Jump Then Fall

by Sarah Sanders

  Ika couldn’t imagine how Ree could ever be cuter than right now, her face glowing with excitement at the sight of all the cheesy and sugary goodness spread out in front of her. She was so many things…and each was as dear to Ika as the other. She was really a child right now. Then there were those times when she was that uncertain and lost teen looking to be loved…grasping for self-worth. One whom Ika wanted to hold and protect. Then she was this incredible person who made Ika feel more loved than she had ever felt in her life. She was the ‘happy’ in Ika’s life with whom Ika felt more herself than she did with anyone else…or even by herself. And then she was all sorts of adult in bed…Ika’s mind happily provided her endless memories of all the adult moments that they had shared unfolding like a private video clip in her mind’s eye.

  “Sooo?” Ree drawled.

  Oh yeah, there were two answers that she had to give. Ika blushed a little at all the images that were running in her head. “Would love this food right now and New York,” Ika answered.

  “Food or New York…what’s making you blush erotically?”

  “Ree…” a tiny embarrassed wail.

  “No, you got to tell me. We can make it our private language…our shorthand,” Ree continued, eyes dancing, voice serious. She lowered her voice to a sexy register, “Let’s go to bed and New York, baby.” Ika giggled.

  On a roll, Ree continued, “I’m thinking of you and want to have food right now…Oh, having food with you is the most mindblowing experience in my life…Are you feeling New Yorked up, because I am…Have you seen the movie 9 ½ Weeks, it is just soo food…Hey, do you know when porn in written form is called New Yorka…and maybe you can also work them into your screams.” Ika was doubled over with laughter.

  “Ya…it is like Trump’s covfefe tweet…we can run with these words and make them mean anything…as long as they make you blush the same way.”

  “I’m never going to hear those words the same way again,” Ika was practically choking with laughter.

  “What time do you leave day after tomorrow?” Ree asked, switching gears to seriousness.

  “No, I’m leaving a day later…so the day after the day after tomorrow…but I’m going to India from here for a two week holiday.”

  “India is home?”

  “Yes.”

  “Where in India?”

  “Bombay.”

  “Mind some company?” Ree didn’t meet Ika’s eyes, choosing to play with her food instead.

  A thrill of joy passed through Ika. “Seriously?” This was like a dream come true. Ree was willing to make plans around her. She had wondered what would happen after they left Krabi. She didn’t know where Ree was based out of and how, when and where would they ever meet again. She knew that they both wanted to work it out, but couldn’t even start to fathom how it would be possible if they were in different countries. She had actually toyed with the idea of resigning from her job and shifting to wherever Ree was. Seemingly, Ree was on the same page. Now, no matter where she was based out of, they wouldn’t have to grapple with the whole long-distance thing – at least for the next two weeks. They could talk and work it out during this time. It could all work out!

  “I just figured that it would be nice to be in the same city as you. I know you won’t have time in Bombay…I know how Indian families are…but I can hang around, go to our office there for a couple of weeks and then travel back to New York with you…” still not meeting Ika’s eyes…but Ika saw a shadow of insecurity pass on her face. “Shit! I’m being too clingy and needy, right? You can tell me to back off, Ika,” Ree shrugged.

  Ika abandoned her food, went around the table to Ree and climbed into her lap, hugging her. “You are perfect,” she said softly. “You’d really do that?”

  “Baby, now that I’ve found you, I can’t leave you for any significant amount of time. I’d like to be wherever you are…at least in the same city.”

  Ika kissed her. “We can do Bombay together…I’ll show you my favourite spots,” she smiled, eyes a little watery.

  “I know I can get a bit much…okay, actually too much…you’ll tell me if I am surrounding you too much or not giving you space or whatever?” Ree looked anxious…nervous…and was that fear? She looked so uncertain about herself, it hurt Ika.

  She really has self-worth issues bad. She is so fragile, Ika thought, wanting to physically harm the people who had made Ree feel this way. She couldn’t believe that someone as successful as Ree…as wonderful a human being…would have rejection issues. Warring with the rage at all the people who made Ree feel this way, was a feeling of wonder that despite this practically debilitating fear she had, Ree was willing to…no, actually putting…herself out there again for her, Ika. Trusting again. Opening herself to hurt again. It was a marvel that she was willing to take a chance again, and Ika sent out a silent message of humbled gratitude to the universe that Ree had chosen to allow someone in again and that she was the lucky, lucky recipient of that choice. Tenderness, protectiveness and love…more love than she could believe existed in the world, flooded her.

  “Honestly, Ree, I don’t understand the concept of ‘space’ when you love someone. Maybe you’ll be the one asking for time-out from me.”

  “Not in this lifetime.” Relief flooded every pore of her being, as she gazed at Ika.

  Ika’s heart did a strange clenching, filling, overflowing, bursting thingy at the awed adoration directed at her…that she saw in Ree’s eyes. She felt herself falling more and more into this woman with every second that they spent together.

  “Kiss me, Ika,” whispered.

