Double Pleasure, Double Pain

by Nikki Rashan

  “First, I want to thank Ms. Thomas for opening her home to me and my family and allowing us to share this joyous holiday with you all,” Jeff stated. “You and Mr. Thomas have always made me feel welcome from day one and I appreciate that.” He looked around the room of smiling faces. “I know everyone in the room knows how much Kyla means to me and how much I love her. That’s why I wanted everyone to be here for this moment.”

  I looked at Tori and Vanessa beaming at me, looking giddy as hell. Jeff walked over to the chair I was sitting in and knelt on one knee. Oh shit! I saw David’s jaw fall open out of the corner of my eye.

  “Kyla, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you to make you happy,” Jeff said on bended knee. “You know that. All you ever have to do is ask. I’m here for you today, tomorrow, and I want to be here for you the rest of my life if you’ll let me.”

  He reached in his pocket and pulled out a sparkling ring. He took my left hand in his and held the ring in front of my fourth finger. “Will you marry me, Kyla?”

  My eyes watered and I couldn’t control the tears that rolled down my cheeks. I looked at David, who understood the true meaning behind my tears. His eyes glistened with his own tears as he felt my pain. I looked at Gladyce for help, but she ignored my plea. I looked around the room of faces filled with anticipation and knew this was neither the time nor the place for debate. Finally, I looked into the eyes of the man who had just declared his love for me in front of our families and friends. His face beamed with happiness.

  “Yes,” I whispered, and the room erupted with cheers.

  He slid the platinum, three-karat marquis ring on my finger and kissed the tears off my face.

  “I love you,” he whispered to me and only me.

  “I love you too,” I said as more tears began to fall.

  All the women rushed to give me hugs and admire the ring.

  “God damn!” That was Tori. She quickly apologized to the elders in the room.

  “You put my ring to shame,” Vanessa said in a low voice, then looking for Roger to be sure he didn’t overhear her comment.

  Jeff’s parents gave me hugs and officially welcomed me into the family. My dad gave me a big bear hug, and I wanted nothing more than to cry like a baby in his arms.

  “My baby,” my dad said without finishing his sentence. He kissed my cheek, and I caught him wiping a tear away before it could fall.

  Gladyce hugged me and whispered in my ear. “You’ve got a wonderful man right here, Kyla. Don’t forget that.” She spoke the same words she said three days prior to the momentous occasion.

  Suddenly I realized that everyone had been in on this except me and David. That’s why Gladyce was adamant that I straighten up before Christmas day. That’s what Vanessa hinted at when we were trying on dresses. And this ring was what Jeff purchased for me while I was busy falling in love with someone else.

  “Let’s go fix that makeup, girl,” David said and grabbed my hand, leading me to the bathroom at the end of the hall, next to the staircase leading to the second level. He closed the door behind us.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, holding my face in his smooth hands.

  “Oh, David, what am I going to do now?” I asked.

  “Child, I don’t know, but whatever it is, you better do it quickly.”

  “Did you see the look on his face? I can’t break his heart.”

  “Baby girl, if you believe you can be happy with him the rest of your life, then do it,” he advised in a hushed tone. “Walk away from Stephanie and move forward if you’re going to commit to the life Jeff wants to have with you. If you have any doubt, then don’t marry him. You would be depriving both of you from true happiness.”

  “What do you think I should do?” I pleaded. I desperately needed someone to tell me the answer.

  “You know I’m not going to make the decision for you, Ky. It’s your life.”

  I took a handful of Kleenex and wiped my eyes and blew my nose. David reapplied my mascara because my hands were shaking too badly to do it myself. I tried my best to turn my sad tears into happy tears when I walked back into the room filled with celebration. Everyone was talking about Vanessa and Roger’s upcoming wedding on Saturday.

  “What a way to bring in the New Year,” my dad was saying. He spotted me returning to the room. “And as soon as these two lovebirds set a date, we’ll be starting the process all over again,” he said, putting his long arms around me and Jeff.

