact with her and Mattie. Needing to fall asleep with Sage in my arms, even if I woke up with her gone.
It wasn’t like she was avoiding me. But we suddenly weren’t really talking. Nothing below the surface. Nothing above and beyond the basics to make sure Mattie was taken care of and when we would and wouldn’t be home. It was almost like radio silence. And in those short few days, her silence stayed with me. It haunted me. It confused me.
I hoped it was the shock of the situation. The time constraints we suddenly faced. In a few days, Jacob’s kids would be heading home. They’d been working with his lawyers and things were going smoothly. The realtor was already gathering paperwork to put the ranch on the market. Most everything else could be done through mail and phone calls. Maybe a quick trip back to sign on the dotted line.
And once they left, once things were pretty much set into motion and my time was freed up, maybe then I could talk to Sage.
Chapter 22 ~ Plan B
Sage
All so dry and clinical. So legal and stark and unfeeling. I sat there for a minute as this robot of a woman discussed arrangements for our daughter as though she was a piece of property. And the more she talked, the more ill I felt.
In the days since Jacob passed, I’d become a bit of an emotional recluse, locked up in my fears. Knowing Conall had something he needed to tell me. Afraid because I knew what it was.
So I feigned sleep when he got to my apartment. If I could avoid the conversation, maybe it wouldn’t come to fruition. Maybe he’d stay. Every night, I could hear him come in. I felt him pull me into his arms and hold me tight.
Almost like he was saying goodbye.
And I’d lay there, wondering how much longer he’d have before he left. Wondering if he’d come back for leave. As his body would relax into sleep, my tears would begin to fall. I’d cry quietly in the night, mourning the loss of him before he’d even told me he was leaving.
Then, Conall had sent me a text that he wanted to meet me before mediation this morning, and my heart seized. This was our final mediation. We were essentially signing the paperwork that made it all official. Sharing custody. Child support.
All things that would change, though, if he was leaving. Because it was based on us each having Mattie half of the time.
At the last minute, he texted me again. Something came up, another meeting he couldn’t really get out of. He’d try to get to the mediator early so we could talk, though. Because it was very important.
But he didn’t make it early. In fact, he was late.
Robyn suggested we get started. Today was really a formality after all. It was really just about getting the signatures. She pushed a stack of paperwork my way. I could only stare at it for a moment, wondering if I should say something about Conall and the Army. Except that, as far as Conall knew, I had no idea. So I said nothing. Robyn opened up the documents to a spot I needed to sign, holding the paper flat to allow my signature. My breathing felt scant and shallow.
Always Conall (Bitterroot #2) Page 20