If I Can't Let Go (Mills & Boon Spice)

by BETH KERY

  Since Liam’s kiss.

  It was a beautiful August night. The sun had set, but its dusky pink afterglow lingered in the sky over Lake Michigan. Instead of walking to her car, Natalie strolled down Main Street toward the harbor, removing her suit jacket in order to better appreciate the mild breeze coming off the lake.

  She had to admit the truth—that kiss had rattled her comfortable world. Natalie wasn’t too pleased about that. She’d obviously underestimated her ability to invite Liam Kavanaugh into her organized life and not be shaken up by his dynamic, volatile presence.

  Somehow, the memories of how she’d felt under the influence of Liam’s coaxing mouth and knowing hands had crowded everything else out of her mind…including the reason she’d hired him. Her obsession to know more about the reasons for Derry Kavanaugh’s actions on the night of the crash had faded to the background during the past few days.

  The realization made her want to call Liam. Why shouldn’t she check in for an update on his investigation? The longer she avoided him, the more it would seem obvious that his kiss had actually been significant.

  She was digging in her briefcase for her cell phone when someone shouted her name. She looked across the street, her hand still jammed in her bag. Liam stood in the parking lot of Jake’s Place, a popular local restaurant and bar. He waved his hand in a beckoning gesture as she just stared at him for a moment, frozen in surprise at suddenly seeing the object of her chaotic thoughts.

  “Hey,” he said pleasantly when she crossed the street and approached him. He wore a pair of jeans and an open-collared dark gray shirt. He stood next to a sleek, silver and black motorcycle. Natalie had no doubt it was his. Marc and Liam had both ridden bikes during their high school years; she’d seen Liam countless times ripping down a Harbor Town street with some girl who looked thrilled to be clutching onto him.

  “Hi,” Natalie replied, hoping that she sounded completely at ease with this unexpected meeting. In truth, her heart had started to beat an erratic tempo against her breastbone.

  “I was just going to walk over and see if you were still in your office.”

  “Were you?”

  The lights in the parking lot were dim, but she still saw something indefinable flicker across his face. “What…you don’t believe me?”

  “Why wouldn’t I believe you?” she asked, glad to hear her voice sounded calm.

  He gave her a level look. “Mainly because you sounded like I was full of crap for saying it,” she thought she heard him say under his breath. A car door slammed in the distance. Liam glanced past her shoulder and waved at a man who was walking toward them. He continued quietly. “I really was about to walk over to your office, whether you believe me or not. I saw your car parked on Ontario Avenue and figured you were still there. Do you make it a habit to work until almost nine o’clock?”

  “Why were you trying to find me?”

  Liam scowled when she ignored his question. “I thought you might want to sit in on this conversation. I did a little digging and rumor has it that this guy—” he nodded toward the man he’d just waved at who was approaching where they stood “—saw my father on Silver Dunes Beach on the night of the crash. Not sure yet if it would have been before or after the time period he was at the club. I thought you might be interested,” he finished in a low murmur.

  “Of course I’m interested, but…” Liam looked up as the man’s footsteps grew closer.

  “Roger Dayson?” Liam asked.

  “That’s right.” Although Roger’s gruff voice was amiable enough, he gave Liam a cautious glance. He was in his late forties and had the weathered complexion of an outdoorsman. He stuck out his hand and Liam shook it. “You must be Liam Kavanaugh.”

  “As charged. Thanks for stopping by. Like I said on the phone, I got your name and number from Joe Brown. He seemed to think you might have some information about my father’s actions on the night of the crash sixteen years ago.”

  “Not a problem. I usually swing by Jake’s on Tuesday nights, so it wasn’t out of my way. As for what I saw on the night of the crash, it doesn’t amount to much.”

  “Anything you can tell us will be useful. This is Natalie Reyes. She’ll be joining us.”

  Natalie opened her mouth to protest, but was interrupted by Roger.

  “Ma’am,” Roger said cordially, extending his hand to her as well.