  Everyone grinned while my stomach did a triple somersault and backflip.

  “Ky,” Vanessa said, rescuing me, “your dress and shoes are in the car. Let’s go get them.”

  The fresh air breathed on my face like a freezer door had been opened. I inhaled and let the cold air flow through my nose and into my lungs, sending a chill down my spine.

  “You knew about this, huh?” I asked her.

  “Girl, yes. We’ve been holding it in for three months. Jeff told Roger he was going to propose, and I promised not to tell. He bought the ring while you were in the beautiful Bahamas, which I still can’t believe you forgot your disposable camera in your room. Anyway, I’m so happy for you, Ky. You and Jeff make such a good couple.”

  She looked at me and waited for a response, but I just stared into the sky at the Big Dipper.

  “Talk to me, Ky,” she said. “I’ve known you too long not to know when something is bothering you.”

  I wanted to tell her that I was in love with someone else and that someone was Stephanie. And that I wanted to leave my life behind and run away with her. That with each passing day I was slipping farther and farther away from Jeff into her waiting arms.

  “I’m fine,” I said.

  We transferred my dress and shoes from Roger’s car to mine and went back inside. The rest of the evening was spent playing Guesstures, the nineties’ commercialized version of Charades. Eventually we reverted back to the old-fashioned playing method, indicating whether we were doing a movie, TV show, or song by motions with hands, holding up fingers to tell the number of words and syllables. I temporarily moved every worry from the forefront of my mind to a dark space in the corner for overnight storage. I drank hot chocolate and laughed with the people I held closest to my heart. For just a short while, I felt happy and carefree. A feeling I hadn’t known since I’d left the Bahamas.

  I had zero energy when I got up at the crack of dawn the next morning, though I was due to greet all the hungry after-Christmas-sale shoppers that would burst through the door at seven in the morning, like they hadn’t spent enough of their money the few weeks before.

  I untangled myself from Jeff’s arms and took a shower. When I sniffed the soap for a sudden burst of energy like the commercial suggested, I was disheartened when it didn’t happen. I walked back into the room to find a cheery face peeking from underneath my comforter.

  “Go back to sleep. I didn’t want to wake you,” I told Jeff.

  “I will after you leave. I like what I see right now,” he said, referring to my naked body.

  In the past I would have taken this opportunity to do a quick dance or model my tits and ass for him, but I wasn’t feeling it anymore.

  “When do you want to move in?” he asked.

  I almost poked a hole in my pantyhose when he asked that question. Damn, did we have to have this conversation already?

  “I’m just as anxious as you are to move on with the future,” I said. “But can we hold off making plans until after the New Year? The next few days are going to be hectic with work and the wedding.”

  Truth was, I needed time to gather my thoughts and figure out what I was going to do. We could have that conversation later. If at all.

  “Okay, but you are going to move into my place, right? We can’t be like Roger and Vanessa, moving on the weekend after the wedding and then going on the honeymoon.”

  “Your place is bigger than mine,” was all I said.

  He was satisfied with that response and nestled his head back into the pi
llow.

  I finished dressing so fast, you would have thought I was going to get a $10,000 raise if I’d made it to work on time. In actuality, I felt like the walls in the room were closing in on me and I was going to suffocate. I ran my finger over his head, kissed him good-bye and darted out the door.

  Finally, I exhaled once I was in my car and checked the voice mail messages on my cell phone while the car warmed up. The first was from Vanessa. She was up in the middle of the night trying to finish table gifts and she needed help if they were going to be finished in time for the wedding. She wanted the bridesmaids to help Friday after the rehearsal.

  The second message, which was from Stephanie, around three in the morning. “Hey, Ky, it’s me. I hope you had as great of a Christmas as I did. Umm . . . I missed you today and I want to know if I can see you tomorrow night, which will probably be tonight by the time you get this message. Anyway, I’m trying to pretend like I don’t want or need you but the truth is, right now, I’ll take whatever I can get. Call me and let me know if we can get together.”

