A Child To Call Her Own

by Gill Sanderson

  Ten minutes later the consultant came in, he, too, with a broad smile. 'I think the panic is over,' he said. 'His condition is still serious, but it's not dangerous any more. Tom, find a bed somewhere and go and get some sleep. You look a mess. Stay in the hospital. If there's any relapse, I'll bleep you. But my professional opinion is that there won't be. This is a strong little lad.'

  Tom stood, looked puzzled, as if he didn't quite know what to do.

  'You're coming with me,' Maria said. 'You can sleep in my room again. No way are you going to be alone.'

  It was late afternoon, shadows were lengthening. They walked across the hospital grounds without speaking and she took him straight to her room. 'Nothing is more tiring than extreme emotion,' she told him.

  'I know it, and you know it, too. So don't argue, don't think. You don't even need to get undressed. Just get into bed.'

  'But what if—?'

  'If there's any news, I'll wake you.'

  He tumbled into bed. A moment late he was asleep.

  Maria was tired, too, and wondered if there'd be enough room for the two of them on her narrow bed. There had been when she brought him here after he'd looked after Tracy, but this was different. She sat in her easy chair, put up her feet on another chair and within minutes she was also asleep.

  Tom was awake before her. Her eyes flicked open. He was leaning over her, still in his scrubs. At once she remembered what he was doing there, why they were together. 'James?' she asked.

  'James is doing fine. Half an hour ago I slipped out of your room, phoned the ward. Sister there says that he's making a great recovery and for the moment we can stop worrying.'

  'Didn't you want to go over there to see him? If you didn't want to wake me, you could have left me, phoned me later with any news. You know I want to know how he is.'

  'I know that. In fact, in a few minutes we can go over to see him together. I'd like it if you came with me.'

  She was struggling to wake up, struggling also to make sense of Tom. The sleep he'd had—it could only have been three or four hours—seemed to have revived him miraculously. The lines of strain were gone from his face. The old calm Tom was back, the man who was in control of his emotions. And she had the weirdest idea...

  'Why did I wake up just then?' she asked. 'Did you shake me or something?'

  'No. I kissed you.'

  She had thought so. But her conscious mind had told her that it had probably been a dream. It had been a very pleasant dream, perhaps some kind of wish fulfilment. But he had kissed her. 'You shouldn't really kiss people when they're asleep,' she said. 'It's...it's harassment.'

  'You can kiss people when they're asleep if you love them,' he said.

  Then he looked at her as if afraid of what she might say.

  Maria shook her head, struggling to make sense of this. 'If you love them?'

  'That's what I said.'

  'You mean you love me?'

  'It's taken me a while to realise it. It's taken me even longer to grab the courage to tell you. But, yes, Maria, I love you.'

  She stood, wobbled slightly. 'Sit on my bed and don't go away,' she said. 'We need to talk and I need to be awake. You love me?'

  He sat on her bed. 'No one could love you more.'

  Maria went to her little bathroom, ran water into the washbasin and rinsed her face. The shock woke her completely. She peered into her mirror and groaned. She looked a mess!

  Still, Tom didn't seem to mind.

  He'd said he loved her! She was still tired, she was entitled to be. But in spite of her fatigue she could sense a new feeling growing. Her life was going to change! There was fresh hope in her. Suddenly the world seemed full of so many possibilities that she couldn't begin to count them. He loved her! Perhaps she'd better go out and tell him that she loved him, too.

  He stood as she came out of the bathroom, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Perhaps for both of them it was a still-tired kiss, but from it she took so much joy, so much hope. This was like coming home.

  She didn't know how long they stood there, but eventually she eased him away, though not too far. She mumbled, 'I love kissing you and I want to do it for ever. But first I want to talk to you. Or I want you to talk to me. Do you know, Tom Ramsey, that I've loved you... Well, I nearly told you how much I loved you on the plane, coming back from Majorca.'

  He looked astounded. 'You did? Maria, I never knew! I thought that you...well, you didn't care for me that way.'

  'And I thought that you were a clever man.'

  He sat on her bed, pulled her down so that she was leaning next to him, his arms round her shoulders, her cheek against his. 'I want to be serious,' he said.

  'Just for a minute. And then you can kiss me again.'

  'Serious just for a minute, then.'

  He couldn't speak for a moment. She put her arms around his waist and squeezed him. 'I'm a doctor,' he said. 'I knew the risks only too well and I knew that James could die.'

  'It's over, Tom. James is recovering.'

  'I know. But I went through the same feelings I had when Jane died. What if I lost him, too?'

  'Tom, it didn't happen! And it won't now. Stop thinking about it.'

  'That's what I've got to do,' he said, 'and with you I think that's what I can do.'

  He did kiss her then, but quickly. 'I think I've loved you since that first time we met. Leaning over that old man who had been knocked down. Later on I could see that you had problems and I took it on myself to help you. A bit arrogant, wasn't it?'

  'You did help me! You got me my life back.'

  'I didn't realise I was doing it as much for me as for you. I wanted to be near you, to do things with you. I didn't realise that I was falling in love, and when I did, I was terrified.'

  It was her turn to kiss him. 'After Jane that was understandable,' she said.

  'Not really. Because just now, when I woke up and you were still asleep, after I'd phoned the ward, it all seemed clear to me. All life is a risk. I'd be a fool to turn down infinite happiness with you just because something might go wrong. It won't go wrong. Why should it? So, Maria...I love you. I want to share my life with you. What do you say?'

  'Can I move back in with you tomorrow?'

  'You can move back in with me for ever,' he said.