  “Shall we go inside?” Liam suggested.

  The two men started toward the door of Jake’s Place, but Natalie wavered in her planted heels. As if he’d sensed Natalie hadn’t followed, Liam turned around and paused.

  “What’s wrong?”

  She watched as Roger approached the entrance of Jake’s Place. Someone exited before he got to the door. Live music and the sound of people having a good time leaked out into the still night air. Jake’s was hopping.

  “Natalie?” Liam asked, looking puzzled by her hesitancy. “Is everything okay?”

  “Of course,” she lied. She’d never admit to Liam Kavanaugh, of all people, that she’d never set foot in the popular hangout. Everyone in Harbor Town went to Jake’s, whether to enjoy the live music on Tuesday nights, to hang out with friends or to celebrate with family on special occasions.

  Everyone but Natalie, that is.

  “Come on, then,” Liam prompted. He casually grabbed her hand and led her toward the entrance.

  She pulled back on his hand, but he refused to let go.

  “Wait…let me at least put on my jacket,” she said.

  His blue eyes skimmed over the ivory, sleeveless silk shell she’d worn under her suit. Her arms were bare. She suddenly felt like she was naked under Liam’s stare. “Jacket?” he mumbled, dumbfounded. His gaze lingered for a heartbeat on her breasts before he met hers. “You look fantastic. Why would you want to cover up?”

  She was so caught off balance by his compliment that she again didn’t utter the protest on her tongue when he started walking toward the door. Natalie couldn’t decide what was making her more nervous, the prospect of entering the jam-packed bar or the feeling of Liam’s large, warm hand enclosing her own. She began to think it was the latter, because Liam’s hold was all she really focused on when they entered the dim interior of Jake’s. Thank goodness, or else her anxiety about being in such a public place might have morphed into panic.

  The band was in full swing, the singer belting out the refrain from a popular country-rock ballad. Faces swam before her eyes. She was vaguely aware of men and women alike calling out friendly greetings to Liam. An attractive blonde wearing a ruby satin top beneath a tight jean jacket wrapped her hand around his upper arm. To his credit, Liam didn’t pause as he moved through the crowd, and his greeting toward the blonde was friendly, but neutral.

  Natalie glanced behind her as they passed and saw the woman staring after Liam with a mixture of longing and irritation at his passing. She thought she knew who the woman was—Betsy Darnel. She’d been in the year behind Eric in school. Betsy’s gaze sharpened on her, as though she’d just noticed Natalie cowering behind Liam’s back.

  Roger had already located a booth, apparently only empty because it was too distant to see or hear the band clearly. She slid into the booth, placing her briefcase between herself and the wall. Her breath caught when Liam slid onto the seat next to her and she felt his hip and thigh press against her own. His clean, spicy scent filtered into her nose. She inched toward the wall, trying not to seem too obvious. Liam gave her a sidelong, too-knowing glance and she froze. Their sides were no longer pressed together, but his hard, jeans-covered thigh still ghosted against her leg.

  A waitress came and Liam and Roger exchanged some pleasantries until she returned with their drink orders. After the waitress walked away, Liam got down to business.

  “I understand from Joe that you were on Silver Dunes Beach on the night of the crash and saw my father,” Liam began.

  At first, Natalie had been puzzled about Liam’s earlier reference to Joe Brown. Natalie
knew the gruff old man—he was a Harbor Town old-timer and handyman. He did everything from yard work to simple house repairs to carpentry and painting. Upon reflection, however, she realized it made good sense to use Joe as a reference. Old Joe, as some of the residents fondly referred to him, was an insider to Harbor Town’s history, people and secrets. Joe saw and heard a lot of things in his daily meanderings.

  “That’s right,” Roger agreed. “I wasn’t a full-time resident of Harbor Town at the time. I’d come down with some buddies for some R and R and some fishing in Miller Lake,” he said.

  “You were staying in one of those vacation cottages near Silver Dune Beach?” Liam clarified.