  Three times I played her message, soaking in the sexiness and vulnerability in her voice with each listen. It was only 6:30 A.M. and I didn’t want to wake her, so I decided to call her later.

  Just as I expected, there was a line of shoppers waiting when I arrived. I quickly ran to my department, got the register drawers together and braced myself for a busy day. At least the fast pace would help the time pass by quickly.

  I didn’t realize so much time would be occupied with my coworkers gawking at my ring and celebrating an uncertain engagement. At lunchtime I excused myself from a group of women who were graciously giving me their ideas on everything from setting the date to locations for the reception, and where to get the best deal on invitations. I could see why Vanessa was ready to elope at one point.

  “Hey, sweetness,” I said when I broke away and had a moment to call Steph.

  “Hey to you,” she said.

  “I got your message.”

  “Can I see you today?” She didn’t waste any time.

  “I get off at four. I can come by afterward. Is there something you want to tell me?” I asked.

  “I just want to see your face. Is that all right?”

  I knew she could hear me smiling through the phone.

  “It’s more than all right,” I said.

  “Jaron won’t be here, but he told me to thank you for his video game.”

  “Good, I’m glad he liked it. I’ll see you soon.”

  I hung up the phone wondering how in the hell I was going to tell her about the engagement ring. I knew telling her was the right thing to do, but I was scared I was going to lose her until I broke it off. If I broke it off.

  The sight of Stephanie opening her door in a black corset, black thongs, and a garter belt with fishnet stockings and patent leather pumps was enough to make my heart stop. Her skin shimmered in sparkling gold body dust from her neck to her feet. Her hair hung in large, spiral curls, and she wore only black eyeliner with red lipstick. She looked like she could take Tyra Banks’s job any day of the week.

  She stepped back and extended her arm in a welcome pose. The smell of chocolate cake filled the air.

  “Happy anniversary,” she said.

  “Huh?”

  She leaned forward and planted her sensuous lips on mine.

  “Four months ago you walked into my life and turned it upside down,” she said.

  Man, she took the words right out of my mouth. My life would surely never be the same.

  “Well, are you going to stay or what?” she asked, reaching for my coat.

  As I took my gloves off, I carefully slid the engagement ring off of my finger and let it fall into my glove. I shoved the gloves in my pocket before handing her the wool garment. As beautiful and happy as she looked, I couldn’t shock her with the news of my questionable engagement.

  She took my hand and walked me into the kitchen. The table was set for two and placed in the center was a homemade chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. She had written Happy Anniversary in yellow. Tears welled in my eyes at her thoughtfulness.

  “Thank you, Steph. You’re so sweet,” I said, smiling.

  She pulled me close and held me in her arms. “I want you to know how much you mean to me, Kyla. We haven’t known each other very long, but time doesn’t matter to me. Being with you felt right from the very beginning. I know this isn’t an ideal situation for either of us, but I’m going to treasure any time we have together. I don’t believe in coincidences, and I know in my heart that you came into my life for a reason.”

  I wanted to say something, but I was overcome with guilt. Some people yearned a lifetime for the love and affection I received from both Stephanie and Jeff. And there I was, selfishly soaking up all their love without being able to give 100 percent back to either one of them.

  “Can we finish what we started the other night?” she asked, kissing my neck.

  Her hair grazed my skin like butterfly kisses across my face. My body craved hers, and although I knew I should stop, I couldn’t resist her. I leaned her against the kitchen counter and caressed her breasts in each hand. I teased each nipple until they stood hard and erect beneath the tight corset. I lowered myself to my knees and unsnapped her garter, then lowered her thongs and nibbled her thighs until the heat from her body told me she was ready.

  She spread her legs to let me in, and I took a mouthful of her juices, savoring the flavor as she dripped down the corners of my mouth.