  Oh, God! Yes. Ika pressed her lips to Ree’s. Wanting her to know all that she was feeling. Wanting her to trust a forever together. Wanting her to know just how much Ika loved her and wanted her in her life. Wanting to reassure. Wanting to promise. Wanting to protect. Wanting to take care. Ika kissed Ree with every iota of feeling she possessed.

  Ika’s kiss was staggering in its depth and breadth.

  Finally Ika raised her head and looked at Ree with a world of love and tenderness in her eyes.

  Found herself being pulled back in for a kiss from Ree. A kiss that made her feel deeply valued. Feel enveloped in a cotton-cloud of love. Feel cherished. Feel treasured. Feel precious. Feel beautiful. Feel so adored that she gasped and broke away to just stare into Ree’s eyes.

  The kiss left Ika shaken. In a good way. A very good way.

  “Are we done eating?” She asked softly, eyes darkening.

  “I’m done eating here at least,” Ree grinned.

  ***************************************************************

  They lay in bed. Naked. Ree on her back, an arm thrown over her eyes, a sheet pulled up to her collar bone. Ika was lying on her side, the cover drawn down to her waist, playing with Ree’s other hand, with a smile on her face. Totally ravished. Completely sated. Body still weak, wobbly and watery in the best way possible. Basking in afterglow. Their sexy time had been, well…it had actually redefined the meaning of sexy time. Ika nibbled and licked the tips of Ree’s fingers.

  “Babe, you said you needed recovery time,” Ree said warningly, “Continue doing that and the time you wanted is over.”

  Ika giggled, but stopped. She stretched Ree’s hand under her head and snuggled closer, pressing her length to Ree, placing an arm over her middle and draping a leg over Ree’s legs.

  “Not helping,” Ree said.

  “Who’s insatiable now?” Ika teased.

  “Insatiable doesn’t even start to capture or describe what I feel about making love to you.”

  Ree turned towards Ika and tangled their legs together. She slipped out her arm from under Ika’s head and snaked it under her waist and Ika readjusted to place her arm under Ree’s head. Ree slipped her other hand between Ika’s thighs, cupping her.

  “You really like holding my cunt,” Ika observed, smiling.

  “So much,” ardently. As always filthy words dropping from Ika’s delectabl
e, feminine lips drove Ree crazy. A few squeezes and then Ree slipped her finger into Ika’ slit.

  “No, Ree…please don’t,” Ika said softly, tracing Ree’s hairline and eyebrows.

  Ree raised her brows in question.

  “I’m a little sore,” Ika blushed.

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner, baby? You should have stopped me,” Ree was upset. “Was I too rough?”

  “No. It’s just that we’ve been having sex practically non-stop since we met,” Ika blushed even more, “It’s not something I’m used to. I’ve been getting a little tender, but couldn’t…didn’t want to…stop,” she lowered her lashes blushing brick, a small, tight, shy smile suffusing her face.

  “I’m sorry…I should have known this,” Ree said contritely, removing her hand and wrapping it around Ika’s waist.

  “Why are you apologising, sweetie?” Ika said gently, looking at Ree. “I’ve been all over you asking you to make love to me all the time. Even right now, I’m so wet that in my head I’m begging you to eat me,” she smiled shyly, lowering her lashes, “but I just can’t…also I don’t want to aggravate it…right now I think I’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

  Ree kissed Ika’s forehead. Ika shifted a little and did her under-the-lashes look. “We have organised friendly games and matches this evening. Come out and play,” she said wishfully.

  “I am out and playing. How have you not noticed?” Ree said with a wicked grin.

  “Ree!” Ika slapped her gently on her shoulder in amused exasperation. “Seriously, Ree, join the team today,” Ika wheedled.

  “Okay.”

  “‘Okay’? Just like that?”

  “Yes.”

  “How come?”

  “You want me to,” said like it was a no-brainer.

  “So you’re always going to do whatever I ask you to?” playfully.

  “When I say ‘I love you’, baby, I am handing over the ‘I’ to you with utter trust and complete faith that you’ll look after it. So, yes…always and everything you ask,” Ree looked into Ika’s eyes with such openness and tenderness that Ika’s breath hitched.

  God! The things you say to me! “That’s a huge responsibility,” Ika murmured. Wow! Oh. My. God!…and wow…again. Nothing had prepared me for this. I never knew love could mean this! She has really let go of her past, her mistrust and distrust, her self-protectiveness and committed to this relationship…to me…so totally. Wow! Will I be up to it? Please, please, please…Universe…let me be up to this level of emotion.

  “No…that is love. That is the only way I know to love,” Ree smiled.

  “Ree, what if I let you down? What if I disappoint you? Hurt you?” genuine dread.

  “Baby, as soon as you feel for someone, hurt and disappointment are inevitable. I too am going to hurt you and disappoint you in some way or the other – it’s just the way things are. But you’ve taught me the value of communicating. Whether it is communicating by talking or by allowing space and just being there…you have shown me that it is all about reaching out to each other. I hope we will always do that…and I hope we both can hear each other and listen to what is really being said. You told me to trust and to have faith…and that is exactly where I am at and what I am doing,” Ree kissed Ika gently on her forehead. “You know, they say that the initial honeymoon period of all relationships end…but I believe that honeymoon is forever…and for me this feeling for you is eternal…which also means that I’ll never stop making an effort…never stop courting you,” she looked at Ika and smiled softly.

