Captain Awesome Takes a Dive

by Stan Kirby

  Little Miss Stinky Pinky squealed like pink villains do when they get wet, and the Double-Dipper ran for cover. Evil is no match for the splashing might of the Superhero Squad!

  “Charlie! Eugene! Out of the pool!” Ted yelled. “Not cool, dudes. Uncool!”

  OOPS.

  Eugene and Charlie climbed up from the pool.

  I guess swimming lessons are over for today, thought Eugene.

  “Dudes, why don’t you chill with some dudely time-outs,” Ted suggested.

  Eugene and Charlie headed to the snack bar. They were sure to get double-dipped when Ted tattletaled to their moms that they were misbehaving at the pool again.

  But evil had been stopped and covered in water!

  “A Super Dude Ice Poptacular is just what we need!” Eugene said.

  “Nothing more poptacular after a hard day of splashing bad guys,” Charlie agreed.

  But the man behind the counter had a different idea.

  “Why don’t you boys have something healthier?” a familiar, evil voice threatened.

  “YUCK!” the friends gasped.

  That’s right! Dr. Yuck Spinach, the evil cackling chef from Sunnyview Elementary cafeteria was now working at the pool’s snack shop!

  That’s what he was doing after school; he was getting ready to serve his awful vegetable surprises to all the summer swimmers. He was even wearing his hairnet. Looks like evil had a part-time summer job!

  But no one wants to eat peas or zucchini in the summer!

  On a hot day!

  At. The. Pool!

  DOUBLE YUCK!

  If the evil Dr. Spinach wouldn’t serve Super Dude Ice Poptaculars to Eugene and Charlie, maybe he’d hand them over to Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man. . . .

  “Okay, little swimmers! Give your swim buddy a high five for a job well done!” Ted called out at the end of the next day’s lesson. “Class is over, so enjoy some pool time until your parental units arrive.”

  Eugene gave Charlie a high five. “Not waves nor chlorine nor public swimming pool pee-pee will keep us from our goal of becoming the best swimmers in the universe. Those were some MI-TEE kicks you did, Charlie.”

  “You too, Eugene,” Charlie replied. “I think we earned some floating time in the shallow end.”

  Unfortunately, there were only two pool noodles. One was blue and the other was—GASP!—PINK and looked like Mr. Drools had been chewing on it.

  “You take the blue, Charlie. You earned it,” Eugene insisted.

  “Are you sure, Eugene? We could just sit on the steps.”

  “No one said being a superhero would be easy,” Eugene reminded his best friend. “Sometimes in the battle for goodness you just gotta take the pink noodle floatie.”

  Eugene jumped back into the pool and lay across his pink floatie. The water was warm, the sun was warmer, and the young superhero had nothing to do but breathe. There were only two words for a day like that.

  “MI-TEE . . . ” Eugene sighed.

  Actually, it was really only one word, but Eugene was a superhero, able to do super things . . . like make one word sound like two.

  “Oh, look at the two little babies, floating in the shallow end like scaredy-babies crying for their mommies!” Meredith’s annoying voice shouted from across the pool.

  Charlie sat up and looked around. “Who let BABIES in the pool?!”

  Eugene didn’t answer. He knew very well whom Meredith was calling a baby. The fact that he had chosen the pink noodle floatie didn’t help. Eugene expected to see Meredith playing in the water next to them. He looked up and that’s when he saw SHE WAS IN THE DEEP END!

  “Stay calm. Make no sudden moves,” Eugene whispered. “Charlie, this just got serious.”

  “What’s wrong? You afraid there’s a big, bad monster in the deep end?” Meredith taunted. “Why don’t you two just stay down there and splash with the other babies?”

  “We can’t let her talk to us like that!” Charlie said.

  “Of course not,” Eugene said. “She’s given me a great idea.”

  SLAPPP!

  Eugene and Charlie slapped their hands in the water as hard as they could.

  A big wave of water rolled across the pool and splashed Meredith.

  BULLSEYE!

  Her pinkest pink ribbons washed out of her hair. There was nothing Meredith could do now, so she stuck out her tongue.

  Eugene felt so good about their splashy victory over Meredith that it didn’t seem so bad that he was floating around the pool on the pink noodle that kept sinking.