  “Ahhh . . .” she cried out, tilting her head upward to the ceiling. She held the back of my head, guiding me, leading me to her spot. My tongue flickered wherever she led me until her thighs tightened and I felt her love come down.

  My knees cracked loudly as I stood up, making us laugh, which caused a release of air from her wet pussy, making a noise as if she had passed gas. Some have termed this uncontrollable, embarrassing act a “coochie fart.” That’s when we doubled over with laughter, hardly able to catch our breaths. We didn’t stop until we were on the floor with tears rolling down our faces and our stomachs hurting to the point where we couldn’t laugh anymore.

  “Oh, Kyla, I love you,” she said behind her tears.

  “I love you too, Stephanie,” I said with certainty.

  It was finally out and it felt so good, like that two-ton brick on my shoulder had finally been lifted. She rolled on top of me.

  “How much?” she asked.

  “More than I ever could have imagined,” I answered honestly.

  She kissed me quickly and hopped to her feet. “Let’s eat!”

  We gobbled down cake and vanilla ice cream while she told me about Christmas at her mom’s. Her mom had never remarried since her dad died, and this Christmas was the first time she’d invited a man over.

  “After eighteen years?” I asked in amazement.

  “Girl, can you imagine? I encouraged her to date so many times, but she compared everyone to my dad. This man seems really nice. He has two adult children, a son and a daughter, but they both left the city for college and never looked back. His wife died of cancer three years ago, so he and my mom can relate. I like him.”

  “I’m glad to hear it,” I said as I swirled my ice cream in circles, trying to figure out how to tell her about the ring. She opened the door for me.

  “So, I hate to ask, but what did Jeff get you for Christmas?”

  I continued to play with my ice cream, imagining I was the spoon, spinning around and around but going nowhere. One tear fell into my bowl of slop.

  Steph reached out and touched my arm. “What’s wrong, Ky?” she asked with concern.

  I stuttered over my words, trying to get them out. My heart was pounding so loud that I could hardly hear myself speak.

  “Jeff proposed yesterday. He gave me an engagement ring.”

  I looked into her eyes and watched her expression change from shock to pure anger. The eyes that normally twinkled at me glared at me wit
h such rage that I got scared. She pushed her chair back and stood up, throwing her bowl and spoon into the sink, splattering white dots on her cream kitchen walls.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she yelled at me.

  “I just did,” I said, knowing I had been a coward for not telling her when I first arrived.

  “Yeah, you wait until I pour my heart out to you, you get a piece of ass, and then you throw this shit at me?” Her breathing became heavy as I watched her chest rise and fall with each gust of rage bursting through her system.

  She put her fingers to her temples and shook her head in disbelief.

  “I don’t believe this,” she repeated over and over. Suddenly she grabbed my left hand.

  “Where’s the ring?”

  “In my glove,” I said, tears of shame falling despite my attempt to hold them in.

  She threw my hand back at me. “You took the fuckin’ ring off on purpose? What in the hell is that all about, Kyla? I don’t have time for these fuckin’ games! You should have come here and been a woman and told me the truth! Or better yet, if you’re getting married, you shouldn’t have come at all!”

  “Why is it so different now than it was two days ago? I was cheating on him then too.” I was whining, trying to plead my case, even though I was the guilty party.

  Steph threw her hands up in the air. “I didn’t say this was right, Kyla. I know good and goddamn well it’s not! But you could have spared both of us the heartache of professing our love for one another if you’re getting married! Damn! At least two days ago I had a glimmer of hope that there was a chance we could be together.”

  Her head fell into her hands and her anger turned to hurt as she started to cry. “Now there’s no chance at all,” she said.

  I stood and reached to embrace her, but she swept past me and went into her room, locking the door behind her. I waited outside her door wishing I could reach in my chest and take my heart out to ease the pain. I banged on her door, pleading with her to let me in.

  “Stephanie, please,” I said between sobs. “I’m so sorry.”