  Ika didn’t know what to do with herself at that moment. She was staggered. Too many unnamed emotions were coursing through her. All she knew that there was a magnificence about the feelings that Ree felt. This kind of love had to be God.

  Ika removed her hand from under Ree’s head wanting to nestle in her favourite spot…and Ree complied by sliding her hand under Ika’s head so that she could snuggle into the crook of Ree’s neck. They lay quietly for some time…each wrapped in their own thoughts…yet peaceful and connected.

  “Ree, have you really dropped off the face of this earth the last few days?”

  “Ya. I’d told you my life has come to a standstill.”

  “I didn’t realise that you meant it literally,” Ika mumbled. “So no one knows where you are?”

  “You know.”

  “Wow,” Ika was blown by the things Ree was telling her. She felt breathless. The extent of Ree’s feelings was too large to grapple with. Ika had thought she was the one jumping headlong into this relationship carried on the wave of her emotions…but it looked like Ree was right there with her….probably a few paces ahead of her in the headlong-into-uncharted-waters-without-knowing-to-swim-and-without-a-lifejacket thing. As if Ika wasn’t already swept of her feet, more sweeping was happening now.

  “Ree, why have you not socialised at all here in the past few days?” Ika wondered whether Ree wanted to hide their relationship. Agreed that she herself wasn’t certain about how to deal with it in the organisation, but it would be nice to know where Ree was at. She needed to know.

  “Baby, this was my moment in time. I somehow stumbled into my idyll and didn’t want it marred in anyway. I’ve been in this utopia with you and wanted to just stay there. Reality is inevitable…but I wanted to hoard my time with you…totally greedily,” a quick smile. “Ika, you don’t know what you mean to me, and I’m not sure I can tell you…I don’t have the words.”

  Oh, but you’re doing a bloody hell of a good job…I am the one without any words to respond right now.

  “So how do you want to take this when we go out there?” Ree asked, playing with Ika’s hair. “Do you want to be open about our relationship or do you want to keep it under the wraps?”

  Oh! This is in my hands?!?! “I don’t know…what do you want?”

  “I want to do whatever makes you comfortable. It is a big decision for you…coming out, your colleagues and peers, and maybe other things too.” Ree turned and lay on her back and put her arm across her eyes.

  Other things including my job. What message will it give if I am out about my relationship with the owner? I so want to prove myself. Coming out…that’s a no-brainer…I am so in love with her, I want the world to know we are together. Colleagues and peers…hmmm…my competence will be questioned…and I know I am damn good at my work. I just need time to prove myself. “Is it okay if we keep quiet about us for now?” Ika asked.

  “Sure.”

  What was that note in her voice? Of course!…Ree’d been dumped by someone who feared the stigma of being involved with another woman. “Ree, it is not about coming out or you. The thing is that I want to be taken seriously at work and be assessed only for the work I do. If our relationship becomes public knowledge, I’ll never know whether I am being judged on the basis of my work or on the basis of my relationship with you.”

  “I understand, baby.”

  Then why am I feeling a tightening in my stomach? A pain in my chest? A fear? This thing about being able to feel Ree is a gift…but kind of a double-edged sword…it is awesome to know what Ree is feeling at all times, but choosing when to call her out on it is going to need a lot of delicate handling. Ika went up on her elbow to look at Ree. “Sweetie, you know I am not rejecting or hiding us, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “You know I’m not doing this so that I have an out from our relationship, right?”

  “Umm hmm.”

  “Ree, look at me…you’re shutting down on me again, sweetie,” softly.

  Ree removed her arm and adjusted her head to look at Ika.

  “What is it, honey…talk to me. What just happened?”

  “Okay…this is not about you or us or about the topic under discussion…okay?” Ree asked.

  “Okaaay.”

  “You already know I have all sorts of issues, right?”

  “Hmmm.”

  “So every once in a while some ugly thought is going to rear up its head and give me
shot of doubt, insecurity…self-pity. It has nothing to do with you, truly…you cannot be more perfect.”

  “Sweetie, you’re stalling. Tell me what happened just now,” caressing Ree’s face.

  “I have never been anyone’s choice,” Ree said softly, baldly. “Like I said, nothing to do with you or about this evening…just my stupidity acting up,” she hastened to add.

  “Ree, honey, I choose you every second of every day. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Would you really? You know we haven’t exactly had what you can call a normal start to our relationship,” achingly scared.

  Ika felt sucker punched. So this was what was going on with Ree. She believed…expected…Ika to not want her…to not be with her. Shit! I hope I do this right…I hope I reach her. “That is true…but I didn’t have to come looking for you. I didn’t have to lead you to confessing that you were hoping I’d join you. I didn’t have to ask you about earlier that evening,” Ika smiled. “I didn’t have to make a spectacle of myself,” she blushed, “I didn’t have to come back with you that night…and I certainly didn’t have to chase you ever since then.” She cupped Ree’s face with a gentle hand. “Ree, I would choose you over and over and over again…and I do choose you over and over and over.”