  Roger nodded his gray head and took a swig of his beer. “There’s a path that leads from the cottages to the beach, but you can take another branch off the path toward Miller Lake. I’d left the cottage around sunset and gone down to the lake…” Roger paused and cast an uncertain glance at Liam from beneath shaggy eyebrows.

  “I’m not the police chief yet,” Liam said mildly. Unlike Natalie, Roger seemed to understand Liam perfectly, because he gave a booming bark of laughter and relaxed back in his seat.

  “Ernie Prang—he was the chief back then—didn’t take too kindly to trapping in Miller Lake,” Roger said slyly.

  “I know,” Liam said. “He always said it was unsportsmanlike.”

  “How do you stand on the matter?” Roger asked, his pale eyes sparkling with mischief.

  “I stand where the law does,” Liam replied.

  “In other words, I better not be caught laying fish traps when you get sworn into office.”

  Liam’s shrug and easy smile looked casual enough, but Natalie got the impression Roger Dayson would definitely think twice about putting illegal fish traps into Miller Lake once Liam was the face of the law in Harbor County.

  “Like I said, I haven’t been sworn into office yet. But I’d like to think I’ll have better things to do with my time once I am chief then to crack down on a sixteen-year-old misdemeanor,” Liam said dryly. “So please…go on with your story.”

  “Well it was after sunset by the time I headed back to the cabin. It was a full moon that night, so I took a detour to the beach to get a good look at it. That’s when I saw your father.”

  “How long after sunset was it?” Liam asked.

  Roger shrugged and his eyebrows pinched together. “Couldn’t have been much more than twenty minutes or so after dark.”

  “Was there anyone else on the beach but my father?”

  Roger shook his head. “Just me and your dad.”

  “And?” Liam prompted when Roger clammed up and took a long drink of his beer. “Did you two speak?”

  “No…not really,” said Roger, suddenly seeming uncomfortable.

  “What happened?” Liam persisted.

  Roger’s glance at Liam was a bit anxious. “Your dad…he was real upset.”

  “How do you know?”

  The man made a sheepish motion with his head. “He was crying.”

  “Crying?” Liam repeated in a deadpan tone. Natalie examined his profile. His facial features remained unreadable, but she sensed he was stunned by Roger’s words.

  “Yeah,” Roger admitted. “I’ve never really…heard anything like that before. Your dad…he was a big man. You have the look of him, so you must know what I mean,” he said with a significant nod toward Liam. “It just took me by surprise to come upon a man like that so obviously upset. He didn’t take too well to me seeing him, either. When he noticed I was on the beach with him, he looked like he was going to tear me to pieces for intruding on such a…you know…private moment. I’m not going to lie to you, I got off that beach like a fire had been lit under me.”

  Liam just stared.

  “Did he seem intoxicated?” Natalie asked, covering for Liam’s apparent shocked state.

  Roger shrugged uncertainly. “Maybe. Mostly he seemed like someone had just told him his best friend had been killed. He looked like a mess, you know?”

  “And you two never actually spoke?” Natalie prompted Roger.

  “Nope. It left an impression on me though. To this day, in my mind’s eye I can just see him standing alone on that beach. He was the picture of misery. I felt terrible for interrupting him,” Roger mumbled glumly before he took another swig of his beer.

  Liam straightened slowly, seeming to rise out of his thoughts.

  “The crash happened about a half hour after you saw him, I’m guessing, given what you said about sunset. Isn’t that right?” Liam asked, looking to her for confirmation.

  Natalie nodded.

  A strange expression came over Roger’s face. Natalie saw him studying her glasses and the uncovered scarring on her temple as if he was seeing her for the first time.

  “You were actually in that crash. You were that little girl,” he said in a hushed tone.

  “Yes. I was in the car with my mother.”

  “Damn,” Roger muttered under his breath. He threw Liam a wary glance and then looked back at Natalie. “If I’d known Derry Kavanaugh was…you know…in such a bad way drink-wise, I might have done something to stop him from getting into a car, but I swear, I didn’t guess he was intoxicated.”