  But then he saw IT!

  A . . .

  Strange . . .

  BLOB!

  And it waited silently—as most blobs do—at the VERY BOTTOM OF THE DEEP END! If this were a monster movie, scary music would be blasting! People would be screaming! Panic would spread across the planet!

  Eugene didn’t move a muscle.

  “Stay calm. Make no sudden moves,” Eugene whispered. “Charlie, this just got serious.”

  “Not again!” Charlie gasped.

  “This time . . . even more,” Eugene whispered.

  “EVEN MORE?!” Charlie gasped louder. “Wait. Even more than what?”

  “Even more than last time it was serious!” Eugene warned.

  “Wow. That is serious.”

  “On the count of three, I want you to panic as loudly as you can and swim like the Jelly Squirrels from Super Dude No. 32,” Eugene quietly explained, afraid to take his eyes off the mysterious blob down below.

  “One . . . two . . . ”

  “Panic like a Jelly Squirrel!” Charlie screamed and, well, panicked exactly like a Jelly Squirrel.

  Charlie’s panic made Eugene panic! Eugene’s panic made Charlie panic even more! And Charlie’s even-more panic made Eugene panic even double-more!

  Sink?! That is not a word you want to hear on your second day of swimming lessons! And probably not even on your third day, either!

  Eugene slipped from his floatie. His arms slapped at the water. His legs kicked hard, waiting for the Blobby Blob-Blob from the Deep End to grab him by the ankles.

  “Hold on little dude!” Ted shouted and raced toward Eugene.

  And then, like an ice cream sundae with a cherry on top arriving to save the day after a big plate of boiled carrots, a hand appeared before Eugene’s face.

  “Grab my hand!” the voice shouted.

  Eugene didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed the hand and pulled himself safely to the edge of the pool.

  “Thanks,” Eugene gasped.

  “No worries, Eugene,” a voice replied. Eugene froze. It wasn’t Ted’s voice. It was a girl’s.

  The pool water cleared from Eugene’s eyes and he realized he was holding Sally Williams’s hand.

  Oh man! The only thing worse than being saved by a girl is holding her hand afterward!

  GIRL HAND! BLECH!

  Eugene yanked his hand back.

  “I guess we’re kinda equal now since you found Mr. Whiskersworth for me.”

  “Yeah. I guess.”

  Eugene’s replies were limited to as few words as possible. His face was redder than the Human Tomato’s Atsa Lotsa Pasta Sauce that Super Dude always bought from his local grocer.

  “Whoa! Are you okay, little dude?” Ted asked, rushing over to Eugene and Sally.

  Eugene nodded.

  “Rad save, Sally!” Ted smiled to Sally and gave her a high five.

  “Don’t worry, Ted. I do this kind of thing all the time.” Sally smiled and high-fived him.

  Eugene raised an eyebrow and snapped a look to Sally. Eugene wasn’t sure if Sally meant that she-saved people all the time or gave high fives.

  The thought of Sally as a hero was a strange one, but it wasn’t the strangest thing of all. Who sent the evil Blobby Blob-Blob from the Deep End to blob Eugene?

  “Okay, little swimmers! Today you little dudes and dudettes get to take turns diving off the side of the pool,” Ted announced.
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  “Isn’t it too shallow here?” Meredith asked.

  “Confirm-o-mento, Mere,” Ted replied. “And that’s why we’ll be jumping into the pool in the deep end!”

  The kids cheered! The kids splashed! The kids high-fived! Well, all the kids but one to be exact.

  “IN THE DEEP END!”

  “IN THE DEEP END!”

  “IN THE DEEP END!”

  The words echoed over and over in Eugene’s head like a broken parrot robot. The thought of going back to the deep end gave Eugene a funny twisting in his stomach, even worse than the time he snuck some of Charlie’s spicy jalapeño cheese.

  The other kids in swim class climbed from the pool and walked to the far side. Didn’t they know that the Blobby Blob-Blob from the Deep End might still be down there waiting to blob them!?

  Eugene climbed from the pool and tugged on Ted’s hand.

  “What’s up, Dude-gene?” Ted asked.

  “I . . . um . . . I . . . need to go to the bathroom!” Eugene was already racing away before the last word left his mouth.

  Eugene ran into the boy’s bathroom and locked himself in one of the bathroom stalls.

  It’s no big deal, Eugene thought. I’m sure Super Dude locked himself in a bathroom before.

  Eugene tried to calm himself. He inhaled deeply.

  PEE-YEW!

  Bad idea! Eugene was in a stinky bathroom!

  “Come on, Eugene!” he said to himself. “Instead of hiding here in Stinkopia, you should be out fighting the Blobby Blob-Blob from the Deep End! Who knows what blobby blobness that blob will be blobbing on everyone!”

  “Stand back, villain, or else prepare to be cheesed by Nacho Cheese Man!” Charlie rushed into the bathroom, dripping wet and blasting cheese. But instead of seeing Eugene trapped by a villainous villain, Charlie was met by an empty bathroom now covered in cheese.

  “Aw, man. What a waste of good cheese,” Charlie sighed, then added, “You in here Eugene?”

  “Over here,” Eugene called out from the stall.

  “I knew it!” Charlie shouted. “Were you attacked by the Toilet of Terror? Hold on! I’ll save you from its Flush of Fear!

  “I’m fine,” Eugene lied. “It’s just . . . I think I ate one too many Super Dude Ice Poptaculars, that’s all.”

  “Oh,” Charlie said, disappointed his friend wasn’t stuck in an evil toilet, fighting against the Flush of Fear. “You’ve been gone for like a jillion minutes. Ted said you’re going to miss your turn to dive . . . ”

  “Um . . . yeah. Can you tell him that’s okay? Maybe next time?”

  Eugene sat quietly and listened to Charlie leave. The twisting in his stomach was replaced with a dull ache—one that seemed to wrap itself around his heart.

  That had to be it, right? One too many Super Dude Ice Poptaculars? After all, superheroes like Super Dude don’t get scared.

  But, maybe, their secret identities do. . . .

  No matter how Eugene twisted, turned, or moved, he couldn’t fall asleep. How could he? Tomorrow was Friday.

  Isn’t Friday the most awesomest of awesome days? Even during summer vacation Friday was like the best parts of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday all rolled up into one day called Monuesnesursday. It was pizza day at school and THE night for Sunnyview Superhero Squad Sleepovers.

  BUT!

  This Friday meant something else. It was the last day of Eugene’s swim lessons. Eugene would have to jump off the diving board and into . . . the deep end.

  Eugene couldn’t remember the last time he felt this unawesome, but it probably involved his mom and the words “vegetables,” “no,” and “dessert.”

  Eugene plopped back onto his bed and covered his face with his pillow.

  “Blah!” he groaned.

  Turbo raced on his squeaky wheel, getting his little muscles ready for their next mission. Eugene sat up and stared at his sidekick. Turbo stopped running. He looked right at Eugene and said, “Squeak! Squeak!”

  “You’re right, Turbo! We have to be brave! That’s what superheroes do!” Eugene climbed from his bed. He clenched his fists and puffed out his chest, because heroic moments like this required chest-puffing.

  “It’s our job to protect the Sunnyview Community Pool from the Blobby Blob-Blob from the Deep End! And no blobby blob-blob is gonna stop me from doing it!”

  It was here . . . the last day of swim class!

  With a newfound courage in his heart (Eugene had thanked Turbo for the pep talk the night before), Eugene arrived at the pool ready for action.

  “Try not to get sick on Super Dude Ice Poptaculars today, Eugenio!” Meredith giggled.

  Eugene ignored Meredith. For one, she looked pinker than cotton candy with pigtails, and for two, Eugene was on a mission.

  “Okay, C-man!” Ted said to Charlie. “You get to go for the big dive first!”

  Charlie gave a quick smile and thumbs-up to Eugene. Everyone was watching Charlie, so Eugene took two slow, silent steps away from the group, then raced toward the locker room.

  Charlie stopped at the end of the diving board and looked into the water below. There was something in the pool! Something . . .

  BLOBBY!

  “Go ahead, C-Man! I’ve got you covered!” Ted called up to him.

  “But there’s something in the pool,” Charlie replied.