  “Of course you would have done something if you’d known,” Natalie reassured quickly.

  “Is there anything else you can remember?” Liam asked. She had the feeling he was trying to deflect Roger from staring at her face with so much distress and fascination.

  Roger shook his head. “Sorry. Nothing else.”

  “Did you see my father leave?” Liam asked.

  “No. Like I said, I hightailed it off the beach when your dad turned around and glared at me like he was going to take my head off.”

  “And you didn’t know he was Derry Kavanaugh until later?”

  “No, not until I saw his photo in the papers after the crash and put two and two together,” Roger replied, giving Natalie another furtive glance. He shifted uneasily in his seat.

  “Listen…if that’s all…” Roger faded off and waved vaguely in the direction of the crowd and the band.

  “It is. I can’t thank you enough for agreeing to speak with us,” Liam said. He stood along with Roger and shook his hand. Roger nodded at Natalie politely as he took his leave, but she had the impression he was glad to make his escape.

  Liam slid back into his seat directly next to her. She tensed. Wouldn’t it have been more natural for him to sit across from her since Roger had left? And was it her imagination, or had he pressed closer to the side of her body this time?

  “Well, that was interesting,” Liam said.

  She studied his profile and wondered what he was thinking. Surely it hadn’t been easy for him to hear what Roger had said. Regret trickled into her awareness.

  “You seemed surprised,” Natalie murmured, her voice barely audible above the raucous music of the band. “You don’t have any idea why your father was so upset?”

  “Not a clue,” Liam said.

  “Your…your mother never mentioned any reason why he might have been in such a state on that night?”

  He turned. His eyes were a dark, cobalt blue in the dim light as they flicked over her. He shook his head.

  “I’ll tell you one thing, though,” he said.

  She leaned toward him.

  “I never saw my father cry a tear in his life. Never.”

  For a moment, neither of them spoke.

  “Something happened to him that night,” Natalie whispered.

  “Something,” Liam muttered in agreement. He transferred his gaze to the empty seat across from them as his thigh shifted beneath the table, brushing her skirt against her thigh. “Maybe the video from the bar will tell me something more about what happened to my dad that night.”

  “So you haven’t seen it yet?”

  “No. I’m scheduled to go to the police headquarters Thursday morning. A friend of mine is going to get the video out of storage.”

>   Natalie was quiet for a moment. “Has your mother ever spoken to you about the last time she saw your dad?”

  Liam shook his head. “The only thing she ever told us is that he came back from Chicago earlier than she’d expected. He usually stayed in the city from Monday to Thursday night and joined us at the vacation house for a long weekend during the summer months.”

  “The crash happened on a Tuesday night,” Natalie recalled. “And your mother never said why she thought he showed up unexpectedly?”

  “No. Like I’ve told you before, we don’t make a habit of standing around at family barbecues, reminiscing about the crash.”

  She recoiled slightly at the hard edge to his voice. He must have noticed, because he sighed and slumped back in the booth. His thigh pressed tighter against hers, but Natalie doubted he noticed. He seemed so deflated.

  “Sorry for snapping at you,” he mumbled. He started to flip a spoon that had been sitting on the table between his long, agile fingers.

  “It’s okay,” she said, meaning it. She recalled what Roger Dayson had said about Derry Kavanaugh on the beach.

  He seemed like someone had just told him his best friend had been killed.

  “I know this can’t be easy for you,” she said quietly as she watched the movement of his fingers.

  “I’m sure it’s not a picnic in the park for you, either.”

  She glanced up, surprised because his low, gruff voice sounded closer to her ear than she’d expected. His goatee looked so trim and sleek up close. It highlighted his firm mouth to perfection. The thought of what those whiskers would feel like beneath her fingertips rose in her mind to taunt her. She still could hear the rowdy music in the distance, so she couldn’t explain why it suddenly felt as if the two of them were encapsulated in an airtight bubble.

  “Are you sure you want to do this, Natalie?”