  “I’m here for you, Nacho Cheese Man!” Captain Awesome shouted as he rushed to the diving board. Captain Awesome threw a can of cheese and Charlie snagged it in midair. “What are you doing, Eugene?” Charlie whispered once Captain Awesome joined him.

  “Saving you from Little Miss Stinky Pinky’s Blobby Blob-Blob!”

  And with those brave words, Captain Awesome dove into the water!

  “MI-TEEEEEEEEEEE!”

  “Whoa,” a stunned Ted said, then turned to the other kids and asked, “Who’s Nacho Cheese Man?”

  Under water, Captain Awesome dove to the bottom to battle with the Blobby Blob-Blob from the Deep.

  The Blobby Blob-Blob squirmed and wormed, but Captain Awesome would not let it go. He burst to the surface, the dreaded creature firmly clenched in his superhands.

  “Not all your blobbiness shall save you from my awesome grip of goodness!” Captain Awesome said as he wrestled the creature.

  “Hold on, Captain Awesome!” Charlie called out from above and dove into the water. A can of nacho cheese squirted wildly in his hand.

  “Whoa,” a stunned Ted said, then turned to the other kids and asked, “Who’s Captain Awesome?”

  “Thanks for the save, Captain Awesome. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I jumped off that diving board without you there to help me.” Charlie stuck the can of cheese in his mouth and gave a suck, then offered it to Captain Awesome. “Want some?”

  But Captain Awesome had more on his mind than cheese. The Blobby Blob-Blob from the Deep End lay on the ground, looking less blobby and evil than it had before getting Captain Awesome’s 1-2 Underwater Punch.

  “Look!” Captain Awesome gasped. “The Blobby Blob-Blob looks like a green giraffe!”

  “I always knew giraffes were evil!” Charlie said, hitting his palm with his fist.

  But it wasn’t just an evil giraffe. It was Eugene’s baby sister Molly’s deflated giraffe floatie! It had popped and sunk to the bottom of the pool!

  “Gah! Goo! Garggelsnansjboo!”

  “By all that’s gibberish!” cried Captain Awesome at hearing the babbling of his most arch-of-enemies. “Could it be true?! Queen Stinkypants from the Planet Baby teamed up with Little Miss Stinky Pinky?!”

  It was true! For there sat Queen Stinkypants in a lounge chair right next to Eugene’s mom! She was smelly! She was stinky! She was sticky!

  Sticky?!

  “ARRRRRRRRRR!

  She’s eating my Super Dude Ice Poptacular!” Captain Awesome groaned. “Her terrible trick worked! Why didn’t we see her stinky stink was the real evil behind this plot?”

  “Beca
use you can’t smell evil underwater, C.A. Even stinky evil,” Charlie reminded him.

  The Super Dude Ice Poptacular may have been lost, but Little Miss Stinky Pinky and Queen Stinkypants were defeated! Captain Awesome’s awesome work was done. The Blobby Blob-Blob was defeated and would blobby blob-blob little swimmers no more!

  “That was one cool-a-mundo dive, dude,” Ted said to Captain Awesome. “But next time, no superhero costumes allowed in the pool. It’s not safe to swim in a cape.”

  Eugene nodded because superheroes had to follow the rules.

  “I return the pool to your watchful eye, Ted,” Captain Awesome said. “Continue your fight against sunburn, swimming too soon after you eat, and running by the pool!”

  “Will do, little dude, and don’t worry, ‘Badness always loses.’”

  Did Ted really just say Super Dude’s favorite saying?! Ted gave a wink and Captain Awesome knew he was leaving the pool in safe hands. Perhaps Ted was not the tattletale double-agent spy, the Double-Dipper, after all! No fan of Super Dude could ever be anything but awesome.

  Captain Awesome smiled before racing back to the locker room.

  “That was one cool little super-dude,” Ted said.

  The day was done, but even more importantly, swim class was done. Everyone got Ted’s “Excellent Swimmer” medals because they were all excellent little swimmers. Eugene took home the best prize of all: Swim Teacher Ted’s Best of All High Dive Award.

  Eugene’s awesome dive as Captain Awesome had earned him the top honor in his class! That was way better than Meredith’s Safest Swimmer Award or Charlie’s Most Improved Paddler.